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Breast form of attack: the stupid war between women

Tracey Spicer

by Tracey Spicer

11 May 05:55am

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Filed under: Babies, Breastfeeding, Motherhood, Women

54 comments

I’m sick and tired of women turning on each other. Why do we do this to ourselves?

The Guiness Book breastfeeding challenge on the Central Coast. Photo: Rob McKell

I don’t expect all of us to sit around singing Kumbayah.But surely a little bit of support from the Sisterhood isn’t out of the question.

The latest example of sororicide is the story entitled ‘Breastfeeding, it’s not about choice’, written for The Punch by Rita Panahai. Ms. Panahai contends that Australia has deplorable rates of breastfeeding because mothers are selfish. (I’d always thought was an oxymoron.)

What’s worse, she blames poor mothers: “Breastfeeding rates are highest among educated and wealthy women whilst they are lowest amongst the socio-economically disadvantaged.”

While I’ll forgive the use of ‘whilst’ as a desperate bid by the author to make her attack appear highbrow, I cannot forgive her for these bald-faced, discompassionate, incorrect statements. 

There are many, valid reasons why only 14 percent of Aussie mums breastfeed their children for recommended first six months.

First is our inadequate public hospital system. Most women who give birth naturally are discharged from hospital after two days, before their milk has come in.

(My sister was sent home 36 hours after pushing her uterus inside out during the traumatic birth of her first baby. She spent the next two weeks severely depressed, trying to force her starving, screaming child onto breasts that, for whatever reason, would not produce enough milk. It was heartbreaking.)

In days gone by, girls would watch their mothers and aunties breastfeed, picking up tips on the way. But over the years, it has become an activity cloaked in secrecy.It comes as an awful shock to most of us when the baby first latches on.

During the eight-week prenatal classes, six are devoted to giving birth, one to parenting and only one to the difficult, painful but wonderful experience that is breastfeeding.

On those first, crucial days after the birth, women need help, support and guidance from a midwife or lactation consultant.

Instead, most are left to struggle on their own, through a haze of sleeplessness, stabbing pain and – you guessed it – guilt.

I suffered five bouts of mastitis before getting the hang of it. Blessedly, I went on to breastfeed my two children for nine months.

They were some of the happiest moments of my life. But I was one of the lucky ones.

Women unable to breastfeed for a number of reasons – inverted nipples, insufficient milk supply, tongue-tie, psychological problems – are often devastated.

Many feel like they’ve failed.

The bottle is a last resort; welcome relief for a hungry baby crying out for nourishment.

Personally, I don’t know anyone who actively chose the bottle for selfish reasons.

For career women, it’s even tougher.

Few workplaces have facilities to support breastfeeding mothers.

Some women battle on, expressing milk in the staff toilets and hiding it in the fridge in a brown paper bag between the sandwiches.

I remember sneaking around the corridors with the bottle of breast milk hidden under my jacket, until I was safely near a fridge where I could shove it, shamefully, to the back.

The announcement last week that the NSW public service had granted new mums 60 minutes per day to breastfeed or express milk in a private room with a refrigerator should have been greeted with rousing applause.

Instead, it prompted Ms. Panahai to write an article, vilifying women who are unable to breastfeed.

And, in the comments section, dozens of women snipe at each other for the choices they have made.

Breast versus bottle. Stay-at-home mums versus career women.

It’s like a bad movie. When will it end?

I was reminded of this while reading a feature story on ABC newsreader Juanita Phillips’ terrific new book, A Pressure Cooker Saved My Life.

A female columnist for the Sydney Morning Herald accused her of extolling the torture and misery of motherhood, while deriding enthusiastic parenting. Her book does nothing of the sort.

In this well-researched tome, Phillips explores the enormous challenges facing us all, trying to juggle work and family.

Of the criticism, she says “Women attacking women – with men on the sidelines enjoying the spectacle, absolved of all responsibility – trivialises a serious issue that affects everyone”.

