Don’t bring your kids and other supermarket rules

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ICB: If I could offer you only one tip for the future…

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Six prominent Aussies with a case of the dreaded “yips”

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by Lucy Kippist

18 Mar 05:40am

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Filed under: Etiquette, Shopping, Society, Supermarkets

95 comments

It’s taken a few tests but I’ve finally figured out why it’s so hard to watch the new Kmart ad without grimacing. Have you seen it? It’s the one where an attractive young mum pushes a stroller through Kmart with one hand, balances a two-year old on her hip and talks on her mobile phone with the other, while the older child (my guess about five years of age?) runs ahead of her.

Please share a trolley and keep to one side… Picture: James Elsby.

Cue super helpful Kmart guy who comes to the rescue, somehow managing to both read her mind and reach for the most hard-to-get kettle on the shelf, deposit it into the hands of the renegade five year old and not for a single second interrupt the woman’s phone-call.

The result, a wonderfully apt depiction of all the things that drive me nuts about shopping centres, specifically supermarkets and the pesky little habits they bring out in even the best of people.

Case in point, just yesterday I walked past a family of four standing together in the cleaning products aisle of my local supermarket. Whether they were there to actually shop is anyone’s guess but I do know they left having caught up on all the previous week’s domestic detritus and the assurance that their assembled presence- in-front of several popular household items- made everyone else’s afternoon dash to the supermarket just that little bit more inconvenient.

Just as we have road rules to keep driving chaos in check maybe we need to fit indicators to supermarket trolleys and even consider adding seat-belts to ensure the kids are strapped close to their parents and our collective capacity to inflict full-blown trolley rage is kept to bare minimum.

But while we sit and wait for that kind of thing to happen, here’s my wish list for supermarket etiquette. Have you got anything to add?

1. Don’t bring your children
2. Don’t walk in the centre of the aisle
3. Don’t leave your trolley loaded in a queue while you “just race off to find [insert any product] but it actually takes 10 minutes leaving everyone else in the queue to wait or worse, look around for you.
4. Don’t shop and talk on the phone
5. Don’t let your child push the trolley
6. Learn to steer a trolley. And crucially, avoid the ones with broken wheels
7. If shopping with a friend, share a trolley instead of careering down the centre of the aisle oblivious to everyone else
8. Watch out for the cash-only sign. And if you’ve got more than 12 items, the short aisle is not for you
9. If you drop something, pick it up
10. Don’t leave your trolley close enough to someone else’s car in the car park that they then have to walk your trolley back before they can actually drive away.

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Most commented

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186The humourless hysteria of the holier-than-thou

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95 comments

Show oldest | newest first

- sick of hearing your plans says:
  
  06:05am | 18/03/10
  
  dont yap on the phone and expect the world to stop for you ,have some manners for the employee and other shoppers
  
  Reply
Rosie says:

10:46pm | 18/03/10

Lucy,
I’ve got a better idea. If a family of four scrutinising over cleaning products in an effort to save money annoys you THAT much; stay home and order your products on line. Then again, I’d guess you’d be pretty well equipped to enter the battle fields of woolies or coles if you have time to “learn” how to steer a trolley? Do you get TIME though to fill a trolley while you’re so busy worrying about everybody else? Stick an ipod in if it annoys you that much and please Punch give me something funny and interesting to read next time.
anthony says:

11:04pm | 19/03/10

I spent 13 years in supermarkets - saw and heard stuff you would probably not believe. Anyway, 3 rules off the top of my head -
1. Shopping for food brings out the rudeness in people; what’s better than to project your bad day on someone who has to stand there and take it (standard policy - the customer is always right);
2. Yes you might get staff who sass you but you possibly earned it;
3. Aisles will never be big enough; the wider they are, the more people are inclined to block them off.

In addition Lucy, everything you said is eerily accurate. You may be spending too long in these places.

In no way bitter and twisted after a 13-year stretch.
- (Grumpy) Old Bert says:
  
  07:30am | 18/03/10
  
  I expect you’ll get 500+ comments on this topic. The advertising creative geniuses think if we can get all these dollars, (read all kinds of people) together in one bunch, hell, the bottom line will be a beautiful set of numbers. Sold! Only, it will bite them on the arse, when they discover consumer backlash sentiment not to visit crowded supermarkets. I’ve tried being among the first in the morning, no, that doesn’t work, nearly last at closing, no, not that either. Best I could do was around noon, when the overfed with their unlocked jawbones, are busy at the food trough, shovelling mountains of McFood down their cakeholes, with their trolleys at the elbow, screamers at heel, or crawling round the floor. That’s when to dart in and out, get those essentials, and get out of the cage. A parking tip, find the furtherest spot from entrances to the cage, walk the distance, picking up a discarded trolley on the way. You’ll save on paint jobs
  
  Reply
BTS says:

08:11am | 18/03/10

Tuesday’s Bert, the day before the government payments are handed out, nobody has money till the next day.
Sally says:

10:04am | 18/03/10

Any day after 10 and before 2 is good (to avoid all the mum’s who do shopping after dropping their kids off, or pick up their kids)

I agree with BTS. Mondays and Tuesdays are best. Most people are paid Wednesday and Thursdays, and Goverment payments (pensioners and various others) come out every alternate Thursday!
- BTS says:
  
  08:05am | 18/03/10
  
  Men Only Shopping Day, where the above rules are likely to be followed.
  
