The problem with studies like Social Cities from Melbourne’s Grattan Institute is that they cling to old-fashioned notions of social norms. Like the difference between suburban and city life and what it means to be part of a community.

Just 'cause we interact online instead of the alley way, doesn't mean we are lonely. Photo: Herald Sun

According to their research, the fact that 25 per cent of Australian city dwellers live in single occupancy households, shows a heightened increase in the national experience of loneliness and isolation. But just because a person lives alone, does not mean that they are lonely.

Ask anyone who might be sharing with their extended family right now, or living in a share house. To people like this, the idea of living alone and having your own space is a luxury. You get to come home to a house just the way you left it, have full ownership of the contents of your fridge and never have to fight over the remote.

Living in the city does not rule out the opportunity to be part of a community, either. It’s 2012, being neighbourly is not confined to life in the suburbs.  In fact, the shop on the corner and the local community school has become more a hallmark of the inner-city than suburban Australian life. 

Think about it. Forty years ago, life in the suburbs was probably akin to life in a small town – quiet and close knit. But that’s changed. Our suburbs have become enormous, sprawling mini-cities. Suburban local shops have become huge malls and the local kids are just as likely to go to a school more than hour’s drive away, than they are to walk down the road.

Inner-city life on the other hand, is full of opportunities for interaction. Our houses and apartments are close together, and much of our daily life, like work, school and social activities are spent within a 15km radius.

Where I live the local park is packed to the brim on the weekends with people tending to the community garden. You don’t have to live in the same street as the park to be a member, you just have to have an interest in looking after the environment. Having a long arm for digging crap out of the river also helps.

Modern notions of community also exist online. You only have to read the open thread section of The Punch to realise that. There’s a group of ten to twenty regular names that have been there since we set up almost three years ago.

Same with Facebook. Don’t groan. That really is a way of keeping in contact with people, the modern way. Yes, it has its problems and annoying idiosyncrasies, but above all it remains a great way of keeping in touch.

City dwellers also find community when we join our children’s schools, universities and even our place of our work to a certain extent. Who says that those experiences are not just as good as the old-fashioned notion of sticking our heads over the suburban back fence? People in apartments share a cup of sugar sometimes too.

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    • amy says:

      10:38am | 27/03/12

      hmmm? we actually have to explain this?

      I dont see whats so great about country life anyhow

    • adam says:

      10:39am | 27/03/12

      re the photo, nothing wrong with a little alley way interaction either if it’s consentual. *nudge nudge wink wink*

      Thank you thank you come for the comedy stay for the steak

    • The righteous one says:

      10:53am | 27/03/12

      You dont have to live by yourself to be lonely, you can be in a huge crowd and be lonely, you dont have to interact with your neighbours or the local shop keeper or garden group to not be lonely. Lots of people live by themselves, rarely interact and are very happy and well adjusted thank you very much.

    • Fluffy Bunny says:

      10:53am | 27/03/12

      The problem with studies like Social Cities from Melbourne’s Grattan Institute is…that they are written by Ivory Tower Academics who wouldn’t know the realities of life if they bit them on the bum.

    • Warren says:

      11:15am | 27/03/12

      That’s right because Academics don’t have money problems, get lonely, get divorced, lose their jobs like the rest of us do they?

    • iansand says:

      11:19am | 27/03/12

      I wonder where academics live?  And shop? And send their kids to school?  Probably in some special compound inside their universties, from where they are never let out.

    • Jack says:

      11:27am | 27/03/12

      The problem with people who use terms like ‘Ivory Tower Academics’ is… they are retarded.

      Next time, please also mention their choice of caffeinated beverage and whether or not they live in ‘The Real World’ like ‘Hardworking Aussie Mums and Dads’.

    • amy says:

      11:53am | 27/03/12

      @Jack

      damn right! we don’t need no “fancy book learn’in” and their “bo-hee-me-an” Ideas

      not with ma and pa back on the farm workin like REAL aussies…while them “acedemics” are sittin there sippin thei capachinos the wheel on the cart broke down and the hoarse died….now were all workin the feils while my good for nuthin brother’s hanging out with hippies in melbourne getting his “education”

      he should be out here helpin us folk

    • Anne71 says:

      12:40pm | 27/03/12

      @Jack - you also left out choice of wine. After all, we city types apparently like chardonnay…?

    • Anne71 says:

      12:40pm | 27/03/12

      @Jack - you also left out choice of wine. After all, we city types apparently like chardonnay…?