It’s the same battle faced by Chris Bath in her successful bid to read Channel 7’s prime time news bulletin, solo. Any negative viewer feedback inevitably came from women, who didn’t like her hair/clothes/make-up. It’s the same story in talkback radio, where female commentators are criticised by older women listeners for daring to question the views of their male co-hosts.

So, I’m issuing a call for détente. How about we stop beating each other up, and try a little kindness instead?

- Tracey Spicer is hosting 2UE’s Morning Show with Stuart Bocking for the next fortnight.

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54 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Dale says:

      07:47am | 11/05/10

      Amazing.  So women sit around asking each other whether or not they breastfeed. Why not just tell Rita whats its name to mind her own #@*&%% business.

      Reply

    • Amelia says:

      11:05am | 11/05/10

      I read both Rita’s article and this one. I think they both raise very good points.
      However, I think rather than blaming ‘laziness’ on the low rates of breastfeeding, we need to blame unrealistic expectations. Expectations like long periods between feeds (eg 3 to 4 hours), and ‘sleeping through’ at an early age. We simply need to recognise that most babies will go through unsettled periods, where they want to constantly be on the boob day and night, and not consider it ‘abnormal’ or a sign of low milk supply. And yes, if women had better support, it would be easier - not just breastfeeding support (although this is important), but support to do the housework, shopping, look after other kids, etc, so mum can spend all day feeding the baby (and napping) if she needs to. This sort of support is almost non existent in our ‘modern’ world - it is more often the case that the new mother is expected to still keep everything ticking over in the household, as well as care for a newborn.
      Women attack each other to alleviate their own feelings of guilt and inadequacy, because most of us suffer from the constant nagging doubt that we are not doing the best by our children. What we should be doing, as well as supporting each other, is realising that we all are doing the best we can for our kids and ourselves, and kick those guilty feelings. When we are truly comfortable in our own choices, the urge to be critical or judgemental will vanish.

    • T.Chong says:

      07:58am | 11/05/10

      Oh Tracey , so caught up in feminism 101 - with the non sense idea that all women are united, all fighting the same fight, all equal in circumstances and outcomes-CRAP !
      Women are no more united in a common cause than men,.
      Rich, well off women (in whatever way you measure, not just money) dont give a rats about their poorer sisters.
      Maybe its time to stop the victim hood - ” Women attacking women…with men on sideline…absolved of responsibility”  a sad attempt at trying to blame men for everything, even how women respond to each other.
      Is there any aspect of life where women arent the self appointed martyr and victim?
      Finally, did Chris Bath really have to “fight” to read the news “solo” ?, or does 7 merely follow the dictates of its viewer surveys ? The answer is obvios. Chris will be there until a newer prettier version is prefered by the viewers, then she will be dumped, same as her predecessors, thats how she (Chris ) got the job in the first place. Thats the hard facts of the capitalist society.

      Reply

    • Adele says:

      08:34am | 11/05/10

      T.Chong, did you read the same article I just did? How the heck was the author blaming everything on men??

      Tracey, good article. I’ve never been around breastfeeding mothers and if I suddenly had a kid now I wouldn’t have a clue how breastfeeding works. There’s definitely still a stigma around it.

    • T.Chong says:

      08:48am | 11/05/10

      Adele , did you read the story ? The quote “women attacking women… men absolved..,” is from the text.
      And C’mon Adele, are you really at a stage that you “havent a clue” about how breast feeding works? You cant be that dumb.

    • Mum of 2 says:

      01:32pm | 11/05/10

      T. Chong
      You are obviously male, don’t have children or both! Otherwise you would know that until you actually do breastfeed you really don’t have a clue about it.

      When I had my first child I had plenty of friends who had children that had been breastfed and had sat in many a cafe or home with these said friends, watching them breastfeed. However when it came to feeding my own son, I was clueless! Who knew you had to position them just so, that their tounge placement has to be just right ,that depending on the size and shape of the breast things need to be done different, inverted nipples, nipple shields, tounge ties, the list goes on and on.

