Call me old fashioned, but it’s OK to marry young

Jessie says:

12:52pm | 09/03/12

I don’t think it’s the AGE that’s important, it’s HOW LONG the couple has been together.

I think it is absolutely foolish to rush into marriage after a few months or less because the couple is still in their honeymoon phase and the relationship probably hasn’t been tested. The pair needs to know they can get through the hard times together and this might not have happened in the early stages.

Many couples break up after years of dating, I think it is wise to be damned sure you are likely to stand the test of time before signing off to forever.

Carmen says:

01:58am | 25/09/09

I’m a 20 year old and personally getting married at a young age is not so good.      For some (a minority) who are 18 can get married & stay married is very rare.
How can a person so young think rationally if physically the human brain is not even fully developed until 21?

Vonny says:

02:08pm | 07/09/09

Maybe the people expressing disapproval at marrying young aren’t actually expressing disapproval. Perhaps they are expressing scepticsm regarding “it’s too good to be true”. There’s so many bad things that happen to people that when they see a good thing, they don’t realise it’s real. I think that despite this, if you and your partner are truely right for each other and they have seen you together and how you act towards each other, the negative commentary will disappear

Pen Shunner says:

01:31pm | 07/09/09

Married at 19, still have the same millstone around my neck, still able to swim with it. Wouldn’t swap it for quids, to old to get a new one, too hard to take the rough edges off ‘em, sort of grew up together, she has made good babies, who have produced wonderful grandchildren. Haven’t had the big overseas trip, or the big house with multiple bathrooms & gold plated taps. Wot I got is better…..

Samantha says:

12:15pm | 07/09/09

YES…. I think you can meet and marry the right person when you are young. Age isn’t the deciding factor of whether your marriage will work long term or not it is based on if you fall in love with someone who is compatible with you and if you have common needs, wants and life goals I think. My parents met at 16/20 and married 3 years later and are still married and in love at 65/69.  My grandparents did the same and were together into their 80’s until my grandfather passed away.  I hoped to do the same and married at 20 but alas within 5 years and 3 children found that my parents were indeed correct that I had chosen the wrong person and we were doomed for with an unhappy life and after 12 years I decided to ‘destroy’ my children’s lives by divorcing their father…. it was not like there was a particular reason, only that as we had grown up together we had also grown apart and wanted totally different things out of life now and in the future.  I married for a second time at 35 and 9 years later am extraordinarily happy!  Now if I’d only met this guy at 18 instead

Azure says:

11:05am | 07/09/09

I knew that I wanted to marry my boyfriend after dating him for only a few months but we held of on getting engaged until we’d been together for 9 months. We got married 7 months later and are now only coming up for 2 years since we’d started dating. While we were only 22 and 23 when we got married we’ve got the same beliefs, values and goals and I love my husband more today than I did when I married him. I don’t think it matters how old you were when you tied the knot you need to work on your marriage everyday and polish the love you have otherwise your marriage will fail.

Some people questioned us and only recently someone referred to me as Mr’s girlfriend but overall everyone was supportive and one of my friends can’t wait to find for himself what he sees that we have. Soon another friend of mine is getting married. She’s 21 and her and her fiance have the strongest relationship that has survived trial by fire. We’ll both still be married in 50 years time.

Lucky in love says:

09:51pm | 06/09/09

I am 32 years old and was lucky enough to meet the love of my life when I was 19.  We knew within 6 months that our relationship would be permanent because we were such a great fit, and also because we are both stable personalities who don’t change our minds once we find something we like! We talked about getting married at that time, but did not proceed due to the abject horror we would have encountered from our friends and families.
In the end, it didn’t matter; we moved in together before we turned 20 and lived as a married couple in all but the “legal” sense until we eventually got married on our 10th anniversary.  Of course, everyone thinks we did the right thing, but the point is, that had we married at the age of 20, it would not have been the wrong thing to do.  In fact, it wouldn’t have made any difference - we would still be happily married today.
There is no point in making sweeping judgements - some people find their soulmates early, and others are still too immature to marry at 30.  Age is just an arbitrary number, and it all depends on the individuals involved.

