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Clown suits for dole bludgers – could it work here?

Paul Colgan

by Paul Colgan

12 Mar 10:00am

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Filed under: Politics, Satire, Unemployment

76 comments

Thanks to the way Tony Abbott announced his maternity leave plan, thought bubbles seem to be in vogue this week so here’s one for a breezy Friday brainstorm.

A day at Centrelink? Pic: AFP / File

Mandatory clown suits for social welfare recipients. What do you think?

The key benefit, as argued by the person who thought of it first, is that people on welfare will be making the country happier as everyone likes looking at clowns. (Stay with me.)

It is, to borrow a phrase, an Irish solution to an Irish problem, and was a response to a high-profile call for ideas to get the country out of the economic swamp it has found itself in following the global financial crisis.

But could it work in Australia?

Trade minister Simon Crean has challenged marketers to come up with a way to capture Australia’s strengths as a place to invest. “The lucky country” doesn’t quite translate across cultures. The country is basically a huge desert with some quarries in it on the end of the Earth, full of things that can kill you. So you can see why people ask precisely what it is Australians consider themselves lucky about.

But “the happy country” would surely translate seamlessly across cultures. It’s so happy, people would say, there are clowns everywhere.

It’s easy to remember, travels well, rings true, is portable and lends itself to great imagery so has the elements of a great marketing slogan. The first day it went into effect it would make television headlines around the world as CNN and others flocked to our cities to film the clowns getting their suits.

Centrelink offices could be decked out with circus regalia, making them much cheerier places to visit.

Hugh Green, the blogger who first proposed the idea on the Your Country, Your Call website set up by the Irish President’s husband, suggested it could be sponsored by captains of industry.

So business leaders like Gerry Harvey could pick up some clowns each morning and have them working on the front line, keeping them trained and connected to the workforce and also entertaining children while the parents go spending money and further stimulating the economy.

Australia also has the advantage of having one of the lowest unemployment rates in the developed world, so it would be relatively low-risk compared to trying it in a country like Spain, where the policy would require the purchase and delivery of around 4 million clown suits.

That’s a lot of red noses.

This kind of radical policymaking is too easily dismissed as a cheap gimmick, and instead we continue on the all-too-familiar path of incremental developments.

For example, if you wanted to really stop blowouts in the health budget, how about having coin-operated surgical theatres? Make the most of modern technology and give doctors swipe a card in an EFTPOS-like device which can check that they are cleared to go ahead with the surgery. Bye bye bean-counters.

Or how about drive-through dentistry? You get to have the plaque removed in a familiar environment and if you need a filling the drill could be plugged into the cigarette lighter outlet.

What other radical public policy proposals should we consider?

Most commented

427Australia, you have nothing to fear but fear itself
368There's no one Thomson won't burn to save his skin
353"Gifting", "journey" and other words we hate
313Thomson didn't answer the question everyone is asking
295Animal experiments won't cure me from cancer
262Who murdered the Arts degree?
246A big day for Thomson, who thus far is guilty of nothing...
231South Australia. It's the middle bottom bit.

76 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Paul H says:

      10:10am | 12/03/10

      How about coin operated politicians? If after your first coin runs out and they have done nothing (K Rudd) just don’t bother topping them up. We could have a remote control, for political party surfing, just as we do with the TV. Just keep changing the channel until we find a party that we like and as soon as they start to get boring with all their spin and self promoting advertising, flick the channel! Oh, how I wish.

      Reply

    • formersnag & swinging voter. says:

      04:15pm | 12/03/10

      @ Paul H, Great idea, but how about this one, as well. We abolish the states & territories. Then, unemployed politicians like Della Bosca and wife, could wear the clown suits. What a great double act to entertain the crowd at “Iguanas”, parliament or anywhere.

      Hospitals taken over & “fixed” along with schools, roads, public tpt, all of it. But seriously folks, is anybody, really, suggesting that federal or local government could stuff it all, up the way these state, clowns have been doing for decades.

      Could this, be a reason.

      http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/archivos_pdf/nonedarecallit_conspiracy.pdf

      Bwahahaha.

      BTW, Colgo, i just don’t think some of these commentators have gotten, your whole, “FUN” conversation vibe.

