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Don’t let cosmetic surgeons slice up your privates

Mick Neven

by Mick Neven

03 Jan 05:44am

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Filed under: Cosmetic Surgery, Labiaplasty, Vaginas, Women

31 comments

Here’s some troubling news -labiaplasties claimed on Medicare have more than doubled in the last 10 years with the biggest increase coming from women aged 18 to 24. And that’s just the public stats.

Porn has given this man a job

There’s a lot more labiaplasty happening privately at $3000 grand a pop. According to the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists it’s the West’s equivalent of Female Genital Mutilation.

You know, what those savages from other countries do, where they slice off the clitoris, or sew up the labia to make the vagina narrower. It’s good to know we’re not like that here, hey!

Labiaplasty – the sculpture and rejuvenation of the external female genitalia. Or to put it in non-cosmetic surgeon terms – slicing and then stitching the vagina. Why would you do that? Why would you do something so severe to the most delicate part of your anatomy? 

I was circumcised when I was 2 days old and if it didn’t happen then, it was never going to happen. So why are women aged 18-to-25 rushing out to get this cosmetic procedure?

Well, it’s because of the internet fueled prevalence of pornography in society today. It’s too easy to watch porn now. Teenage boys are growing up with unlimited access to porn. They’re watching it in their bedrooms on their computers, on their phones, in awesome Hi-Def on their Tablets.

If they want to watch porn, it’s just a click away. If you want to stop reading this, and start watching porn, you just get out your phone, get onto any number of free porn websites, hit download and enjoy. It takes less than two minutes.

Porn isn’t new. We had porn when I was a teenage boy, but it wasn’t easy to watch. First of all, if I wanted to watch porn when I was a teenage boy, I had to be friends with Ryan McDonald, because he’d searched his Dad’s wardrobe and found the couple of porno vids stashed up the back. Even then it wasn’t easy.

We had to wait until Ryan McDonald’s Mum was on Tuck-Shop duty so we could go to Ryan’s house at Big Lunch and watch these pornos, Debbie Does Dishes and Pussy Pirates of the Panama.

Even then we had to be careful.  When we put the video cassette (video cassette!) in the Video Cassette Recorder (Video Cassette Recorder!) we had to remember to reset the counter to zero, so we could rewind the video back to where Ryan’s Dad had left it. Plus we had to worry about the tape getting chewed up.

Then 6 teenage boys would sit down on Ryan’s couch with cushions on our laps, we’d watch these movies for 20 minutes, then go back to school and wait patiently for Ryan’s Mum to be on Tuckshop duty again next month.

That was our porn experience. If a time traveller from the future had walked into Ryan’s loungeroom and seen us sitting there with cushions on our laps, he might’ve said, “Don’t worry boys, in 20 years time, you’ll be watching this stuff on your mobile phones”.

And we would’ve said, “Get back in your DeLorean Michael J Fox, we don’t care about your porn fairytales, because we don’t even know what a mobile phone is”!

But today’s teenage boys are growing up with unlimited access to pornography, they’re watching a truck-load of it, and it’s messing with their brains. Oh and let’s not forget that everything is Brazilian waxed these days.

There’s hardly a female pubic hair on the internet anymore, unless you’re into vintage porn. So everything labial is out there on display. Debbie Does Dishes, that was some bushy stuff.  We didn’t even know there was labia under all that hair. There could’ve been anything under there. 

So now teenage boys are growing up with a screwed up idea about what Women’s genitalia actually looks like, based purely on porn. Then they’re hooking up with ‘actual women’ and expressing disappointment that all labia’s don’t look like the Labia’s they’ve been watching repeatedly throughout their puberty years.

They’re saying, “you know, maybe you could get that fixed up.”

Of course the girls they’re hooking up with have been watching the same movies.  They’ll say they haven’t, but they have, so they’re feeling a little insecure anyway. They’re thinking, “maybe I should get it fixed up”.

