New A-League team The Melbourne Heart, who kick off in the 2010/11 season, have unveiled a shocking logo to match their unbelievably stupid team name.
At least they’re consistent.
The logo, which looks like an unironed pair of undies emblazoned with rugby posts, was designed by the “international brand design consultancy” Elmwood, who apparently have offices in loads of big important cities as well as Leeds, UK.
Check it out above. Way to make people laugh at you in a crowded sporting market.As bad as the logo is, I still don’t know what’s worse: it or the team name.
In my time as a writer for Alpha magazine I’ve come across some truly hilarious team names. Last year, while writing about anonymous Aussie sporting millionaires who play overseas, I discovered a Japanese baseball club Nippon Ham Fighters.
Said it then and I’ll say it again now. Mmmmm. Fighting ham.
Here in Australia, we trended away from your standard scary, vicious animals etc to more abstract team names in about the mid ’90s. Port Adelaide Power, with their weird lightning man logo, were one of the harbingers. At least they sound vaguely imposing.
And the names just keep getting kookier. Today, in the Trans-Tasman netball league, we’ve got the Canterbury “Tactix” and the Central “Pulse”, who presumably intimidate opposition with their lentil-like fierceness.
But the worst team names are always the ones named after emotions. America had the Philadelphia Soul Arena Football team (a failed indoor NFL spinoff). Perhaps the Soul were doomed from day one, given they were owned by Jon Bon Jovi who’s about as soulful as the Port Power are powerful.
But back to the Heart. This is the daddy of bad names. This is a name so bad it makes iSnack 2.0 seem like a reasonably accurate description of brown goo.
Presumably, the name is an oblique reference to Melbourne’s self-pronounced position as Australia’s sporting capital. As for the logo, well, here’s the word from the Heart PR department.
“The logo is a contemporary interpretation of the traditional heraldic shield, incorporating the club’s initials, M and H, within a subtle stylised heart.”
Uh-huh. Like I said, undies and rugby posts.
Look, I know the trend in logos has gone all soft across the board, to the point where banks like ANZ and oil companies like BP look more like plant nurseries. But surely the heart could have been a little more tattoo parlour and a little less international brand design consultancy.
And you know what I would’ve named the team? I would’ve called it something unmistakably Melbourne and unmistakably menacing. Like the “Melbourne King St 3am”. Or what about this beauty: “The Melbourne Carey”.
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