      My first son was a breeze and I couldn’t work out what the fuss was about, until I had my second. I had assumed that because it worked the first time I would know exactly what to do, but not the case. 8 weeks of pain, agony and perseverance we both got it right! Thankfully a supportive husband and great clinic nurse helped me get through, but not everyone is so lucky.
      And your comment “Thats the hard facts of the capitalist society” - what planet are you on or from?

    • Liz says:

      08:01am | 11/05/10

      The reasons you give for not being able to breastfeed are very infrequent and with the right support can be overcome.There is little positive support for women in our society and all is done to discourage them, force them to feed babies in public lavatories because others complain if they feed, even discreetly in public.Our unhealthy attitudes to the breat have caused this to happen, our oversexualisation of everything, has meant the natural function of the breasts is forgotten, seen as disgusting or impossible to achieve.It’s very sad, very unhealthy and babies suffer a multitude of disadvantages because of it.time to get real!

      Reply

    • Adam Diver says:

      11:12am | 11/05/10

      Women have nly been breastfeeding for 50,000 years. Obviously it is difficult to do. Women can choose o breast feed or not but don’t for one second think that the number 1 reason women don’t is because they are selfish. 

      Also I weant to those pre-natal classes and had half a lesson on breast feeding. It was more than adequate.

    • Steph says:

      08:22am | 11/05/10

      I watched my poor wife struggle with the task of breast feeding with close to no help from anyone. Somehow she fought through all of the mastitis and blood blisters to successfully feed our child. I just could not help or offer any relevant support.

      I am astounded that the greatest expression of motherhood is so actively discouraged by other women, especially the portrayal of the breastfeeding assoc as a militant organisation.

      Please ladies, you sometimes need to support each other. There are some things men just cannot help with.

      Reply

    • Eric says:

      08:26am | 11/05/10

      Some thoughts on the origins women’s internicine warfare here: http://www.the-spearhead.com/2010/05/10/envy-the-root-of-all-that-kills/

      “While envy colours human interactions of all kinds, women seem to be especially prone to the most harmful effects envy can bring about. This is clearly on display when interactions between women are observed. Women fight amongst themselves over who is prettier, married to the best man, has children who are the most gifted, or owns the nicest things. There are harsh verbal exchanges even between friends when one friend enjoys success the other has not achieved. Friendships that seemed strong may fizzle over such a happy time as an engagement or a new baby’s birth. Envy has the potential to run so deeply in some women that no meaningful connections and relationships can be shared between a particular women and others, including a woman’s own daughters. For some Snow White is not merely a fairy tale but a realistic glimpse into their life.”

      More at the link.

      Reply

    • T.Chong says:

      09:00am | 11/05/10

      But Eric so many of the gals like a black: = ‘all men bad, all women victims’ , and white = ‘all women oppressed benign martyrs’  world .
      To suggest that women are as good AND bad as men is just too much to cope with, and whats more, unpalatable truths about complexity of human reactions is just further proof of violence against women.
      All roar , but no responsibility taken.

    • Peter says:

      09:28am | 11/05/10

      Your not wrong….

    • MK says:

      11:44am | 11/05/10

      You are wrong though Peter. It’s ‘you’re’ not ‘your’ mate. Stick to the topic for once guys. Leave the anti women attacks to another thread.

    • Markus says:

      03:28pm | 11/05/10

      MK this thread is about women attacking other women, how is this not relevant?

    • Jammerbens says:

      12:28am | 13/05/10

      Markus, T.Chong’s post is about how women think all men are bad or consider themselves to be martyrs. How is that related to women attacking other women or breastfeeding?

    • Rossco McGlashan says:

      08:52am | 11/05/10

      I wonder…will we ever see an article from Tracey that isnt about gender and without some of the flippant mysandrist comments thrown in for good measure….

      Reply

    • @BlokesLib says:

      09:14am | 11/05/10

      I enjoyed the article Tracey. It bought back memories of when my son was born. He was screaming in pain due to problems with the breast milk supply.

      So called specialists kept telling us, “You wouldn’t want to feed your child animal fat would you” and kept discouraging us from using a bottle.

      One day in sheer desperation we fed him using a bottle. He fell asleep on the bottle and slept for many hours. We thought we had killed him!