Then the cosmetic surgeons and their industry say “cha ching! Hey, we can fix that up for you. Don’t worry, it’s a simple procedure”.

Listen up ladies! There’s not a single man in the world, not one single man who’s walked into a cosmetic surgeon and said: “Listen mate, I think my ball sack is a bit too dangly, so how about we lay it out on a chopping board, slice away about one third of it, then stitch it back up nice and tight so it looks good for the Ladies”.

THAT’S NOT HAPPENING!

If you’re a woman, and you’re reading this right now, you are beautiful. And what you’ve got, it is special. It is magical. It is unique. There is nothing else like it anywhere in the whole world, so be proud of it. Be proud of it. And if you ever hook up with a guy who says to you, “you know, maybe you could get that fixed up”.

Well that is your signal to put your clothes back on and get the hell out of there because clearly he is a dickhead who watches too much pornography and you shouldn’t be letting him anywhere near your labia.

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Most commented

31 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Nicola says:

      08:47am | 03/01/13

      Labiaplasty is like female genital mutilation? Are you serious? Female genital mutilation is not a little procedure, performed on a consenting adult… it’s often performed on young women with no pain killer, anaesthesia or hygiene. It’s not a procedure to get a tighter vagina, it’s done to prevent control young girls from having sex before marriage, from feeling pleasure from sex and to generally control women in societies where women are seriously disrespected. Either you think you’re being funny by saying the two are similar or you have no idea whatsoever Mick. Why you try to empower women to love their labia by bringing up non-consensual mutilation is just beyond me. (And for the record, labia are awesome at all sizes and shapes but what a woman wants for herself, is exactly that.)

      Reply

    • Sickemrex says:

      09:21am | 03/01/13

      Is what a woman wants for herself what she really wants after a decade of indoctrination as to what perfect genitals look like?

    • Wayne Kerr says:

      09:47am | 03/01/13

      Nicola,. Seriuosly?  That’s the only thing you got out of this article? No wonder the world is so f**cked up these days.

    • Jodi says:

      10:04am | 03/01/13

      “According to the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists it’s the West’s equivalent of Female Genital Mutilation”, not according to the writer… Also, men are allowed to be feminists - so don’t get your knickers in a knot just because a man is writing on women’s issues. I think this man is well aware labia are awesome.

    • egg says:

      10:26am | 03/01/13

      @Nicola, did you have to work hard to get that pissed off? Or did you just skip this: “According to the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists it’s the West’s equivalent of Female Genital Mutilation.”

      That’s not the author saying it’s the equivalent - he doesn’t even agree with that statement. He does not, in fact, attempt to downplay the impact of forced female genital mutilation at any time. What he says is that this craze of willingly cutting your lady parts for no valid reason, and without being forced, is fucking stupid. Which is true.

    • PsychoHyena says:

      10:28am | 03/01/13

      @Nicola, I would assume you are also against male circumcision also then as this is done without consent and your whole argument on whether surgical modification of the genitals is mutilation or not appears to be based on consent.

      In my opinion any form of plastic surgery (aside from re-constructive surgery) is mutilation of the body, I’m not going to stop people from doing it if they wish to, but it’s still mutilation.

    • Jason says:

      01:41pm | 03/01/13

      Wonder why you aren’t saying the same thing about male circumcision ? What’s wrong with a foreskin ? Answer is absolutely nothing, just like a labia!

    • AliceC says:

      08:48am | 03/01/13

      Excellent article!

      Reply

    • Jaqui says:

      08:55am | 03/01/13

      Can you please tell us whether this article was about your love for porn and where you can get it or something else?

      Reply

    • PsychoHyena says:

      10:30am | 03/01/13

      @Jaqui, you will actually notice that he’s saying porn is the problem, so I doubt that he loves porn.

      What he’s attempting to do is place the blame for a woman’s choice on men.

