The other day I couldn’t help but over hear a spirited conversation by a group of girls at an Italian restaurant. 

Perfect gentleman James Stewart would have no chance of racing off Katharine Hepburn today

Their discussion focused on the lack of nice blokes in night clubs and drinking spots. Not to be a grinch, I suppress the urge to inform them that nice guys will soon join the Dodo in extinction.

They will be the latest addition to the graveyard of male archetypes – such as chocks, snags and metrosexuals – that men unsuccessfully adopted when wooing the other sex.

In today’s minefield of male-female relationships, the nice guy has been reduced to the same level as leper.
 
They are to be pitied and spoken of sympathetically.
Gone are the days where nice guys were heroically embodied in celluloid by James Stewart, Sidney Poitier and Tom Hanks.
They have all been crushed by today’s mean spirited and sexist leading characters played by Daniel Craig, Collin Farrell and Gordon Ramsey.
When famous American baseball coach, Leo Durocher, uttered the immortal phrase ``nice guys finish last’‘, it was merely a blunt description of the opposing team’s mental weakness.
Now it is a mantra applied to all male-female relationships from underage discos to the most seasoned of couples.
I remember first being told ``the rules of the game’’ when I was old enough to start noticing girls a bit too keenly.
I used to be in awe of mates who were kind and respectful of others but total twats to girlfriends who inexplicably continued to adore them.
``Girls don’t like weak guys. You got to show them you have balls,’’ one mate imparted to me at high school.
``You meet a chick at a club, you don’t call them straight away. You got to make them wait. Treat’em mean, keep’em keen. They say they hate it but they really love it.’‘
As a 15 year old this was A-grade psychoanalysis.
But implementing these principles was harder than I thought.
I found myself constantly repressing my better values in order to be cockier and meaner, thus more desirable.

For those of us who found this required behavioural changed too radical, guide books on how to discover our inner bastard were published and fast became regular best sellers.
Fortunately, there are still women out there that judge men based on true character and who mercilessly call out the fakes.
However, with today’s pop culture filled with celebrity sex tapes and Big Brother ``turkey slaps’‘, sweeping and degrading generalisations regarding women are taken as home truths.
Meanwhile the original definition of a ‘‘nice guy’’ as a kind and courteous bloke has been gradually replaced to mean boring, spineless and gutless.
More humiliatingly, nice guys are now used like second hand Volvos: the one you go to for safety and comfort only after crashing your previous flashy sports car.
Last year New Scientist magazine detailed an American study stating women were susceptible to the charms of men who embodied ``the dark triad.’‘
These are men who are narcissistic, callous and exploitative.
While these findings may not surprise, it further seals the fate of nice guys who realise that good manners and a healthy dose of chivalry just won’t cut it when pulling in the ladies.

So to those girls pining for more decent blokes on a Saturday night, know that each bad boy you meet on the dance floor is really a nice guy suffocating inside, or some one that has well and truly crossed over to the dark side.

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13 comments

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    • Mick Hogan says:

      10:37am | 24/07/09

      The death of the ” nice bloke” occured as a result of the “nice bird” taking offence at being called a “bird”, and thought of as an “object”. The confused and hurt “nice bloke” retreated to learn how to explain that this was not his intention or opinion. He is still trying to find a way to explain this while the former “nice bird” is attending numerous expensive “be the best you can” pep talks where demonising “nice blokes” is amongst the first lecture and the second lecture is a feminist battle plan that assures the former “nice bird” that there is no such thing as a nice guy.

    • Jonathan says:

      10:49am | 24/07/09

      Clearly, those girls are going to the wrong nightclubs and drinking spots.  Indeed, one might suggest that nice guys don’t hang out in those sorts of places.
      Also, I call bullsh!t on this whole “what type of guy is getting the girls these days” malarky.  It’s all a beat-up by the media to slot people into nice little subcultures that can be easily marketed to.  The problem is, the guys that hang out at these “nightclubs and drinking spots” are the gullible type who believe what the media is telling them, hence the rise of the SNAG, the metro, the nasty guy (no freaking idea what a “chock” is: did you make that up?) 
      Being a nice guy myself, I’d recommend the path of niceness to anyone.  We may not be the guys you notice in bars and nightclubs, but you’ll be happier with us in the long run.  Just ask my lovely wife.