      I do agree there was quite a degree of guilt felt in the process of shifting to bottle feeding my son. As time has gone on I have learned that this situation isn’t exactly rare.

      Well done on a rather balanced opinion piece.

      Reply

    • Albie says:

      09:20am | 11/05/10

      Thank you Tracey. Nothing is ever black and white, or simply breat or bottle.

      Good luck to each mother out there doing their best.

      Reply

    • zoe says:

      09:26am | 11/05/10

      I am so over this notion of the sisterhood.  Yes we are all women, but that’s it.  It does not mean that we are all good people.  Just because you’re a mother does not make you a good person either.
      ‘Ms. Panahai contends that Australia has deplorable rates of breastfeeding because mothers are selfish. (I’d always thought was an oxymoron.)’  So mothers can’t be selfish?  There are mothers that will do their absolute utmost for their children and there are those who won’t.  This doesn’t mean that I agree with Ms Panahai, but she raises some genuine questions, why is the breastfeeding rate so low in this country something is seriously wrong and needs to be addressed. 

      I also love how you bemoan how we can’t support each other but then state   ‘For career women, it’s even tougher’  no sorry its not.  Different challenges certainly but not tougher.

      Reply

    • Elphaba says:

      09:29am | 11/05/10

      (I’d always thought was an oxymoron.)

      Well said Tracey.  The decision to have children is just as selfish as the decision not to.  Raising them might require selflessness - but the initial decision is the opposite.  There’s no point to stay-at-home earth mums pointing the finger at career, non-breastfeeding mothers and making them feel guilty.  Everyone does what is best for them.

      What happened to everyone having different experiences, and sharing them so that we could become wiser and more open-minded?

      Reply

    • Markus says:

      10:49am | 11/05/10

      “Everyone does what is best for them”
      When they should be doing what is best for their children.
      Replacing breastmilk with a substitute that has been directly linked to increased chance of childhood obesity and allergies because feeding would inconvenience your career and your lifestyle is not just selfish, but abuse.

    • Elphaba says:

      11:25am | 11/05/10

      Markus,

      I think bottle-feeding one’s child and child abuse are poles apart.

      Thank you however, for proving Tracey’s point.  Histrionics are not going to convince bottle-feeding mums that breast is best.  Understanding and education about all the options is the way to go.

    • Emma says:

      11:25am | 11/05/10

      Exactly Markus and that is the point the original article was saying..it shouldn’t be all about what is best for mum, there should also be some consideration for what is best for bub. I think Tracy’s response to the original article is very poor. I would’ve liked to seen a well researched response so this debate could continue without getting in to a childish slaning match which is what Tracy seems to be aiming for.

    • D says:

      12:08pm | 11/05/10

      “Replacing breastmilk with a substitute that has been directly linked to increased chance of childhood obesity and allergies because feeding would inconvenience your career and your lifestyle is not just selfish, but abuse. “

      Some children are born allergic to breast milk - to be more accurate, with an inability to digest protein in any form, including that found in breast milk.  My daughter was one of these.  It took 11 weeks to diagnois, in which time she’d been hospitalised 4 times, the first at 12 days due to a failure to thrive.  By the time it was diagnoised, her bowel was so badly inflamed it was bleeding.  This is from breast milk. 

      When you look at a baby being fed by bottle - do you stop and ask if that bottle holds breast milk?  We started using a bottle at 4 weeks of age becasue my daughter wouldn’t settle and sleep (in too much pain from her inflamed digestive ssytem it turns out), so I made the effort to express breast milk and my husband fed our daughter whiel I got some sleep.  I was sleep deprived and a wreck.  Once we moved onto a special formula, I got to see my baby smile for the first time.  She stopped suffering incredible pain and started to enjoy life.

      Anyone who condemns me as a bad mother for not breastfeeding my daughter gets the same reply - breast milk was killing her.  I’d rather be condemned in the minds of others as a bad mother and have my daughter healthy than be seen to be doing “the right thing” while my child screams and suffers and bleeds.