    • oxg says:

      10:37am | 12/03/10

      Making dole bludgers wear clown suits is a bad idea,  it humiliates and degrates them.  Yes there are some that don’t want to work but many do but the “system” won’t open the door to them.  Too old, too fat, too ethnic, too young, too unexperience, too experienced, or we just don’t like your face.  To crimilized, humiliate and punish them for needing the help of the government is the strong abusing the weak.  What about making greedy investment bankers wear clown suits? Or people who use disabled parking tickers but aren’t disabled.  Its easy to pick on the weak when your strong.

      Reply

    • Peter says:

      01:16pm | 12/03/10

      The ones living and retiring on the dole in Byron Bay should be forced to wear clown suits.. I would have no problem with that..

    • John says:

      05:35pm | 11/07/11

      I totally agree, The only clown here is the person who wrote this article. I am partly unemployed but work with the disabled and radio staion all week when not doing casual paid work. We have to provide our own time and money (petrol etc.) to help our clients. What we need is for people to support not humiliate us. I work as hard under extreme circumstances, under mental pressure to get told from Centrelink when asking for fuel assistance that “I was ripping the system off” and the following day I had all my assets checked. They also said “It’s not our fault you volunteer, you chose to do that off your own back”. This I admit is true but after I had been with them for a while Centrelink said “If you don’t do 3 days a week, you will be breached”.  What I’m trying to say is, the Australian Government don’t let anyone become or stay a dole bludger, they simply don’t exist anymore. We all work hard, We sould make the person who wrote this article wear a clown suit. Australia isn’t a lucky country anymore, Our Government makes sure of that.

    • Nic says:

      10:41am | 12/03/10

      can we make the executives who receive suppourt from the government wear bikini’s or farmers on drought assistance wear dresses.. or old age pensioners wear medievel costume?

      Paul H.. your contribution is irrelevant, inane &  moronic… you call out names in the same way Bill Heffernen does. There is such as thing as a topic.

      Reply

    • Paul H says:

      11:38am | 12/03/10

      Nic, did you lose your sense of humour somewhere? Did my jibe at K Rudd upset you pet?

    • adrian says:

      10:55am | 12/03/10

      Totally agree with oxg, but on top of that, those who don’t work because they don’t want to (AKA slack), are very probably smoking pot or hitting the grog in front of the TV. So, how useful is a drunk-stoned-TV-watching clown that stays indoors except from when he gos to buy some more pot?... And when they go there, everyone there is delussionally happy already anyway…

      Reply

    • Richard says:

      10:55am | 12/03/10

      Perhaps the sport of deamonizing the unemployed would be better left for a few years until their number aren’t filled by so many everyday mums and dads whose only fault is to be a victim of the GFC.

      Reply

    • Dirk says:

      10:57am | 12/03/10

      Make the Politicians in Parliament wear the clown suits.

      Reply

    • biff says:

      12:58pm | 12/03/10

      Yes sir. The harlequinade inside parliament house needs an injection of bright colours and the ability to generate laughter. I just wonder what the reaction would be when our pollies undertake one of those dangerous fact-finding-missions overseas. Surely stepping off the plane in Paris or New York dressed as a clown would alarm the host nation’s leaders and force a greeting that would go something like: You f…kin’ clown.

    • Frankie V. says:

      03:21pm | 12/03/10

      But Barnaby Joyce already dresses like Peewee Herman.

    • Tom D says:

      11:03am | 12/03/10

      This is a bit of fun for a Friday, however on a serious note I think all people collecting the dole should be subject to drug tesing. Perhaps random testing so as not to further burden the system in red tape.

      I’m not adverse to people asking for a handout, but if that money is supplementing illegal drug purchases, that’s another story. There are numerous professions that require drug testing, so why not enforce this for people on the dole?

      Reply

    • sonny says:

      12:33pm | 12/03/10

      what about those who buy alcohol and ciggies on the dole?

      what is the diff between some thing that gets you trashed and another thing that gets you trashed?

      oh…that’s right - government revenue!!

      are you saying that if pot or other illegal drugs were legal, you’d have no problem with dole bludgers buying up?

    • sonny says:

      12:34pm | 12/03/10

      what about those who buy alcohol and ciggies on the dole?

      what is the diff between some thing that gets you trashed and another thing that gets you trashed?

      oh…that’s right - government revenue!!

      are you saying that if pot or other illegal drugs were legal, you’d have no problem with dole bludgers buying up?

    • Gerry says:

      02:45pm | 12/03/10

      Everyone receiving welfare - all the mums and dads getting family tax benefits - everyone getting a pension or part pension - all the executives whose companies receive corprate welfare - eveyone who receives public money in fact - so all the politicians and public servants will be included .... great idea Tom ... that should just about include everyone in Australia and with the added benefit of more or less wiping out unemployment by the necessity to hire an army of drug testers.