  Reply
Old Bert says:

01:13pm | 18/03/10

BTS, great idea, I should have recalled the basics of strategy and tactical manouvre, take a field promotion, the paper work will be sorted later, but perhaps not all the ‘rules’ need be applicable? and Sally, level headed thinking. I’m sympathetic with working mothers with children who have little choice, AND who have the grey matter to negotiate their shopping ‘experience’, and I’m sure you speak for the majority here. And Adam, unfortunately online shopping is not available in all states, and I wouldn’t tether my army remount and sulky anywhere near motor vehicles to pick up a sack of flour, salt, 3 yards of gingham for the missus, some licorice straps for the grandkid, and 10 blocks of ice, lol.
Julia says:

02:56pm | 18/03/10

Have you tried grocery shopping at night? Might not suit you, but I find it far more pleasant than directly after work or the weekend. Went shopping last night (Wednesday) around 7pm and it was a dream - hardly anyone about and I was free to wander the aisles in peace. The only downside is that most of the specials have disappeared by this time. And best of all, no queue at the register!
DMc says:

07:59pm | 19/03/10

Julia, great idea - except the neanderthals in power (and who elect those to power) in back-water WA won’t let me shop on a Wednesday night.
- Adam Diver says:
  
  08:09am | 18/03/10
  
  You touched on it but somehow didn’t include it in your top 10 tips. Don’t stop in the aisle and chat to someone else you have seen shopping. Move out of the way and try and talk without yelling!
  
  Reply
- Adam says:
  
  08:15am | 18/03/10
  
  Also:
  Elderly dears don’t bring hubby, he hates it and gets in the way
  Don’t graze on grapes etc, you are pretty well fed and you can afford to wait till you’ve paid for them
  Don’t direct me to the self serve check out, I know its there and would’a used it if i wished
  Either steer with both hands or drink your take away latte before entry
  Please don’t paw and sniff the fruit and vegiesbefore you choose not to even buy any of that product
  Its not a library, buy the damn gossip rag or put it down
  
  Reply
Nick Sady says:

02:20pm | 20/03/10

Adam, the amount of times the self serve loiterer has copped a hissed ‘Don’t herd me!’ from me is beyond a joke. That and I object to being made to do the work they used to pay students to do (who need an income) without reducing my food costs at all. Sucked in because we like to push buttons…
- KH says:
  
  08:22am | 18/03/10
  
  Only use the self service area if you have a small number of items. I mean seriously - the checkout people do this all day - they are faster and more efficient. They have looked up ‘chinese cabbage’ 500 times and know exactly where it is in the computer. You on the other hand, do not. So if you have more than a dozen items, it is actually faster to go through a checkout with an operator.
  
  The number of morons with trolley loads of shopping, slowly scanning their items then getting all confused when the machine starts beeping at them for removing their bag from the weight tray is astounding. I don’t understand this. Don’t they know they are actually spending more time there than they have to? Not to mention holding up people who just ran in for a carton of milk. And meanwhile, the checkout operators are not busy.
  
  Reply
- iansand says:
  
  08:25am | 18/03/10
  
  11 Have a Lucy Kippist Exclusive Hour every week.
  
  How dare people put their convenience ahead of yours!!! In which aisle can I get a sense of proportion?
  
  Reply
BTS says:

08:32am | 18/03/10

Aisle 7!
BK says:

09:12am | 18/03/10

iansand, you want an exclusive hour too.
Go on. Admit it.

PA announcement: “Attention shoppers, the time is now 5 minutes to 3 and our exclusive shoppers hour will begin in 5 minutes time. Kindly make your final selections and make your way to our check out area. Shopping for other people will resume from 4pm. On behalf of staff and management, I’d like to thank you for your cooperation”.
Lucy Kippist says:

09:24am | 18/03/10

Ah, BK if only The Punch had an audio feature on comments!
Shoppette says:

01:17pm | 19/03/10

BK, I have heard rumours that some supermarker PA announcements—- and not the ones that should like “mfffle mafffle snerther AISLE EIGHT! Mither mutter AISLE EIGHT!”—are a code to alert other staff to the location of eye candy. eg “Code 4 in Fresh Produce! Attention all staff, Code 4 in Fresh Produce!” So rule 12: a public decoding. I refuse to shop where the staff do not find me attactive.
- Justin says:
  
  08:29am | 18/03/10
  
  Please browse the freezer section through the glass, opening the doors only to grab an item. The rest of us would like to see what’s in there and not a foggy white sheet of ice. Thanks.
  
