Some fruitloop somewhere is saying the world’s going to end again next month. Yeah? You ask me, I reckon it ended this week.

Why is this horse smiling? Is he the one who made the website crash? The plot thickens…

This week, a thing called Click Frenzy happened. Or more to the point, didn’t happen. I don’t know what Click Frenzy actually was, or was supposed to be, but I am aware it was some kind of sale and that it ended up broken.

Thus, were millions of unbridled shopaholics denied the right to buy crap they didn’t need with money they didn’t have to satisfy an urge that can never be satisfied anyway.

I don’t get shopping. Not because I’m a man, and not because I’m “old”, as one Gen Y colleague called me today, but because I don’t get shopping as a pastime. Shopping to me is a chore.

Shopping is the thing I do when my underwear fails from the dual assault of a bulging waistline and elastic frayed by years of wear.

Shopping is the unpalatable but necessary thing you do when there is only three bean mix and burghul left in the cupboard. What the hell is burghul, anyway?

Shopping is something I do fast. As dentists do not pull teeth slowly, I do not dwell in shopping centres or their online equivalents.

I am well aware, of course, that some people actually enjoy the act of purchasing things. These people are insane. Enjoying shopping for its own sake is like delighting in taking out the garbage.

Look, I like a bargain as much as anyone. But there was something about this Click Frenzy thing this week that had all the ugly hallmarks of mob mentality.

People signed up because other people signed up. Then once they’d done that, they simply had to buy stuff because they just kinda did. Never mind that they didn’t need lavender blue cushions. Never mind that nobody needs lavender blue cushions. Never mind anything. Just gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

Oh, but the site didn’t work. And the dude who set it up seems to have a bit of history.

Nevermind that either. It’s not like anyone was denied the chance to buy anything they actually needed. Hey, and think of all the precious time people got to spend with the devices and apps who really matter to them.

In closing, let me tell you a nice story about buying stuff. This happened just last night.

So my kids and I we were playing backyard cricket at 7pm when the Home Ice Cream truck ding-donged its bell in our street. Home Ice Cream is like a Mr Whippy van but it sells super cheap ice cream in bulk.

I was out the door quicker than my kids. And I bought for just $9.50 a pack of 15 mock Gaytime ice creams. I tipped the bloke the change from $10. Good times for him. Good times for the kids. Good times all round.

As my kids and I walked barefoot in the street consuming those excellent cheap ice creams which we most certainly didn’t need, I thought to myself that there’s a time to indulge in needless consumption, and a time not to.

Pretty sure that Click Frenzy was an example of the latter.

A Twitter frenzy, on the other hand… @antsharwood

Comments on this post close at 8pm AEST

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    • Change Up! says:

      02:32pm | 22/11/12

      Anyone who wanted to see how Click Frenzy turned out only had to look at Catch Of The Day earlier in the day.

      I swear, the only reason why I keep COTD on my facebook feed is to watch people freak out during their 1 day sales.

    • SM says:

      02:46pm | 22/11/12

      Nice ending Anthony

    • Tony A says:

      02:47pm | 22/11/12

      i blame the failure of click/Frenzy on the Carbon Tax!

    • Julia G says:

      03:03pm | 22/11/12

      Nice try Tony A but as all intelligent Australians can see the failure was clearly the fault of your relentless negativity and misogyny.

    • Pedro says:

      03:31pm | 22/11/12

      Didn’t Gillard say that “clickfrenzy will never crash under any government that I lead”? Sure there’s a link to it on youtube. Maybe Joan or Gregg or Dovif can assist?
      And yes - theleft will bleat she and Swanny said that there may be online sales that may cause crashes.. but there was no specific mention of clickfrenzy, was there?
      More to the point - what I’d give for a faux gaytime ....

    • Tropical says:

      02:59pm | 22/11/12

      I want to know what role Tony Abbott ahd to play in this frenzy thingy?

    • Living Dead Liberal says:

      03:08pm | 22/11/12

      Of course it’s crazy. We know it ended in Nov 2007.

    • Brett says:

      03:22pm | 22/11/12

      Thus, were millions of unbridled shopaholics denied the right to buy crap they didnt need with money they didnt have to satisfy an urge that can never be satisfied anyway…thanks for that Tyler Durden

    • Barry says:

      03:23pm | 22/11/12

      This is by far, the single BEST article to EVER come from Never has there been a more honest, down to the point, and blatant article than this. They need more like it because it shows how messed up we usually are as a society.

    • Meh says:

      03:36pm | 22/11/12

      Hallelujah brother, being in shopping malls is previewing hades.

      Although I did go to the electronics websites to see if I could avoid going to the bricks and mortar shops (almost all had online specials on the day, not just CF affliated ones). The misses christmas present is ordered and I am hoping she will do the rest of the christmas shopping.

      I do the weekly grocery shop, so I don’t think I am being too unreasonable.

    • Steve says:

      03:47pm | 22/11/12

      You can thank the influence of marketing for the new mentallity. Business has successfully convinced society that if you’re not spending money you’re not having a good time. Not only that, you have to spend money or you’re somehow “lame”, “unfashionable”, or worse “Un-awstrayan”, the ad campaigns say so, so it must be true. Capitalism doesn’t want people enjoying things that are free or indulging in their own creativity; there’s no profit in that.

    • Smoker says:

      03:58pm | 22/11/12

      I can only agree. The only shopping I do is for food, smokes & beer.

    • Brett says:

      04:11pm | 22/11/12

      ...and the Ingmar Bergman/ Seventh Seal/ Death photo is a nice touch too

    • Laura says:

      04:58pm | 22/11/12

      See, I signed up for Click Frenzy because I freaking despise xmas shopping crowds, I figured if I could get some done online nestled on my couch in the comfort of my own home with a glass of wine, and save some bucks.. that was an excellent thing, yeah.. it didn’t work out.

      Oh wait, sorry… I mean.. gimme gimme gimme, mob mentality.. blah!!!!!

    • El says:

      04:59pm | 22/11/12

      Nice ending Anth, just know your kids will be a cut above the rest of those growing on Xboxs and Iphones.


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