I have four children. That’s not an easy thing for me to admit in public. It’s not that I am ashamed of it, far from it, but it brings with it an expectation from people about how I should be/have that I don’t always live up to. Let’s just say it’s one of many well-worn-out stereotypes I don’t do well.

It bothers me though that I feel compelled to somewhat mask this side of my life, not out of privacy, but for fear that my own identity will be drowned out by the din of social constructs that requires one’s personality to drop out of your vagina when giving birth to your first child.

I can’t believe that “motherhood” is still in need of an image shake-up in 2009, or we at the very least we need to extend the parameters of how we expect mothers to behave.

No man has done a better job to expose this recently than Donald Trump - yes, the same man who just put on the gala spectacular that dressed some of the world’s most beautiful women as fruit. (That was the Miss Universe theme right?)

Some of you may be familiar with The Apprentice - a US television series where participants compete to win a job as an apprentice in one of Trump’s companies. And if any of you are familiar with Channel 9, you’ll know that an Australian version is to be airing soon. Among those competing is Perth woman and mum Heather - whom I happen to know. Nothing much untoward there. She also happens to have some friends who know their way around the internet and set up a fan site for her - weloveheather.com - which included some candid shots of Heather having ... fun. Sometimes mothers do this. Sometimes alcohol is involved.

The site and the campaign for Heather caught the eye of Perth Now, who ran a piece on Heather and her upcoming appearance in The Apprentice. The photo they chose to run was one of her “throwing the horns” and sticking her tongue out. Sometimes news sites do this. Sometimes, they know exactly what they are doing. Perth Now also ran some of Heather’s quotes from the ad promoting the show:

“Everything I have done in my life is to support my daughter,” she said. “She can be whatever she wants to be, just as long as she is happy.

“I know what it is like to be judged . . . for people to think of me as ditsy and blonde.  But there is more to me than meets the eye.

“I’ve got something to prove. This is an opportunity of a lifetime and I will be giving everything I’ve got.”

And then came the comments:

Change the world for your daughter? Maybe being there for her instead of opting to swan about on a two-bit remake of a US reality TV show would be changing the world in your daughter’s eyes… Nauseating. Posted by: Suzie Q of Perth

Does’nt portray a good mum in the photos! Just looks like a childish trollop with a drinking problem, who is setting a poor example for her daughter.Posted by: Brad of Perth

More like heather likes heather not we. Whats with all the photos with alcohol included on her photo shoot. YOURE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: rob of shenton park

Those that know Heather have jumped to her defence. Rightly so. Unfortunately, the true ugliness of this story is not about one woman, but a nauseating (thanks Suzie Q) attitude towards how woman who are mothers should or shouldn’t behave.

Heather’s professional success is testament to the fact that glass ceiling might not be in the boardroom anymore, it’s just shifted above the birthing suite.

And for good measure here’s a picture of me “throwing the horns”. I can have childish fun too. Sometimes mothers do that - and I suspect they’ll be doing it for some time to come.

See? Mums can have fun, too.

Most commented

24 comments

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    • Liz says:

      09:11am | 26/08/09

      Oh dear,whatever happened to women supporting each other in difficult roles like motherhood.So critical! So judgemental!

    • Sherlock says:

      09:21am | 26/08/09

      So in otherwords your friend is totally useless. No you say? Sorry but useless people are the only types that get selected for these type of shows. You wouldn’t actually hire any of them if your life depended on it. It’s their total lack of business skills that make the show watchable. The amazement factor of watching people so totally out of their depth on what are basic simple tasks is the drawcard.

      Frankly business is boring. Watching people conducting their day to day business would be a sure cure for insomnia. My partner and I are both successful businesspeople. It was only last week I said to her that we’d never be invited on a reality show as we’d drive ratings into negative figures. We both approach our daily tasks in a clear and logical manner. We get stuck in and get the job done. Sure it’s effective but it doesn’t make for good TV.

      The people who get picked for these type of shows are always complete tossers. You’d have to be a tosser for wanting to humiliate yourself on national TV.

    • Enzo says:

      09:43am | 26/08/09

      I have 4 kids, too. They are my open ticket to behave childishly!

      Nice work, Bronwen - maybe one day people will treat people like people rather than sinking to sensational headlines or telling us all how much better they are than everyone else.

      Good luck, Heather.