  Reply
- Lucy Kippist says:
  
  08:25am | 18/03/10
  
  Brilliant and thoughtful suggestion iansand, if only I had thought to put that at number #1
  
  Oh and I think sense of proportion might be out of season
  
  Reply
- Adam says:
  
  08:34am | 18/03/10
  
  @ Grumpy Old Bert, sensational stuff, wonderfully descriptive and evocative words! Laugh out loud funny and genuinely tragic all in one “over fed” sentence.
  
  By way of a useful contribution, try shopping online people. For all the apparent risks, nothing beats not having to deal with hordes of stressed out shoppers and having ones provisions home delivered.
  
  Lucy perhaps you could take up the challenge of trying to survive a week or maybe two shopping only online!
  
  Reply
Lucy Kippist says:

08:42am | 18/03/10

Great idea Adam, I really should try that. Can you recomend a good site?
Erin says:

12:08pm | 21/03/10

I have done online shopping and found it great for tins and prepackaged food.
HOWEVER the fruit & veges that were sent were obviously inferior - ie the ones no one else would buy so they sent it to me because I couldn’t pick it out myself.
I have had a problem with things being packed poorly and being damaged in transport, but I called the shop straight away and they credited that to my card, so I wasn’t charged for the items broken.
Recomendation: buy fruit & vege from a greengrocer (good for small business) and online for everything else.
- murray says:
  
  08:30am | 18/03/10
  
  Ah, it’s a tough life.
  
  Reply
- ~Rumpleteazer~ says:
  
  08:47am | 18/03/10
  
  Spoken loundly over the whole supermarket PA.
  “Can I have a price check on No 5. Large box of tampons and a tube of KY Jelly”
  Uuggghhhhhh!! I hate that!
  Also, why not throw both kids into a trolley, leave the pusher in the car and then walk around pretty much hands free.
  Only thinking….....
  
  Reply
BTS says:

09:08am | 18/03/10

Rumpleteazer,

You can avoid the first issue by making sure when you buy those items you have checked they have a price tag on them .
- Bon says:
  
  08:54am | 18/03/10
  
  That ad just makes me laugh. I could be that mum with the stroller, the toddler and the older child, but my shopping experience (ordeal) if I take all of my children with me is nothing like the fantasy presented in that piece of advertising. I make every effort to avoid the shops unless I can leave the older ones at home. On the plus side, this has meant carefully planning every trip which has resulted in less unneccessary purchases.
  
  Reply
- shabangabang says:
  
  09:00am | 18/03/10
  
  Make sure you have the money available to pay. I got stuck behind a guy who didn’t have sufficient funds available. Luckily the checkout guy was able to save the transaction and serve me while broke guy went to the ATM.
  I later went past broke guy on my way out, without his groceries. What do they do with the food then?
  
  Reply
Adam says:

09:43am | 18/03/10

the beer they spent money on earlier maybe? steak and eggs in evey stubbie
GlendaSings says:

06:32pm | 20/03/10

It depends on the scenario. Usually the person goes off to get their partner’s credit card, or move some money around, and the groceries are stored off to the side, and if you’re lucky and it’s not too busy and the checkout person is nice, they’ll even put your cold stuff in the freezer out the back.

If people can’t buy any of it, then the checkout staff put it all back on the shelf later on when it gets quiet.

I always think we should label the trolley and put it near the front: “1 weeks groceries for two adults and two primary aged children, value $275 - why not take a chance and save yourself some time?”.
Cath says:

07:37pm | 20/03/10

That’s a bit unfair, shabangabang ... I’ve been caught a couple of times with insufficient funds through no fault of my own - don’t stereotype us all & say we’re all “broke guys”. Not always our own fault.
- Chris says:
  
  09:04am | 18/03/10
  
  As a dad with 3 children under 6 I do not mind taking the tots shopping - all things considered they are pretty good children most of the time. The youngest is happy with a steady stream of mik arrow root biscuits and the 4 and 5 y/os know that they will get the smiley face ham at the deli counter. If they are fed and watered you can get a pretty good run except for the occasional No! to the marketing inpsired layout where toys and delectables are at the right or wrong height (depending upon your age).
  
  As for the shoppers holding the mother’s group meeting in front of sought items - I have always found a polite ‘Excuse me’ as you reach into the lion’s den generally works. When you are 6 ft and over 100kg my polite overtures are generally hard to ignore. If you get ‘the look’ either ignore it or point at the children and roll your eyes with that ‘kid’s hey!” look.
  If that doesn’t work then three children hanging off a full shopping trolley like something from Mad Max 2 works better than Moses parting the Red Sea.
  All in all, your article rings true.
  
  Reply
- Zeta says:
  
  09:04am | 18/03/10
  
  Wait, people still shop at supermarkets? Is it an ironic thing, like you ring your friends and say ‘lol, guess what, I’m at a supermarket. I know, ironic right?’ or are there some suburbs that don’t have a Harris Farm?
  