    • Dez says:

      06:17pm | 27/03/12

      I think quite a few ivory tower academics may stalk these pages..

    • Elphaba says:

      10:59am | 27/03/12

      Great article Lucy.

      I’ve alsways found that social media is a great tool for encouraging more interaction face-to-face.  There are loads of sites out there connecting like minds to activities, like Couchsurfing, Get A Life and meetup.com.

      I think people are still clinging to this notion that marriage and children banishes loneliness.  It’s simply not true.  If it works, it’s awesome.  But there are plenty of people surrounded by family, that are still lonely.

      Methinks the Grattan Institutes study has missed the point entirely.

    • Am says:

      08:49pm | 27/03/12

      Actually the Grattan report stated that “online relationships compliment, rather than replace, direct contact”. Your examples of Couchsurfing and meetup.com are perfect examples of this. The point of the report was that our cities can be designed to facilitate social connection or they may make social connection more difficult.

    • M says:

      11:07am | 27/03/12

      What’s wrong with living alone? Some people prefer their own company.

    • Kika says:

      12:57pm | 27/03/12

      I am with you! I was raised by my anti-social Grandmother who every time a visitor came over she would mutter under her breath “OH Go away you old hag!.... Oh Hello!!” and act sweet as pie the next minute! Hahaha. So just because people seemed nice to each other back in the olden days doesn’t mean they DIDNT want social isolation either! haha.

    • Jeremy says:

      05:39pm | 27/03/12

      I’ve lived by myself for years now, and I have identified two problems with the situation; I can’t sunscreen the middle of my back properly, and after it gets slightly burnt I can’t aloe vera it either.

    • Movin On says:

      08:03am | 28/03/12

      @ Jeremy - Use a spray on sunscreen and you will have no need for the spray on aloe to soothe it

    • Rossco says:

      11:15am | 27/03/12

      “Modern notions of community also exist online. You only have to read the open thread section of The Punch to realise that. There’s a group of ten to twenty regular names that have been there since we set up almost three years ago. “

      19 now.

    • Emma says:

      11:19am | 27/03/12

      Life in a city is not more lonely but more anonymous. I dont even know my next door neighbours, the postman doesnt care about where my mail comes from and doesnt share gossip with me and I could have three men a night walking in an out without anyone noticing or caring.

    • Jane2 says:

      12:27pm | 27/03/12

      Exactly. I live in twin blocks with 12 units in each block. I’ve lived there for 3 years but there are some neighbours who have lived there just as long whom I wouldnt recognise if our paths cross as we live lives on different schedules. The most interaction I have with any of them is a “morning” or a wave in passing.

      In the city, as long as you dont annoy your neighbours your neighbours, in general, wont annoy you (there are always an exception or two).

      Am I lonely because I live alone? I work 9 hr days with a great group of people, I volunteer with another great group of people, I study with another great group of people. I have so many people in my life.

      Isnt it more concerning that someone would feel lonely if they are alone for 3 hrs by themselves? To me that means they have emotional issues.

    • Kika says:

      01:01pm | 27/03/12

      I agree with you Jane2. I can’t say at all that I’m lonely. I work with a great bunch of people and get most of my social interaction there. You spend how many hours a day at work and how many at home these days? Weekends I barely have time to do the grocery shopping, gym and any other errand I have to do I don’t have time for anything else!

    • Goffy says:

      03:58pm | 27/03/12

      Wow. I live in an apartment block and except for the two new apartments that just moved in we all know each other. I think it depends a lot on the specific block… sometimes everyone keeps to themselves, other places are very social and friendly. Actually, that ‘s a lot like a description of different parts of suburbs…

    • Brimstone says:

      11:27am | 27/03/12

      Yeah, country and suburban life is boring and isolating. Cities are where all the interaction takes place.

    • Dene says:

      11:30am | 27/03/12

      I agree entirely.. I used to live alone but am with family right now.. I want my own space again, it\s exactly what you said.. What’s in the fridge is allmine.. no dramas of who is using the bathroom or where my socks went etc It is the little things.. living alone in the inner city, in my opinion is a great opportunity for ME time but can go out at the drop of a hat. Living alone is not lonely, unless you want it to be!

    • Emma says:

      11:57am | 27/03/12

      And you dont have to be ashamed when you feel like a bad movie, tracksuit pants and cookie dough.

    • Dene says:

      02:34pm | 27/03/12

      Exactly Emma!

