Poor old Alvin Quah got eliminated from Masterchef last night after mucking up a cake he said you’d need a PhD to know how to cook.

Hate to break it to you Alvin, but that doesn't even look edible.

I’m not sure at the bottom of which cornflake box you’d find such a qualification, but as much as I liked Alvin, and was sorry to see him go, I have to say, don’t be such a baby. What Alvin (after all this time seeing him every night I feel I can call him Alvin) said was:

Short of them making the contestants cook under water next year, I really don’t know what they’re going to do. It’s mad - they put us through the ringer. Can you imagine anything more difficult than what we went through in this series? I can’t.

Hmmm, can you think of something more difficult and stressful than being given four hours to make a cake?

Cronulla Sharks coach Ricky Stuart obviously can. He’s quit after his team took another humiliating defeat at the weekend.

According to the Daily Telegraph Stuart felt so embarrassed about Saturday night’s drubbing he actually felt sick.

Perhaps AFL player Stephen Milne could be a bit queasy today, after being voted the code’s “most hated player.”

They sure poll some weird stuff in the AFL (see Colgo’s piece yesterday about “best WAG”)...

A cautionary tale for parents about how much trouble kids can get into online is getting a lot of interest today.

11-year-old Jessi Slaughter ended up being stalked and harassed after posting a silly video. They’re such big men those anonymous online bullies…

Another favourite is about a Gold Coast man who’s been accused of telling his neighbours not to save his burning mansion because “it’s insured.”

Perhaps he’d already grabbed his irreplaceable wedding photos.

At least that’s not as dodgy as this story. A Queensland bank manager is missing, and so is $3.1 million. Wonder if they’re connected?

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    • Beagle says:

      12:09pm | 20/07/10

      I’m sure the other chipmunks will be glad to have Alvin back.

    • melon says:

      01:51pm | 20/07/10

      LMAO beagle!

    • Daisyduke says:

      12:22pm | 20/07/10

      Actually i prefer the election because I am sick of the saturated coverage Masterchef has. Everytime i flick to chanel 10 it is on.

      Bring back Two and a Half Men i say!

    • DougB says:

      12:35pm | 20/07/10

      Um Daisyduke, Two and a Half Men is back, and always has been.  It screens on Channel 9 whereas MC is on 10.  Maybe you could have solved your sickness with the remote!

    • AdamC says:

      12:23pm | 20/07/10

      I am getting a little tired of Master Chef. If we take last night’s V8 episode and challenge as a case study, it had the follwoing issues:

      1. It is Master Chef, not master pastry chef or pattissier. I know the obese housewife audience segment loves the pastry challenges, but they don’t do anything for the credibility of the competition. They also tend to see strong competitors being prematurely booted out.

      2. You would never make the V8 cake the way the contestants were expected to. You would do it much more slowly and methodically in more of a ‘workshop’ process with multiple hands. A cake like the V8 is not equivalent to cooking a Victoria sponge on Sunday arvo. The time pressure was also ridiculous. Ultimately, the contestants were set up to fail, which is not edifying TV.

      3. Lastly, like most episodes of Master Chef, last night’s contained Matt Preston, the most horribly over-exposed celebrity in Australia. How about putting the big P on hiatus for a while?

    • Tim says:

      01:10pm | 20/07/10

      Yes,
      but its also not Master Asian Chef or Master Spice Chef or Master Sushi Chef all of which have been featured heavily.
      Cooking a cake allows them to weed out some of the competitors who have been surviving simply because the show has allowed them to cook their favourite foods every episode.
      They had four hours when they probably should have given them five, but hey its meant to be tough.

    • ToWhit says:

      03:21pm | 20/07/10

      These Masterchef people cannot even cook anything as basic as scones.  If you cannot cook something as simple as that, then in no way are you are chef.  One of the true tests of a good chef, is their capacity to cook the simple things properly.  Say, steak and chips - but done properly, a roast - but done properly, and omlette but done properly.  None of these halfwits seem to have any idea about cooking the basics without either a recipe or overwhelming direction and advice.  If you cannot walk into a kitchen, any kitchen and cook scones or chips you should not even aspire to be called a “chef” let alone cook like one.