  Are there even suburbs outside Sydney? I always imagined it was some kind of warehouse. Like where JB Hi-Fi stores all those MGMT singles no one is buying.
  
  Reply
GD says:

09:15am | 18/03/10

Wait, where’s my personal shopper?
- Logical says:
  
  09:12am | 18/03/10
  
  Don’t bring your kids? All well and good for those of you who are actually able to shop by themselves. But for the single mothers out there who have little support and children under school age that’s hardly practical or fair. Not all of us can afford to spring for a baby sitter just to grab a carton of milk, or have the luxury of having a partner/friend/family member on tap whenever we need to do the weekly shop. I seiously doubt the majority of the women you see toting kids around the shopping centre are actually happy to have them along. In fact I bet they’d LOVE to do their shopping in peace.
  
  As for the “only thinking” Rumpleteaser, Think a bit harder dear, pushing two kids around in a trolly is a) extremely difficult once their of a certain size, b) against the policy of the store in most cases, c) dangerous at best on most occasions and d) makes it a bit difficult to get the SHOPPING in!
  
  Reply
- Zeta says:
  
  09:31am | 18/03/10
  
  Why can’t kids just walk anyway? Why do they need to be in a trolley / pram. I walked everywhere when I was a kid. If they can’t walk around a supermarket quietly without being a dick about it, they’re bad kids and should be locked in the car, or hit with an axe handle or something.
  
  That’s how I roll.
  
  Reply
d.jay.stevo says:

10:03am | 18/03/10

Zeta, if you can’t have a thought without being a dick about it, perhaps you should be hit with an axe handle or something. What kind of cruel parents did you have, to force you to walk from word go, what did they do when you were crawling? Make you crawl yourself around the supermarket? Grow a brain!
iansand says:

10:28am | 18/03/10

Ever compared a shopping trolley to a cage? Those parents are smarter than they look. The really smart ones put the kid in the trolley, park it somewhere and use a second trolley to shop in peace.
Bon says:

10:54am | 18/03/10

My older kids legs seem to have this amazing ability to completely stop working about 2 seconds after we enter a shop. All of a sudden they simply MUST get into/hang off the trolley as they simply cannot go another step. The one who I actually want to sit still - the 3 year old - her legs go into high power mode, causing her to bolt the instant she walks into a shop. Now that I am a parent I fully understand why people put their toddlers on leashes. Or perhaps I should carry an axe handle with me…The best behaved one is the baby, and she hasn’t worked out how to use her legs yet, and is still too young to protest being tied down in a pram.

Shopping would be much easier if the kids were locked in the car, but that often has the unfortunate consequence of drawing the attention of the police and an ambulance, not to mention current affairs shows.
Moi says:

11:00am | 18/03/10

love love love sentences that begin with (or in this case end with) “when I was a kid”...you know it’s always going to be followed by something GOLD!
Zeta says:

10:57am | 18/03/10

@ d.jay.stevo - well obviously when I was crawling I was beaten within an inch of my life until my legs were well enough conditioned to hold up my body.

And to be honest, we rarely spent much time in the supermarket since Mum spent all the money on sniffing oven cleaner and Dad was on a Federal Senator’s wage. Every Christmas they’d set fire to me and make me fight wolves. That’s how I became the man I am today.
BTS says:

11:09am | 18/03/10

Zeta,

Suddenly, it all makes sense!
joe says:

01:58pm | 18/03/10

Zeta says: That’s how I roll.

good onya zeta - as is well quoted from puberty blues
“buy us a chiko roll, ya moll”
- Paul says:
  
  09:42am | 18/03/10
  
  This has been the best story on the punch, ever! Comment away!
  
  I’d gladly go shopping with any of you Punchers, especially Adam and BK.
  
  If you want to read, go to the library. If you want to have a catch-up or a coffee go to a cafe. If you want to go shopping, go shopping… and get out of my way. I like to time-trial my shopping, the faster the better. I feel for the old blokes who are being dragged around the shops by their wives and make every effort to avoid the self-serve checkouts. I’m waiting for A Current Affair to do an investigative piece on those bloody things.
  
  Reply
BTS says:

10:49am | 18/03/10

Yep, there’s your problem right there…ACA don’t do investigative reporting.
- Martin G says:
  
  09:39am | 18/03/10
  
  “Cue super helpful Kmart guy who comes to the rescue, somehow managing to both read her mind and reach for the most hard-to-get kettle on the shelf, deposit it into the hands of the renegade five year old and not for a single second interrupt the woman’s phone-call. “
  
  God that ad drives me crazy as well. She should get off her friggin phone!!! If that was me back in my supermarket days, I wouldn’t have helped her if she didn’t hang up first. It may be just an ad but the woman in it is just plain rude and creates unfair expectations on the customer service people.
  
  Thanks for the good read, Lucy.
  