    • Tubesteak says:

      09:08am | 03/01/13

      “it’s because of the internet fueled prevalence of pornography in society today”

      Wrong. If you’ve seen a lot of porn you will know that vulvas (not vaginas - this is your ignorance) are extremely varied.

      “Oh and let’s not forget that everything is Brazilian waxed these days”

      Also completely wrong. But it’s nto necessarily a bag thing unless you like rubbing your nose in shag pile carpet.

      “They’re saying, “you know, maybe you could get that fixed up.””

      I doubt you’d be able to find any evidence of this ever happening. The docos on labiaplasty I’ve seen have more to do with women’s insecurity based on their viewing of soft-core porn where, due to legislation brought in by religious zealots and feminists (always trange bedfellows but frequent bedfellows when it comes to porn), saying that labias cannot be shown to be protruding so it has to be digitally removed. It’s not boys viewing hardcore porn that are giving the wrong message, but girls viewing softcore centrefolds that are being insecure about their bodies.

      “If you’re a woman, and you’re reading this right now, you are beautiful”

      Only if they look like supermodels or Victoria’s Secret Angels. Otherwise they’re on the scale from beautiful down to fugly.

      “It is magical”

      Huh? Like Gandalf? Or Harry Potter? Does it need a magical wand to make things rise up?
      *boom tish* I’m here all week, folks!

      Reply

    • PsychoHyena says:

      10:34am | 03/01/13

      @Tube, I never realised there were laws regarding the protrusion of the labia in softcore porn. But the article is making more sense based on that now, previously I was under the impression that the author was trying to say women were getting their labia minora enlarged to extend past the labia majora.

      I think though, as per my comment in the Open Thread, that there’s also a comfort aspect to having the labia minora reduced, from some of the stories I’ve heard it’s not comfortable when it’s protruding.

    • Ridge says:

      10:55am | 03/01/13

      Absolutely agreed.

      To add, OP’s article is clearly worded to put the blame on men and cosmetic surgeons.  Instead of advising these silly women to assume some responsibility over their bodies and minds.

      Another day, another pro-feminist post on ThePunch!

    • natural is normal says:

      09:38am | 03/01/13

      Right on! Men and women should be accepting of what they have, not worrying that their bits don’t look like an airbrushed image! No one looks like those pictures because even the women in them don’t look like them! Most boys should be happy to be near boobs they are allowed to touch.

      Reply

    • Chris L says:

      09:42am | 03/01/13

      It’s all the fault of porn. A conclusion so obvious there’s no need for research or evidence whatsoever, just like how murders are because of computer games and delinquency is because of rock ‘n roll.

      So, guys are looking at vaginas and saying “that could be better” eh? Are you kidding? What world does this happen on? Guys are looking at vaginas and saying “thank you, thank you, thank you!”

      PS. Nick Nolte got a ball reduction. Mind you, that was just ‘cause he was sick of sitting on them.

      Reply

    • Mum says:

      09:51am | 03/01/13

      Talk to me when you have a vagina of your own.

      My daughter is only 13 years old, has no exposure to pornography or the expectations of men in that department, but is uncomfortable with her labia. Not because she thinks its unattractive, but because it is actually physically uncomfortable for her that they are so large. I’m thankful for her that when she is old enough to make that decision for herself, she will actually have access to that surgery. Imagine spending your whole life feeling irritated and sore when you walk.

      Reply

    • Ridge says:

      10:49am | 03/01/13

      ##Talk to me when you have a vagina of your own.

      By the wording of OP’s essay, I’d say it’s very safe to assume this male feminist does in fact have a vagina.

    • Labia lover says:

      10:08am | 03/01/13

      yes yes - the evil porn made ‘em do it , oh and don’t forget the evil men..!! but c’mon - “They’re saying, “you know, maybe you could get that fixed up.”” - I’m calling “Bullshit” on that - what a croc… Guys don’t care what it looks like, only what it feels like. So Crap crap crap…!!!

