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Disband these animal houses, block by sandstone block

Anthony Sharwood

by Anthony Sharwood

05 Nov 12:05pm

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Filed under: Behaviour, Colleges, George Pell, St Johns College, Students, Universities

53 comments

I went to Sydney Uni, fell in love with a girl who attended one of the residential colleges and married her 10 years later. Our courtship didn’t start smoothly. One night, just as things began to get steamy for the first time, a vomit competition started up in the hallway outside her room.

A pool of vomit guards the sandstone citadel of St John's College, where no morals can get in or out

Yes, a vomit competition. On the hallway carpet. A projectile vomit competition, to be precise. Don’t ask me how the contest worked. Maybe it was a distance thing. Maybe it had something to do with the ratio of carrot chunks. Either way, those competitive vomiters embodied (or should that be disembodied?) everything that is wrong with the old communal colleges in the sandstone universities.

This week, Sydney Archbishop George Pell announced he would step in and try to fix the ongoing mess at Sydney Uni’s St John’s College. His intervention comes after years of shameful incidents, including the near-death of a female student after an initiation ritual gone wrong. It’s a good move by Pell, but I’ve got a better one. Disband the colleges altogether.

Colleges like St John’s should be ripped down forever, and the darlings who attend them be made to fight the Sydney rental market like everyone else. Nowhere in Australia do people behave like such spoiled tossers, then escape into the wider community with their reputations intact.

These hallway vomiters, these big tough future pillars of society who habitually and ritually call women sluts and “Jets” (Just Excuse the Slag), these bullies with their humiliating initiation rites – all of them seem to escape even the mildest retribution except when things go really pear-shaped.

If they were footballers, they’d be on the front page of every paper. If they were schoolies, there’d be a similar outcry. Yet somehow we’ve developed a blind spot to these 18 to 22 year old grubs because they’re tucked away behind a spiky fence and a sandstone wall and the flimsy but stronger still facade of respectability.

The worst part is, these unchecked vandals and vomiters then one day enter the real world. Many go into industries like banking and finance and the law, where you can only assume some continue to treat the world in the same manner in which they treated it during their enlightened university years.

Collapsed banking system? Someone else’s problem, just like the vomit on the carpet. OK, so that analogy is a massive stretch, not to mention an inaccurate comparison as the Australian banking system is far from collapsed. Point is, it’s not just the picked-on Freshmen (and women) or the vomited-on carpets (and their cleaners) who are the victims of these outdated colleges. We all are, potentially.

There are now that many alternative accommodation arrangements on and off nearby uni campuses these days it’s not funny. Most arrangements are cheaper than colleges, and require a much greater level of responsibility from the residents. The Victorian exteriors should be maintained, but the old colleges renovated from the inside both architecturally and culturally.

The colleges are now anachronisms. They are like Hogwarts in Harry Potter, only instead of capes, the students wear – oh wait, some of them do wear capes – and instead of magic, they have alcohol. Mix that alcohol with a heady sense of entitlement and you have a cocktail for chaos.

Of course, the old boys who sit on the boards of colleges like St John’s can’t see any of this. They think the colleges are terrific and above all, “traditional”. Maybe they should try cleaning the carpet once in a while.

Comments on this piece close at 8pm AEST

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53 comments

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    • Anthony says:

      11:15am | 05/11/12

      If we don’t like something then just disband it.

      Reply

    • martinX says:

      11:19am | 05/11/12

      Sounds like a plan. The colleges seem to be where the pecking order is established. My uni experiences are at QUT where there is no on-campus accommodation, and then at a regional uni studying externally where the accommodation was both utilitarian and egalitarian. Lots of aggies there, so no time for airs, graces and silly traditions.

      Reply

    • SZF says:

      11:30am | 05/11/12

      Nice piece Ant, hear hear. I used to work for a uni accommodation provider and one of our major (and successful) points of difference was simply that we weren’t a “traditional” college and all the douchebaggery that implies.