me says:

08:33pm | 06/09/09

I say get married when you are in love…

wildgherkin says:

01:50pm | 06/09/09

Life doesn’t end just because you’re married.  You don’t have to stop going out and partying just because you have a ring on your finger.  Its just that you can’t go picking up in night clubs any more.  I’m married and my husband and I still manage to head out and have lots of fun.  Its just that that fun has to be toned down a little, and I’m only allowed to kiss and have sex with one guy in the entire night club , and thats the one that I put a gold ring on the finger of all those years ago.

Heidi says:

08:00am | 06/09/09

My husband and I have been together since we were 17, but didn’t get married until we were 26. But we still constantly got comments like “you are going to see other people before you settle down aren’t you?” even well before we had announced any plans to get married. I couldn’t understand this. Unless I was going to test out every single possible relationship out there with every single man in the world, then there didn’t seem to be any point playing the filed before settling down. If we were happy and in love then what was the point in breaking up and trying out other relationships just in case we found one we liked better? By the time we did get married at 26 everyone agreed that we were right together, and wondered why it had taken us so long to finally get married!!

On the other hand, one of my best friends got engaged at 19 to a guy she’d known for 6 months. My objection was not that she was too young, but that she was marrying a complete asshat, an assessment which has since been proved entirely correct with revelations of an affair with a teenager! Also of concern was the fact that, as a young Christian who wasn’t going to have sex before getting married, she seemed to be focused more on the sex than the marriage. Wanting to have sex with someone is NOT a reason to marry them.

Aussie says:

01:04am | 06/09/09

I was 26 when I met my husband. I came to America (from Australia) for a 3 week holiday to meet a group of friends I had met online. One of them was my husband, and we hit it off instantly. 3 months later, I came back for a longer holiday, and we ended up getting engaged 6 weeks into my trip, and married 2 weeks later.
We’ve been married almost 7 years now, and pregnant with our second child. People who have known him for 20 years or more have told me that this is the happiest he’s ever been.
I agree with one of the other comments: It doesn’t matter how old or young you are - you can find the wrong person when you’re 35 years old, or the right person when you’re 20.
And right now I’m dealing with comments regarding the name choices for our next child. Why people think they have the right to criticise, even if they’re family or close friends, is beyond me.

bubbly says:

12:59am | 06/09/09

I’m now where near getting married, but I have had people tell me particulary older women to stay away from men, never get married and never have kids. What has happened to these women to tell a complete stranger to never bother with something that I want more than anything else? I ignore advice like that becuase I don’t want to be alone and miserable for the rest of my life and man I can’t wait to married and start a family!

Luckyinlove says:

08:02pm | 05/09/09

I’m 20, partner is 23 - we are engaged, planning to wed in December 2010. We have been together 6 and a half years - he was my first love / high school bf…. We own our apartment, cars etc and have been living together for 3 years, spend 90% of our time together. We work together, play sport together and come home together. He is my whole world and we have been like this for 6 and a half years.

I understand the criticism we get for marrying young, but I am in tears even when we joke about who will pass on first and who will be waiting on the other side.

When you meet the one you just know… Lets embrace the fact that young people want to settle down - but only if they are doing it for the right reasons.

Kelsey says:

06:28pm | 05/09/09

I wish someone had been brave enough to tell me not to get married when I was 20.  I was too young, it was a stupid move, and I was divorced at 25.

I don’t necessarily think age is the be all and end all, but *most* 20 year olds are far too young.  My experience has turned me off marriage for life.  I truly wish I’d waited longer.

