We all know the truth about Lance Armstrong now, and everyone seems to have an opinion on the subject. That’s all in the past; let’s take a look at the future… at least, a future which might have been and is now lost to us.

I did not have intimate relations with those drugs… Pic: Digitally altered

You may not know that among Republican powerbrokers in Texas, lying Lance was spoken of as a future Governor of the Lone Star State. Rich, handsome and famous, it was more or less assumed he would be unbeatable, whenever he decided he was ready to run for office.

With the benefit of hindsight, it seems clear that Armstrong was waiting for the investigation into his drug-taking to peter out and be forgotten before he made his bid. Instead, he has been discredited for all time. There’s a limit, after all, to how much lying even a politician can get away with.

So we’ve lost the chance to see whether a cyclist would make a better governor than a bodybuilder - which is terribly unfair when you think about it, because Arnie used way more juice than Armstrong ever did, and nobody holds that against him.

Keep in mind too that Lance may well have used the office as a stepping stone to the presidency, just like former Texas big boss, George W. Bush.

In 2020, or certainly by 2024, Big Tex coulda been a contender. His Tour De France “wins” prove he has the staying power to run a US Presidential campaign marathon.

He’s got the smile, the relentless will to win (at any cost) and the invaluable ability to look anyone in the eye while shamelessly telling porkies. President Armstrong has a certain ring to it, right?

Instead, Lying Lance faces the very real prospect of doing jail time for perjury.

How the mighty have fallen. In the emerging global sporting aristocracy, Lance Armstrong was titled nobility, one of the giants. He was not simply the greatest road cyclist of his generation, if not all time - he was a gutsy cancer survivor who raised millions to fight the disease, and inspired sufferers to fight back.

Along the way he made millions in sponsorship, salary and prizes (he’s worth about US$125 million, apparently…at least for the time being).

He won the praise, support and friendship of world leaders and showbiz celebrities, as well as the vast army of fans of both his riding and his inspirational biography Its Not About The Bike. And it turns out he lied to all of them. Over and over and over again.

Armstrong is clearly a very driven, ambitious man who may well have succeeded in life without a bike (it’s not about the bike, as he likes to tell us).

President Lance would’ve been a magnificent leader, just as he was on his cycling team, capable of bullying a divided legislature into sharing his point of view, through sheer force of will. He beat the European socialists at their own sport, time after time, so you know he would’ve made America a strong and respected force on the world stage again. He would’ve been a POTUS we all could trust with the keys to the nukes.

That’ll never happen, all because of nosy USADA and their troublesome 1000 pages of evidence against the champ. Pat McQuaid, head of the International Cycling Union was wrong when he called the sport’s whistleblowers “scumbags”, adding “all they have done is damage to the sport”.

No, the damage goes far deeper than that. Those scumbags have changed the future.

But wait! What’s that I hear? Big Tex is ready to come clean? Suddenly anything is possible. There’s nothing a Republican voter likes more than a sinner who fesses up tearfully.

Armstrong the Unbeatable was like a cartoon super-hero… Armstrong the Cheat is merely human, like the rest of us. Someone the voter can relate to.

The Armstrong presidency could yet be a golden age… or at least a bright yellow one.

Comments on this post will close at 8pm AEST.

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29 comments

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    • acotrel says:

      05:08am | 09/01/13

      Lance Armstrong would make a better President than George Dubya Bush who was better than Jimmy Carter!
      Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.
      You guys would support Oral Roberts as long as he was one of the ‘good ol’ boys’ !
      Wouldn’t HIlary Clinton be marginally better ?

    • Eskimo says:

      07:38am | 09/01/13

      I don’t hold anything against Lance. He was the best doper in a field of dopers. Other cyclists, such as Alberto Contador, have been done for doping but don’t get vilified the way Armstrong has been. His come back for testicular cancer is still an inspiration whether he was doping or not.

    • Why is one doper worse than other dopers? says:

      08:39am | 09/01/13

      Totally agree. Armstrong has been vilified to an extreme degree. It’s all become a big witch hunt for the media. And what about all the other Tour cyclists who have ben caught out for doping? A few years suspension and it’s all forgotten.
      I don’t care how much the media bash Armstrong, his miraculous recovery from cancer and his tireless charity work for cancer sufferers is still inspirational for me.