      Don’t judge others, don’t assume you know the why of anyone else’s life.  I was a woman who put her daughter onto a formula and went back to work fulltime.  That single sentance tells you nothing of what our situation was, but it is all some people need to consider me a child abuser.

    • KH says:

      02:08pm | 11/05/10

      D - this happened to my sister in law - my nephew simply couldn’t have it and had to have formula - he’s fine now at 5 years old - he eats anything (and everything!) but at that time, formula was the only solution.  And he isn’t ‘obese’ either - a lifetime of healthy food (he has never eaten chocolate, or any slimy fast food either - he thinks peaches and yoghurt are the best dessert ever!) he is just fine.  I don’t think obesity starts with milk or formula.

    • GC51 says:

      09:43am | 11/05/10

      Perhaps it’s Darwin’s Theory of Evolution on display in the modern world.
      It just may turn out that the hunters and the gatherers are are both chest beaters, no pun intended, when it comes to the survival of the fittest. Some women, like some men, strive to feel superior. This is another form of,  “I’m more capable than you.” In my experience if you ask a woman whether she would prefer a male or female boss, a majority will opt for a male. They don’t like “answering to a woman.”

      Reply

    • bec says:

      09:48am | 11/05/10

      Where are these judgemental women? Am I statistically lucky in having avoided them at all, or are we positing the view that any criticism from women is entirely bitchy and catty, but any criticism from men is 10000000% totes valid and amazing?

      Obviously neither presumption (or the opposite) is true: validity of criticism and the underlying helpfulness of it is going to depend upon the experience, knowledge and compassion of the person giving the advice. Someone who can appreciate the individual circumstances of the person being affected and who speaks out of compassion and open-minded moderation is going to be more helpful than a shrieky single-issue whiner who sees things in black and white and generalises across all groups of people. And I think men and women have equal numbers of these wonderful people: sadly, not enough.

      Reply

    • Bon says:

      11:55am | 11/05/10

      Bec if you read the original article by Ms Panahai and the hundreds of comments that follow, you will find plenty of judgemental women.

    • Mary says:

      09:53am | 11/05/10

      Fabulous Article, what some women refuse to accept is not all new mums are capable in breastfeeding, it depends on your milk, end of story.  I was shown how to do it for 7 days yet still they made me breast feed even though my son was not putting on any weight. It comes down to how much you have and how thick it is. I had it but it was watery at best. My sister was a champion breast feeder, myself and my youngest sister had to do both breast and formula, why they persist and making these women feel inadequate is beyond me. And all this crap about it stops your child getting asthma is rubbish, my eldest breast feed, Asthma my youngest no breast milk no asthma. And as for support rubbish I had it but still my milk was not enough for the baby.  You can shove as much support and techniques as you like but not all of us are cut out for it.

      Reply

    • Comedian says:

      10:42am | 11/05/10

      I’m sick and tired of women turning on each other. Why do we do this to ourselves?....The only women turning on each other are the ones who were bottle fed as babies

      Reply

    • Ray says:

      10:49am | 11/05/10

      Your aricle heading conceals the moral of the story, but you have had a dyslexic (to hell with the spelling) moment with that heading. Obviously should read ‘The War Between Stupid Women”.
      Covers 52% of the population.

      Reply

    • TheRealDave says:

      11:02am | 11/05/10

      Seriously, whats all the fuss?

      We’ve just had our third child, little fella this time after 2 girls. The missus and I never did a single baby class. With the first two she was home the next day, with number 3 he was born at 8:42am and we left at 3:30 pm that day and came home. All 3 were breastfed for the first month or two and then went onto the bottle. At no stage did the missus ever feel self conscious about breastfeeding in public nor were we ever subjected to ‘rude stares’ old people ‘tut tutting’ and all that garbage. I think all this negative crap is just that - utter bollocks. Why would anyone give a flying monkeys whether there was a bottle with breast milk in the fridge? Its not as if I would have to think about using the bottle in the fridge on my morning coffee will I?