Kit says:

05:49pm | 05/09/09

I got married last year when I was 23 and my husband was 27. I’ve also had strangers tell me we were too young, even “oh well, at least you’ll have time for a second one.” The sad part is that the naysayers generally relax when they realize we’re both well-educated, have money, have travelled the world… that makes us incredibly romantic and a status couple, instead of “crazy christians” or “people with no lives” like those “other” young marrieds. Please. It seems like the only acceptable window for women is 27-29, get married before that and you’re missing out or settling, wait until after and you’re running out of time (and settling!) You just have to do what feels right… I would never have guessed I’d be one of “those” young marrieds, but then I never dreamed of most things in my big and wonderful life.

eep! says:

04:06pm | 05/09/09

Im 20, my lover is 25. We have been together for three years and lived together for two and a half years. We have our families and friends constantly asking us when are getting married and when are the kids coming.  His Grandparent’s constantly try to talk me into having children…

Shan says:

03:12pm | 05/09/09

I always have to laugh at how people always need to comment on what other people are doing with their lives.  My Dad married Mum when he was 19 (mum was 23).  He was 10 days off 21 when I arrived and celebrated 30 years together last year.  I was engaged at 22 after knowing my now husband for 10 months.  We finally got around to setting a date and was married about 3 years after the engagement.  2 kids and 5 years later I believe we’re going strong.  If we will last, that will be down to how he and I deal with any issues that come to hand and how we treat each other and ourselves.  I think everyone getting married has every intention of only doing it once.  It just doesn’t turn out like that for everyone.  Whether someone marries young, or waits until mid 30’s or older comes down to meeting someone at the right time and place and believing the institution.  However, in regards to everyone seeming to have a comment in other people’s lives (ie, when will you get engaged? when will you get married? When are you having kids?  When will you go for #2? Will you go for number 3 to try for that elusive boy/girl?, etc) I like to think of it like this:

A young woman is attending an engagement party and her elderly relatives keep coming up to her and telling her “You’ll be next.  just wait and see!” thinking she needs some encouragement.  She gets very tired of this but cannot seem to think of an answer until she sees her same elderly relatives at a funeral several weeks later and goes up to them saying “You’ll be next!”

Scott Pole says:

11:29am | 05/09/09

I got married at 21. I’ve now been married 17 years and 3 kids. The sex is still great and yeah of course we have fights but we set ground rules. And we beleive in marriage so much my wife has become a celebrant and I an event planner.

Ashleigh says:

08:29am | 05/09/09

I’m 22 (fiance is also 22) and getting married in a few months (Jan2010). My partner and I have been together for a 2 and a half years (engaged at 2years) and people have been asking us when we were getting married after we had been dating for 6 months. When we did get engaged everyone we knew was as happy as could be. There were no critisisms of getting married to young as they knew that we had both found the right person for us.

I don’t believe in a right or wrong age to get married, for some getting married in their 20’s might be to young for other getting married in their 30’s might still be to young for them. It has to be up to the individuals involved, and if it doesnt work out (as unfortunate as that would be) then that is something that they again will have to deal with themselves.

Kate says:

08:29am | 05/09/09

It’s quite funny actually, because I think the same criticism goes into the decision to have children.  Always younger couples are criticised for making that decision, just as much as they’re criticised for getting married in the first place.  My husband and I married when he was 23 and I was 22 - we had been together for 18 months when we tied the knot.  You can imagine what kind of a stir that caused.  Almost three years later and I’m 8 months pregnant with our second child.  Due to my husband’s job, we have quite a few “Mature age” friends who got married later and had their children in their mid to late 30’s.  I would never critisize the relationships they have with each other, but how you have a romantic night with your spoilt 2 and 1/2 year old still sleeping in your bed i’ll never know.  My son (who is younger) is asleep in his own bed by 7 at the latest, giving us plenty of alone time in the evenings which to me is a key to any relationship.  And having children with a little discipline certainly helps to keep the household in balance.

g says:

12:37am | 05/09/09

Love Steve, it’s called love…

Steve says:

06:16pm | 04/09/09

I don’t know why anyone would invest so much money and effort into something that has an almost one in two chance of failure. And then they go and do it again!

BB says:

05:27pm | 04/09/09

The Bennett sisters in in the novel Pride and Prejudice were aged between 15 and 20 when they were married off. An “old maid” was any single woman over 25 - considered far too old to be marriage-worthy.

