Cover your humps in lycra to keep the boys at bay
It’s a shame to dredge up more dreck about this drongo but it seems the fallout from the Matty Johns saga has at last done the rounds.
We’re in the middle of a sexual etiquette renaissance.
HR seminars at businesses across the country are in overdrive, Sex-Ed classes at schools have ramped up just to remind everyone: “Hey guys BTW it’s not cool to sexually assault people… Cheers Thanks.”
Fair enough considering the shocking nature of the John’s debacle but the saddest thing is even the young pups - our youngest and most vulnerable - are in the crosshairs and it’s us fellas that are being painted the bad guys.
Take some of the nation’s girls schools who are taking a hard line to protect students against vicious adolescent male predators – out of nowhere ordering students to wear bike pants at school dances “to protect against sexual assault”.
And it begins. One prominent Brisbane private school has already admitted turning away up to 20 girls, some as young as 13 for, let’s face it, dressing like tarts.
“As far as the boys go, you’re dealing with adolescent boys. They do inappropriate things,” one principal said.
“If a girl gets assaulted at one of our dances, we would expect to even get the police involved because it’s just not right.”
Bike pants are the modern chastity belt, it seems.
Like pubescent teens don’t have enough on their plates. Like whether they should have put a smiley face on the end of that Facebook message to the girl they like. Or, I dunno… whether mum cut the crusts off their vegemite sangas.
But no it’s: “Will this dress get me assaulted tonight?” or for the boys: “She’s not wearing bike pants.. is that my cue to put on the moves?” or “Am I a sexual predator?”
When all they’re really after is their god-given right in indulge in their first grope-fest.
How old were you when you first copped a feel? 14? 15? Like any of us knew what we were doing.
Teenagers are going to find a way into each others clothes, boys and girls. One blogger went a step further suggesting boys wear blindfolds and mitts as part of the dress code at these dances “so they can better control their primitive urges”.
It does all seem a little nuts and arbitrary, with a lot of negative insinuations about men, teenagers, boys.
And just like in the League fiasco, no one is going into bat for the fellas. I was by no means on Johns’ side. I don’t even like League. But someone has to stick up for the rest of the male race, aged 12-100who seem to have been implicated as sexual devos.
When girls come home with a newsletter saying they have to wear assault-proof clothes to dances there is only one thing they will take from that: Boys are scary, predatory, to be avoided. Is this really a healthy relationship mantra to impress on 14 year olds?
And what of the girls who break the rules and forgets to wear her bike pants that night? Like a muslim forgetting her burqa? Is it her fault if something goes awry?
Seriously, have you ever seen boys at these shin-digs? These pimply, bumbling grommets. Standing in the corner shuffling their feet, they’re more worried about whether their voice will break mid-dance than if they can get to second base. Or first for that matter.
High school was six years ago for me but still crystal clear. Girls in troupes, having developed years ahead of us were terrifying. They called the shots and we did what we were told.
It really hit home on the weekend while my mate and I were picking up his little brother, 14, from his first school dance.
“Come on, spill” we goaded. “How many chicks you dance with?”
“Six” he said proudly, a solid effort.
“You mack it on any?”
“Were they willing participants?” we laughed, more to each other as a bit of an in-joke.
The saddest thing is that he knew what we were talking about.
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