Let’s get a bunch of things straight, right from the top.

Yes, Julia Gillard lied. Yes, the carbon tax won’t make a bee’s dick worth of difference in reducing global emissions. Yes, people in a robust democracy like ours are entitled to hold a peaceful rally anywhere they like.
Now for one more indisputable fact. Today’s carbon tax rally was a freak show. Worse, it was woefully unrepresentative of the millions of everyday Australians who have genuine concerns about this tax. Here are eight reasons why.
1. Angry Anderson
The former rocker played the role of the guy who gees up the crowd before a live TV show. What really made his appearance weird was the over-the-top language reminiscent of a fiery southern baptist preacher.
Anderson kept beginning sentences with phrases like “There will come a day when all men will have to stand and fight if they truly believe in justice and right.” And “Brothers and sisters, we will truly stand by each other”. And “The truth will reveal itself and the truth will set us free.”
This was supposed to be an opening address about a tax. It was more like an exorcism.
It also just got plain hilarious when, after unloading his personal beliefs for about 10 minutes, Anderson said “I’m not going to bog you down with my personal beliefs”. But it got even funnier when he said:
“Brothers and sisters, I have here a Toyota key, a Toyota key with what looks like two house keys attached. Look in your pockets, someone is missing a key to their Toyota.”
Amen, and oh what a feeling, brother Anderson.
2. The coffin.
Speaking of exorcisms, that coffin was just tasteless. They even had undertakers and everything, in what frankly was a sickening attempt to portray the death of democracy as symbolised by the carbon tax.
3. The constant references to the death of democracy
Oh and if democracy is so dead, just remind us again why a rally organised by government opponents was allowed to happen on the lawns outside the seat of power?
4. The endless sooky calls for a new election.
What was ostensibly a rally to protest a tax was more like an event to lament, yet again, the desperately close election result last year. Here are two lines from Tony Abbott’s opening remarks”
“There are two things we all want to say today. We want to say first we don’t want a carbon tax and second, we do want an election.”
Here’s some good news, Tony. There’s an election due in two short years. See? Wishes can come true.
5. The signs we didn’t see
We were told before this rally that there would be less ratbagism this time, even though we were also told that the ratbag element at the previous rally was grossly overplayed by the media.
Tony Abbott’s office reportedly vetted the signs at today’s rally, to make sure there were no “Bob Brown’s bitch” signs or similar. It appears they may have failed. As Abbott said today on the podium: “Ladies and gentlemen… I can see some signs I agree with, some signs I don’t necessarily agree with.” Oops. Can’t wait for the pics.
6. Barnaby Joyce’s fun day out
When Barnaby Joyce mentioned Rob Oakeshott’s name, he paused for effect and waited for the crowd to boo, which they heartily did. Echoing Abbott’s election whinge, he then called for one of the independents to cross the floor.
The Punch asks again: was this an anti carbon tax rally or a whinge at being out of power?
Joyce got yet weirder, as you knew he would, somehow drawing a connection between West African bank scams and the carbon tax.
He also asked if anyone in the crowd had a green job. We can only assume that for his next trick, he’ll go to a Greens rally and ask if anyone is the CEO of a mining company.
7. Truckie “Grover” Logan
This was one of the weirdest things seen on Australian television in years. Not since Daryl Somers has someone seemed to be so close to death on stage.
Logan walked from Albury to Canberra for this rally, to make a point about overworked truckies. The thing is, it looked like he’d done the whole walk this very morning. He could barely breathe, let alone speak, as he took the stage.
When he finally did speak, he mostly ranted about truckies’ rights, in a way which was tangentially related at best to the issue of the carbon tax. At worst, it was totally irrelevant.
“It’s every Australian’s right to earn a living. These new electronic log books are gonna make us drive when we’re tired and I for one won’t take it,” he said.
Uh, fair point. But we ask again, how does this directly relate to the carbon tax?
Logan’s call to the prime minister to stick the tax where the sun don’t shine hardly befitted an event which was supposed to be more family-friendly than the last.
Frankly, the guy actually looked like he needed a drink of water and a lie down and possibly a hospital bed. Putting him on stage in that state was not only bizarre, it was cruel.
8. The scattergun attacks on, well, pretty much everything
This was supposed to be a carbon tax rally. The full array of speakers used it to attack the government on pretty much everything, from heroin injection rooms, to stock market problems, to you name it.
Indeed, it was pretty much a de facto Liberal party campaign launch. Minus the policies of course, but then who needs policies when you can harp on and on and about THAT REALLY BIG LIE.
And you know what? That’s a shame. Because there are plenty of mild-mannered opponents of this tax who deserve much, much more level-headed representation.
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