  Reply
Elizabeth says:

01:48pm | 18/03/10

I don’t even get that ad…. Is she on her way home from work? Why is she dressed like that? Why is the kid not in the push chair? Why doesn’t the other kid run off like mine use to do? Why when I go to KMart it never looks like that and I cant find an employee for love nor money?
I’m too thick for kmart ads obviously.
- George says:
  
  09:48am | 18/03/10
  
  The fact that you want to institute rules shows how intolerant you are, and yes the things mentioned so far get up my nose as well but I live and let live. If you really take a long hard look at your shopping behaviour you’ll find that you are just as guilty of some of the things you accuse others.
  
  So Shoppanazis - stay way from supermarkets and shops where real people with real lives shop! If you can’t handle the inconvenience of having to share the shopping malls with others then try shopping after 8pm, Woolworths and Coles close at about 10pm in most suburbs Monday to Friday.
  
  Reply
Rover says:

03:36pm | 18/03/10

Agreed George.
We all do things that annoy the bejesus out of the people around us.
Just last weekend I was in a really long queue with a trolley full and a manager moved me the express lane because it was quiet. But by the time the checkout chick finished with me, there was a huge queue of people with one or two things behind me.
I could feel the love….
- emma hamilton says:
  
  10:05am | 18/03/10
  
  Leave my kids at home with whom? I sincerely hope you do not have children otherwise you deserve a visit from DHS.
  
  Reply
Glen says:

10:25am | 18/03/10

Don’t force your partner to come along either.

I had a friend who’s girlfriend forced him to go along and push the trolley at his local supermarket every Thursday night in regulated Perth (don’t even get me started on that), which for anyone who has been, is a nightmare. Anyway he hated it. So after a few months he decided enough was enough.

So one Thursday night he went along, and at every opportunity, he pushed the trolley into her ankles. By the end of the session, she was so fed up with him that she turned around and angrily exclaimed “You’re not coming next week, I’m doing this by myself!”

Pure genius, never had to go again. Of course, they did break up some months later, but that’s another story.
- J says:
  
  10:18am | 18/03/10
  
  My Kmart never has a psychic store attendant. The layby counter is always unattended, half the employees don’t know how to work the computers, and it takes 15 minutes to buy 1 item.
  
  I can handle screaming kids if I don’t have to stand there for eternity waiting to pay…
  
  Reply
- Sally says:
  
  10:19am | 18/03/10
  
  Tips from a checkout alum:
  
  1. PDA at the supermarket is not ok. It’s awkward and annoying for everyone - especially if the checkout operator has to interrupt so you can pay for your groceries.
  
  2. If your child needs to go to the toilet, ask the information desk to watch your trolley - items in random abandoned trolleys will be put away. And whatever you do - do not let your child pee in the corner of the store.
  
  3. Paying in 5c coins is inconsiderate and frustrating for the employees and everyone that you hold up in line.
  
  4. Holding up the line because you swear you saw an item for 50c less than what it scans isn’t worth it. Especially on a busy Saturday morning.
  
  5. You do not need 12 petrol vouchers. Most checkout operators will let you split up your groceries so you can have 2 - 3 extra vouchers, but after that, you’re just taking advantage and holding up everyone else in line.
  
  6. If you picked up a cold juice/milk and then decide you want the long life versions, put the cold items back in the fridge (any fridge will do!). You are being wasteful. This tip applies to frozen items as well.
  
  7. Keep to the left when you are going down an aisle. This way, people can pass you easily and there are less traffic jams.
  
  8. Only certain checkout lanes are allowed to sell cigarettes. If you want cigarettes with your groceries, make sure you choose the right lane.
  
  9. Reception is normally terrible in a supermarket - if it’s a long call, take it outside!
  
  Reply
- Moi says:
  
  10:50am | 18/03/10
  
  You don’t have children do you Lucy?
  
  I’d rather eat razor blades than take my kid to the supermarket BUT sometimes it is unavoidable. And if you find it annoying, spare a thought for us! Oh yes but I chose to have a child and blah blah individualist mentality blah! BUT if you do ‘chose’ one day to have a child (have made the assumption that you haven’t already because of your youthful-or naive-suggestion that we leave our kids at home) I want you to remember what unqualified tripe you have added to the never ending public debate on appropriate parenting.
  
  Reply
BTS says:

10:59am | 18/03/10

Moi, you need to consult a Doctor on your dietary intake…
Moi says:

11:10am | 18/03/10

*chuckle*
- Ben says:
  
  10:54am | 18/03/10
  
  Shopping trolleys should be fitted with soft padded bull bars allowing you to gently remind people who stop in the middle of the aisle, that the courteous thing to do would be moving to the side while trying to once again confirm that no frills bran / muesli is still the cheapest.
  
  This would also work well for clearing a path through the solid wall of shopping trolleys that inevitably forms from the cash register to the end of aisle displays, as people jump blindly on the first checkout line they approach after finishing the shop in the freezer section.
  