      I did notice that this time around (our oldest is 10) that there was a lot of Breast is Best propaganda scattered every metre or so all over the walls at the hospital whenever we went for checkups, the actual birth etc. It was inescapable. Never saw it with the first two at the same hospital. For the record I am all for breastfeeding and the missus did it for as long as possible with all 3 before it became too painful for her, she was in tears a lot of time due to the pain, before we switched over to formula. All 3 are healthy, gorgeous and intelligent kids…none of them have two heads, 3 arms, dribble or otherwise look like they are from Gympie….

      But I do agree with the tone of the article Tracey. Chicks hate each other more than they will ever hate men. It does remind me a lot of a comment I heard from some Palestinian documentary about there never being peace in the middle east until people start loving their children more than they hate the enemy….to paraphrase it a bit we won’t have actual equality until women stop bitching about and criticizing each other more than they bitch or criticize men.

      Reply

    • stephen says:

      11:57am | 11/05/10

      Palestinian documentaries, Dave, do have a way of getting to the point.

    • Anna C says:

      11:07am | 11/05/10

      Breastfeeding doesn’t suit everyone.  I personally was bottle-fed as a baby in the 1970’s cause that was recommended by Doctors at the time; now Doctors recommend breastfeeding.  I don’t think women should be made to feel guilty because they either cannot or choose not to breastfeed.  People need to keep in mind the bottle feeding has its positives as well, as it means that men can also help feed their babies thus reducing the workload on new mums.  Everyone seems to be missing the forest for the trees.  Who cares what you choose to do as long as you feed and nurture your child.

      Reply

    • Emma says:

      11:20am | 11/05/10

      “While you forgive Ms Panahai use of the word ‘Whilst’.”....sorry is there something I am missing here? Do you need a remedial class in English, Tracy?

      Another badly thought out and reactionary piece of nonsense from you. Perhaps you should stick to reading an autocue. So what is your contribution to this debate other than saying that there shouldn’t be a debate because it could hurt some women’s feelings?

      I don’t understand your irrational reaction to the stats in the article you are angry about. Wealthy and educated women are more likely to breastfeed than the least educated and wealthy, twice more likely. Better educated and wealthy women also have much lower rates of smoking when pregnant than poor women.

      Do we really have to pretend that all mothers depsite their behaviour are selfless saints? I would love to see some real educated debate on this topic not fluff pieces like this that add nothing of value.

      Reply

    • stephen says:

      11:25am | 11/05/10

      350 comments the last time this topic was posted.
      Am i the only one not breastfeeding ?

      Reply

    • Sarah says:

      12:19pm | 11/05/10

      For starters Tracey, this article is foolish. Yes women are each others worst nightmares, but why is it so wrong to say breastfeeding is best? And why is it so wrong so say it is wrong for mothers to not do so because they simply don’t want to or can’t be bothered?
      “Personally, I don’t know anyone who actively chose the bottle for selfish reasons.” I do. She didn’t want to have to get up at night to feed, so she decided to bottle feed so hubby could do so. I would consider that a selfish reason.
      Some women are unable to breastfeed, and it is wrong to make them feel guilty about that. But plenty of women are able to and simply won’t. I see nothing wrong with letting them know they are putting their needs above their childrens’.

      Reply

    • Christie says:

      03:13pm | 11/05/10

      “I do. She didn’t want to have to get up at night to feed, so she decided to bottle feed so hubby could do so. I would consider that a selfish reason. “
      Perhaps your (poor) friend believed it would be better for her and her baby if she was well rested…  Maybe her husband actually wanted to take the burden from her at night.  Stranger things have happened and how kind of you to support her choice without judgement.
      I’m one of those “selfish” mothers who chose (whilst both my children were in utero no less) not to breastfeed.  And quite frankly, I’m not interested in anyone’s opinion on the issue.  It’s actually none of their business.  My kids are intelligent, happy and healthy and have never once suggested to me that any of the “challenges” they may have encountered in life (not making the soccer team for example) are because I failed them by not breastfeeding.

