Every Star Wars fan felt it this morning. A disturbance in The Force. Probably the biggest since Darth Vader blew up Alderaan in Episode IV.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Disney announced they were taking over Lucasfilm, the company that created the original six-movie Star Wars series and a universe of follow-up books and comics…

And they’re planning a seventh film in the saga for 2015.

Well, blow me up with a Death Star and chop off my hand. It’s the most astonishing thing to happen in Star Wars since “I AM YOUR FATHER”.

But I sense the dark side’s involvement in this. It’s an awful idea for three big reasons.

1. It’s a cash grab

As the small minority of the population who spent too many of their puberty years being so absorbed with Star Wars they can name what planet Darth Maul was born on know (it’s Iridonia), there is already a constellation of Star Wars books, comics and video games where a seventh flick would go. There are at least a hundred books and for the millions of fans out there, a new movie would probably crap all over that.

The only reason Disney would want to make a new movie is because of how much money the franchise turns in through its huge array of merchandise.

Star Wars is an enormous cash cow, a cow whose udders have been squeezed by series creator George Lucas for so long the cow is no longer in a position to dispense good content anymore. See the three newest movies.

2. Star Wars is over

George Lucas is notorious for tinkering and re-tinkering. Over the past twenty years, he’s kept on fiddling with his original films. Changing scenes, inserting characters and references that didn’t use to be there, eroding the original charm of the 70s flicks.

But at least he never tried to make a third trilogy of films. Because as everyone knows, the story is over.

The alien teddy bears threw a big party at the end of the last movie. Luke’s a Jedi. Obi-Wan’s a ghost. It’s done.

3. It’ll Disnify the series even more

One of the litany of issues with the new “prequel” Star Wars films was that they were deliberately pitched to children through the use of hackneyed characters like Jar Jar Binks.

Everyone knows that whenever a character is introduced to pitch a franchise to children it ends in disaster and this is a particularly stand-out example.

Binks was a clumsy amphibian who made a variety of noises with his cheeks and started every sentence with the word “meesa”, as in “meesa (me so) happy”. He wasn’t even funny to kids.

I should know, I was nine when he debuted on screen.

If anything, a takeover by Disney will only introduce more of Jar Jar’s sinister ilk into this galaxy. And unfortunately, at no point in the series did he cop a lightsaber to the head.

Please Lucasfilm. If there’s any reason for you not to do this, it’s more Jar Jar. George - it’s a trap!


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55 comments

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    • Baloo says:

      02:10pm | 31/10/12

      I really hope the 7th movie turns out the be the best of all star wars movies, so I can listen to everyone that was so outraged before tell me how they knew giving starwars to Disney was a great idea from the start.

      Didn’t Disney make the avengers?

    • nihonin says:

      02:21pm | 31/10/12

      Nooooooooooooo and no!

    • Joel M-J says:

      02:57pm | 31/10/12

      It’s good to hope… except on this occasion. You are doomed to be disappointed friend.

    • Ten67 says:

      03:34pm | 31/10/12

      Baloo I’m with you. After all Disney owns Pixar and they have’t made a dud movie yet

    • neo says:

      04:34pm | 31/10/12

      Star Wars directed by Nolan. Now that would be serious business.

    • nihonin says:

      03:25pm | 31/10/12

      Hi,  I’m Mickey Mou…...........

    • TRBNGR says:

      02:17pm | 31/10/12

      “The only reason Disney would want to make a new movie is because of how much money the franchise turns in through its huge array of merchandise. “

      A business out to make money? Well I never, the nerve!

    • Fiddler says:

      02:20pm | 31/10/12

      Look at the difference between Adam West’s Batman and the latest version. It is an interesting fictional universe with a massive fan base. They can do some incredible storytelling. Or they can completely stuff it up with a Michael Bay CGI based storytelling type mentality. Only time will tell.

    • Joel M-J says:

      03:02pm | 31/10/12

      A gritty and real re-imagining of Star Wars? I like the sounds of it, if it were done right…

      But this is Disney we are talking about.  :(

    • PsychoHyena says:

      02:26pm | 31/10/12

      So let me get this straight, Disney is copping flak for the introduction of an annoying character that they didn’t introduce, but rather the original creator introduced?

      Haven’t seen them do any damage to the Marvel brand.