Jolanda Challita says:

05:18pm | 04/09/09

I met my husband when I was 15 we got married when I was 25 and he was 28 and we have been married for 20 years and have 4 beautiful children.  There were people who placed bets that our love wouldn’t survive.  Not only have we proven them wrong, we are very happily married and looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together.  It isn’t age that makes the difference, it is attitude.

bek says:

04:55pm | 04/09/09

sorry to break it to you but if your mates are using the old “society’s sake” excuse I suspect they’re both unsure of whether or not to get married.  I’m not aware of any society “rules” that require you to be together for well over a year before getting married. In fact a year into a relationship is quite normal.

Rel says:

03:52pm | 04/09/09

A couple who marry young have just as much chance of a failed marriage as a couple who marry later on in life. It all comes down to the mindset of the couple, whether they’re prepared to put in the effort to make their marriage & relationship work, or whether they think its ok to bail out when times get tough. If a couple aren’t prepared to honour all their marriage vows, they shouldn’t get married, simple as that. A lot of the time its got nothing to do with age (Look how many people in their 30-40 are divorcing these days). No one ever said love or marriage was easy,  but even a couple who have fallen out of love can find love with each other again if both are willing & prepared to work for it.

Daniel says:

03:46pm | 04/09/09

I have recently just got married, aged 23, partner 20. We are high school sweet hearts as we have been together for over 6 years. We lived together for 2.5 years and we thought hey why not now. Every time we went some where someone would say your to young dont do it, but then you ask what age did you get married at 9/10 would say 20ish, so how is it different and we are to young ? we are the same age as the people who say this when they got married. Lastly if they love each other who cares when they do it, its for them not you

Allison says:

03:27pm | 04/09/09

I got married as a 18 year old.  It has now been 11 years and a couple of kids later and still going strong.  I actually think that it’s great that we are had our kids young.  As our income goes-up so does our children grow.  It means that when I am making really good money my kids will have all (hopefully) left home - and we can live the high life.  Apart from that - I am sick of justifying my age, marital status and the fact that I have a couple of kids!  Why should it matter what we do??  Funny thing is the people who have something to say are usually the ones whom we are supporting via our hard earned tax dollars!!

Steve of Cornubia says:

03:24pm | 04/09/09

Eh? Marrying in your 20s is too young?

Mrs Wife and I got wed at 18 years old, and we’re still going strong 34 years later.

The only thing I regret is getting married in the 70s. You should see the wedding photos. Aaaagh!

Dan says:

03:02pm | 04/09/09

I sometimes worry if young couples have the staying power in their relationships… but really, its none of my bloody business.  People can do whatever the hell they want to provided everyone’s of a sound mind, consents and no-one’s hurt.

DG says:

02:59pm | 04/09/09

@Laura (02:12pm | 04/09/09) : I carefully avoided saying “that people should stay in an unhappy marriage simply because they promised they would”.

My point was that if people are willing to stick it out forever, no matter how unhappy they each are, the marriage will last forever. It doesn’t make it a good marriage - longevity doesn’t mean its good or valuable (in response to Jim’s apparent idolatry of 60 year marriages). I expressly stated that “whether keeping the marriage together is a good thing (when the parties are unhappy) is a separate debate.”.

And the last point was my own personal philosophy for my life - I don’t purport to have all of the answers to life, nor that my philosophy is right for everyone - but I hold being true to my word VERY highly. Would I give up my dreams to stay true to a promise? Yes. I’ve done so before and would do so again. Does it make me happy? Not always. But, I value loyalty and trustworthiness above happiness. Happiness is whimsical, loyalty is consistent.

I’m a strange kind of person, I find comfort and satisfaction in consistency. Loyalty and commitment are values I regard quite highly - they do not lend themselves to frivolous or whimsical behaviour, but are reliable in all things. The alternative is unreliable loyalty and conditional commitment. Which would you choose?