      How about, as with most female body issues, it is more likely other women being bitchy that is driving it - or god forbid, the insecure mind of a fragile person, or the health benefits offered by not having the inner labia and clitoris constantly rubbing on the underpants… either way it’s up to her…

      I would suggest that women have fought for their right to control their own body and now, when they choose to exercise that right, you want to tell them their wrong and @Mick knows best. You don’t know squat, and the mere fact that you lay the blame on porn and men only shows that you haven’t thought this through and you are possibly a semi-vacuous Misogynist.  (yes yes - I know that’s not what misogynist means but I figured Julia has changed the definition so why can’t I?)

      Reply

    • Sundress In Sydney says:

      10:18am | 03/01/13

      What a silly article.  Actually, this is now the second stupid article I have read today.  I have no idea who these women are, don’t mix with them.  Mind you, I am not in the habit of asking about peoples vulvas, vaginas, scrotums etc.  Nor do I ask about how their quads or biceps are, or their bowel movements for that matter.  Unless you like playing the field - and that is up to you - it would only be your partner who is viewing this area.  And quite frankly, if they don’t like it they can stick it (well, actually they can’t - but you get the point).  Anyway, I am not sure if you are attacking porn or saying you can’t get enough.  There is nothing wrong with a person watching porn if that is their thing (not mine, but have viewed a few in the past).  But I do think most people know what they are seeing is not necessarily real life.  Anyway, I have spent 5 minutes writing to a silly post and have ended up sounded quite silly myself.  What a good morning’s work that was!  Have a nice day.

      Reply

    • bec says:

      10:44am | 03/01/13

      I’m not totally sold that there’s a huge amount of elective, cosmetic-only labioplasty being performed in Australia.

      Given that the only figure we know about is that its performance rates have doubled (and going from one per year to two per year is doubling), I don’t think it’s nearly as common as you’re trying to tell us. I can imagine it taking place as necessary reconstructive surgery after trauma (childbirth, sexual abuse, and according to one gynaecological nurse I spoke to recently, in repairing victims of FGM, ironically), or performed to relieve the pain of larger labia minora which might rub against clothing.

      Reply

    • St. Michael says:

      11:21am | 03/01/13

      Dear Mick—

      Firstly, why are you plagiarising Gail Dines?

      Secondly, you may be aware the Federal government is looking at reducing the Medicare rebate for genital cosmetic surgery, which necessarily will reduce the number of women getting This Abhorrent Female Genital Mutilation Surgery, so you must be feeling happy about that?

      Thirdly, you seem to be upset about the number of labiaplsties paid for by Medicare.  Did you know that in order to even have a shot at getting such a procedure paid for by Medicare, a GP has to refer the patient to a plastic surgeon for the specific reason that the procedure is medically necessary? Are you saying we have a bunch of fraudulent GPs who are referring people for unnecessary plastic surgery?

      Fourthly, since Medicare has only been around since 1984, and plastic surgery hasn’t been covered by Medicare for all of that time period, have you checked to see when exactly these procedures were first covered by Medicare?

      If the procedures first went onto the MBS 11 years ago, then of course you would see a massive spike in Medicare claims for that procedure over the last ten years—since the eligibility didn’t exist before then, and people figured out there was free government money to be had rather than them pay for the lot.

      You also don’t cite one stat from the guys who *should* know the true numbers since they’re performing the procedures—the Royal Australiasian College of Surgeons, so I don’t see how trembling “and that’s just the public stats” is any reflection of the true numbers.  You cited numbers from the ob/gyns instead, whose attitude is pretty transparent when they screech it’s “female genital mutilation”.  Ob/gyns and plastic surgeons have a long hate relationship going between them—Google up “Obstetricians criticise plastic surgeons” and see the hits that come up, here and overseas.  They’ve been running the same old crap for five years: http://www.australiandoctor.com.au/news/latest-news/debate-over-designer-vagina-surgery

      Go and do some proper research, for Christ’s sake.  I know it’s easy to just riff off today’s current article in the paper, but here people look into the numbers a little bit.