  Reply
shabangabang says:

11:26am | 18/03/10

Good point about the last checkout. I always go back towards the express lanes for a short aisle. Usually people who would normally go in the express aisle go over 1 so they always flow well. But I will shut-up now before I give too much away.
- Sarah says:
  
  11:31am | 18/03/10
  
  No, we don’t need “shopping trolley road rules.”
  
  Rules are not the answer. Bringing people up with manners and consideration for others, is the answer. If we thought about the effect of our choices on others, we wouldn’t make bad choices that angered others, so often.
  
  Reply
kgirl says:

12:51pm | 19/03/10

Agreed Sarah A little consideration for the effect of what you are doing is having on others would go a long way IMHO.
- SJS says:
  
  11:35am | 18/03/10
  
  Go on a Friday night when everyone has gone out or is having dinner. Enjoy having the aisles to yourself
  
  Reply
Saddened says:

12:57pm | 18/03/10

Not here in Perth.
KJ says:

01:33pm | 18/03/10

i soooo do this! most of the time later at night or at dinner time to about 7:30 it’s quiet.
- julie says:
  
  11:36am | 18/03/10
  
  local fruit and veg markets on weekends, a leisurely shop and wonderful community atmosphere. (west end brisbane) go to the big ones between 8-9pm Friday nights for the remainder for a quick and easy dash. buy local. you can avoid all the above mostly!
  
  Reply
- SarahJaneJones says:
  
  11:47am | 18/03/10
  
  I have just never been annoyed by any of those things. I think you all need to just take a breath and calm down. So what if you have to navigate a few children? What is the big deal about saying “excuse me” to get to what you need? God forbid you should have to move your trolley around one in the centre of the aisle! All this would increase your total shopping time by maybe as much as one whole minute! Oh the horror!
  
  Reply
rene says:

05:07pm | 18/03/10

well said SarahJaneJones
- Paul says:
  
  01:04pm | 18/03/10
  
  I take both kids and we career around the shop like maniacs arguing, running off (leaving me to abandon the trolley mid-aisle as I search for them), making car noises, whingeing, taking inappropriate items off the shelf and then me putting them back in equally inappropriate places (like stuffing agreed to but unwanted toys or snacks into the mag rack near the till when the kids aren’t looking), and generally taking our domestic chaos on the road. It’s called having kids - and while it might not be convenient for you to have us there, it’s not convenient (and possibly negligent) for me to leave them home. if you don’t like it I’d take advantage of 3am openings - no waiting, no problems. Otherwise, a supermarket is a public space and they are gloriously messy, noisy, inconvenient things. So don’t fret about the skew-whiff trolley with the whining 2 year old and the 4 year old depopulating the shelves for no good purpose, you’ll live through it. See you in the freezer section.
  
  Reply
Grumbles says:

03:18pm | 18/03/10

Discipline Paul. He who spareth the rod, hateth his son. It is definitley negligent to not have control of your children in public, that kind of behavior is most suited for the park.
Paul says:

09:52am | 20/03/10

Always someone to pop bubble of hyperbole on which blog posts are based. Don’t worry, i’m usually whipping them with birch branches around the shop.
Mum with the noisyirritatingkids says:

06:14pm | 20/03/10

A supermarket trip is not entertainment or your space for relaxing. It is a place where you buy essentials and want to get out as fast as possible. If you are spending your free time in the supermarket and want to enjoy the long experience, you need a life!
If I must wait to find somebody to look after my 2 small children before I go to the supermarket, we will never eat. Yes, they are noisy and yes, they run around. Good for you if you were one of those model kids who walked quietly beside mum. So, well written Paul, you obviously understand the pain of shopping with small kids. I will gladly share a supermarket isle with you next to the freezer section
- Zeta says:
  
  01:27pm | 18/03/10
  
  You know what I like to do? Order a kilo of prawns from the deli and then stuff them right at the back of the nappies in the children’s hygene aisle. Surpise Mum! Would you like maggots with your spawn rags?
  
  Reply
KM says:

01:36pm | 18/03/10

lmao! GOLD! ABSOLUTE GOLD! I’d never do it of course but how hilarious…
Zeta says:

01:58pm | 18/03/10

@ KM - You like that one? I got dozens.

- open boxes of tampons and bury them in the self service nuts. True facts: only men buy self service nuts. Girls hate germs.

- the old stand-by, open boxes of hair dye and switch the color packs around. Screws with people’s self image, suddenly, blondes become brunettes and by the time they realise, it’s too late.

- make a roach nest: inner city supermarkets are CRAWLING with cockroaches that only come out once the constant noise and light stops in the evening. Open up a back of cockroach traps from the bug spray aisle and leave them behind you while you shop. They attract the roaches out of their hiding places, and into the paths of unsuspecting shoppers.