    • DG says:

      03:21pm | 12/03/10

      Great idea Tom D.

      It keeps a check on how much of our tax payers dollars as sliding off into the black market.

      I’m sure that Sonny would want to ensure that his hard earned tax dollars weren’t being used to fund criminal activities as opposed to legal activities that Sonny does not approve of personally.

      Obviously, if drugs were removed from the list of banned substances then there would be no point testing for them.

      Perhaps sonny proposes to legislate for the criminalisation of cigarettes and alcohol?

    • Michael Nelson says:

      11:07am | 12/03/10

      I have a modest proposal.  And no, it’s not that one.  In recognition of the fact that there is no real distinction between the main political parties, I propose we do as the Romans did, and make the best use of the tools we have to hand (so to speak) by alternating leadership of the country between the leaders of the two largest parties in the House of Representatives on a daily basis.

      Obviously, you’d need to have the Speaker’s chair on coasters, so he wouldn’t get confused about who was on his right or not.

      But other than that, I can’t see any problems at all! Consensus government, here we come!

      Reply

    • Zeta says:

      01:00pm | 12/03/10

      In pre-Caesarian times, the Roman practice of appointing joint consols and pro-consols and having them alternative leadership was restricted to times of war, and regardless, above them was the post of Pontifex Maximus, the supreme leader of the Roman religion, and the Senate as the voice of the people. There were quite intricate layers of accountability all the way down to the criminal houses of Roman slums as well, so no one leader could wage a meteoric rise quickly and gain the support of the plebs. Until Caesar, but those were a very specific set of political and military circumstances that resulted in the wake of the Gallic Wars.

      It only takes a brief examination of the relationship between Gaius Julius and Pompeii to see that the dual Consol might have worked well in practice, but once one leaves the capital, all hell breaks loose.

      Imagine in a modern context, it would be like Rudd leaving the country and posing for happy photos with foreign leaders, leaving Gillard in charge to take the heat on major issues. Oh wait, that does happen. Cry Havoc! Let slip the dogs of war!

    • dragunov says:

      04:36pm | 12/03/10

      consul, zeta, and not only in times of war.

    • Tails says:

      11:17am | 12/03/10

      I reckon we could stop people using so much water by putting a siren on every tap. So when you turn a tap on, you get this massive siren going off. Sure, we’d probably drink less water and therefore dehydrate and die, but on the plus side, that’d be pretty good for the environment too.

      Reply

    • Matt says:

      11:50am | 12/03/10

      Or a beeper if its been running too long, like when you leave the fridge open

    • xiaoecho says:

      09:39pm | 14/03/10

      OMG you’re a genius. That idea is much funnier than a clown suit.  Can you imagine all the sirens going off in the middle of the night when people get up to go to the loo and flush the toilet?

    • ej says:

      11:21am | 12/03/10

      Clowns scare me.

      Reply

    • Julie Coker-Godson says:

      11:44am | 12/03/10

      Clowns terrified my late mother when she was small too and as an adult she did not like them at all.  I don’t like them any more than I like this jokey idea.  Now that the media has done the deed with Michael Clarke and Lara Bingle, they turn their attention on the so called “dole bludgers”.  This makes me laugh considering we have the lowest unemployment level in years.  There will always be a minority who flout the rules but continual generalisation of the majority of the weaker members of society who do the right thing makes me sick.  Don’t go there.

    • Kim says:

      01:54pm | 12/03/10

      Actually Julie, how can we possibly have the lowest unemployment in years?  The polls aren’t taking into account spouses who no longer have a job as they cannot apply for the dole as their partner is still working.  The polls on unemployment are a joke!

    • Julie Coker-Godson says:

      05:37pm | 12/03/10

      @Kim says:02:54pm | 12/03/10

      *Actually Julie, how can we possibly have the lowest unemployment in years?  The polls aren’t taking into account spouses who no longer have a job as they cannot apply for the dole as their partner is still working.  The polls on unemployment are a joke!*

      Whatever the credibility of the polls in your eyes Kim, the fact is they are constantly *reported* as being the lowest in years.  The real issue here is demonising/isolating weaker members of society and targetting them for humiliation.  Everytime someone is caught by Centrelink for fraud, the media goes hysterical to the point where one could easily believe that *all* welfare recipients are committing fraud - that is unfair on the majority who do not do the wrong thing and who are in genuine need.  I realise this was supposed to be a fun issue and its Friday, but I’m not laughing because I’ve seen the hurt it can cause.  Anyway, have a good weekend and be grateful you can work - lucky you!

