Click Frenzy was a surefire sign of the apocalypse
Some fruitloop somewhere is saying the world’s going to end again next month. Yeah? You ask me, I reckon it ended this week.
This week, a thing called Click Frenzy happened. Or more to the point, didn’t happen. I don’t know what Click Frenzy actually was, or was supposed to be, but I am aware it was some kind of sale and that it ended up broken.
Thus, were millions of unbridled shopaholics denied the right to buy crap they didn’t need with money they didn’t have to satisfy an urge that can never be satisfied anyway.
I don’t get shopping. Not because I’m a man, and not because I’m “old”, as one Gen Y colleague called me today, but because I don’t get shopping as a pastime. Shopping to me is a chore.
Shopping is the thing I do when my underwear fails from the dual assault of a bulging waistline and elastic frayed by years of wear.
Shopping is the unpalatable but necessary thing you do when there is only three bean mix and burghul left in the cupboard. What the hell is burghul, anyway?
Shopping is something I do fast. As dentists do not pull teeth slowly, I do not dwell in shopping centres or their online equivalents.
I am well aware, of course, that some people actually enjoy the act of purchasing things. These people are insane. Enjoying shopping for its own sake is like delighting in taking out the garbage.
Look, I like a bargain as much as anyone. But there was something about this Click Frenzy thing this week that had all the ugly hallmarks of mob mentality.
People signed up because other people signed up. Then once they’d done that, they simply had to buy stuff because they just kinda did. Never mind that they didn’t need lavender blue cushions. Never mind that nobody needs lavender blue cushions. Never mind anything. Just gimme! Gimme! Gimme!
Oh, but the site didn’t work. And the dude who set it up seems to have a bit of history.
Nevermind that either. It’s not like anyone was denied the chance to buy anything they actually needed. Hey, and think of all the precious time people got to spend with the devices and apps who really matter to them.
In closing, let me tell you a nice story about buying stuff. This happened just last night.
So my kids and I we were playing backyard cricket at 7pm when the Home Ice Cream truck ding-donged its bell in our street. Home Ice Cream is like a Mr Whippy van but it sells super cheap ice cream in bulk.
I was out the door quicker than my kids. And I bought for just $9.50 a pack of 15 mock Gaytime ice creams. I tipped the bloke the change from $10. Good times for him. Good times for the kids. Good times all round.
As my kids and I walked barefoot in the street consuming those excellent cheap ice creams which we most certainly didn’t need, I thought to myself that there’s a time to indulge in needless consumption, and a time not to.
Pretty sure that Click Frenzy was an example of the latter.
A Twitter frenzy, on the other hand… @antsharwood
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