Reader says:

02:58pm | 04/09/09

Listen other than the two individuals getting married. I can’t see how it is anyone else’s business. I am 26 and my husband is 32 - we’ve been married for 8 years, I got married at just 18, and I had only been with my husband for 3 months when we became engaged. We have a great life, started young, 2 kids, we brought a nice house and a holiday place too, great careers and we travel overseas with our kids once a year. So it would not work that way for everyone, and marriage regardless of age can be hard work sometime, but who paints everyone with the same brush. My family would not criticize our choice – that’s called respect!!!!

Laura says:

02:12pm | 04/09/09

@DG: Are you really saying that people should stay in an unhappy marriage simply because they promised they would? That seems ridiculous to me.

People change. It happens all the time. Their outlook on life changes, and their feelings change. Just because someone believes that they couldn’t live without someone, doesn’t mean they’re going to feel the same way in 20 years time.

We only get one life. Why waste it in a marriage that is making you unhappy, just because you said you would?

I was in a fairly committed relationship since I was 17, but over the years, we both changed, and developed different approaches to life, and what we wanted. Had we gotten married (which we considered), are you suggesting we should have just given up on our own dreams?

I won’t berate anyone for choosing to marry young, and I acknowledge that sometimes it works out. But given the giant cracks that emerged very quickly in what I thought was a rock solid relationship, and given how fantastically we’ve both done since being free of each other, I don’t think the idea that ‘you promised life and you should stick to it’ is a great way to go.

What’s the point of two people who no longer feel for each other, sticking it out simply because they promised to? They’re better off going out to find someone new to make them happy!

Sally says:

02:10pm | 04/09/09

I married at 24 and my husband was 22.  3 years later we are still ridiculously happy.  MC you make a good point.  It really is about the right person.  I think this will play a big part in years to come.  Yeah, people change but fundamentally he will still be the same person I fell in love with. May I add maturity.  That can come (or not come) at any age.

A says:

01:52pm | 04/09/09

Well Formersnag, being married has very little difference regarding Family Law proceedings in many instances. People should marry when they want to, and make thier own mistakes regardless of what people think. There is never a right or wrong way of doing things, the parties just have to be satisfied that marriage to that person is what they want, regardless if they are 20 or 40!

Cindy says:

01:41pm | 04/09/09

Its an individual thing and it always should be. I find our society loves to pigeon hole, rather than look at people as individuals. I married at 24, lasted a year and half, why, because I had the maturity level of a bean sprout. I had no idea what it required to keep a marriage together, and its a whole lot more than just love. But that was me. I also know of another couple that met as teenagers and have been married now for over 15 years. There is no such thing as a perfect life, enjoy what you have while you have it.

Formersnag says:

01:36pm | 04/09/09

Miranda and all of you, have been missing the real point, of many people, who have been critisising marrying younger. Which is that getting married at all, since 1975, is a mistake, at least if you are male anyway. The family law is stacked against you and designed to encourage the abuse of your children. So if you love a woman, live with her, but never, get married, unless you want, to see yourself and children being abused.

R says:

01:28pm | 04/09/09

My husband and I got engagged after being together for 6 months and were married 18 months later.  I was 23 when I walked down the isle and while I had always thought my life would go in a different direction filled with travel and excitment I realised that it would be way more fun to do everything with the man I love.  We are about to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary and our daughters first birthday.

DG says:

01:24pm | 04/09/09

@Jim: A long marriage doesn’t mean a happy marriage. Especially if the marriage started 50 years ago.

What option is there for a woman who was not permitted to work to, in her 70’s, go it alone? Clearly money is a big issue in this regard - as is the social expectation. In a religious community it is clearly more socially acceptable to stay in an unhappy marriage than to divorce - it doesn’t take much to pretend that you are happy when in public, but then to separate when you go home.

Meanwhile, a couple that have never had other partner can struggle if one later decides that they didn’t like the promises that they made and refuses to honour them. A friend has a theory that people don’t know how they really are until 25 - I disagree. Some take longer to decide, but it doesn’t matter how long it takes you to realise what you want, but how willing you are to stick to the promises that you made along the way - if you are 16 and stick to the promises you’ve made (regardless of your changing feelings), you have the same chance at happiness as any one else that is willing to do the same. If you are willing to stick to your promises the marriage will last.

