Aussie cricket should hit corporate newspeak for six
So Australian cricket coach Mickey Arthur has stood down four players from the third Test in India for failing to identify three points by which their performances might be improved.
If I was an Australian cricketer, here’s what I would have slipped under Arthur’s door.
I would have given him his three points, and I would have made them ridiculously simple.
Then, for a nice touch of “screw you”, I would have added a mocking translation below the main points which would have read a little something like this:
MAKE MORE RUNS (Maximise my scoring efficiency by utilising the necessary skill mix requirement to provide desirable run-scoring outcomes)
TAKE MORE WICKETS (Unambiguously target the opposition’s stumps through concerted attempts to engender a lack of clarity in the batsman’s focus)
GIVE MY ALL (Strongly endeavour to deliver best practice effort in order to be accountable to stakeholders, going forward.)
For so many reasons, this has been a terrible year for Australian sport. We have been bombarded with unsavoury stories of everything from drugs to gambling to bonding sessions gone wrong.
Much remains unproven, but there is enough of a sniff of genuine wrongdoing to make many of us reassess why we play or watch sport.
But in a funny way, Mickey’s Arthur’s “line in the sand moment” is the lowest point yet.
Just as corporate newspeak does nothing for productivity on the shop floor of your workplace or mine, a middle management mindset has no place on a cricket field.
Here is but a tiny fragment of what the Australian coach had to say:
“We have given these guys absolute clarity. We have given this team a huge amount of time to buy in with what we want to do for the Australian cricket team. We have given a vision to these guys that is spelt out. We’ve given an expectation that is spelt out and although this incident might seem very small in isolation this is a line-in-the-sand moment for us as a unit in our quest to become the best in the world.”
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What a full tosser.
Here’s what Mickey Arthur should be doing instead of playing Tony Robbins.
He should be identifying players’ technical deficiencies and correcting them. He and his fellow selectors should be picking teams for the conditions. And he should be cutting the freaking oranges.
Cricket has had review after review in recent times and what have any of them given us? The rotation system for one, and we all know how well that’s worked.
The simple fact is, Australia is in cyclical decline. We are a shadow of what we were when we ruled the world during the Border/Taylor/Waugh dynasty.
An administrative tweak here or there might help change our fortunes, but good players will change things quicker.
So then. How’s about the coach finds ways to make his players better, rather than asking them to work it out for themselves.
Follow Ant on Twitter: @AntSharwood
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