Cyberpashing? Dear internet, no. Leave love alone.
Shame and humiliation are now par for the course. Privacy and decency are on their way out. But let’s get one thing straight - kissing is just not made for the internet.
A great kiss is impossible to transcend. Its magic lies in the moment; the timing, your surroundings and the person with whom you’re sharing it. Their touch, the sound of their voice and most importantly, their smell.
Without these things, a kiss is just all in your mind, right?
Well, no. Not if a group of (crazed and un-romantic) researchers at Kajimoto Laboratory at the University of Electro-Communications in Japan have got anything to do with it. They’ve gone to considerable lengths to create a computer device that allows people to kiss over the internet. News.com.au’s technology reporters have the full news story here.
Now, depending how lonely you are at the current time, this may sound like a top idea; like a blow-up doll with extra benefits or just a cute way to wish your long-distance lover goodnight.
But wait. Before you go rushing out to buy one, we’d advise watching this short, instructional video of the device in action.
Romance deficit aside, the magical kissing machine is more a cross between a roadside breathalyser and a plastic lolly pop. Actually, it’s just revolting.
Strangely enough, that’s a fact the Japanese research team appear completely oblivious to.
Freely admitting they’re yet to develop other “realistic elements of the kiss” - like taste, moisture and breath – they’ve had no problem selecting a target market for their product.
“Entertainers”, they say, like pop stars and B-grade celebrity types, should hook themselves up and boost their popularity by swapping cyberspit over the interwebs with their legion of fans.
What does this mean for us romantics? Can we next expect all future requests of a goodnight kiss to be fobbed off with a twirl and a suck from the love-breathalyser?
Will it give rise to other love-robots? Date-night apps, where you don’t even have to leave the comfort of your house to feel as if you’re indulging in a private tête à tête.
“In-love” apps, where a digital alter ego goes through the emotional roller coaster for you; even giving the option to SHARE every step of the way with your social media network?
Twitter. Facebook. Even LinkedIn.
Argggh, the horror! Magical kissing machine be damned.
(Don’t tell Lucy, but in news just to hand - other technologically minded folk have developed a sperm harvesting machine, which has quite clear tactile operations that could be hooked up to the interwebs - Tory)
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