      Perhaps Johns et al should emulate the Sydney Swans’ informal “No dickheads” policy…?

      Either way, for God’s sake keep Cardinal Pell out of it. You’d be better off sending in Father Bob to land a few uppercuts of reality. smile

      Reply

    • dancan says:

      11:41am | 05/11/12

      That’s some serious fist shaking Ant.  You’ve been coming a close a second to David in the ranting stakes lately.  Is it because there isn’t much sport on?

      Reply
    • Anthony Sharwood

      Anthony Sharwood says:

      01:00pm | 05/11/12

      pretty much yeah

    • Anubis says:

      01:49pm | 05/11/12

      Just a thought - If things are so slow due to lack of sport maybe you could pen an article on something relevant and current like…...........maybe…........I dunno….........Mens health or the Movember movement.

      A bit radical I know but it could be topical if the mass media sort of paid some attention to it. Or is it just that there is so much planning going into articles for White Flag Day (errr, sorry meant White RIbbon Day) later in the month?

      Maybe the Movember movement could be considered as a topical subject and as addressing your readership when you consider that one of our own (Pa_Kelvin) is currently going through the battle with prostate cancer.

    • Malcolm T says:

      12:14pm | 05/11/12

      is this where Tony Abbott attended? probably accounts for his attitudes to women

      Reply

    • craig2 says:

      12:30pm | 05/11/12

      Malcolm: you haven’t a damn clue about his background besides what is written in the press. Please provide the substantiated proof that abbott has such an attitude? My guess is you’re too damn lazy to go looking and just want to post trolling BS to fill in your day.

    • Tyr says:

      12:41pm | 05/11/12

      Oh, you genius you. Nice way to involve Abbott in an unrelated article.

      Dick.

      Is this where Julia Gillard attended? Due to all the dribble over the carpets, the bully behaviour, etc.

      See how dumb it is?

    • Pedro says:

      12:49pm | 05/11/12

      Well I think Mr Abbott should make it clear that he did nothing that was “dodgy” in his time at this decidely dodgy college.
      Being a city boy, I lived at home with my parents while I went to Uni for my law degree with Messrs Hockey etc while they were spewing and shitting at Johns.
      We all knew Johns was seriously crap and the Johns boys were wankers - just had no idea how big those wankers actually were.
      How puerile are they? Says a lot about the ultra-conservative Catholic mindset.

    • iansand says:

      02:23pm | 05/11/12

      The vast majority of kids at colleges do not do anything “dodgy”.  And the vast majority of “dodgy” deeds are done “in house”.

      Although Johns does seem to have gone a little beyond the norm.  Having the College council whiteant the decisions of the bloke actually running the shop is appalling management.

    • Well, obviously says:

      03:53pm | 05/11/12

      Yes. He did go there. Suprise!

    • Bill says:

      04:15pm | 05/11/12

      @Craig2: “you haven’t a damn clue about his background besides what is written in the press”.
      Are you saying Abbott didn’t attend St. Johns???
      Malcom T’s comment was a tad opportunistic, yes. But it would be very easy to imagine that if Julia Gillard’s college was involved in some scandal that the rabid right would be all over it.
      Malcom T’s comment is legit, just.

    • Laura says:

      12:20pm | 05/11/12

      My parents sent me to a catholic College thinking it would be strict, but really it was the biggest party of my life and I failed the first two years of Engineering while I lived there. However I made some lifelong firends there, we are all grown up now with proffessional jobs.

      Initiiations, while against university rules,  just made us band together as a group and become strong friends. War crys, slave auctions, degrading nick names and being forced to drink copious amounts of red lambrusco and sherry, somehow made us adore (stokholm syndrome maybe) the college that we went to and there is a great Old-girl/old boy network.

      If you don’t like colleges, don’t send your children there. To me it is something that I would do all over again if given the chance and I will encourage my kids to go to one for at least there first year of uni.