    • Saeed says:

      11:06am | 24/07/09

      Don’t you remember the Chock? He was an early 90’s Mediterranean
      phenomenon who wore Kappa tracksuits and spoke an Australianised version of the Italian/Bronx dialect. Very alpha male and thinks music started with Bon Jovi.

    • mort says:

      12:00pm | 24/07/09

      People who whine that whenever they befriend a girl, she starts going out with some guy who “just wants to get laid,” and so then they “can’t even get laid!”  They should at least be aware of the irony here, but no; they’re not even aware.

      You can tell the difference between a nice person and someone who is only pretending because the faker will complain about how they weren’t rewarded for all their “effort.” It doesn’t take long for their real personality to emerge after a rejection.

      REAL nice people will never go out of fashion and ultimately will have good lives and partnerships. Sure they will suffer rejection and disappointments like everyone else on the planet but their inherent decency means they will keep perspective and move on with life, not get tied up in a bitter internal dialogue about how unfair it all is

    • MF says:

      12:23pm | 24/07/09

      @Jonathan - So if the nice guys aren’t in the nightclubs and bars as you suggest, where exactly are they hanging out?  Where do we actually meet them?

    • Jonathan says:

      01:04pm | 24/07/09

      @MF - glad you asked.  I suggest any place that isn’t a meat market.  A normal pub, music gigs, the library.  Get a bike, a lot of nice guys ride bikes and they LOVE girls on bikes.  Also, find a friend who is with a nice guy then try and meet his friends.  Nice guys tend to have other nice guys as mates, and a truly nice guy will never introduce you to someone he thinks is an arsehole.  Actually, that last tip is probably the best advice I can give you.

    • Formersnag says:

      11:41am | 25/07/09

      Speaking as a nice bloke if i say so myself. It has been my sad experience that seriously crazy women are attracted to me like flies on shit because they think, i will be more snagish, easy going, or in other words, better able to put up with their crazy shit, than the average booffy bloke.

      Living with, “Borderline Personality Disorder”, having to regularly disarm a knife wielding maniac is no fun.

      treat em mean keep em keen!

    • Gillian says:

      06:55am | 31/07/09

      Women want to be with nice guys but men need to redefine what they think a ‘nice guy’ is.

      What women want are men who have self respect and know how to set boundaries in both in their business and personal life. What we don’t want is a man who is a doormat and lets people walk all over him. A genuinely nice guy is not confrontational but knows when to pick his battles. We want to be with a man who show us that he wants to be with us and enjoys our company but whose life does not revolve around a relationship. Unless you’re a narcissist (and then you have a lot of problems which I don’t have time to address right now), we don’t want a man who mirrors us in every way. What we want is to see is the world in his eyes, not just a reflection of our own.

      Admittedly there are women who are predators, leeches and gold diggers who will take advantage of ‘nice guys’ and use men for emotional intimacy and may even use them for financial gain. They may be in denial that their friend is in love with them because their self esteem is boosted by a man who dotes on them and follows them around like a puppy dog. However, a woman who is independent, secure and confident will reject men who are too clingy, self-deprecating and insecure.

      http://30isthenewblack.com/2009/07/26/ghosts-of-boyfriends-past/

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    • Tim says:

      10:30pm | 28/07/12

      Any woman… ANY woman.. Who tells you they want a nice guy.. Is lying.  100% of the time.  Lying.  Never believe a woman when they tell you this…  EVER.

      When a persons actions of choosing douche bags consistently, never matches up with the words they utter..  It’s a lie. 
      What women say, and what they do, are two different things… 

      Don’t be fooled.

 

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