Here is a quick multiple choice question. I am writing this column because:
A) Rupert Murdoch instructed me to in his morning email;
B) I am on a personal mission to destroy the ALP;
C) The regular columnist is on holiday and I had to cobble together something at the last minute to fill this giant white space.
If you are a member of the Greens, a self-proclaimed ethicist or a journalism lecturer you will of course know the answer is A. It’s perhaps best that you stop reading now, as to actually find out the truth would ruin your next six-part lecture series at the Enmore Anarchist Collective.
If you are Stephen Conroy you will of course know the answer is B. It’s perhaps also best that you stop reading now, as I am about to provide some very helpful advice on how to save the ALP and I’d rather it went to someone who knew what to do with it.
If you work in a major media organisation you will of course know the answer is C, although if you really worked in the media you wouldn’t be reading this because it’s got someone else’s byline on it.
Option C is just one of the many explosive revelations people can expect to hear at the media inquiry being pushed for by Bob Brown and apparently embraced by the Gillard Government. Indeed, the most certain result of an inquiry into the media is that a wealth of time and energy will be wasted on a series of disappointing anti-climaxes.
At least they will know how my ex-girlfriends feel.
It is perfectly emblematic of the Gillard-Greens style of governance that they are setting up a full-scale taxpayer-funded parliamentary inquiry to find out how the media works. Previous governments simply hired someone who knew.
And that is the Gillard Government’s real problem with the media: The PM’s office has been so thoroughly bled of talent that it just doesn’t have anyone in there who really understands it.
Political parties and the media have always had a close – if at times fractious – relationship, and that is not just perfectly natural but necessary for either to function for the public good.
Journos need to be able to understand politics in order to report and comment on it and politicians need to be able to understand the media in order to get their message across.
But within the current Labor Government – purged as it has been by Kevin Rudd’s overworking of his staff, the exodus following his assassination, the shocking election result and the disasters since – there are too few steady hands who have genuine knowledge of the media; neither how it works, nor how to work it.
In short the Government’s spin skills are, medically speaking, retarded.
A prime example of this is the much-bleated complaint that “the Murdoch press is against us”. This position is firstly stupid because it is wrong and ignores the fact that Murdoch newspapers openly supported the last Labor leader to legitimately win an election – only to watch him get knifed by the complainers in question.
But even more worryingly, let’s pretend for a moment they are right. Let’s say these ministers really believe that News Ltd is a heartless and omnipotent machine with the sole purpose of destroying Labor. Having come to the conclusion that this force is powerful enough to slash 15 points off the polls and is looking for an excuse to destroy the Government, their survival strategy is to pick a fight with it.
I mean who is advising these guys? Kamikazes?
Likewise when the News of the World scandal broke overseas, some in the Government saw it as the perfect opportunity for the Prime Minister to state publicly that whatever disagreements she may have had with the press in the past, the culture here was vastly different to that in the UK and completely untainted by such disgraceful behaviour.
This statement, they reasoned, would have been not just completely correct but also a goodwill gesture that would have greatly improved the PM’s relationship with the media. A chance to start off again on the right foot.
But of course such sound advice was ignored and instead the PM got wrapped up in the Greens’ belief in a global media conspiracy, blaming her woes on negative press coverage.
Of course as most people understand, a free and robust media will always be critical of any government – let alone one that has hit new lows on pretty much every indicator from electoral performance to policy consistency to leadership stability to polling.
A smart government would find a way to overcome this by finding a story that people will listen to. That means playing ball with the media and getting its strokes right, rather than smashing the racquet after every double-fault.
The Government’s proposed new privacy laws are just this kind of petulance and a clumsily transparent attempt at payback for a media that wasn’t the guilty party in the first place. It’s like farting at the dinner table and then kicking the dog: Nobody falls for it and everyone is left embarrassed.
Instead of lying awake at night plotting revenge fantasies, the PM and her ministers would do themselves and the public better service if they just accepted they were copping a well-deserved belting and started looking around for a chance to hit the reset button.
Hit Joe’s button on Twitter: @Joe_Hildebrand
Facebook Recommendations
Read all about it
Punch live
Up to the minute Twitter chatter
RT @Colgo: Read this article on commas. Then see the correction at the end. Ooof! http://t.co/ZkLs6494
RT @cuisinemagazine: Yep, there's always a time for rubbish bread “@ToryShepherd: Imagine a world with multigrain at the sausage sizzle... http://t.co/0K4JyWKH”
Recent posts
The latest and greatest
Protecting the Barrier Reef is the Fin end of the wedge
When you take on a job like being Environment Minister there’s some hits you can see coming. …
ICB: Is white bread the worst thing since sliced bread?
Welcome to this week’s I Call Bullshit column. It’s a regular column that looks at skulduggery…
Sometimes, you’ve just got to stick it to the bloody ref
We are taught early in life that we should not question authority. We must listen to our parents, our…
Nosebleed Section
choice ringside rantings
From: They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments
Michael S says:
"A teacher at Geelong Grammar had criticised her for using words that were too long, which had left her confused and had made her doubt her ability to write essays. She became ''quite distressed'' when her English marks began to fall." I can sympathise. My scholastic mentors conveyed to me a causal relationship… [read more]From: Welfare for breeders is a bonus for everyone
Change Up! says:
I have no problem paying my taxes. As a single, childless person on a very decent income, I can afford it and not have my life severely altered. Plus I understand that my taxes paying for things like schools, childcare and infrastructure is ultimately a good thing. A better community is better for me… [read more]Gentle jabs to the ribs
They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments
A private school girl’s family is sueing her elite, extremely expensive private school for not… Read more
Most commented