      Reply

    • Elphaba says:

      12:46pm | 05/11/12

      Finally, a sensible post.  Agree 100%.

    • Chris says:

      01:00pm | 05/11/12

      Way to completely miss the point.

      “War crys, slave auctions, degrading nick names and being forced to drink copious amounts of red lambrusco and sherry”

      Why should anybody be subjected to this? Why should the sandstone colleges enjoy a privileged position on university grounds while just down the road low SES kids are being evicted by the skyrocketing price of rent?

      If you don’t like the colleges, demolish them, because they’re on our land and they are an institution that serves absolutely no purpose except to create an ‘elite’ and separate system for those whose PARENTS can afford it.

      What’s fair about that?

    • Nick says:

      01:02pm | 05/11/12

      The problem with initiation, hazing and all the rest is that for all those who it helps bond to the institution there is another group who are destroyed. Many years ago now I went to St Pauls as a prize winning student and left a few months later after a suicide attempt.  I spent several subsequent years in a psychiatric wilderness, including being placed in involuntary care for a period of time.  It wasn’t until my mid-thirties that I finally completed my studies at another university, graduating with first class honours and a PhD and became a research scientist.  My struggles stemmed almost entirely from my failure to cope with the initiation process and subsequent bullying by the members of the college.

      Given the forced choice between sending one of my kids to a college and infanticide I would send them to the college but not otherwise, and I would be crying as they walked out of the door.

    • The Meek with the thorn in his side says:

      01:04pm | 05/11/12

      I’m all for the idea of “if you don’t like colleges, don’t send your children there” - but when the colleges start to become dangerous (the aforementioned death following an initiation ritual) there needs to be further examination. If that examination unearths a endemic culture of any undesirable attitude or behaviour, then they need to be excised.

    • SydneyGirl says:

      01:27pm | 05/11/12

      I studied with engineers too and have an old boys/girls network and we didn’t need hazing etc to bond. Its that particular time of life that makes you bond, not cruel rituals.

      I wasn’t in a college but of the boys who were (and I knew them well because we belonged to the same group) and who seemed to particularly love tormenting the freshers had some serious deep seated issues that needed addressing, not surprisingly bar a few they have grown up to be jerks.  Eventually only cracking the whip and having a very strong male authority figure in charge who had a zero tolerance policy helped to diminish it- for awhile. As Nick says,  it can be damaging and the damage lasting. Surely we need to move beyond tribal “intitation” customs of making one a “man” at some point?

    • Balanced says:

      02:30pm | 05/11/12

      @ Chris most Sydney university colleges more or less own the land they are on. It has never been owned by the university. They were originally where help with divinity degrees. The properties are mostly in trust to the various boards. I went to one of the colleges in the 80s and other than sinking too much on 1 or 2 nights nothing much else happened. Johns and one of the other colleges did go much further.

      As far as other students go what is this entitlement rant about

    • Nick says:

      03:08pm | 05/11/12

      Many kids who go to the colleges are sent by parents with fairly limited financial means.  I went there because my parents thought it would provide a safe and nurturing environment, not because we were remotely well off.  It was clearly understood that I was expected to provide a significant portion of the fees myself, and I had worked and saved since I was 14 in order to fund my university studies.  Various other people I knew from similar backgrounds went there for the same reasons.  Ironic really thinking back on what actually happened.

    • Finn says:

      03:19pm | 05/11/12

      It’s a shame you didn’t learn to spell whilst you were there.

    • Finn says:

      03:19pm | 05/11/12

      It’s a shame you didn’t learn to spell whilst you were there.

