Today The Punch celebrates the ground-breaking policy work being undertaken by visionaries within the Coalition party room in an effort to address global warming.
With 31 per cent of the population now signing on as climate change deniers these fine Australians are leading a national movement that can make us all feel better in the face of those flighty Nobel Prize winners who insist on preaching Armageddon.
In saving the planet by denying there’s a problem, the likes of Nick Minchin, Tony Abbott and Barnaby Joyce are contributing to a global body of work that has cured cancer, ended domestic violence and prevented the Holocaust.
The thing to admire about these deniers is their commitment to the science of denial-ism – the ability to reject scientific evidence as contestable, to dismiss facts as fad and to refuse to look at the long-term consequences of their actions.
Like any great scientists, their work does not occur in a vacuum – in fact, their ability to stare down scientific fact itself draws on a vast body of historical research and finely honed experimentation.
And so, as a tribute to these patriots who will this week launch their audacious attempt to save the planet by trashing the ETS, the Punch unveils its Ten Great Acts of Denial.
1. Cancer-Denial – I love Mad Men and I love the idea that sucking back the lung-busters 24/7 is a sustainable pastime. And if the tobacco lobby had stuck to their guns we could still be filling the ashtrays at work – surely ‘the jury is still out on the science’ …
2. Holocaust-Denial – the posting of Hitler videos on You Tube as a political stunt, followed by a steadfast refusal to admit that you are the registered account user.
3. Moon Landing Denial – belief that moon landing was actually filmed in a TV studio; if proven true would slash billions off the NASA space budget with funds diverted to the alleviation of poverty in the Third World.
4. DV-Denial – A favourite of sporting WAGs the world over – “I really did walk into a broom then slipped down the stairs and landed on a broken beer glass.”
5. Google-Denial – The belief that closing off access to the world’s largest search engine will increase traffic to your website.
6. Economists – Strange sect that believes that massive executive packages promote excellence and allow funds to ‘trickle down’ through the economy to serve the greater good.
7. AFL-Denial – Breed of ex-League international who refuse to accept that aerial ping pong is any threat to their great game, even as they outspend you by a factor of six..
8. Howard-Denial – A decade-long affliction suffered by the Left who refused to recognise that Australians could ever form a spiritual bond with a bloke whose idea of fun was to go for a walk in a green and gold tracksuit.
9. Elvis-Denial – The King is still alive, performing in a trio with Michael Jackson and Mark Latham.
10. Denial-Denial – Those who refuse to accept that their denial is, itself, a cry for help, for love, for acceptance. Also known as the people who respond to my posts on The Punch ... over to you.
- Wikipedia definition: Denial is a defence mechanism in which a person is faced with a fact that is too painful to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.
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