    • Hmm says:

      02:38pm | 31/10/12

      Keep in mind Disney has Josh Whedon signed up until 2015.

      Stars Wars by Josh Whedon, i’d pay to see that.

    • Fiddler says:

      03:01pm | 31/10/12

      yes, because Alien 4 was awesome. Said no person ever…..

      J/K Firefly still ranks as one of my favourtie shows

    • lower_case_andrew says:

      06:55pm | 31/10/12

      @Fiddler

      Cabin in the Wood was very good.

      As was Firefly, of course.  Serenity was OK.

      Personally, not a fan of any of the Marvel stuff.  Superhero comics are, well, primarily for teenage boys.  Not that they can’t be enjoyed by smoking-jacket-wearing, brandy-sniffing mature people like me, but I’m not their target audience.

      The thing about Star Wars eps IV and V was that they were designed for everyone, not just teenagers.  The Marvel stuff isn’t like that.

    • Steve says:

      02:40pm | 31/10/12

      Well Daniel, the upside, I guess, is that if anyone can make hackneyed cutie-pie animated characters work, it’s Disney. The downside? A truly beige, inoffensive ‘Star Wars Musical’, starring Vanessa Hudgens coming soon…

    • Markus says:

      03:01pm | 31/10/12

      Disney could do a Star Wars remake of West Side Story, with the Ewoks as the Jets and Wookies as the Sharks, and it still wouldn’t be as bad as the Phantom Menace.

    • Fiddler says:

      03:20pm | 31/10/12

      and it would still be a better love story than Twilight…

    • DanH says:

      02:40pm | 31/10/12

      I want to agree with you, Dan. But I’m still excited. Because at this point I don’t see Disney doing more Jar Jar stuff. I think they know what the problem has been with the prequels and I would bet good money they intend not to fall into the Sarlacc pit and risk inheriting the 1,000 years of slow digestion poor old George has (some might say rightly) suffered. I’m hopeful.

    • AdamC says:

      02:44pm | 31/10/12

      I cannot see what all the fuss is about, to be honest.

      The first two Star Wars films were great, but the franchise has been going south ever since. I actually think it may improve things to give the professional film-producers at Disney a crack at the property.

      Let’s face it, what could ever be worse than the Phantom Menace? Eugh ...

    • Fiddler says:

      03:18pm | 31/10/12

      Ummm… Attack of the Clones?

    • Admiral Ackbar says:

      02:45pm | 31/10/12

      Finally some recognition around here, thanks Daniel.

    • Pattem says:

      02:50pm | 31/10/12

      Tron Legacy is an example of what Disney can do with a movie that targets an adult audience rather than children.  Admittedly, Tron Legacy may be not everybody’s cup of tea, but at least it showcases what Disney can do with more adult oriented content.

      I enjoyed it!

    • Chris L says:

      03:19pm | 31/10/12

      I liked Tron Legacy. I remain hopeful that Disney will not only re-energise the franchise but maybe release the original theatric version of the classic trilogy on blueray.

      The Star Wars that I used to know.
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJlbPXZEpRE

    • Testfest says:

      04:42pm | 31/10/12

      Wait, you guys actually liked Tron: Legacy?!

      I saw it for the first time a couple of weeks ago - it’s bad. Not Phantom Menace bad, but still pretty bad. The dialogue, the acting, ugh.

    • Pattem says:

      05:45pm | 31/10/12

      @Testfest

      Ahh…yep!  I liked it, 6.5 outta 10. Sure the dialogue is wooden.  You don’t expect characters to be made of Binary digits to be of Shakespearen quality do you?

      It is a visual story rather than one told as a cohesive narrative smile

      Probably why the director was a first timer and an architect at that: Joseph Kosinski.

    • Tubesteak says:

      06:07pm | 31/10/12

      Miramax is an arm of Disney. Miramax did Pulp Fiction.

      All is not lost

    • Chris L says:

      06:41pm | 31/10/12

      @Testfest - Let go of your hate.

    • Max Redlands says:

      03:02pm | 31/10/12

      I saw the first one about thirty years ago, couldn’t see what the fuss was about and haven’t given it a thought since..

      However, in a recent episode of the BBC comedy The Thick of It there was an amusing description of it:

      “The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He’s got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin. His father’s a robot and he’s fucking fucked his sister. Lego. They’re all made of fucking lego.”