    • JACS says:

      12:20pm | 11/05/10

      Myself and 3 friends ended up bottlefeding. We all had c-sections. Maybe some research should be done between the correslation of c - sections and low breastfeeding rates. I know now that the time I was in recovery didn’t help in getting breastfeeding established.

      Reply

    • Corben says:

      02:48pm | 11/05/10

      Good point.  I wondered about this too when my sister in law had a c-section.  Your body must need time to recover to produce the right hormones after a c-section or being induced.
      Fortunately for my sister in law, I’d had my baby a few weeks earlier and could feed hers whilst her body recovered and her milk came in.

    • dw says:

      12:58pm | 11/05/10

      in the womb a baby has every need met - it is safe and warm. the baby is literally ‘connected’ to the feelings of the mother. in the first few months after birth it is essential that those connected feelings of peace and unconditional love remain outside of the womb.

      If this debate breaks that sacred connection through feelings of pressure and guilt, we have all collectively failed to nurture the child.

      A baby’s needs are simple - it is our own perceived complexity that gets in the way.

      Reply

    • Jan says:

      06:48pm | 11/05/10

      i don’t really know much about this topic but from what i can tell, breastfeeding mums face all sorts of social and work obstacles.  it is very important we make mothers who breastfeed in public comfortable, because it sounds very demanding and as though a breastfeeding mum can’t necessarily be able to rely on finding privacy to breastfeed when she needs to.  motherhood and breastfeeding are NOT shames and we, as a ‘tribe’ should help breastfeeding mothers (‘it takes a village to raise a child’).  silly wowserism should be stamped out.  the idea of the female as pious disapproving schoolmarm being the only respectable female needs reviewing.  there should be a lot more acceptance of breastfeeding women and helping them.  it is a natural part of life

    • PatC says:

      01:03pm | 11/05/10

      “It comes as an awful shock to most of us when the baby first latches on.”

      As a dutiful husband, I spent a number of years helping my partner prepare for for breatfeeding so it wouldn’t be such a shock.
      But do I receive any credit for my selfless acts - noooo.

      Reply

    • Laino says:

      06:02pm | 11/05/10

      You’re a generous man, Pat wink

    • sam says:

      01:15pm | 11/05/10

      from a mans point of view i think its the ” bitch factor ” . that covers it

      Reply

    • lee says:

      02:25pm | 11/05/10

      Did you miss the part in Rita’s article where it stated “It is estimated that 2-4% of women are unable to successfully breastfeed for medical reasons”? That leaves 82% of women choosing to bottle feeding when they could breast feed.

      It isn’t just propaganda, Breast is Best. There is insurmountable scientific evidence that shows children that are breast fed do much much better than otherwise.

      Reply

    • bella starkey says:

      02:37pm | 11/05/10

      Is that photo real old or is the central coast just really far behind?

      Reply

    • DG says:

      02:55pm | 11/05/10

      People will stop sledging each other about this when they get to the point that they are comfortable with the decisions that they have made an no longer feel the need to force everyone else to make the same decisions (so, basically, never).

      It is part of the human condition to expect others to behave the same way that we do. We get frustrated and angry when people behave differently to the way we would behave, even when we wish we had the courage to make the decision they did.

      By way of explanation, I shall quote that famous bard:
      “Conscience does make cowards of us all”.

      No matter how you try to manage it career/family/parenting etc is a balancing act. Every moment that you put into one thing is a moment that you take from something else. It’s a simple equation - there are X hours in the day divided between the Y activities that you choose to participate in.

      Your priorities will determine which activities you put above others - if you choose to stay back at work for 30 minutes rather than picking up your kids on time - you have chosen to put work above the kid and vice versa. No point dancing around it, grow up and accept that’s the decision you made. the defence “I needed…..” is crap, it’s a choice. You chose to put keeping your job above 30 minutes struggling through traffic to pick up your kid. Accept responsibility for that decision.

      Equally, if you zip off 30 minutes early to pick up a kid, you are putting your child above your work. Don’t be surprised if your conflicting priorities cause your employer to reconsider your commitment to your job. After all you have chosen to put your baby above your job, any employer worth their salt (given the choice) would rather take on persons who have their job as a higher priority, someone they know that they can rely on when something urgent comes up rather than finding that their employees really aren’t all that committed. I hear the cry :“But, I have to…” No, you don’t. You choose. Accept responsibility for your choice.