      Reply

    • Ravi says:

      12:36pm | 03/01/13

      Some people here seem to think that the human body (or one or more of its parts) is intrinsically awesome. It is not. Ask any nurse. Any “awesomeness” exists purely in the mind (or hormones) of the observer, mostly for biological and evolutionary reasons. Seeing the human body as it really is (that is, gross and disgusting) would mean no sex = no babies = extinction.

      Reply

    • ExNurse says:

      02:01pm | 03/01/13

      Hoo boy. You have a problem, don’t you? The human body is gross and disgusting? I’m an ex -nurse and have seen every kind of body and fluid/solid that it produces imaginable and I still find our bodies wondrous and beautiful. If you knew anything at all about anatomy and physiology you would be In awe of the complexity and variety of humanity.

      As for labioplasty, I cringe at the thought. I do not doubt, however, that for some women it is a matter of comfort to have the procedure performed. I do think though that some women may be influenced into believing that their’s are abnormal when they are not. Shame on surgeons who prey on these vulnerable girls’ insecurities. The same goes for many breast augmentations or unnecessary nose-jobs. It’s female’s distorted ideas about their bodies and waht is beautiful or desirable that is to blame. Media and the porn industry may carry some blame, but ultimately it’s silly women and exploitative surgeons. Believe me, not all medieval professionals are entirely ethical when it comes to a lucrative practice. I’ve seen it first hand.

    • ExNurse says:

      02:04pm | 03/01/13

      Medical, not medieval LOL! Though thst may be appropriate too!

    • Paul says:

      02:36pm | 03/01/13

      Then why are nurses such mad rooters?

      I’m kidding smile

    • gof says:

      01:37pm | 03/01/13

      ahhh, who cares! the more pink bits the better.
      Anyhow chicks mutilate their ears, noses, finger nails all the time so it is only progress that they now want to mutilate their bits.

      Reply

    • Rossco says:

      03:14pm | 03/01/13

      Yeh sure blame womens fixation with labiaplasty on men watching porn. You do realise women watch porn themselves and have their own ridiculous ideas on what their vagina should look like…

      But as usual men cause all the problems in the world, including this ridiculous one…

      Reply

    • PsychoHyena says:

      03:51pm | 03/01/13

      @Rossco, too true, just as we men often have ridiculous ideas on how we should look, e.g. not enough hair on the head, too much back hair, chest hair, ear hair, am I too big, am I too small, etc.

      But I challenge the OP to look at a similar topic, penile enhancement and have a look at the major side-effects involved with that and how large penises are promoted by female media such as Sex and the City and even porn aimed at women.

      I’ll give the OP a bit of a hand on that one… many methods of penile enhancement result in erectile dysfunction due to the damage caused to capillaries by pumps, permanent disfigurement through surgical methods and the main one the increased size with most if not all methods is not permanent.

    • Luc Belrose says:

      03:35pm | 03/01/13

      Labiaplasty - the word literally suggests vagina tightenng and reshaping- is one way of increasing woman’s physical beauty. Unless expert medical advice recommends it why would women rush to the suburban plastic surgeons to get butchered for a small increase in sexual attractiveness. We dont hear often about the cases where these architectural interventions finish in regret and chagrin. These practices should only occur where gross deformities or medically recommended cases are involved.

      Reply

    • silverlining says:

      04:21pm | 03/01/13

      I believe any legal form of porn video & photos in Australia bans the viewing of the labia or secretions from a female because censors don’t like a woman to be seen as too aroused & they believe a visible labia is a form of excitement caused by blood flow/swelling of that area. I believe we are the only Western country that follows this censorship?

      Reply

    • PsychoHyena says:

      04:35pm | 03/01/13

      @silverlining, I thought we were backwards by banning any pornography containing women with breast sizes under c-cups because apparently it encourages attraction to pre-pubescents. Now I’m starting to realise just how backwards our laws are.

 
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