    • useful says:

      11:44am | 12/03/10

      Perhaps the investment bankers & stockbrokers could have happy faces painted on when things look good & sad faces when the market collapses? As for the politicians - surely they should be in the clown suits - they’re mostly a bunch of clowns anyway! How about kids who are involved in hooning or accidents that kill someone get given a pushbike for their future transport needs (after their cars are confiscated)? And the airlines (or even car hire companies?) could buy those jet backpacks (in the news this week) so that we could get to our destinations on time & avoid waiting in airport lounges! As for the dole & clown suits - works for me! I’d be happy to be hidden behind face paint & in an outfit that makes other people happy.

      Reply

    • blubee says:

      12:08pm | 12/03/10

      We already have our clowns…they are running around calling themselves politicians.  They just forgot to put their ‘happy suits’ on.

      Reply

    • Suze says:

      12:31pm | 12/03/10

      As if people struggling on welfare weren’t stigmatized enough. This article stinks of privilege. This is very cruel not just to the underprivileged but also to the profession of clowns.

      Reply

    • JP Kalman says:

      12:32pm | 12/03/10

      I know of many many people who are long term unemployed and fudge their books to stay unemployed and reap our tax money. With our country being as beautiful as it is why dont we force the long term unemployed who are unemployed for no other reason than so they can not work make them clean the streets, do road work, make number plates, there are plenty of activities that these people can do that will actually make not just a economic but a physical difference. Yes I always laugh at a clown but I would prefer to pay less tax and see these dole bludgers get off their asses and do something for this money. I would prefer to see clean streets, no graffiti, lawns mowed etc than see some dole bludger in a clown suit.

      Reply

    • Gerry says:

      04:32pm | 12/03/10

      The unemployed could always be forced to clean the houses and cars of the wealthy (you know - the people who work hard and deserve everything) - throw them a bone or two to chew on at night (well thats about all one could afford on newstart allowance) and give them a weekly whipping for good measure.

    • Feathers says:

      07:22am | 08/10/10

      Hear hear !!!  I’ve thought this for years. They could be supervised by Councils thus not causing any MORE money to supervise. Go out with the already employed people who work for Council. That way we all benefit.  Taking money you haven’t earned….hope they hate themselves and finish up with NOTHING.

    • Maria says:

      12:36pm | 12/03/10

      So basically, humiliate and degrade anyone who desperately turns to the government for a hand out to help them provide for themselves and/or family?

      What a great idea….*eye roll*

      Reply

    • Friday says:

      12:46pm | 12/03/10

      We should put the long-term unemployed onto treadmills to create renewable energy. I believe it’s a viable and carbon-neutral energy source that doesn’t rely on the costly infrastructure that makes other renewable energy options unviable. And the unemployed people would get fit.

      Reply

    • Matt says:

      12:48pm | 12/03/10

      I hardly think it was meant to be serious! Some people on here just dont get satire and humour.

      Reply

    • Julie Coker-Godson says:

      05:56pm | 12/03/10

      No Matt it wasn’t meant to be serious but unemployment/disability etc is an emotive issue and, thus, draws out strong emotive responses. This article has brought out those who generalise about the unemployed, the sick, the disabled and the long-term unemployed and it is interesting to note that one Puncher claims to know *many many people* who *play* the system.  If he knows these people why doesn’t he contact Centrelink about them?  Some subjects should not be the subject of satire.

    • Adam says:

      08:25am | 15/03/10

      @Julie Coker-Godson says:
      Wrong, every subject must be the subject of satire else we run the risk of thought police taking over. This is not a comment on political correctness but in a pluralistic society there can be no sacred cows

    • Glen says:

      12:57pm | 12/03/10

      So Paul Colgan you are suggesting that any one receiving social welfare is a dole bludger? What a childish and predjudiced story..

      Perhaps we can dress up so called ‘journalists’ as clowns and send them off to get a proper education while we are at it.. Im sure being a clown and dole bluding are two things more mentally taxing than writing rubbish like this..