    • Age says:

      05:05pm | 20/07/10

      @Tim,  I think regardless of the food/cooking styles used, whether its Asian, Japanese, Italian, Greek etc, 
      The key point here is that there is an entire industry (patisserie) dedicated to baking cakes .
      For a Masterchef, you reasonably expect them to be competent in different styles, however not different forms of cooking.
      In my opinion, Baking is a world of difference to Cooking…and producing a good pastry/baked item is almost a science in itself.

      @ToWhit ,
      I completely agree with you…the basics need to be hammered home.
      I think the problem is that ‘modern cooking’ is much too easy compared to the ‘simple’ things.  I’d much rather an ugly simple dish that tastes great compared to some fancily presented dish that is inconvenient to eat and tastes terrible.

    • MGeorge says:

      05:27pm | 20/07/10

      Adam
      Do you usually slag off everyone you see as different to yourself e g obese housewives are NOT the only people who like to see a dessert done well.
      It was sad that Alvin, clearly the diametric opposite to an o.h., got his marching orders, but others without pastry training did much better.It does look like MC want a guy to win this year - someone who will get the pink collar market in - so the money has to be on Adam. Does that make you happy?

    • MGeorge says:

      05:28pm | 20/07/10

      Adam
      Do you usually slag off everyone you see as different to yourself e g obese housewives are NOT the only people who like to see a dessert done well.
      It was sad that Alvin, clearly the diametric opposite to an o.h., got his marching orders, but others without pastry training did much better.It does look like MC want a guy to win this year - someone who will get the pink collar market in - so the money has to be on Adam. Does that make you happy?

    • Lorraine says:

      05:28pm | 21/07/10

      Oh Adam!
      “obese housewife audience” this sounds a tad sexist…... it is not usually the housewife who is stretched out on the sofa manipulatinbg the remote control now is it?

    • Fantasychef says:

      02:06pm | 20/07/10

      Alvin, the 3 judges said you people were the best amateur chefs in Australia.  I don’t believe that after some of the rubbish that has been served up, but if it is true, whatever task they give you to, then you should be up for it. Oh and the others too. Maybe people bag you lot because we are sick of hearing you all say things like “This is the best food I have ever tasted”, and “Oh, this is beyond my ability, I know I am going to lose tonight”. Boring

    • O says:

      02:15pm | 20/07/10

      you left out where when they ask should he be in the competition, he has a little cry and says that cooking is his life.

      they may be the best ametaur chefs in the county, but I have never served up raw food to anyone.

    • dancan says:

      02:40pm | 20/07/10

      Master chef is so boring.  We already know the winner will be female (that’s a guarantee) and exactly who just depends on which is more incompetent out of the remaining two.  The more incompetent will win since you can’t have a good cook win because that alienates the audience. 

      So the winner has to be female, non threatening, semi skilled but not good and someone who photo’s well.

      Oh and they have to tear up and tug at those emotional heart strings so people will connect with her

      Oh look I’ve just described Julie from last year.

    • Timmo says:

      05:49am | 21/07/10

      Dancan, Yes it is very very boring I agree. Almost all the meals are totally impractical for the average family budget. Restaurant food all the time yuk. And they still dip their fingers in and have a lick and then,wait, they pop them in again. The blokes who run the show seem quite decent blokes tho and the contestants also.

      One and a half hours to cook something that the average quality family cooks could knock up in quite easily in one third of the time and then there’s the tears. And I wish that little bald headed italian bloke would have learned to eat with a knife and fork correctly. Got the wings out there flapping everywhere.

      These shows like Mastershef and Dancing with the stars get the ratings tho. It sometimes seems to me that the more problems with the world falling apart everywhere then the more of these cooking and dancing shows we get on TV just to make us all happy and divert our attentions away from the real issues that are facing us all. But viewers like it and that’s what sells advertising, which is the only reason for the commercial stations existing anyway.

      They must be making a squillion out of it so I don’t think it’s going to go away soon. But that’s what it really is about, it’s a television business, and is very successful so good luck to them all. But more practical meals would be better I think.

    • julia says:

      03:02pm | 20/07/10

      Didn’t you read that book by Ben Elton about pop star or teen idol or something? They wanted Prince Charles to win and so they rigged it.

      The next to go is Callum. They’ve given him a warning shot over the bow - his eye for detail is terrible. Just look at the lobster fiasco last week.

      They desperately want Claire to win but she doesn’t have the confidence. So it will be Courtney. If this is about television, and it is, it can’t be Adam or Jimmy. Callum has a terrible blinking thing and early on sweated as if he’d run a marathon.