- a variation on the hair dye routine targeting men: insecure men buy their condoms in bulk from supermarkets to avoid embarrasment. Pop open a box of Ansell regular condoms and replace them with Ansell extra wide and vice versa. Won’t work for people who do it with the lights on, so you have to open as many boxes as possible for maximum win.
- joe says:
  
  02:05pm | 18/03/10
  
  Zeta says:01:58pm | 18/03/10
  @ KM - You like that one? I got dozens.
  
  i bet you don’t have many fellas knocking on your door though, you sound like a right buzzard
  
  Reply
Zeta says:

02:27pm | 18/03/10

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Which sucks because I’m a dude.
- PatC says:
  
  02:43pm | 18/03/10
  
  Two Words - Buy Online.
  
  Reply
- Kate says:
  
  04:41pm | 18/03/10
  
  I started shopping in the evenings when I started full time work, and found it to be the best time for supermarket shopping. Parents don’t generally drag their kids to the shops past their bedtime, so you’re left with a relatively empty supermarket filled with people who generally aren’t doing a massive weekly shop, so the queues are fairly short.
  Also you tend to get specials on the roast chickens if you arrive late enough.
  
  I’m not a huge fan of the kids who are clearly bored out of their brains and are smart enough to know that they get to leave earlier if they’re as naughty as humanly possible, but at least they are too young to know any better. Adults are far more annoying. The ones on their mobiles the whole time, the ones who loiter in front of one section of the aisle for like fifteen minutes (seriously, there’s not THAT much difference between Savoys and Jatz), and the people who pay a $20 bill in small change (there is a special place in hell for you).
  
  Reply
- Realist says:
  
  06:47pm | 18/03/10
  
  I wonder what’s wrong with this site..someone should tell News Limited…There is space for parent haters, child haters, the benefits of Lady Gaga and Ms. Bingle….and other wonders.
  I am starting to wonder whether this have anything to do with Politics and policy….or is more of a space for the weird and the bizarre within Australia.
  
  Reply
- Karen says:
  
  06:51pm | 18/03/10
  
  Honestly, heaven forbid that kids & oldies should make our perfectly polished corporate lives a bit trickier in the aisles, worse still, how dare people use an outing to the shops as a chance to actually talk to another human being, forcing you to actually utter 2 words (excuse me) to a stranger. The horror! One would almost think that we live in a proper society here, with people of all ages, life stages and personalities.
  
  I do agree that supermarkets are awful places - take the opportunity to step in the opposite direction & embrace your society a litte more. Steer clear of the supermarket. Buy local at your greengrocer, market or butcher, sure you pay a bit more, but isn’t it better in your neighbours pocket than in Coles/Woolies pocket? You’ll get fresher, more local products without screwing the farmer to the edge of bankruptcy.
  
  Reply
- Lauren says:
  
  08:51pm | 18/03/10
  
  I hate children shopping. Well, the misbehaved ones. Especially those with mummy/daddy with a big trolley full of groceries from Safeway that pop by our Bakery and then proceed to ask their children what they want. Don’t ask! Just buy something and give it to them! And get your grubby, disgusting paws off my clean windows!
  
  Also that Kmart ad is false advertising. Anyone working in retail loathes customers on mobile phones. It’s called manners, no wonder so many snotty children have none…
  
  Reply
Mickey says:

02:33pm | 19/03/10

Aw gee, how dare those pesky customers put there hands on your clean shop windows! Dont you find shops function much better when you stop the customers bothering you with annoying questions?
If only they could be trained to shuffle in, single file, and silently empty their wallets on the counter. Then all would be fine.
- RJB says:
  
  10:13pm | 18/03/10
  
  Unfortunately, I have to attend various supermarkets every day and I can tell you my list of annoyances are, people walking slowly in front and wandering across your path while on the phone, little girls who have learnt that their high pitched screaming echoes to their delight so they continue it ad nauseum. Obese woman who use the shopping trolley as a walker by placing both elbows on the carriage bar, giving rise to their enormous backside, and slowly meander in their search of the confectionery aisle.
  
  Reply
- Trish says:
  
  10:38pm | 18/03/10
  
  Theres a sales assistant in K-Mart?????????? Wow !!!
  
  Reply
- John in Alice says:
  
  11:27pm | 18/03/10
  
  Clever article and I agree with a lot. Regarding kids, some are OK, others NOT.
  You need rules for kids, but then that won’t happen because the parents of those that raise havoc don’t care anyway. It is a relief to actually witness parents disciplining their offspring in the store, and I would gladly offer a kick in the backside for any do-gooders who interrupt this proper discipline when it is none of their business.
  You are spot on about some people creating jams when talking with friends although sometimes I’ve seen couples block the isle all by themselves, all it takes is 2 bodies and a trolley. Frequently people pick the busiest doorway/entrance to stop and chat.
  Let’s not entirely blame customers for the delays and aggrivations. Stores frequently shuffle their stock around the store, I’m sure in an effort to confuse regular customers and keep them in the store longer in hopes they will spend more money. I hate discovering items, especially foods that I really enjoy because the odds are that within a month or two of my discovering them they are sure to be discontinued. I’m fairly certain that some of the bigger brand name companies pay stores to utilize extra shelf/display space, which seems unfair to smaller competitors. It is also unfair that locally our Coles and Woolies cannot take requests for items they don’t stock because the authorities in Sydney or wherever make the decisions of what our Alice Springs stores carry.
  Also - those rude idiots with their cell phones again.
  I haven’t seen much of this here but back in the US I’ve watched lazy cretins sit in their cars near the doors awaiting for someone to drive out and leave a parking space. They will sit for 15 minutes or more rather than parking in a space that might take them 3 minutes to walk even when the weather is fine.
  