    • Tator says:

      03:26pm | 05/11/12

      Chris,
      here in Adelaide, there is only one hall of residence on campus and that is University Hall at Flinders, the other residential colleges, St Annes, St Marks, Lincoln and Aquinas are all off campus and privately owned in North Adelaide.  Uni Hall at Flinders has no social status and was very egalitarian as the vast majority of students there were from rural areas or interstate with a smattering of international students from places like American Samoa, Canada, the US and England.  The only hazing we had whilst I was there was the “ponding” of first years (or freshmen using the US term) where you were dunked in the small fishpond in the centre atrium.  Two years there formed some great friendships which have lasted 25 years so far and apart from coursework, there were a lot of lessons about life learnt by this country boy.

    • Louise says:

      05:57pm | 05/11/12

      Nick, I’m so sorry. 

      Hazing is for cattle.

    • Gregg says:

      12:59pm | 05/11/12

      Well yes Ant, you probably already know that Tony Abbott was at St. Johns, it is in his bio.
      And yes, you do have it right with ” Nowhere in Australia do people behave like such spoiled tossers, ” and it is also correct that not everybody who went to a University, be it Sydney and even stayed in a college, be it St Johns is or was a spewing tosser.

      Like, lets look at yourself and you were just trying to get down to something more manly.
      There was even a possibility that Tony fathered a child at 19 when he too would likely have been doing something other than spewing, that possibility re a specific child proven by DNA not to be so as is also in his bio.

      Maybe Cardinal Pell is right and spot on for perhaps even the majority.
      Like why pull down a good facility for students to make it even more difficult to attend Uni rather than toss out any tossers who do not want to shape up.

      You got through Ant, met your future wife there even if your first steamy memories were tainted, so lets use some commonsense.

      Reply

    • Reg Whiteman says:

      01:08pm | 05/11/12

      I spent three years in a University College and never saw a “vomiting contest”. There were no initiations either - but we sure did have a good few nights on the piss and playing pontoon. Just about every year you got a couple of dickheads who’d set off the sprinklers or have an “extinguisher” fight in the halls. They’d didn’t laugh much when they were given the damage bill and eloquently insulted and abused by everyone inconvenienced by their stupidity.

      We used to have the annual “Iron Man” contest which included a beer in every pub in town and a couple of obstacles like eating a cold pie, smoking a cigar, doing the dance of the “flaming arseholes” and picking olives out of a bucket of ice with your anus. One year, about 76 from memory, a short and rotund Greek girl won.

      Maybe things were a bit more sophisticated in the country Universities. I had the best five years of my life at Uni - though I tired of the College life after three years and moved into a flat.

      Reply

    • Elphaba says:

      01:36pm | 05/11/12

      I went to a country university as well.  I absolutely loved it.  I did a 3 yr stint too, by then I was ready to move on (a lot of my friends had anyway).

      Generally, if you flamed out at college, you were susceptible to it.  The kids who had never been let off the leash by their parents, went completely spastic.  For the rest of us, we balanced partying with studying and emerged productive members of society.

      This is typical knee-jerk reaction bile that Ant is rapidly gaining a name for.  Just because one unfortunate person is in the wrong place at the wrong time, doesn’t mean the system is broken.

      Great post, Reg. smile

    • Alex says:

      02:11pm | 05/11/12

      Anyone who can’t see that St Johns has a particular problem is living under a rock. I agree that Colleges can be great places - I lived at one at UNSW for 4 years and it was a brilliant experience.
      Johns has had an ongoing issue for years with a board made up of old boys with a Peter Pan complex. The current Dean, Mr Bongers, has been martyred by the board and the students who know they can get away with it, for trying to clean the place up. Until something is done about the way the College is run, there will always be a problem.
      The best comparison is a school where the Headmaster has no authority because a random selection of the school’s old boys sit on the board and veto his decisions, allowing the students to run riot.
      And all in the name of ‘tradition’.

    • Matt says:

      01:21pm | 05/11/12

      The application process for gaining entry into these colleges is similarly insane. I ended up moving to Victoria instead, but they need to know intimate details about your mother and fathers professions (with short descriptions)  religious affiliations, And long winded personal references. Who the fuck cares, what my father does.

