Don’t let cosmetic surgeons slice up your privates
Here’s some troubling news -labiaplasties claimed on Medicare have more than doubled in the last 10 years with the biggest increase coming from women aged 18 to 24. And that’s just the public stats.
There’s a lot more labiaplasty happening privately at $3000 grand a pop. According to the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists it’s the West’s equivalent of Female Genital Mutilation.
You know, what those savages from other countries do, where they slice off the clitoris, or sew up the labia to make the vagina narrower. It’s good to know we’re not like that here, hey!
Labiaplasty – the sculpture and rejuvenation of the external female genitalia. Or to put it in non-cosmetic surgeon terms – slicing and then stitching the vagina. Why would you do that? Why would you do something so severe to the most delicate part of your anatomy?
I was circumcised when I was 2 days old and if it didn’t happen then, it was never going to happen. So why are women aged 18-to-25 rushing out to get this cosmetic procedure?
Well, it’s because of the internet fueled prevalence of pornography in society today. It’s too easy to watch porn now. Teenage boys are growing up with unlimited access to porn. They’re watching it in their bedrooms on their computers, on their phones, in awesome Hi-Def on their Tablets.
If they want to watch porn, it’s just a click away. If you want to stop reading this, and start watching porn, you just get out your phone, get onto any number of free porn websites, hit download and enjoy. It takes less than two minutes.
Porn isn’t new. We had porn when I was a teenage boy, but it wasn’t easy to watch. First of all, if I wanted to watch porn when I was a teenage boy, I had to be friends with Ryan McDonald, because he’d searched his Dad’s wardrobe and found the couple of porno vids stashed up the back. Even then it wasn’t easy.
We had to wait until Ryan McDonald’s Mum was on Tuck-Shop duty so we could go to Ryan’s house at Big Lunch and watch these pornos, Debbie Does Dishes and Pussy Pirates of the Panama.
Even then we had to be careful. When we put the video cassette (video cassette!) in the Video Cassette Recorder (Video Cassette Recorder!) we had to remember to reset the counter to zero, so we could rewind the video back to where Ryan’s Dad had left it. Plus we had to worry about the tape getting chewed up.
Then 6 teenage boys would sit down on Ryan’s couch with cushions on our laps, we’d watch these movies for 20 minutes, then go back to school and wait patiently for Ryan’s Mum to be on Tuckshop duty again next month.
That was our porn experience. If a time traveller from the future had walked into Ryan’s loungeroom and seen us sitting there with cushions on our laps, he might’ve said, “Don’t worry boys, in 20 years time, you’ll be watching this stuff on your mobile phones”.
And we would’ve said, “Get back in your DeLorean Michael J Fox, we don’t care about your porn fairytales, because we don’t even know what a mobile phone is”!
But today’s teenage boys are growing up with unlimited access to pornography, they’re watching a truck-load of it, and it’s messing with their brains. Oh and let’s not forget that everything is Brazilian waxed these days.
There’s hardly a female pubic hair on the internet anymore, unless you’re into vintage porn. So everything labial is out there on display. Debbie Does Dishes, that was some bushy stuff. We didn’t even know there was labia under all that hair. There could’ve been anything under there.
So now teenage boys are growing up with a screwed up idea about what Women’s genitalia actually looks like, based purely on porn. Then they’re hooking up with ‘actual women’ and expressing disappointment that all labia’s don’t look like the Labia’s they’ve been watching repeatedly throughout their puberty years.
They’re saying, “you know, maybe you could get that fixed up.”
Of course the girls they’re hooking up with have been watching the same movies. They’ll say they haven’t, but they have, so they’re feeling a little insecure anyway. They’re thinking, “maybe I should get it fixed up”.
Then the cosmetic surgeons and their industry say “cha ching! Hey, we can fix that up for you. Don’t worry, it’s a simple procedure”.
Listen up ladies! There’s not a single man in the world, not one single man who’s walked into a cosmetic surgeon and said: “Listen mate, I think my ball sack is a bit too dangly, so how about we lay it out on a chopping board, slice away about one third of it, then stitch it back up nice and tight so it looks good for the Ladies”.
THAT’S NOT HAPPENING!
If you’re a woman, and you’re reading this right now, you are beautiful. And what you’ve got, it is special. It is magical. It is unique. There is nothing else like it anywhere in the whole world, so be proud of it. Be proud of it. And if you ever hook up with a guy who says to you, “you know, maybe you could get that fixed up”.
Well that is your signal to put your clothes back on and get the hell out of there because clearly he is a dickhead who watches too much pornography and you shouldn’t be letting him anywhere near your labia.
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