Dying to be thin
Every single day for the past 3 years I have thought to myself, ‘I need to lose weight.’ That’s not an exaggeration. In fact I have thought it twice a day for the past 3 years.
For the record, I’m a size 12 woman, and I weigh, dare I say it, 66 kilograms. For the past 3 years I have trained with a personal trainer twice a week and played netball twice a week.
During the week I eat all the right things, on the weekend I might splurge and eat MacDonald’s and then feel extremely guilty afterwards. I’m fit, and I’m healthy. But my desire to lose weight is not to be healthy. I want to be thin. Really thin. And I don’t think I’m alone.
According to the Victorian government’s Better Health Channel 45 per cent of women and 23 per cent of men in the healthy weight range think they are overweight.
I have had countless conversations with friends, family, colleagues about the best way to ‘lose weight’. I’ve never had a conversation about the best way to be healthy.
The disturbing thing is I don’t think I’m alone. Almost everyone reading this would have tried, or know someone who has tried a fad diet. Australians spend up to one million dollars a day on fad diets that have little effect on their weight, and according to the Better Health channel, most of us will regain one to two-thirds of the weight lost — even if we remain on a weight loss program, it’s likely that you will regain one to two-thirds of your weight within one year. Lets face it, in most cases, diets don’t work.
But it doesn’t stop there. Women who diet frequently continue on their mission to lose weight through binge eating, purging food and over exercising. Failed attempts at dieting can — at the extreme — lead to depression and eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa or bulimia.
After my own failed attempts at dieting, I complained to a friend one day who suggested something that he promised would work: Clenbuterol
Sure Clenbuterol sounds like something you use to unblock sinks and get stubborn stains off coffee pots, but when I was told about it my eyes lit up.
I was told I could take it for 2 weeks and that during this time it would enhance my metabolism. As long as I was training, I would shed all the fat from my body.
I was thrilled at the thought. A 2-week miracle cure! It must be too good to be true.
And it was.
I Googled it and discovered that it’s illegal. This explains why everyone is not doing it. Yet, still considering it, I read on, ‘Some of the long-term side effects can include heart arrhythmia, heart damage, and heart failure.’
The thing that disappoints me is that I still considered it. Desperate. Absolutely desperate to be thin that I would consider not only breaking the law, but also potentially dying for it.
Why was I so desperate? One answer is self esteem.
People want to feel good about themselves and part of that is being proud of their body; to feel like the gorgeous girl in her bikini’s on the front cover of Cosmopolitan magazine; to feel good like the winner of the Biggest Loser who has lost half their body weight in less than 6 months.
I decided not to take Clenbuterol in the end. I don’t think it will do much for my self-esteem. Instead, I’m going to continue to exercise, eat healthily and thinking everyday good thoughts about my body rather than hating it. It’s easier said than done, but I know one thing for sure I will never die, to be thin.
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