      Reply

    • Prof Jones says:

      02:15pm | 05/11/12

      You should have seen a UK university application form and interview process circa 1991. What you just said to the power of 10.

    • Mark says:

      01:21pm | 05/11/12

      You’re sentiment is well placed, but why start with this elitist institution? Why not start with the universities themselves? Why not start with the sporting club? As I said, your sentiment is well placed, your ideology isn’t. Good article though

      Reply

    • Darren says:

      01:25pm | 05/11/12

      at the regional university I went to the colleges held, among other delightfully cultural nights, a pawn and porn night. The young lads were kept a stream of alcohol while watching increasingly strong porn - including bestiality. The young ladies had free flowing passion pop etc while watching nice soft porn. After three hours the 2 groups were allowed to intermingle- surprise, surprise every time some of the women were raped.

      Reply

    • Louise says:

      02:49pm | 05/11/12

      Don’t let the pro-pornies read this comment.

    • Tim says:

      01:30pm | 05/11/12

      Anyone with experience of the thugs and bullies who sit around the board tables of corporate Australia will cheer this piece. Just as a certain head-kicking merchant banker is proud of his ability to make grown men cry, these blokes rejoice in their alpha ++ male status as vicious, selfish aggressors.
      And they’ll be the ones cheering on their thick-as-pigsh*t sons as they bray and vomit their way through a third class tertiary education.
      Pathetic.

      Reply

    • AdamC says:

      03:53pm | 05/11/12

      Wow, Tim, I wouldn’t have expected this comment from you.

      I went to Melbourne Uni in the early noughties and the college kids I worked with were all quite nice and studious. (Mind you, I only knew the ones who actually went to class!) The only real difference between college kids and us (students who mainly lived at home or off-campus) was that the college kids were borderline obsessed with balls. (Balls as in social functions, of course.)

      Maybe it is just a matter of which college you go to, and whether you get along with your fellow college kids.

    • Mark says:

      01:36pm | 05/11/12

      If this was an islamic college…you can just imagine the vitriol.

      Personally, I’m just glad that I never has to cohabit with these backward oafs who inevitably spend the fortunes their ancestors made. These people are the product of a small breeding pool, whose own interests in the human genome are further restricted by the omnipresent bigotries perpetuated by their religion.

      In the end, it’s just the sound of old culture. Dying.

      Reply

    • Kika says:

      01:44pm | 05/11/12

      Well, I didn’t live on campus while at uni and I can tell you that everything that you have described Ant goes on outside of the uni campuses! I can remember plenty of ridiculous games like that. Young kids will be young kids. Of course, they should be subject to the law - but they will always get drunk and let loose with the new independence.

      Reply

    • Mr A Dad says:

      01:51pm | 05/11/12

      Dean: Hello..
      Homer: Hello, Dean! You’re a stupid head!
      Dean: Homer is that you?

      Reply

    • Matt says:

      02:01pm | 05/11/12

      At least we know with George Pell on the job anything seedy or nasty will soon be covered up so the media never gets wind of it.  Who cares if it’s still happening as long as it’s covered up sufficiently to stay out of the media, and old George is a master of that…

      Reply

    • Luc Belrose says:

      02:04pm | 05/11/12

      Mark, these repulsive oafs probably engaged in all this repulsive vulgarity with the tacit knowledge of the local authorities and at the expense of the long suffering tax payers. And a number of these foul regurgitators and spewers could be today practising as high falutin barristers, self serving politicians and high level bureaucrats running this country!

      Reply

    • tsunami of gambling says:

      02:34pm | 05/11/12

      move the Daily Telegraph to these houses!

      make the Daily Telegraph the campus newspaper

      Reply

    • tsunami of gambling says:

      02:36pm | 05/11/12

      honi soit is better than the daily telegraph

      the daily telegraph knows nothing about university life

      Reply

    • tsunami of gambling says:

      02:37pm | 05/11/12

      where would students live without their colleges?

      Government housing ??

