As a proud Melburnian, I denounce all terrorism
The ABC has been criticised for not mentioning the “M” word in their coverage of the arrest of the alleged terrorists in Victoria, for planning an attack on the Holsworthy army base in Sydney.
There have been calls from media pundits that members of the relevant community condemn terrorism.
As a member of the relevant community I’m not afraid to use the “M” word: Melburnian.
Melbourne, the home city of almost all of our home-grown terror suspects: Jack Thomas, the Barwon 13, and those arrested last week. Conversely, most of Australia’s terrorist targets, as much as it pains me to admit it, are in Sydney: the Harbour Bridge, the Opera House, the Holsworthy barracks, and overcrowded public transport.
It is in this spirit that I, Mathew Kenneally - as a Victorian and more importantly a Moderate Mainstream Melburnian - unequivocally condemn, in the strongest possible terms, terrorism in all its possible forms.
While most home grown terrorists are Melburnian, let me assure you not all Melburnians are home grown terrorists. The average Melburnian is non-violent and peace loving (except after a few drinks in an inner city nightclub).
Now I do admit Melburnians do have many grievances with Sydney-siders: your cultural inferiority, your claims to be Australia’s number one city, your theft of our Olympics from us in 2000, and your continued arrogance in refusing to engage in the Melbourne – Sydney rivalry.
However, the majority of Melburnians do not believe these differences justify the waging of inter-city jihad. Instead we believe these battles are best fought by daily articles in The Age reporting on a new study which proves that Melbourne is better than Sydney.
We Melburnians are just like you. We work hard, love our families, and are scared of swine flu (which, may I add is something I also wish to condemn, the average Victorian loathes swine flu and in no way supports its spreading from Melbourne to the rest of Australia).
I hope my statement has been able to allay fears among our Northern neighbours. I hope now Sydney-siders will be able to comfortably sit next to the man on the bus next to the gentlemen wearing a Collingwood jumper; go to a swans game without an escape plan; and visit Melbourne without fearing being held hostage on the condition that the New South Wales Premier agrees to hand over the Sydney to Hobart Yacht race.
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