      Reply

    • ian forrest says:

      01:10pm | 12/03/10

      We have a housing commission house in our street and it’s been that way for 8 years now. The woman who lives in it would be 50, the daughter is 18 and the son is 21 non of them work or have ever worked in the time they have lived in the street. The son when he is forced to attend interviews puts on transfer tattoos on his neck forehead and hands plus he shaves his head just so he looks scary enough to never get employed. His girlfriend who also lives there and has just had a baby he proudly proclaims he got his car fixed with the baby bonus. The baby is no longer in their care thankfully the mother of girls has taken it to her home. And we pay for these useful members of society.

      Reply

    • Zeta says:

      01:12pm | 12/03/10

      ITT: a humour deficency. Colgo is reporting on the rantings of a distant blog, not seriously suggesting the unemployed be made to wear clown suits.

      Angry Jesus in the Temple, where do we find these human prototypes that have a problem with dole bludgers? The only difference between dole bludgers and a supposedly productive member of society is ambition. Is ambition such a great thing?

      I wake up every morning and curse my parents and teachers and God for my neurosis and Catholic guilt that drives me to go to work and be good at my job each day. I’d rather not give a damn. I’d rather have a Housing Department home in the suburbs, one of those bed sitters in a block full of parolees, and an old type writer. I’d be like the serial killer from Seven. I’d paint the walls black and fill endless diaries with ranting.

      Instead, I wake up and engage in the morbid pantomime of male grooming, I run a razorblade across my face and tie a noose around my neck and trundle off in a row of happy proles to be shuffled aboard an overcrowded train. I pray that every vaguely ethnic person sharing the train with me brought a backback bomb and that any moment I’ll hear ‘God is Great!’ and I’ll be spared another soul crushing day of copy churning and endless, pointless meetings and bickering.

      All those people who share that existance with me, all whining and moaning about ‘the dole bludgers’, when they’re the lucky ones. They got off the roller coster. They can reflect on life itself and really live it, not cram life in between the shit sandwich of eight hour, nine hour, thirteen hour work days.

      I wouldn’t dress them up as clowns. I’d dress them up as priests and priestesses and place them on altars where we could ask them the secrets of life, ‘Oh Dole Bludger, what does it mean to be alone?’ ‘My son, to be alone is to be free’. ‘Oh Dole Bludger, what is the meaning of life?’ ‘My son, to discover that there is no law beyond your own.’ ‘Dole Bludger, where can I find the best all day breakfast in Sydney?’ ’ My son, it is the all day breakfast Pizza at Beautiful Burgers on Regent Street, Chippendale.’

      I don’t like paying taxes. I think I’ve made that abundantly clear. But I think I prefer paying my taxes so that people can get high and party and make love and smoke cigs and drink beer and laugh on pool tables and take off on road trips in old Datsuns to see a dealer in Silverton and maybe head up to Byron for a surf - rather than pay my taxes so another bank can have a safety net, or fund a ridiculous War on Drugs, or fund maternity leave so we can ensure another generation of poor saps stuck on the employment roller coaster.

      Reply

    • Mr Pastry says:

      06:11pm | 12/03/10

      Zeta - another corker - I have often admired the queue outside Centrelink, all relaxed and looking forward to an empty day as I work hard and flog my round self toward the regret of being in a square hole, for the benefit others. 
      BTW the unambitious have a small carbon footprint so they are better for the planet than I am.

    • Barry says:

      01:16pm | 12/03/10

      How about making gutter journos (whose contribution to society must be up there with lawyers) wear them as well? That would really give us something to laugh about, aside from their scribbling.

      Reply

    • Max says:

      01:32pm | 12/03/10

      There are a lot of people who are unemployed for one reason or another beyond their control - however I believe that long term unemployed is just a synomyn for self important.

      If you really want work you will find it - and I bet you’d find it pretty damn quickly if you weren’t getting paid regardless.  You’d be washing windows, mowing lawns, delivering pamphlets, collecting trolleys or washing dishes within a week.

      Everyone can perform a service job.

      Reply

    • Zeta says:

      01:37pm | 12/03/10

      Why should everyone ‘perform a job’ to justify your choice to participate in society? Why can’t some people drop out of society if they want to?

      The reason why I think exploiting the stupidity of State welfare arrangements is ethical is because the same State that pays welfare has made sure you don’t have the option of dropping out of society. Since we don’t have a choice, the State should be obligated to pay a minimum amount so individuals who don’t feel the need to participate in ‘society’ can.