    • total cynic says:

      08:51pm | 20/07/10

      Elton’s writing on the reality tv phenomenom is awesome - Chart Throb is the book you’re thinking of, but he also did one about Big Brother too.

      I’m an English teacher, so we did a unit about reality tv one year (pop culture and media analysis) and for that I went to a filming of Australian Idol. It was the year that Lee Harding was in it (he had that really crap song “Wasabi”, he was the guy who wished he was in Good Charlotte). Before his performance, during the ad break, the stage manager got up on the microphone and said that there was a comp when Lee was singing - whoever was the best at screaming and dancing along would win a prize. When it came to the judge’s comments after his performance, they all focused on the fact that the crowd “obviously loved him because look at how excited they got”. Yes, a simple example, but once again pointing out the manipulation that happens behind the scenes. The week before, he had been up for elimination. At the same time though, he was really popular and made good tv because he was very different to the rest of the contestants. So bribe the audience to react so that the people at home (who may not have technical knowledge of music) will think he’s great and vote.

    • Michmac says:

      03:06pm | 20/07/10

      Aww, poor Alvin Wahh.  Adriano Zumbo rocks!

    • Melanie says:

      04:28pm | 20/07/10

      This is quite an unfair article.

      You have taken Alvin’s comments out of context.

      I’m certain that when he said, “can you imagine anything more difficult…” he meant in the context of masterchef. In other words, can you imagine a more difficult cooking task in a cooking game show than cooking this incredibly complicated and technically difficult cake?

      I’m sure Alvin realises that there are more difficult things in life in general than making a cake. Give the guy some credit and get some perspective.

    • 6c legs says:

      03:06pm | 21/07/10

      plus one.

      the wonton waste of wonderful food ingredients on MC is, IMO, just a huge finger to anybody struggling on their income. (not to mention the third world)!
      One thing the show is good for is this; showing largish people why wearing white, and or, ill fitting clothes for photographic images of any kind will haunt you forever!

      am convinced that Mr Preston (am sure he IS a decent bloke) has *never* watched a single episode back… coz if he had, he would know just how *un-appealing* his choices of colour in clothes make him look.  if someone *presented him* with a plate of food that looked like that they wouldn’t have even made it through the first week.

      meanwhile, thanks to the ‘hours-of-ads’ i continue to be able to see enough of the show to be able to follow internet threads, & conversations about it while watching the ABC/SBS programs i really wanna watch!

    • Yamakuza says:

      04:52pm | 20/07/10

      It’s not easy to be a chef, it’s even harder to become a masterchef. But as long as you win the judge’s heart, you can win masterchef easily. A bit of tears will do the magic. Better watch Ironchef, more skill, real chefs, world class expert, and Japanese. What else could you ask?

    • Fred Mac says:

      06:43pm | 20/07/10

      Any one would think the Master Chef contetants are curing cancer. It’s a TV show people: unimportant ...

    • thatmosis says:

      09:24pm | 20/07/10

      Who really in their right mind wants to watch a bunch of wannabes cook food that would cost the average family their entire budget and still leave you hungry at the end of the day. Its a TV show and to advertise Woolworths but for some strange reason its being treated as the second coming. What a load of unadulterated garbage. I’d rather watch grass grow.

    • JK says:

      10:10am | 21/07/10

      I actually thought I they are Coles ads.  How can you possibly wanna watch grass grow over MC.  I says get over yourself.

    • Nicole says:

      09:29pm | 20/07/10

      Right that’s it!!!!! How in hell did that ‘all I can cook is curry’ smug little numpty get through? I’m done watching this self absorbed idiot, so I’m switching off!..............Maybe after I watch it tomorrow night.

    • Pavlo says:

      12:21am | 21/07/10

      Alvin of Masterchef: “Can you imagine anything more difficult than what we went through in this series? I can’t.”
      mmm… let me think.
      Oh yes, I just thought of something: how about cooking a Zumbo V8 cake handcuffed and being shot at by natives with poison tipped arrows on a mosquito infested island surrounded by sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads?

    • stephen says:

      11:06am | 21/07/10

      SBS Tour highlights have better recipes with Monsieur Gate.
      And I’d ride right through the Pyrenees fer that latest masterpiece : Salmon with, well, er, lots of spices. Mmmm.

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      03:09pm | 09/03/12

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