Thankfully a carbon tax is designed to hit big bad polluters and not working families.

I mean, take environmental progressive Bob. Bob’s a model citizen and busy man trying to save the world from the hundreds of big bad carbon polluters required by law to report their environmental vandalism to the government.
He starts by using his mobile phone as an alarm clock in his Canberra bedroom. (Telstra: emissions of 1.43 million tonnes CO2 in 2009-10). It’s cold this morning, so Bob’s gotta have an environmentally considerate 4 minute shower to get clean and warm for the trip up the hill (ACTEW Corporation: 219,000t CO2).
And that lentil stew from last night didn’t sit right in his stomach (Kimberly Clark Pacific Holdings Pty Ltd: 370,000t CO2).
He has baked beans (Heinz Watties: 90,000t CO2) on toast and a coffee (Nestle Australia Ltd: 208,000t CO2) with a dash of milk (Murray Goulburn Co-operative Co Limited: 638,000t CO2) while reading his favoured Sydney Morning Herald and The Age online (Fairfax Media Limited: 97,200t CO2).
He resents the fact that he needs to read The Daily Telegraph and The Australian (News Australia Holdings Pty Ltd: 128,100t CO2) to see how the enemies of the future are justifying the raping of the planet. But it’s all part of Bob’s job.
It’s actually too cold to walk to work today so he gets picked up by his chauffeur-driven Prius (Toyota Motor Corp: 170,261t CO2 and Caltex Australia: 2.1 million t CO2) to the big doors on one of the four sides of his office building.
After some early media commitments about how only he can be trusted to save the planet, Bob hosts morning tea with staff.
It’s Christine’s birthday so there are some celebratory Arrowroot biscuits (Arnotts Biscuits Holdings: 91,000t CO2) bought from a local supermarket (Woolworths Ltd: 2.8 million t CO2) and cheese (Bega Cheese Ltd: 136,223t CO2) bought from Coles (Wesfarmers Ltd: 5.2 million t CO2 ) at the nearby Woden shopping centre (Westfield Holdings Limited: 339,000t CO2).
Bob doesn’t like tea so he sips from a Diet Coke (Coca Cola Amatil: 185,396t CO2) from his big leathery, Australian-made chair.
And the regularly hazed non-vegan staff member eats his cold cuts (Nippon Meat Packers: 113,257t CO2) from another local store (Aldi Stores: 172,987t CO2) in the dunce’s corner.
After morning tea, his staff make arrangements for a business class flight to Sydney Airport (Qantas: 4.18 million t CO2 and Southern Cross Airports Corporation Holdings: 92,935t CO2) with a donor who’ll pay for TV ads before taking another flight (Virgin Blue Holdings Ltd: 1.74 million t CO2) to Melbourne.
In Melbourne he’s the guest of honour at a cocktail party with green carbon investors including representatives from banks (Westpac: 194,300t CO2), National Australia Bank (158,268t CO2) and other investors (Macquarie Group Limited: 98,347t CO2 and AMP 180,458t CO2).
Those at the function help themselves to the beer (Lion Nathan National Foods: 391,949t CO2), Pinot Gris (Fosters Group: 233,899t CO2), and delicious chicken bites (Baiada Pty Limited: 305,049t CO2).
But being environmentally conscious Bob prefers a soy yoghurt (Parmalat Australia Ltd: 103,390t CO2) and tap water (Melbourne Water Corporation: 420,035t CO2).
Bob gives an inspiring address about the importance of cutting global carbon emissions to a standing ovation from the supportive university faculty members (University of Melbourne: 135,493t CO2) also in attendance.
He just hopes he was convincing while he wipes sweat from his brow (SCA Tissue Australia Pty Limited: 226,592t CO2) because the lights were bright and the room was hot because the air-conditioning was a little too low (Origin Energy: 1.926 million t CO2).
It’s been a long day so Bob gets frustrated that his trip to the hotel (Mirvac Ltd: 246,707t CO2) in a Holden Statesman (General Motors: 150,813t CO2) is delayed, but was relieved to see the traffic jam was caused by an ambulance taking an accident victim to a nearby hospital (Ramsay Health Care: 166,330t CO2).
The day ends where it started – in a hotel room where he boots up his notebook (IBM A/NZ Holdings: 99,927t CO2) and sends some emails, including one about a direct mail (Australian Postal Corporation: 309,999t CO2) to his supporters.
Some dedicated volunteers drop by to discuss a forthcoming protest march against big polluters and order Domino’s vegetarian pizza (Competitive Foods Australia: 142,187t CO2) before then they realise there’s a 24 hour ‘restaurant’ serving fish burgers downstairs and go there (McDonald’s Australia: 131,862t CO2) as they leave Bob’s room for the night.
Finally Bob’s alone and can go to bed after a productive day realising he’s part of the greenhouse gas solution, while the big bad polluters remain the problem.
Tim Wilson is Director of Climate Change Policy and a trained carbon accountant – www.ipa.org.au All numbers from this article come from the Department of Climate Change’s NGERS Greenhouse Energy and Information Guide listing carbon polluters.
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