    • xen says:

      01:45pm | 12/03/10

      It is very easy to say that ‘you can get a job if you want to’, but in the end it all depends if you get hired or not.

    • Gerry says:

      04:37pm | 12/03/10

      Sure most people can perform a job - but not everyone gets hired .. can you see the difference ?

    • Simon the Pieman says:

      07:52pm | 12/03/10

      Economics requires a pool of unemployed people - why should they not be happy being unemployed.  They are constrained by society - if you have nothing and have bounced along the bottom you are not allowed to wander off into the bush, build a house, grow food and create a comfortable existence - you are expected to remain a societal dreg.

    • xen says:

      01:45pm | 12/03/10

      Why use clown suits when you can use something more discreet as a star maybe? Great way to single people out, right? As we all know segregation is the best solution to a problem.

      PS: Did this one sound a bit better? Or are you going to censure this comment too? No wonder we might get our Internet filtered here, the media already tries to control who is allowed to say what.

      Reply

    • Bertram B says:

      01:47pm | 12/03/10

      I find some of these comments offensive, I lost my job last year because of cut backs with the GFC. I was on benefits for 2 and a half months until I found work. By the time I got another job I was so financially in a hole that I am still not out of it. They give you enough money to just exist and no more. Bills still come in and have to be paid. If anyone should have a clown suit its the pollies who set the rates they really are a joke

      Reply

    • rave rave rant 'n' rave says:

      04:05pm | 12/03/10

      Sorry to hear you lost your job at that time but there are plenty of tafe courses that are available to enable people to work in the health industry….we have a huge shortage if you haven’t been reading about it in the media for the last umpteen years….and I am not referring to nursing (university)  which takes 3 years plus post grad year and continual studying…....but carers courses…. nursing homes,in the home care,disability services…..the list is extensive and the area pays well particularly if you work for a healthcare agency…...just an option to those who find themselves in a similar position and think that this area may suit them and is also an opportunity to express themselves in a caring and compassionate way! As long as there are the frail,the elderly,the sick,the disabled….there always will be a need for people to care of them…....I have been a nurse for almost thirty years and for the last ten I have been working for a mental health nursing agency…..what other profession offers the diversity of choices that nursing and the options of shift work,weekend and public holidays….none and the rewards too!!

    • Jade says:

      02:18pm | 12/03/10

      Tom D, the drug testing idea is brilliant. Can’t think of a logical reason not to do it.

      Reply

    • Zeta says:

      02:53pm | 12/03/10

      Maybe because it’s a gross violation of personal rights? Maybe because the Government has no jurisdiction over the chemical reactions in your body?

    • stephen says:

      02:55pm | 12/03/10

      The dole’s 230 bucks a week, max. ( I’ll be on it soon )
      My good friend spends that a week on cigars, and hasn’t paid tax - nor any of his mates - in 15 years.
      (Some of you peasants out in the suburbs have just woken up have yer ?)
      Welfare is not much fun, so if yer want to whinge, find a better target.

      Reply

    • Suburban Peasant says:

      03:55pm | 12/03/10

      You don’t sound very happy, Stephen. Maybe the clown suit will cheer you up.

    • Rod J'That says:

      02:56pm | 12/03/10

      I certainly can’t support this idea. Dressing them up as clown fish on the other hand…

      Reply

    • soraya says:

      03:21pm | 12/03/10

      Tom D has a point. I work for a mining company and if I have to submit to random drug and alcohol testing in order to do my job to get paid, why shouldnt those I am funding through my taxes be subject to the same requirement?

      Reply

    • Robert Smissen of Rural SA says:

      03:53pm | 12/03/10

      Wouldn’t it be fun if politicians were random drug tested at any time whether in session or not? ?

    • Ezbot says:

      03:54pm | 12/03/10

      Make everyone work for the dole, unless they have a genuine illness that has caused them to be on welfare. 

      Welfare is meant to be there for the people who are down on their luck - Eg the GFC people who are feeling targetted by this article.  Not those who do not want to work for a living.  Maybe if so many people didn’t consider welfare to be the rule rather than the exception, we’d have more money for those people who really need it, so they weren’t in huge amounts of debt when they finally went back to work.

      Until something ridiculous is done to discourage those who aren’t genuinely in need, the cycle will continue… in some of the Housing Commission estates, kids grow up assuming that its normal for mum and dad both not to work, because that is the case in every house on their block.