      When we have a society where people shed this false belief that all things are equal and accept that they have made their decision of their priorities and are comfortable with that. Then, and only then, with this pointless bickering stop. While we expect that we should never miss out on anything because of our other interests and that everyone should share our values, nothing is going to change.

      Medicine says X is best. Medicine also says that Y is viable. It’s really a matter of personal opinion what you choose.

      Reply

    • mels says:

      03:22pm | 11/05/10

      breast or not to breast
      that is the question?
      i just thank goodness that i cannot have children, and be subjected to everyones opinion on what i should be doing.
      how a woman feeds her child is noones business but their own.  so if a baby has a bottle or a boob in its mouth keep your thoughts to yourself.
      it is not about hurting someones feeling, just that it really isn’t your place to say anything.

      Reply

    • Gina says:

      06:30pm | 11/05/10

      Very weak effort Tracey and contributing nothing of value to the breadtfeeding debate. You are normally better than this.

      You got very little right in this article including Rita Panahi’s name which you managed to get wrong three times! This is a really poor article and a little bit desperate Tracey. You usually offer something of a much higher quality. FWIW I agree with Rita Panahi’s main points though I think they were stated more bluntly then I would’ve liked. But maybe it is better to be emphatic than pussy foot around the issue. Women need to take more responsibility and a child’s rights should count for something. I’m sick of hearing about the women’s right to smoke, drink or do whatever else when carrying a child and her right to feed her child something inferior when she is able to breadtfeed.

      Reply

    • Sarah says:

      10:47am | 12/05/10

      Ummm.  I think perhaps you might want to go back and check… Tracey got it right, Rita’s surname is Panahai, with an extra a.

      While I do acknowledge that I a person who has said that they flat-out refuse to breastfeed “because it’s gross”, I too disagree with Ms Panahai’s statement that it is due to selfishness.  I don’t deny this is probably true in some cases - that would be grossly naive - but I think that the number one reason is conditioning.  Yes, there is “support” available from the ABA.  Yes the midwives and lactation consultants are also very encouraging.  But when you come home from hospital, and that help isn’t to hand, guess who is?  Your mum, your nan, your auntie.  All of whom (in my case at least) bottle fed, because that was normal.  So when they see you struggling to breast feed, they encourage you to switch to a bottle, because “that’s what I did, and you’ve turned out ok”.  Who are you going to listen to, your mum or a pamphlet?

      I know breast is not only best, it should be the normal course of action for most mothers and their babies.  Provided things go to plan.  But I think it’s going to take another generation or two of breastfeeding mums before it becomes what it ought to have been all along; that is, the natural way of nourishing your child.

      In the mean time, lets all back off a bit, and encourage instead of villifying.  There is nothing wrong with healthy debate, but that’s not what’s going on, for the most part.  It’s specific attacks on other peoples’ choices as parents, and therefore their ability to care for their children.  And that’s not ok.

    • Cindy says:

      07:59pm | 11/05/10

      Why do people think they have the right to judge or comment on whether a woman breastfeeds or not? It’s none of your business or mine! We don’t have the right to dictate someone’s behaviour just because they have a uterus. As long as the baby is being fed and is healthy, it’s all good. Get over yourselves. It’s the same rubbish with going back to work, disposable nappies, pacifiers, c-sections and anything else that is none of our damn business. To all those women who don’t breast feed - Stop making excuses please. Making excuses implies that you’ve done something wrong, which you haven’t so just tell nosey parkers to: Shut. Up. Giving a baby formula is NOT on par with smoking and drinking while pregnant. I’m so sick of the vagina police I could scream.

      Reply

    • Darold says:

      11:43am | 23/11/11

      Well macdaamia nuts, how about that.

      Reply

    • Carrie says:

      03:21pm | 23/11/11

      I’m so glad I found my soluiton online.

      Reply
 
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