    • Jane2 says:

      12:15pm | 27/03/12

      Except 40 years ago, 15 km from teh CBD put you in the outer suburbs where there was limited facilities. Some things havent changed.

    • Gupta says:

      12:21pm | 27/03/12

      Try reading the Grattan report to see what it actually says: http://www.grattan.edu.au/pub_page/130_social_cities.html It doesn’t say everyone who lives alone is lonely - but data shows that people who live alone are more at risk of loneliness (as are older people and sole parents). If more people live alone then it makes sense than we need to think more about how cities, neighbourhoods, streets and buildings are designed so that they bring people together rather than keep them apart.

    • Emma says:

      12:51pm | 27/03/12

      I think though that people that are used to living alone can lack some social skills. When they suddenly have to share a household they struggle with basic no-brainers. We just got a new flatmate and she is new to the concept, which can be annoying. Two female colleagues of mine have been single and living alone for a decade and they seem rather intolerant of others and at times irritated in social settings. Whereas we all value our own space at times, I think sharing a household is not a bad idea to keep you social.

    • Kika says:

      12:58pm | 27/03/12

      Oh gosh no. I think we are already living too close together anyway. We don’t want to go back to 1666 London or something do we? Where you can reach your arm out and into someone else’s house and so close together that if one fire broke out the entire city would burn down?

    • Kika says:

      01:04pm | 27/03/12

      @Emma - Ha irritated in social settings. That’s me.  I blame my anti-social grandmother for those traits. I don’t live alone either. I just find interacting with others to small talk and waste time incredibly frustrating… ESPECIALLY when I don’t like them. Haha,.

    • the ghost of christmas past says:

      01:55pm | 27/03/12

      @  emma maybe she is an axe murderer waiting to lop your heads off while you are all asleep

    • amy says:

      01:56pm | 27/03/12

      @Emma

      not everyone is a happy social animal, when I get home from work I dont want to think about what “weire having for dinner” I’ll eat what I wan when I want..and do the damn dishes when it suits me

      and if my day was interesting I’ll tell you about it, otherwise it was “ok”...its ALWAYS “ok”

    • Al says:

      02:39pm | 27/03/12

      Emma - I couldn’t help chuckling at the last line of your comment.
      I have been living in shared accomodation going back over 10 years and the majority of the time I still don’t socialise with my flatmates.
      Sure, occasionaly I will, but in general I come home, do my own thing and then sleep and off to work. There are even times I don’t see or talk to them for a few weeks.
      Mind you I am not lonely as I realy dispise socialising, I find it tends to be empty and insincere and large groups make me extremly uncomfortable.

    • baddog says:

      12:25pm | 27/03/12

      Great article. I’m single and living in share accommodation. I interact with people all day; colleagues, friends, strangers. I email/skype those mates I can’t see face-to-face. I’m far from lonely. However my dream existence is to be one of the 25% of city dwellers who live by themselves. I’ve lived by myself for years before & would move out again tomorrow if I wasn’t saving money. Living alone does not make you lonely or isolated. Indeed I know married couples who drift around in far more ‘lonely’ existences than I do (but no judgement!) Living alone because you know absolutely no one/can’t make mates/suffer from a debilitating condition is totally different to choosing whether or not you want to share a bathroom with a pig.  I just think the research needs to define what constitutes as “lonely” or “isolated”. Because whether or not you sleep under the same roof as someone else is not the definition.

    • Kika says:

      12:54pm | 27/03/12

      Gosh I’d love to live back in the olden days when kids COULD play in the alley, things were quiet and slow moving so if someone did pop around it was welcomed and you have time to sit for a cup of tea and back when people weren’t so god damn afraid of each other…

      I live in an apartment. I have tried being nice to my neighbours. I really have. But to be frank it’s become too obvious that whilst my rent hasn’t increased much… there’s a reason for that. My street has gone downhill fast. It used to be a middle income street and now it’s low rent, just in the space of a few years. I have been nice to my neighbours - said hello etc. But I just don’t have the tolerance for them once they start leaving their bins outside our communal front door it makes you gag everytime you walk in and out of your unit…. One tenant downstairs even just dumped her rubbish over the balcony it missed her bin and splattered everywhere - we’re talking prawn heads and mussels… We politely asked her one night to clean it up. Still took her a few days to get around to it. I can only imagine the stink in her apartment considering she was closer to it than we were.

      So I wouldn’t say I’m lonely… but I dream everyday of living on a acreage and being as far away from people as I can! haha.