I know that I would rather be unhappy, loyal and trustworthy*, than happy, disloyal and untrustworthy. A marriage with 2 people that value the first choice will naturally last longer than the later - whether keeping the marriage together is a good thing (when the parties are unhappy) is a separate debate.

(*loyal and trustworthy - meaning remaining true to my sacred promise to be married ‘for life’ and ‘to the exclusion of all others’. If a person is not true to such a sacred promise can they honestly claim to be loyal and trustworthy?)

ts says:

01:19pm | 04/09/09

personally, i think the whole older marriage / older to become parents thing is a combination of selfishness and the fact that too many people think they deserve more.  marry when you’re happy and ready, not when your 22 yr old drinking buddy thinks its time!

MC says:

12:55pm | 04/09/09

My wife and I got engaged after only a few months together when we were 25 and 28, respectively. We were married less than 18 months later, had a baby and couldn’t be happier. However, if you had asked either of us a couple of years ago if we could have foreseen this happening or even wanted to start a family just yet, the answer would have been a definite “no”.

My point is, you never really know until you meet the right person.

Billy Pilgrim says:

12:53pm | 04/09/09

Leah and others: I can’t really generalise of course..I’m just going on my own experiences. The attributes I desired in a partner and for myself were completely different when I was younger, and as time went on in my marriage it became increasingly clear how divergent it was becoming. Of course personal development is a lifelong journey even after our brains have finished making their neuronal connections. I guess it’s more a case of if you’re lucky enough to find someone you’re happy to change and grow in the same direction with, but I wouldn’t have thought the same could be said of all younger relationships.

Of course it could also simply be a case of being much more sure of who I am and what I want now, I certainly wouldn’t begrudge anyone of that no matter their age

jim says:

12:45pm | 04/09/09

Some of the comments here are based purely on speculation.

Myself and many of my Christian friends marry in their early 20s. And surprisingly they have a much longer marriage. There are those whom married at the age of 18 and have been married for over 60 years…

I’ve known a few Christians and non-CHristians marrying past 30s, and they struggle a lot with baggage on their previous relationships. And it’s a huge strain.

Experience in relationships doesn’t count, you aim to get married once in your life time and that should be it. Otherwise love is diluted.. and it’s not as good.

Tub says:

12:22pm | 04/09/09

There’s no template (with specificities) to marriage (and life).

Don't generalise says:

12:18pm | 04/09/09

I realise that many people who get married in their early 20s (or, shock! horror!  before that) may not be mature enough to make a good decision, and therefore it’s not the best idea for everyone. But on the other hand, for some people it IS the best idea, and that’s why I don’t think you can make blanket statements about people being ‘too young’.

After a 2 year relationship, I got married at 18, and you wouldn’t believe the flack we copped from family and friends/peers when we told them that was our plan. Of course, it didn’t take long for nearly all of our loved ones to become supportive of us. Thing is, we knew what was right for us, and we went after what we wanted. This will seem far ‘too young’ to some people. And I would agree that while ‘young’ people may not be as ‘mature’, that doesn’t negate their ability to make sensible, considered decisions. My partner and I shared the same values, beliefs and, to some extent, desires for the future together. We not only loved each other, we really liked each other too. And we still do.

I agree with those above who said that when true love comes knocking, you need to grab it with both hands - age is not the issue. A decade down the track, our peers are more amenable to ‘settling down’, only to realise the apparent dearth of desirable, decent potential partners out there. In fact, we still have close friends from our teen years and none of them have yet found fulfilling long-term (with a view to life-long) relationships, despite the majority wishing that they could. Two of them have come right out and told us that they ‘get it’, i.e. why we took the leap then.

When we married, we were by no means ‘finished’ products. Entering early adulthood and being shaped by life, together, has been both wonderful, and sometimes challenging. We have since had children (which I ‘stayed at home with’ for their early years), travelled, still enjoy great social lives, and have achieved success in our careers. (the old ‘working’ mum balancing act… that’s another can of worms altogether).