    • iansand says:

      03:08pm | 31/10/12

      Luke feels the pull of the dark side, and becomes a greater and more feared dictator than Palpatine and Darth Vader combined.

      Then, on a desert planet in the bottom left hand corner of the universe ...

      You know it makes sense - and unending cycle of films.

    • TimB says:

      03:37pm | 31/10/12

      Nope. Doesn’t happen.

      Vader’s grandson, Jacen Solo aka Darth Cadeus on the other hand…

    • iansand says:

      05:23pm | 31/10/12

      You mean people have written sequels to the films?  And people actually read them?

      The queue for a life stars over there.

    • TimB says:

      06:03pm | 31/10/12

      Quite a few people actually.

      http://www.hawes.com/1991/1991-06-30.pdf

      Number ONE on the NY Times Best seller list.

      Any time you want to stop being a snobby douche iansand…

    • Chris L says:

      06:39pm | 31/10/12

      You pretend to be all sophisticated Iansand, but I bet your favourite Bond was Rogor Moore!

    • HC says:

      03:10pm | 31/10/12

      As long as they take Star Wars away from Lucas they can do no wrong in my eyes.  They haven’t f**ked up Marvel (yet!) and with Marvel they’ve shown considerable business sense in leaving well enough alone.

      I must say I am surprised though, I though Lucas would never sell his baby, I guess $4.5 billion is enough to make anyone do anything though smile

    • Mephisto says:

      03:15pm | 31/10/12

      I find your collective lack of faith Disturbing…..

    • Siege of Perth says:

      03:54pm | 31/10/12

      Agree. No one knows how these movies will turn out. Id rather see them made and suck and then just ignore them in future Star Wars talk or call it “The Disney Trilogy” than to risk misssing out on a potenially good addition. Plus you gotta remember the setting. Its after the Empire has falling, there is only 1 jedi, theres still scoulderals and hutt crime lords. Much less kid friendly setting so has potenial. Not to mention hopefully the added production of games from Lucasarts now.

      That said, for the people defending Disney because they did an awesome job with the Avengers, I have faith in Disney too but most of the Avengers script, director choice actors etc was all done before disney bought Marvel. They didnt have too much an impact other.

    • Mephisto says:

      04:53pm | 31/10/12

      @Siege
      Too right! There is sooooo much great material already written for them is the 50+ novels & Dark horse comics. Let them at least try.They would have to do something drastic to get it wrong.

      As TimB said: Thrawn Trilogy! Thats the key! Best Star wars trilogy ever… If Disney get a little gritty with it & find some quality unknown (Or at least lesser known) actors, good things may happen!

      Although not Disney, I have also really enjoyed the CGI series so far. More death & destruction than the movies ever had. Certainly not the little kids show I thought it was going to be.

      If Disney are prepared to invest 4.5Bil into the venture, I highly doubt they will be wanting to cock it up!

    • nihonin says:

      03:29pm | 31/10/12

      Can’t wait till the re-imagining of episode 6, when Luke (Justin Beiber) removes Darth Vader’s helmet to reveal…............Mickey Mouse.‘“haha haha I’m your father.”

    • Lindsay says:

      03:38pm | 31/10/12

      Hollywood never did know when to just quit, so many unnecessary sequels (see Pirates of the Caribbean) and doesn’t stop as long as they smell more money. This news troubles me too, good article!

    • Ironside says:

      03:41pm | 31/10/12

      If Disney is smart they will stay away from the timeline of the “current” star wars movies.

      For those of you who have played the Old Republic MMO, there is an entire backstory and history there that is ripe with conflict that would be perfect for a star wars movie. Heck each of the three introduction animated clips for that game were better than the most recent movies. I’d pay to see them made full length feature films.

      The old republic, the hyperspace war, the madalorian wars the return of the sith empire there is so much history that could be tapped without impacting on the current films and they would be great stories.

    • TimB says:

      03:43pm | 31/10/12

      The only way this could possibly be good is if they follow the following equation:

      Joss Whedon + Tim Zahn’s Thrawn Trilogy= Awesome.

      Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

      (Also they can get Scarlet Johansson in to play Mara Jade Skywalker- She won’t need to look too much different than her Avangers appearance)

    • Jenni says:

      04:42pm | 31/10/12

      I agree with every part of this statement smile

      Make it so ... oops, wrong franchise wink

    • CJ Johnson says:

      03:44pm | 31/10/12

      I felt exactly the same way when Disney bought Marvel Comics.

      Three movies later, and I’m much more ambivalent towards them. Say what you like about their business practices, but they certainly know what to do with an IP and how to get the most out of it.

      And really… The less George Lucas has to do with Star Wars the better. The first trilogy is a perfect example of that. Lucas had limited creative control over the story and direction, and they turned out classics. The SECOND trilogy, he had 100% creative control, and look how THEY turned out. Not to mention all the new cuts and edits of the original films. (NOOOOOOOOO)

    • BJA says:

      03:46pm | 31/10/12

      “Its a Trap”

    • Joe says:

      03:53pm | 31/10/12

      Are people forgetting that Star Wars is more than just the first three movies? There is literally nowhere for the franchise to go but up. George Lucas is gone, and despite what you might believe, he is everything wrong with that franchise. (None of the best things about the movies were his creation).

      Really, what could Disney do with the franchise that hasn’t already been done? A tacky dance game for Kinect? God awful holiday specials? Musicals? Unnecessary films that cheapen and ruin the experience?

    • lower_case_andrew says:

      04:12pm | 31/10/12

      Well, how could it get worse?

      I liked ROTS, apart from the stupid lava fight.  It was certainly better than Jedi.

      Clones was mostly passable. Stormtroopers are always fun.

      But TPM was just dire.  Terrible direction and acting.  2 hours of people standing around, talking about politics and what they’re going to do. Awful.

      And maybe, just maybe, they could do something good with Indiana Jones. Because the last movie was dreadful.  (And I liked the UFO part.)

    • Timinane says:

      04:17pm | 31/10/12

      Yeah Disney makes only kid films like Iron Man 3 and the Avengers (Marvel Studios owned by Disney, distributed by Paramount) . um, one thing we can say about Star Wars was it was popular but doesn’t mean it was good. Which is the best Empire or Jedi? Empire as it ended on such a down note. Luke loses his hand, Han is taken away. All Jedi had was a bunch of muppets and it got worse. Disney might actually improve things a little. The only sad thing is ILM, Industrial, Light and Magic are now under the control of Disney.

    • pete says:

      05:26pm | 31/10/12

      Someone watched Clerks.

    • stephen says:

      04:24pm | 31/10/12

      First three Star Wars were fine, but where is the new Star Trek movie ?
      I heard that it was to released by Christmas but haven’t heard anything about it.

    • lower_case_andrew says:

      06:33pm | 31/10/12

      I really did not like the Star Trek film at all.

      Blue lens flares aside, the plot was truly ridiculous, even by Trek standards.

      Everything was just sooooo stupid.

      I’d rather they put their time in to something interesting.  Stuff like District 9, Moon, Monsters, hell, even Cloverfield.

    • Jez says:

      04:44pm | 31/10/12

      So they’re gonna bring the Death Star back from the dead and pump out some more films. So what?! Nothing’s stopping you from dusting off the old VHS and enjoying the original films. I too was disappointed with the prequels, but they don’t in any way spoil my enjoyment of the originals.

    • pete says:

      05:15pm | 31/10/12

      I wouldn’t be so fast to knock this. If George Lucas is only a consultant, it means they can hire a good writer and a good director.

      The guy has good ideas, but the execution is often bad. It’s no surprise Empire Strikes Back was the film he had the least creative input into.

    • sunny says:

      05:21pm | 31/10/12

      They should incorporate Jar Jar Binks into the Alien Vs Predator franchise.

      “Alien Vs Predator Vs Jar Jar Binks”.

      Ok so here’s the plot - an army of Alien(s) and an army of Predators and an army of Jar Jar Binkses land on earth and battle to the death. Alien(s) and Predators team up against the Jar Jar Binkses.

      Tagline “It’s going to get messy.”

      Then the sequel

      “Alien Vs Predator Vs Ewok”.

    • sunny says:

      05:44pm | 31/10/12

      Tagline in the Alien Vs Predator Vs Ewok movie:

      ‘If you thought they were ugly before, wait til you see them cough up a furball.”

    • Fiddler says:

      06:00pm | 31/10/12

      I would pay money to see that

 

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