At the end of the day, we’ll go for gold in the Clichélympics
Yeah no, look, you’ve got to take these things one day at a time, but Channel Nine’s epic, iconic Clichélympics journey is right on track for gold.
Never mind the disappointing London results of Australian athletes. There are only 22 million of us Aussies and we usually punch above our weight in the world, but it’s swings and roundabouts, the results are on the scoreboard, and we’ll just have to take our lack of gold in our stride.
At any rate, Channel Nine has taken up the slack and stepped up to the plate. The Olympic broadcaster is making a concerted bid for a new Clichélympics PB. And isn’t that all you can ask of anyone at the Games – that they do their best?
Despite being burdened by both the weight of history and expectations, Nine’s London team is playing out of its skin in an event which has stood test the test of time. The likes of Williams, Sutcliffe and Warren are putting to shame some of the greatest individual exponents in sporting cliché history.
Well, you know what they say. A champion team will always beat a team of champions, and Channel Nine has become a real role model, setting the ball rolling on the world’s greatest stage where there is absolutely no room for error.
The writing is not on the wall yet, but Blind Freddie can see that Nine is going to give the Clichélympics world record an almighty shake. It’s a ding dong struggle with pretty much every other sports broadcaster in the world, but the statistics speak for themselves. It’s still a game of inches and it ain’t over till it’s over, but Nine has thus far managed to cram more clichés per sentence than any of its bitter rivals.
Their Achilles heel is Leila McKinnon, who has the annoying habit of speaking real English. You can tell she’s not a full-time sports broadcaster, and her lack of cliché expertise may yet come back to haunt Channel Nine.
But for the most part, Nine is lifting the roof off the stadium with its constant, unrelenting, never-say-die dedication to the art of cliché. Just tuning in for five minutes each morning is worth the price of admission. You honestly could not have written a better script, even if the occasional London rain has dampened some people’s enthusiasm.
Of course, this event is a marathon, not a sprint. When all is said and done, Nine has a trump card in ageless broadcaster Ken Sutcliffe. He is a legend, the real deal, a battler with the heart of the champion, and when the team is on the ropes, he’s the man they turn to.
Kenny seems to have a new lease on life. He remains the heart and soul of the team, and each morning, he dishes out dog-eared old phrases like the wily old veteran he is. When he goes out, you can sure it’ll be on top. Unlike most of the Australians competing in the actual sport at these Olympics.
Anyway, as Ken says each morning, in a brilliant sign off combining two well-worn sayings as only he can: “Until we meet again, bye for now”.
And now, so as not to put all our eggs in the one basket, here’s a picture of a chicken.
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