    • darren says:

      09:18am | 09/01/13

      Yeah, but Contador never forced anyone else to take drugs. Lance did. He never bullied, harassed and tried to destroy those who only spoke the truth. Lance did. Contador didn’t use a cancer charity to deflect attention from his fraud. Lance did.
      Lance isn’t hated just because he was a doper. He is hated because he is sociopathic bully who just so happened to dope and got caught.

      What kind of person recovers from cancer, then goes straight on to use a bunch of drugs that could cause a recurrence of that cancer, all the while selling himself as ‘Cancer Jesus’? Lance is that guy.
      And for the record Merckx, Anquetil, Coppi, Contador and Hinault, just to name a few where/are all better than Lance.

    • DJ says:

      10:05am | 09/01/13

      read Tyler Hamilton’s book and you will understand LA was not just cheating but running a criminal enterprise

    • Robert S McCormick says:

      12:26pm | 09/01/13

      Hang on a sec! The difference is that Armstrong vehemently condemned any other bike rider who was caught using Performance Enhancing Drugs, Testosterone etc. and portrayed himself as the Mr Clean of International Cycling when all the time he was lying.
      Yes he came back from Testicular Cancer but, and ask any GP or Specialist Oncologist, Testicular cancer is one of the easiest to cure of all and who is to say that his Testicular Cancer was not brought on by his use of PEDs or the abnormal amount of Testosterone he ingested over many years? As many other alleged Athletes who have been caught or admitted to using drugs one fact has been common to most of them: The drugs they have taken have not been Prescribed & Un-controlled doses of Testosterone can be extremely dangerous.

    • Jay2 says:

      04:32pm | 09/01/13

      @Eskimo, I think exactly that. I believe that doping was the rule rather than the exception and Lance was the best of the dopers.
      Many other athletes have held themselves up in the ‘golden boy/girl’ category as well, accepting accolades and lucrative sponsorships, when they have been far, far from that cultivated image but I can’t recall anybody being at the end of a feeding frenzy like Lance is.

      There have been many other dope cheats (not just cycling) where it seemed a case of “oh well, they screwed up, naughty thing..” and with Lance it’s “Let’s obliterate him from the face of the earth”! type mantra.
      Yep, Lance is a lying cheat, but no worse nor better than many other lying cheats in the world of sports.

    • ramases says:

      09:06am | 09/01/13

      “There’s a limit, after all, to how much lying even a politician can get away with.”
        Had to laugh at that comment as we have one of the worst offenders here in this country as our PM and people still support her, funny that.

    • mel says:

      02:13pm | 09/01/13

      ramases, really, Gillard as one of the worst offenders? I thought the worst was John Howard? And there are lots of people out there that still think he was wonderful.

      Unfortunately, people thinking Howard was a great PM isn’t funny at all.

    • wolf says:

      09:17am | 09/01/13

      Contador didn’t have a history of bullying and hypocrisy when it came to the subject of doping. Nor was he held up to be some sort of Jesus figure by a group of rabid disciples when someone (Greg Le Monde, Paul Kimmage for example) tried to call a spade a spade. The most sickening thing he did though was use his cancer as a shield with his “if you’re against me you love cancer” attitude.
      That’s the difference.

    • David Hunt says:

      09:22am | 09/01/13

      The tragic thing about Lance is he didn’t have the ball to fess up.  His vilification of those who suggested he wasn’t clean was vicious in the extreme.  Neither a loss to sport or humanity.

    • Sunburned in Sydney says:

      09:34am | 09/01/13

      I’ve heard that Lance is an atheist. Americans will never elect a godless heathen!

    • St. Michael says:

      11:26am | 09/01/13

      Every President since Eisenhower at least has been a godly man - assuming you think of “Power” as a god, which every President since Lincoln has worshipped above all others, Yahweh included.  Take a look at the record of Obama’s church attendances before he was elected compared with afterwards.  They all want to appear as believers for the votes.

    • Ben says:

      11:37am | 09/01/13

      Even better - if he repents, sheds a few tears and finds God then he’s a shoe-in.

    • Ad Long says:

      11:19am | 09/01/13

      Vicious… a bully… a hypocrite… sickening. None of these criticisms would stop him from a career in politics. Atheism, however (if it’s true), would make him unelectable in America.
      Of course, if he was to see the light and be born again, that could all work in his favour. It wouldn’t be such a big lie for a champ like Lance to pull off, right?