    • Josephine says:

      01:52pm | 27/03/12

      I’m one of the 25% and I’m not lonely. I’m too busy to be lonely. I’ve been living alone for a few years now and I love it. I need my own space and ‘alone’ time to keep my sanity. I feel really drained if I’m around people 24/7.

    • subotic says:

      02:50pm | 27/03/12

      “Same with Facebook. Don’t groan. That really is a way of keeping in contact with people, the modern way.”

      G R O A N…

    • Andrew says:

      03:23pm | 27/03/12

      There is nothing I love more than a person taking to a forum to bag out Facebook. I assume that it’s because they don’t actually have friends, and thus don’t realise that facebook has simply replaced the telephone as the method friends let other friends know when some social (offline) activity is happening.

      I hate to break it to you, but people don’t read smoke singles very well anymore…

    • marley says:

      05:57pm | 27/03/12

      @Andrew - hrmmmph. I don’t like phones, either. I figure, if your friends are important, you go see them.  I don’t want to be updated on Facebook or spend an hour listening to someone on the phone telling me about their lives. I prefer actual human contact.  At the times of my choice.  Hrmmmph.

    • sam says:

      09:02pm | 27/03/12

      Facebook hasn’t replaced anything, it has just become another way to communicate like a phone, a noticeboard in your local supermarket or whatever is your preference. Groan is the correct response, it is no more modern than mySpace or virtually any bulletin board from the 90’s, it simply has a greater populous than other sites.

      If your style is not to broadcast your life to everyone, which the vast majority of people on FB don’t, then it is no more useful to your comms style than email, which has many more users than FB.

    • Mary says:

      02:53pm | 27/03/12

      I have lived in share accomodation and alone in the inner city. I now live in Rural Victoria in a small town of 200, where I know everyone, and can honestly say I was less lonely in the city.

      In the city you had multle bars and cafes, you had public transport so you could have a drink after work and not worry about how you were going to go the 50km to get home. You also could make friends based on those you had things in common with, rather than the ones you see more often.

      Don’t get me wrong, I am involved with the town. I am on the footy commitee and a number of other smaller committees, I go to the pub and attend most of the functions around town but I just haven’t found a group of friends I bond with.

      This could be because I am a career woman, with no kids and a hubby that works away during the week which definately makes me a minority. I don’t have anything in common with most of the ladies around town, where as living in the city there were many more likeminded people.

      I also find that people gossip way too much as every conversation seems to lead to “such and such did this”, “did you hear about” blah blah blah. For this reason I find I am not very open about my own life which sucks when you do actually have issues you would like to talk over.

      Anyway, I wonder if they interviewed the” so called happier” country dwellers and asked them the same questions.

    • Suzanne says:

      03:12pm | 27/03/12

      It is lonely, we use to play in the park after school. Not now

    • Meh says:

      06:22pm | 27/03/12

      When you interact online, you are interacting with the computer, not the person.

    • Dman says:

      07:39pm | 27/03/12

      Omg, I bet that robots are actually on the other side typing stuff to you instead of a real human being!!

      Seriously, I bet your grandparents said “When you interact on the phone, you are interacting with a machine, not the person”. And I bet their parents said “When you interact via letters, you are interacting with the page, not the person”. Technology changes, and so do methods of interaction. They all have their uses, it’s just up to us to use them appropriately.

    • Steveo says:

      08:07am | 28/03/12

      Radio with pictures? It will never catch on!

    • Michelle says:

      09:23am | 28/03/12

      Your inner city lifestyle sounds idyllic. It also comes at quite a hefty premium. As does the luxury of living alone for most people.The reality for a lot of people is that they can’t afford the inner city community garden lifestyle. The can only afford to live in outer suburbs with inadequate infrastructure, facilities and services, and the idea of ‘community’ is just that. An idea. I think this article describes a middle class world. If you want to see real isolation and social deprivation, look to the suburbs.

    • Laura says:

      09:24am | 28/03/12

      This article raises a good point but fails to back it up with any evidence whatsoever.

      The fact that Lucy, or most of the commenters on this thread, don’t feel isolated or lonely living along in a city does not mean there aren’t any problems.

      The fact is conditions associated with isolation and loneliness are on the rise - mental illnesses like depression now affect more of us than ever.

      At these those Ivory Tower-types at the Grattan Institute rely on things like research and evidence to make their point rather than a few analogies and anecdotes.

 

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