No regrets at all.

I realise that *sometimes* people advising others not to marry young are trying to help them avoid hurt, disappointment and divorce (and others are just indulging their interfering human nature!). But ‘young’ marrieds are not inherantly doomed to failure.
I know it’s not right for everyone. But please don’t think it’s wrong for everyone either.

Amy says:

11:46am | 04/09/09

I’m 18 and am 6 months out of school. I personally cant stand the idea of getting married (and no need to tell me its because im young because everyone has), however my closest friend, who is a year younger than me, is engaged to the ‘love of her life’. He is sweet and caring etc etc and they have been engaged 6 months. At first I was outraged at her decision to tie the knot so young but then, after talking to her about it, she convinced me that he was most certainly the man of her dreams. She said that something inside of her knew that he was the one and that she couldnt decided what age she met him, fate did.

Now don’t get me wrong, this girl is 17 and I still to some extent think it is absurd, however she made a good point. True love (*eye roll* I cant believe i’m saying this) has a way of finding you when you least expect it. It doesnt discriminate against age.

People who openly discriminate against young couples for getting married are idiots who need to keep there opinions to themselves. Marriage is about the loving union between two people, not what age they are.

Clover says:

11:30am | 04/09/09

Good one Bitten. I’m writing that comment down so I can refer to it next time I get some unsolicited douchebag advice.

Bitten says:

10:49am | 04/09/09

Please, douchebags are everywhere and they will offer criticism on every single choice you make - getting married, not getting married, having children, not having children, studying, not studying, traveling, not traveling etc etc etc. The trick in life is to tell douchebags that their innate douchebag-ness is not appealing and could they please keep it to themselves. Easy.

Leah says:

10:47am | 04/09/09

Billy Pilgrim: why does a person have to develop psychologically on their own? The way we develop is affected by our parents, our siblings, our friends - why not our husband/wife? I’m a very different person to the person I was at 14, but I still have many of the same friends I had at 14. I’m a different person to the one I was at 17, but I’m still with the guy I was dating at 17. We have ‘developed’ together. No, we were not finished products when we got married. I don’t think you’re ever a “finished product”. Having your first child will develop you further. Losing a job will develop you further. Having to move across the country will develop you further. You will come across situations that make you grow and develop all through life. This doesn’t mean you put life on hold until you’re “developed”.

(NB: I’m not saying you should go get married despite all other circumstances. And I’m not saying 16 year olds should go and get married even though they’re not fully developed. I’m just saying the sole excuse of “I’m not a finished product” is a bit of a poor one, because I don’t think anyone is ever a finished product.)

Billy Pilgrim says:

10:36am | 04/09/09

I got married at 22, separated at 24, divorced at 26. I don’t think getting married young is a great idea because you’re still not a finished product, psychosocially speaking. I know I’m a completely different person now compared to then.
Been with my current partner for three years and have no intention of getting married again.

Mark Heard says:

10:36am | 04/09/09

My wife was 20 & I was 21 when we married. We are still very happily married after 18 years

Leah says:

10:31am | 04/09/09

In relation to people criticising you for getting married young, you’d be amazed at the amount of people who criticise an engaged couple for getting married before moving in together.

I got engaged weeks before my 20th birthday, and got married six months later. My boyfriend and I had been together for 3 years and had not lived together.

Fortunately our family and all the friends who mattered were supportive. But there were still comments from others about how young we were, but a lot of my fiance’s colleagues expressed shock at the fact we’d dare get married before “test driving” the relationship of living together. Despite the fact studies have proven that people who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate and lower marital satisfaction, people think if you don’t live together first, you’re going to discover all these things about the other person that you can’t stand once you move in.

The point is, if you love the person and have invested time in getting to know them, you won’t find anything surprising, or else if you do, it shouldn’t be significant enough that you’d actually walk out on them. I’ve been married for almost a year and a half now, and as my husband says, nothing changed when we moved in together, except now we didn’t have to go back to separate houses at the end of the day.