      Reply

    • Bitten says:

      04:54pm | 12/03/10

      I love it - in fact, I say clown suits for every body. And lots of cream pies for clown combat. We can have clown suit Fridays.  BTW for those missing their sense of humour, I prescribe the Scrubs episode where JD plays the clown in paediatrics and then has to give bad news to a patient’s family in full clown regalia.

      I quite like the idea of coin-slot surgical theaters. Although I think a pre-paid surgery card scheme could go a long way too.

      Reply

    • Sam Chowder says:

      05:04pm | 12/03/10

      Everybody does not love clowns and they are not funny.  Overly made up faces and 200 year old site gags may be fresh to a 4 year old but I am over them.  The current uniform of dole bludgers (boardies pushed 5 years beyond Vinnies , old Jim Beam T shirts, no shoes and ‘just got up’ hair) is perfectly adequate.

      Reply

    • Alex Judychair says:

      05:26pm | 12/03/10

      what an idea! i recently told a friends’ mum that i wanted to be a clown and her response was ‘oh, a bludger’s job.’ i don’t quite see the connection. clowns are important and wonderful. i suppose the point is that its good for people to be active but why not ask unemployed people what they wanna do rather than say ‘all dole bludgers could be clowns, at least they’d be doing something useful.’

      Reply

    • Shane From Melbourne says:

      05:35pm | 12/03/10

      Okay the OP asked for it- Crazy policies I’d like to see:

      Immigration
      Zero. It shall be an offense to set foot within Australia without a temporary visa or to overstay a temporary visa. The Australian Government will pay a $1000 bounty upon information leading to the deportation of any person overstaying their visa.

      Foreign Aid
      All foreign aid programs where a minimum of 80% of the fund do not reach “ground level” will be terminated.

      Education
      The Australian Government shall provide a public education infrastructure. The Australian Government shall not subsidize private schools.
      All Tertiary students shall be required after graduation to sign 5 year contracts with the Australian Government. The Australian Government may, of course, sub contract their services to the private sector for a profit.
      The Australian Government recognises that electronics is the bedrock of modern society. Accordingly electronics will be compulsory subject until Year 10.

      Legal Reform (State Level)
      Any person aged less than 12 years found to have committed a summary offence will have a on the spot active fine issued to the parents or legal guardian of the offending minor.
      Any person aged from 12 years to 18 years found to have committed a summary offence will have an inactive on the spot fine issued to them. This fine will become active on the person’s 18th birthday.
      Any person aged 18 years and over found to have committed a summary offence will have an active on the spot fine issued to them
      All on the spot fines will become a matter of public record and publicized in the national paper.
      Any person found guilty of an indictable offence deemed to be against the individual shall serve a jail term of no less than 1 year, with no suspended sentences, home detention or parole.
      Any person found guilty of an indictable offence deemed to be against the community shall serve a jail term of no less than 5 years, with no suspended sentences, home detention or parole.
      Any person found guilty of an indictable offence deemed to be against the state shall serve a jail term of no less than 10 years, with no suspended sentences, home detention or parole.
      All convictions of indictable offences are a matter of public record and publicized in the national paper.
      It shall be the role of the courts to determine matters of guilt or innocence only in a criminal case. It shall be the role of the state to specify a mandatory sentence for the crime.
      All government entities shall exempt from civil liability. They cannot be sued under any circumstances.
      All politicians, police, bureaucrats, ADF personnel, doctors, lawyers and accountants found guilty of criminal fraud or accepting bribes will incur a penalty of a minimum of 10 years jail, no suspended sentence, no parole, no home detention.
      Unemployment
      All persons unemployed for a period of 2 years (cumulative) will be automatically conscripted into a civil labor unit

      Health
      The Australian Government shall provide a public health system. The Australian Government shall not provide subsidize the private health system or private health insurance.
      All Australians will be required to undergo at least one medical examination by a GP a year. The GP will determine whether the person is category A (reasonably healthy) or Category B (less healthy). Citizens who are deemed Category B will pay a higher Medicare levy. Persons who do not attend an annual medical examination will automatically be considered Category B.

      Transport
      The Australian Government will nationalize the railway track between Melbourne and Sydney. The Australian Government will provide high speed trains between these two cities.

      Sports and Arts
      The Australian Government shall not subsidize any sporting event or any works of art.

      Defence
      The Australian Government shall acquire strategic weapons.
      The Australian Government shall reintroduce military and civil conscription.
      The Indian Ocean, South East Asia and the Southwest Pacific shall be the Australian Government’s main strategic interest.

