If you thought forking out for over-priced flowers was enough to contend with on Valentines Day, then spare a thought for fellow lovers in the wild, who have to work much harder to keep their sweethearts happy.

I don't think you're ready for this jelly… Picture: John Fowler

Take satin bowerbirds for instance, who bring a whole new meaning to the saying, ‘something borrowed, something blue’.

Male bowerbirds create spectacular mosaics by foraging for anything and everything blue – flowers, berries, feathers, Freddo frog wrappers – and protecting their stash from competing males. The best artwork, combined with the best dancing (a criteria shared by discerning females of many species), wins. But before you get googling for exhibition openings and salsa classes, it’s worth noting what humpbacks whales, the supposed ‘gentle giants’ of the ocean, get up to. These guys slam their 40-tonne bodies into one another, often for hours and sometimes fatally, until just the victor is left swimming.

Brute force won’t win over a female cassowary though – they’re all about finding a SNAG.

Male cassowaries take chivalry up a notch by raising their young all on their own, as single fathers, right from egg sitting through to chick rearing.  Take note, human fathers: there’s nothing more romantic than giving the love of your life a night off from the kids and chores.

But even after all of the trouble these creatures go to reproduce, the continued existence of their species is hardly secure.

They, like many others, face threats created by our own species.

A calving ground for humpback whales off the Kimberley Coast is currently under threat from the proposed James Price Point gas project, while land clearing has the cassowary firmly fixed on the engendered species list.

We do have a national environment law in place to try and protect special places and wildlife.

New developments for things like mining, dredging, clearing and damming that could damage nationally significant places and wildlife have to be approved under the law.

But big business is demanding that environmental law should be rolled back; even pushing the federal government to abandon its responsibilities for environmental protection and give state governments the final say on whether environmentally reckless developments should go ahead.

That would mean handing over the reins to premiers like Queensland’s Campbell Newman, who last year labelled national protection for koalas as “mindless green tape” and declared, “We’re in the coal business”.

It would mean giving the Victorian Government the power to go ahead with their plan to allow cattle into the Alpine National Park, leaving more than 1100 native plant species, many of them unique snow-adapted plants found nowhere else in the world to be trampled by hooves and infested by weeds.

It would mean winding back environment protection by thirty years to the days before the protection that stopped the Franklin River from being dammed and the Great Barrier Reef from being drilled for oil was in place.

Obviously, people who appreciate the wonders of Australia’s unique landscapes, heritage and wildlife, aren’t impressed by the idea.

Polling shows 85 per cent of Australians agree the Federal Government should be able to block or require changes to major projects that could damage the environment.

Eminent Australians have signed an open letter to the Prime Minister urging the government to keep Commonwealth environmental approval powers in place.

The likes of Professor David Lindenmayer from the Australian National University’s School of Environment and Society; Robert Pallin, the Chairman of Paddy Pallin and former High Court judge Murray Wilcox all signed on.

Even Sir David Attenborough has spoken up against the idea. Incidentally, I really enjoyed watching YouTube clips of his work in my research for this piece (search ‘humpback whale heat runs’ for some pretty compelling footage).

On top of the big names, thousands of Australians have written to the Prime Minister urging her to stand up to big business.

Today I’ll be dropping off a Valentines Day card and some native flowers to Prime Minister Gillard and Environment Minister Tony Burke signed by some of the many Australians who don’t want to see the places and wildlife they love destroyed.

You can share the Valentines Day card through facebook and twitter at www.placesyoulove.org It’s no humpback whale body slam but it’s a way to show you care about Australian wildlife with enough time left over for our own species’ weird and wonderful Valentines-Day courting rituals.

Saffron Zomer is the National Liaison Officer at the Australian Conservation Foundation.

Comments on this post will close at 8pm AEDT.

Most commented


Show oldest | newest first

    • ramases says:

      11:16am | 14/02/13

      I’ve always thought that having a “special” day to tell someone that you love them is a crock. I’ve been married for over 40 years and the first thing in the morning and last thing at night we both express our love for each other. Stems back to when I was in the Forces and we didn’t know from day to day whether we would ever see each other again.
        Its not a habit but a true reflection of our love for each other and makes one wonder if people need a special day what do the do the other 354 days of the year. Sort of makes a mockery of the whole process doesn’t it.

    • Nostromo says:

      01:04pm | 14/02/13

      Hey, I hit the Calder Fwy & Western Ring Road for several years & now catch VLine every day & walk/tram around the inner city. I have to tell the Mrs I luv her several times a day, not just at the start & end!

    • Dan says:

      01:12pm | 14/02/13

      The refrain of tightasses everywhere. I also tell my partner that I love her every night before we go to sleep and often at least once during the day. But it doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate your love on a special day as well. I mean I also tell her and show her that she is special to me, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t get a birthday where I try to make her feel really special.

      PS - you’re missing 10 days.

    • ramases says:

      02:40pm | 14/02/13

      What tightarse, I dont need a special day to buy something for my girl, if i see something that i know she likes or she sees something that she brings to my attention i generally buy it for her and vice versa. Because we are on a pension makes it a bit hard but we cope by lay buying the item, last month it was a Gold and Diamond Pendant and this month she got me 46” LED TV, didn’t need a special day for either.
      I personally think that Valentines Day is just a ploy by retailers to part the gullible from their hard earned for overpriced items, like $10 for a single red rose, give me a break, we have them in abundance outside our bedroom window and free too.
        Those 10 days were gift to you from me to have something concrete to whine about, lol. 364 days, there better now.

    • Meph says:

      11:46am | 14/02/13

      Thismorning, while waiting for the train, I witnessed a young couple standing further down the platform. Ordinarily this would be an entirely uneventful situation, but the young woman was licking (no, not a typo or Freudian slip) the guy’s face.

      Either someone had oysters for breakfast, or arbitrary calendar dates really do have an effect on the libido..

      Happy corporate love day punchers, may yours be classier than the one I witnessed thismorning.

    • Philosopher says:

      02:25pm | 14/02/13

      Could have been worse, I suppose…

    • BCR says:

      11:47am | 14/02/13

      Er, humpback whales don’t do that. Actual physical conflicts are rare, although there’s lots of splashing. Instead, generally a cohort of males will chase a female, racing each other at the same time. The ‘victor’ is generally one that keeps up with the female.

      If you want REAL interesting whale mating rituals, check out right whales..

    • ZSRenn says:

      01:02pm | 14/02/13

      Sorry saffron, I think most punchers have read your piece and thought fluff piece about Love sounded Meh and quickly switched to another story without completing yours.

      You will be happy to know that I did complete it and then went Meh more greenish diatribe to save the blue speckled over sized wombat moth or something went Meh and will quickly switch to another story!  But before I go may I say this?

      Man’s numbers are increasing and there is not much that can be done about that short of starting, a China like, international UN backed one child policy which I am sure has about as much chances of getting up as Elton John at an all girls strip club.

      Yes I agree protection is needed but the laws go to far, add too much cost to development and are stopping Australia’s advancement. As the world continues to grow, desperation for food could wipe out species completely but if we relax some regulation and work with some sanity in mind on the issue we could be able to save a lot more in the future.

    • Nostromo says:

      01:18pm | 14/02/13

      Two words: Soylent Green. <BFG>


Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

The Punch is moving house

The Punch is moving house

Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go

Tim says:

They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]

From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says:

If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]

Gentle jabs to the ribs

Superman needs saving

Superman needs saving

Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more



Read all about it

Sign up to the free News.com.au newsletter