      Reply

    • Lucas says:

      03:02pm | 05/11/12

      The description sounds just like the St Johns we used to hear about when I went to Sydney Uni.  Like a relic out of the 19th century.  A disgrace though that it’s still going on.

      “Many go into industries like banking and finance and the law, where you can only assume some continue to treat the world in the same manner in which they treated it during their enlightened university years.”  Interestingly, another of the St Johns old boys is now a leading funder of climate delusionism. 

      http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2012/mar/27/tory-donor-climate-sceptic-thinktank

      Reply

    • Sorrel Palmer says:

      03:41pm | 05/11/12

      ‘Disband the colleges’ you say. So sorry, but where exactly do The Women’s College or Sancta Sophia -both all female residential colleges at the University of Sydney- figure in all of this? This article (just like most of the others) seems to conveniently ignore the large proportion of students who reside in colleges without men- but it’s not like they really count is it?

      Reply

    • Blueblood says:

      03:43pm | 05/11/12

      What would Jesus do?

      Reply

    • G says:

      04:00pm | 05/11/12

      Non-college Uni kid checking in here…

      College is full of losers, to be honest. The college population is 99% made up of these dorky wankers who think they’re really cool because they all have new super cool “Fresher” nicknames, and they get drunk while dancing to Taio Cruz and David Guetta every weekend (and most weeknights).

      Fucking whoopee-doo.

      Reply

    • TheRealDave says:

      04:14pm | 05/11/12

      If this was a Military establishment there would have been at least 9 sackings, 3 inquiries and front page headlines for a few weeks…..

      Kids today…..wait, you mean they ALL do it, no matter where they go to school or work?? Who woulda thunk it??

      Reply

    • Adam says:

      05:35pm | 05/11/12

      ANU has John XXIII College, whose reputation is shall we say colourful.

      Certainly recent residents have done nothing to change that reputation. Police were called in late last year after the bodies of 8 dead pigs were placed in the beds of residents, and on cars in the carpark. Two residents were expelled, who admitted they’d killed the pigs and planted them.

      Then Police were again called in this year when John XXIII had its annual ball at a local function venue. The “majority” of attendees were drunk so the venue closed service, resulting in something of a riot. People refused to leave, they trashed the place and Police were called in numbers to remove everyone.

      Back in the earlier days of the ANU, John XXIII was involved in feud with Duntroon for some reason, resulting in tit for tat vandalism and brawls. Someone recently told me that they only acted a certain way when in groups, and acted completely differently otherwise. It seemed that putting them together created a fire that fuelled itself. So perhaps disbanding isn’t a bad idea.

      Reply

    • Kris says:

      05:49pm | 05/11/12

      When will people accept that hazing and initiations are part of growing up?

      Reply

    • Steve says:

      06:39pm | 05/11/12

      I have worked as a security guard at Sydney Uni between 2005 - 2009. What I saw at these colleges would go beyond any description of indecency, violation, cruelty, vulgarism & I don’t believe there is a word in the dictionary yet to describe the behaviour of some of the I dare to say humans which live there. What strikes me most is that these animals will later become prominent people in our society & will then judge others for their actions.

      Reply

    • chris says:

      06:41pm | 05/11/12

      When I was part of the women’s collective at sydney uni in the 70’s we were contacted by some women students who were studying at Wagga.  They wanted some support from city women in the face of some particularly nasty and sexist behaviour on campus.  When we got there we were outraged to discover that the women staying in the dormitories were not allowed by the boys to lock their doors.  Each night the ‘boys’ would check the doors and if one was locked they would bash and bang until it was unlocked.  One very brave woman refused to unlock her door.  It was broken down.  She received the bill for the replacement door.  This was the same dorm that had as its mascot a petrified bulls penis which was used to monster girls targeted as lezzos.  The day we arrived we had to get past a boy with a stock whip who was cracking it around us as we made our way to the meeting room.  Not once did staff intervene.

      Reply
 
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