I’ve also had people say things like “I’m glad you’re happy but I wouldn’t want to get married so young and settle down, I still want to travel and see the world and have those experiences”. I find this a bit bizarre, because what would be better than travelling the world and having amazing life experiences *with* your life partner? It’s as if people think once you’re married, you can’t go out and do those things. (But apparently it’s perfectly achievable if you are simply dating rather than married).

I think people just get these ideas drummed into their head by society and don’t think it through for themselves.

Scott Morrison MP says:

10:21am | 04/09/09

I’m with Simmo and TC. My wife and I got married when I was 21, and we had been together since year 12 when I was just 16. We will celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary in January.  We now have two wonderful daughters - it just doesn’t get any better than this. When you find the right person with whom you are prepared to commit, then take it seriously, go for it and make it work - till death do you part. Our world need better marriages, especially because they produce the best possible environment in which to raise kids. Stronger marriages mean stronger families and stronger communities. I vote for marriage.

Jade says:

10:17am | 04/09/09

I am only 22 and while I am not engaged yet, my boyfriend (21) and I are planning to get married after we buy a house next year.  I dont really care if people say we are to young, we have been together for 5 years and it should hopefully be the right time.

I do have a friend that is the same age that got married to her boyfriend after 6 months of being together, and they have separated 2 weeks shy of there 1 year anniversary.

In the end if its right for you, than who cares what other people say.  They arnt the ones that have to live your life, you do!

S says:

10:01am | 04/09/09

I didn’t get married young because I didn’t meet the right person, not because of what age I was

TC says:

09:55am | 04/09/09

If you find the person that totally compliements you, grab them. If they are supportive etc..you’ll still be able to study, travel etc.. Opportunity doesn’t always knock twice (for most people, not even once).  It sure beats being 28+ and complaining of a man/woman drought. it’ll only get worse with age.  Think of it as store merchandise. The best goes first (early in the season. no matter how much it costs) and whats left keeps getting reduced/passed around until it finally ends up in the op-shop.

Simmo says:

09:29am | 04/09/09

My wife and I got married a couple of weeks after I turned 21 (she was 20) we are still happily married with 3 kids 10 years later and I now have old mates (who at the time thought I was ruining my life) telling me that I am the lucky one to have found the right person so quickly and they look up to the choices I made and only wish they could have done the same….

Also, having our kids at a young age means by the time we are 45 they will all be old enough to look after themselves and we can bugger off on holidays all by ourselves…...

Emi says:

09:27am | 04/09/09

I became engaged at 24 and only a year after meeting my fiancé. I had people congratulate me and then ask my age and even had one colleague who laughed out loud and walked out of the room. My fiancé, who was 28 when he proposed, was grilled by his friends as to why he was “giving up on life.” They won’t be coming to the wedding.

It’s not until people see my fiancé and I together that they understand why we are getting married. I have found someone who I love very much and shares the same values, beliefs and life goals. We’ve both had our hearts broken before and know how lucky we are to have each other. I only wish people could be happy for us instead of judging us and trying to bring us down.

KimberleyL says:

08:07am | 04/09/09

If two people really want to get married they will do it anyway, regardless of what other people say. If they are holding off for “society’s sake” then perhaps there is an underlying reason why they are delaying the act; not for society’s sake but for their own perhaps? Better to have conviction of your decisions even if that means making mistakes than to let other people’s opinions interfere with what you really want to do. On the other hand, be prepared for the ‘I told you so’ dance that can follow…

Rationalist says:

07:24am | 04/09/09

It is ok to do whatever the bloody hell you want to do, the simple fact of the matter is that it is only the individuals in question who will ultimately face the brunt of the emotional and financial consequences of a failed relationship, individuals should not expect a bailout like the banks.

Marrying young provides many benefits and some pitfalls and challenges. It isn’t for everyone but for those who feel it is them, refer to first paragraph and then go for your life!