One of the best Simpsons quotes has got to be Homer’s reply to Ned Flanders after being lectured about the patches of Crabgrass on his lawn: “There is nothing wrong with Crabgrass! It’s just has a bad name that’s all! Everyone would love it if it were called, eh, Elfgrass!”

I’m beginning to think swine flu is the Crabgrass of influenza strains.

The free afternoon newspaper MX in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane had a great headline on Friday: Flu Spread Fear. I like it because you read it (well I did) as: Flu Spreads Fear.

A widdle Elf

Now I’ve no gripe with the choice of swine flu on the front page (the original moniker of Mexican Swine Flu is my preferred title but apparently swine flu is Mexico’s gift to the world now) and I’ve no doubt health authorities and Government are acting in the interests of public health when they force more than 2000 people from a a cruise ship to quarantine themselves for a week after two children on board tested positive for the virus. However it’s the response by Government to the swine flu outbreak when compared to similarly dangerous health scares which is confusing.

The same mX story stated that according to the latest World Health Organisation figures 11,034 people had been infected worldwide with 85 deaths. In the winter of 2007 the much less hyped and domestic sounding “Brisbane Strain” of flu killed at least seven people, six of which were children. British reports somewhat alarmingly linked the Brisbane flu to up to 800 deaths caused by the onset of pneumonia.

Speaking from the perspective of somebody who lost five kilos and had to spend almost three weeks hallucinating in bed sick with the Brisbane strain, my attitude to swine flu is similar to that of a superhero staring down a super-villain he’s defeated before: “You will be tough pig-man but I know now I can beat you”.

Health honchos obviously fear if swine flu is given a decent run in the park things could be just as bad or worse than the Brisbane strain, but why are measures like closing schools and cancelling weekend footy matches necessary in one outbreak but not the other? Especially given there was evidence that the outbreak two years ago was directly responsible for the death of seven people and swine flu’s looking pretty lame with a big fat zero next to its name.

Here’s another example the haphazard implementation of these standards: the outbreak of whooping cough in NSW. Cases of the potentially deadly and highly contagious disease in babies have gone through the roof this year, growing by almost 5000 cases with a child dying in northern NSW in March. The outbreak seems to have made its way down to the Victorian border and as Greater Southern Area Health Service director of public health Tracey Oakman said:

“Across NSW we’ve seen an outbreak of more serious proportions than swine flu. . . We have had a death from whooping cough this year and we haven’t had one from swine flu.”

Where are the crèche and day care centre closures? It should be noted any risk of contracting whooping cough can be pretty much be eliminated by a simple free vaccination, and a rise in people not vaccinating their kids against it is largely responsible for the increased outbreak.

Closing schools and delaying a few cranky retirees from getting on their cruise may well be necessary to stop kids or oldies dying. But before Health Minister Nicola Roxon uses the flu outbreak to seize control of the country with a Junta of white coated experts, should there not be a bit of clarification on why this needs to be done with the outbreak of one life threatening virus and not the others? 

3 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Dallas says:

      12:56pm | 01/06/09

      Swine flu’s political hysteria covers past false dawn epidemics including global warming

    • Linda says:

      03:07pm | 01/06/09

      I am not a pig, there for i can not catch swine flu, I am however, a b*&*h, so am more concerned with an epidemic of dog flu rising from the yards of puppy mills in Australia.

      Shut down the puppy mills !!!!!!!!!  I chant.

      But leave us back yard breeders alone, as we wash away our doggy doo-doo’s, rather than let our children play in it.

    • Jane says:

      05:53pm | 01/06/09

      You know what I hate? The Heralds Sun’s massive “Pig Flu” headlines! Talk about over reaction. People love having something to be scared shitless about.

 

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

Daniel Piotrowski

How we're getting ripped off at the ATM http://t.co/Vpu8DuHy

Anthony Sharwood

The factory where they make Boeing aeroplanes is the world's largest building #Todaysrandomfact.

Lucy Kippist

Can you wear skinny jeans when you're old enough to get a hip replacement? You bet: http://t.co/14b6UGnY

tory_maguire

@jessmcguire I can't decide if that's the best thing ever or really troubling!

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

Hipsters with hip replacements

Hipsters with hip replacements

Someone once told me that when people reach a certain age they begin dressing in the manner they did…

La dole cheque vita is not so sweet on $16 a day

La dole cheque vita is not so sweet on $16 a day

Your task is simple. Here is $115.50. It must last one week. You have no savings, no assets, but thankfully…

Those greedy ATMs gobble up more than your card

Those greedy ATMs gobble up more than your card

We’ve been talking a lot about interest rates this week. And the 30 per cent of us who have mortgages…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: Punch on: Open thread 09/02/2012

marley says:

I'm one of the older ones, so I've certainly seen a few changes in my time. When I started school I learned to write with a nib pen, dipped in an inkwell (no, I'm not kidding). My mother became a dab hand at getting inkstains out of my clothes. Flicking ink at one another in the classroom was an essential… [read more]

From: I’d rather have a piece of toast than listen to crap lyrics

Erick says:

Led Zeppelin are responsible for my all-time favourite mixed metaphor: "There you sit, sit and stare, like a book on a shelf rusting." (Misty Mountain Hop) I laugh every time I hear it. Hmmm, I believe I've decided what to play on the way to work today. [read more]

Gentle jabs to the ribs

No wuckin forries. These nuckin futs are tuckin fops

No wuckin forries. These nuckin futs are tuckin fops

Well, puck me with a fitchfork. The F-word is apparently an acceptable part of Australian speech. That’s… Read more

151 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free daily Punch newsletter