Armageddon ready: What’ll you pack for the Apocalypse?
Ron Hubbard is building plush bomb-proof survival shelters to save people from tomorrow’s Mayan Apocalypse, when a planet name Nibiru will smash into Earth and wipe out humanity.
I KNOW! WTF? HIS NAME IS RON HUBBARD!
The rest of the guff about the end of the world is pretty much accepted now. People have stocked up on Spam, they’ve planned their doomsday attire, they’re going to party like there’s no tomorrow.
Aside from those moonbat hippies who think the fact the Mayan Calendar ending on December 21 just heralds some sort of spiritual transformation, the human race has pretty much come to accept that we’re going down.
And so they’re scrabbling to find a safe place.
Or they’re making safe places. Bunkers, arks, pods. Little hidey holes with extra-thick walls to shelter their families when the entire planet is destroyed.
They’re stockpiling energy bars to keep them going once the Earth’s poles are reversed and we’re plunged into never-ending darkness.
They’re buying bottled water so they won’t go thirsty into that good night.
The Punch has been grilling the nation’s leaders on what they would take, what their must-have bunker lists include. The answers are interesting, and have been revealed today on News.com.au.
In the meantime, we thought we’d ask you, dear Punch reader, what you would pack for the Apocalypse.
Me? Well, since you asked…
* A Soda Stream with magic filters that generate clean pure water from the atmosphere.
* One male pig and one female pig of reproducing age.
* Pig-poo powered internet and iPad.
* A jar of incredibly concentrated wine. One particle + one bottle water = one bottle shiraz.
* An app that generates excellent novels on demand.
* Johnny Depp. Or Charlie Brooker. If neither, then husband. Or Russell Brand.
* Bhut Jolokia salt.
* Sensible shoes and clean undies.
Over to you…
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