  Reply
- Andrew says:
  
  11:43pm | 18/03/10
  
  This is very similar to an article I published last year on my blog http://www.worldwormweb.com/2009/06/rules-for-supermarket-shopping/ I hope this isn’t some sort of theivery going on here!
  
  Reply
Lucy Kippist says:

09:14am | 19/03/10

Can’t say I’ve read your blog Andrew but you’ve got some great extra gripes there. Great minds think alike?
- zach says:
  
  08:55am | 19/03/10
  
  As a dad, of now grown up children I would break everyone of these every week.
  
  1: Took the children, it gave my wife a couple of hours of freedom
  2: Walk in the centre of the aisle and take items from each side.
  (The aisles are one streets)
  3: Would often run off, or send the eldest kid, to get one item.
  (was always back before I was being served. If the had more checkouts then this would not work)
  4: If the shopping list was unclear then would call the wife for clarification
  This is the greatest use for a mobile phone I know off
  5: I would encourage the children, from age of 5, to push the trolley
  It made them feel useful
  6: Trolleys are inheirently unsteerable.
  (When you pull them they still go in circles which means there is a flaw in their wheels)
  7: Each person needs their own trolley, so they can pay for their own goods.
  8: As Monk says the 12 items only checkout means 12 different items.
  10: I leave the trolley next to where I parked the car.
  It creates a paid job for the people who return them. (This is why I do not shop at Aldi)
  
  Reply
- Alicia says:
  
  10:01am | 19/03/10
  
  I’m so sick of self righteous opinion pages. The world does not exist for your pleasure alone. Learn to deal with everyone in your community and stop wasting your energy on bagging mums, children, mobile phones, prams, inconsideration etc etc etc. Maybe if you enjoyed and lived your life to the fullest you would not waste the time spreading intolerance and uneducated opinions. That said, this is where I’ll sign off.
  
  Reply
Cly says:

01:07pm | 19/03/10

Couldn’t agree more. They just do it for the fun, to get media attention and well, basically, that’s it. It’s a stock-standard approach to journalism.
tired of jerks says:

06:02pm | 19/03/10

Look what website you’re on Alicia, it’s an opinions page. Why come here and complain that you don’t like the ‘self righteous’ and ‘uneducated’ opinions other people have? (On a side note, how can an opinion about the shops be uneducated? I’m pretty sure you don’t need to be a Professor Emeritus, you just need to have been to one to qualify to speak on the subject).

Advice about living life to the fullest is about as self righteous as it comes. You use other people not enjoying their lives enough as an excuse for your poor behaviour, like if we were out hang gliding or nursing a sick joey back to health in our free time we wouldn’t notice how f*cking annoying it is when a soccer mum on a mobile lets her kids run the trolley into our ankles. How ironic that your observation that “The world does not exist for your pleasure alone” is entirely lost on the people exhibiting the bad behaviour outlined in this piece.
- Emm says:
  
  01:19pm | 19/03/10
  
  So the kids should stay home and remain completely ignorant about how to behave in public. Have fun in the supermarket or anywhere in public in twenty years time!
  
  Reply
- Jools says:
  
  04:40pm | 20/03/10
  
  My number 1 rule .... don’t take your children shopping when they are at their most feral and you are on your last nerve. The woman I heard ALL through Woolies the other night was atrocious ... fancy yelling at your 18 month old to not play with the crap dangling from the “buy me now” hangers on the side of the shelves when you park the trolly RIGHT NEXT TO IT!!
  
  And BTW ... 18 month old children should be in the process of being bathed, fed and put to bed at 6.30 pm - not being dragged around the shops.
  
  Reply
- Robyn says:
  
  09:45pm | 20/03/10
  
  In country towns, the best time for shopping is early before mums & kids get organised enough to get there and before the unemployed, the druggies and drunks get out of bed. The supermarkets are clean, well stocked and the checkout ladies are happy and cheerful - not so many young kids working. Second best time is when the daytime soaps are on Tv.
  
  Reply
- Trevil Knieval says:
  
  01:36pm | 21/03/10
  
  Hey Lucy. Don’t forget, you were a kid once apon a time. I’m sure you caused others grief. Now its your turn to suffer. Get over it.
  
  Reply

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