      Business
      Absolutely no bailouts and subsidies. Ever.
      Co payments between the Australian government and business to pay out unused sickies at termination of employment

      Middle Class and Upper Class
      Absolutely no bailouts and subsidies. Ever.

      Reply

    • L of Melb says:

      03:05am | 14/03/10

      Your ideas are not just bad, they are profoundly evil. Even if you are serious (which personally I find frightening) no-one will ever take you as serious while you are so deliberately ignorant.

    • Feathers says:

      03:58pm | 08/10/10

      Sounds good to me. Maybe just a couple of changes but overall terrific.  Add NO carbon tax. NO upping electricity bills.  Clear cut, no BS. I LIKE IT.

    • Carrie Miller says:

      07:16pm | 12/03/10

      Colgan, as usual, has missed the point. Clowns don’t make people happier. Clowns are scary. We need less clowns, not more. Sometimes I can’t sleep because I’m scared they’re coming to get me and I’m 42. Imagine how the kiddies would feel if clowns were allowed to roam on mass. Down with the clown, I say.

      Reply

    • TC says:

      10:16pm | 12/03/10

      A good disguise for the criminally inclined

      Reply

    • Rob says:

      01:18am | 13/03/10

      Australia’s got “one of the lowest rate of unemployment in the developed world”  because it has one of the most extensive disability support pension schemes in the developed world. Any long-term dole bludger worth his/her salt “uprgrades”  to the DSP by faking a mental illness - not hard when you’ve got countless money-grabbing psychiatrists (the dregs of the medical profession) who are keen to diagnose conditions such as bi-polar and schizophrenia in order to get more long-term centrelink clients signed up. The disability support pension (DSP) means more money, no hassles to look for a job, attend “jobseeker training”, work for the dole etc. It really is the ‘holy grail’ for the career dole bludger.

      Reply

    • Richard says:

      03:11pm | 13/03/10

      Jobseeker training ? Work for the dole ? Wow - you really haven’t been unemployed lately have you. Here is a better idea. Make the job network service providers accountable to the unemployed people looking for help from these providers. A voucher/fee system might work. For instance - they rewrite your resume and they collect a fee. They find you an interview and they collect a fee. They provide you with working IT so you can search for a job online and they collect a fee.

      I would add the following. 1: Centrelink staff collect information on who is picking up the most fees and are allowed to tell you which JSN providers are dodgy. 2: Any unemployed person using a JSN provider is free to publish (at a central Centrelink sponsored site) their experiences good or bad with particular JSN members. 3: Any unemployed person is free to select any service provided by any particular JSN member.

    • Timmo says:

      03:29pm | 13/03/10

      Hey Rob, You’re totally wrong with what you wrote above. You haven’t got a clue matey. Haven’t got a clue, shall I repeat myself, oh no, i’ll just go.

    • sam says:

      01:39am | 13/03/10

      People who are on the dole long-term should be forced to post incessantly on the Punch on topics such as abortion and Krudd and the climategate scandal and NASA intercepting your thoughts whenever you take off your tinfoil hat.
      I want to see more of that on the Punch, and those people are probably the only ones who have enough spare time to do the job properly.

      Reply

    • KM says:

      07:43am | 13/03/10

      Mandatory clown suits should be warn in parliaments question time. Kevin Rudd can be bozo, Tony Abbott could be Boo-Boo and Gillard could be Clueless.

      Reply

    • Timmo says:

      09:01am | 13/03/10

      The Ball and Chain, we need the Ball and chain. Coming soon to your neighborhood.

      Reply

    • Sam Chowder says:

      05:35pm | 13/03/10

      Sounds quite a sensible policy compared to free roof insulation.

      Reply

    • Matthew says:

      10:58pm | 13/03/10

      OT, but gotta love when Rudd and his media stooges (Paul) try to con the public into thinking Abbott is the one with ‘thought bubble’ policies.

      Great diversionary tactic away from BERS (rorts), Batts (rorts), Hot Water Systems (rorts) .. all of which were beautiful thought bubbles!

      Keep on spinning Paul

      Reply
 
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Daniel Piotrowski

drpiotrowski 24 May 12 04:14PM

RT @Colgo: Read this article on commas. Then see the correction at the end. Ooof! http://t.co/ZkLs6494

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Colgo 24 May 12 04:13PM

Read this article on commas. Then see the correction at the end. Ooof! http://t.co/ZkLs6494

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