    • Bear says:

      11:40am | 09/01/13

      All this qualities would be almost mandatory to become a true Repulican I would have thought and more.

    • Bear says:

      11:43am | 09/01/13

      Others cheated so it’s Ok of course (and because he’s a yank is the only reason that justification is ok) it must be ok to shoot ppl if you’re in a clique where others do it too. Same could be said for anything. Tell that to the guy who came 7th and was clean!

    • Nacy says:

      12:00pm | 09/01/13

      I think that Lance should not be allowed to run for office at all.  Once one gets sprung for lying, no matter who it is, they should be stripped of all privileges.  He did survive cancer but he did the wrong thing for cycling.  Any dopers should be ashamed of themselves, including Lance.

    • Cat says:

      12:35pm | 09/01/13

      It’s a very real possibility that Lance would have made a notable politician.

      Americans like a fallen hero and one who finds God, just like the alcoholic Texan ex-President George Jnr, is exactly how he could he could make a comeback. 

      He wouldn’t have any female voters, after dumping Sheryl Crow when she had cancer.. there is no way to talk-show his way around that issue.

    • Sandra Marshall says:

      01:20pm | 09/01/13

      I’m pretty over the whole Armstrong affair. But I enjoyed this almost text book rise of the fallen American hero. Funny & clearly drawn insights

      I look on incredulously at the unfolding of events. But why would I when it is soooo predictable?  I’m sure there’s a movie in this !

    • sandra marshall says:

      01:24pm | 09/01/13

      I’m pretty over the whole Armstrong affair, but enjoyed this article. Funny and clearly drawn insights of the rise of the fallen American hero.

      I look on incredulously at the unfolding of events . But why would I when it has all happened in uncannily similar ways before?

      I’m sure there’s a movie in this !

    • Matthew Mather says:

      02:34pm | 09/01/13

      Armstrong probably wouldn’t have had the balls to be a truly great President…

    • Zack says:

      02:36pm | 09/01/13

      Armstrong reminds me of Gillard. Two people who do what they like for themselves.

    • stephen says:

      03:49pm | 09/01/13

      Yeah I hope Lance can get down to Tassie to stop those fires.
      By the way Zack, what are doing for the next few days ?

    • Zack says:

      05:09pm | 09/01/13

      I’m surprised the carbon tax isn’t stopping the fires stephen. I’m spending the next few days working hard in a NSW public hospital as usual.

    • stephen says:

      03:29pm | 09/01/13

      It was reported in France recently - of all places ! - that the ingestion of EPO does not noticeably improve the performance, on almost any level, of an athlete.
      Armstrong may have taken the stuff, and he may have a fault in his character, (hmmm, I don’t think I have ... let me see now, hmmm ... nah, I’ll have to get back to yer) but giving the French their due, then he is still the winner of 7 Tours.
      Cyclists have been taking drugs for at least 3 generations.
      (My grandfather racing in Melbourne in the 50’s used to take a dose of something, as he told me once a long time ago. And I reckon that just about anything they took and are taking now is of mostly of a psychological benefit. Nothing more.)

    • emma portugal says:

      03:51pm | 09/01/13

      I say lance can go for it. The man has more drive and knows more about pain and endurance than any politician. I really couldn’t care if he aerated his blood or took an experimental substance for an unquantifiable advantage - as the writer says he achieved great things for cancer and that’s enough of a contribution for any person…

    • OzTrucker says:

      05:37pm | 09/01/13

      Just a couple of points.

      I wonder why we don’t just have sport where the athlete can use whatever they want to be the best they can be? What would be the problem with that? I mean who cares what they do really? I could not give a rats personally.

      Those whoe wanted could use whatever. Those who don’t could have separate events. No incentive for anyone to try to beat the system.

      Just as a side issue. Did they ever get a positive result on his tests? I am not saying he did not use. I am saying that unless he admits it how was he really positively proven to use? Hearsay, circumstantial evidence, others saying yeah he did it now about my immunity.  It’s a bit like being convicted of murder without a body. I admit I am a little uninformed at times but I do not understand how that can happen.

      As I said maybe he did. Maybe he didn’t. Who cares!

 

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