    • Sadhbh says:

      09:52am | 26/08/09

      Remember when you see a pregnant woman or one with a child behaving in anything other than a saintly and demure fashion you have the right, no, the responsibility, to call her a bad parent.
      After all, you are judging for two!
      Society’s attitude towards mothers beggars belief at times, it’s as though there is still some Victorian age ideal of the dead-from-the-neck-down matriarchal martyr who has passed on all her potential to her children and should now wither in the corner with her embroidery. And yet, childless women are treated as cold and unnatural. What, should we all just give up and join a nunnery once we hit 35?
      Keep giving them horns, Bronwen.

      http://www.sadhbh.blogspot.com/

    • Tim says:

      09:58am | 26/08/09

      Way to stay classy there Sherlock. You use that mouth when you talk to clients?

    • Sherlock says:

      10:10am | 26/08/09

      Tim, do you mean am I honest when I see my clients? Sure am. Unlike some people who seem to always have a comment to make but never actually say anything.

    • h says:

      10:11am | 26/08/09

      The idiotic social constructs go back the other way too - as an experiment sometime, tell people you DON’T want children at all. They’re not happy with that either.

    • Richard says:

      10:18am | 26/08/09

      Do you also make massive assumptions in your business Sherlock? Or do you wait until you see hard evidence? Do you judge people quickly? Or let them prove themselves?

    • Corey J says:

      10:22am | 26/08/09

      So in this case, the old cliche “No Shit Sherlock” is gobsmackingly inappropriate - as this Sherlock is indeed full of the proverbial.

      If you knew even the first thing about Heather’s personality and aptitude, you would know that she is an articulate, charming and compassionate individual with an impressive intellect and a job in upper management. 

      The problem with Australia is that too many ignorant and bitter people are too quick to judge and condemn anybody they see put out in the spotlight of any kind. The green-eyed monster and the “I’m not good enough so why should you be” (otherwise known as Tall Poppy) syndrome is thriving. It sickens me that intelligence and drive are treated as character flaws in Australian society.

      The people who comment on TV shows to whine about and denigrate their fellow Australians for having ambition are always complete tossers. You’d have to be a complete tosser to hide behind the anonymity of the internet and talk trash about a smart and caring woman like Heather.

    • Pieter says:

      10:46am | 26/08/09

      The issue of whether the show is any good is irrelevant to the point of the article Sherlock.
      Back to the article, I’m not sure why society has this propensity to drown out flavour, but the only thing keeping us from a decline into bland neutrality are people like you Bronwen.
      Your kids will be proud of the stuff you get done, and will be less concerned with your compliance to constructed expectations. 
       
      Same goes for the rest of society.

    • John in Perth says:

      11:36am | 26/08/09

      So some people on some “questionable news” sites commented with their opinion, I guess they should keep that to themselves huh? How dare they make a judgment call on somebody they don’t know when that person puts themselves into the public eye. Sure all her friends (including yourself) come out in support, because they (you) know her in real life. I’m somebody removed from her life, all I know is what I’ve read so far and seen on the weloveheather.com website. I would like to ask, how does the website or any of the news articles (including this one) actually education Mr and Mrs Public about her “true” personality her friends speak of? and business worth to be on this show?

      It is hard to find ANY information about her business background, employment history and why she is suited for this “once in a lifetime” opportunity. I can see that her friends have tried to do the right thing by creating an online presence for her but I have say they have slightly missed the boat. When you visit the weloveheather.com website you are bombarded with “social my-space-esque” photos with friends and the occasional family shot.

      Why so many photo’s? Why not just a single photo of this strong independent business woman, with her daughter and a few close friends with information about her history in the business world - again THIS is what the show is about. The website looks like a myspace page, not the page of a possible apprentice to a major company in Australia. This is why people have jumped onto this and confused, even the tag line of the website:

      “Our very own Hesa is starring in the Australian reality TV series The Apprentice. This network is here to support her with her awesomeness.”

      Excuse me but - Who? So? Awesomeness? This is a TV show about a business opportunity with a successful Australian businessman, not a popularity high school contest. This website is presenting her brand, her public image and it is doing a bad job at it. I’m not suggesting you remove all the “fun” photo’s, god it actually shows he has a life. Yet, make the focus about Heather and her work, at the moment I see more photo’s of her friends than her when I visit the site.

      This is why the view of the general public may seem confused and have a different to those of her friends. We are talking about a business show here and so far I’m yet to see any business worth from Heather. (Which I am assuming she has.)

      My advice, which you can take or leave, is post something of worth, show the public some proof as to why she is better than the rest of the selected people for this TV show.

      That is the big missed marketing opportunity here, her friends have set up a great platform to demonstrate so much more than they are doing - this comes across as just a social marketing exercise for her friends to ride on the success of her achievements and get their faces and become a ” Perthanality”.

      To her supporters, look at this subjectively from the outside and not through your rose coloured “friends glasses”. If this was a total stranger you didn’t know (like Heather is to me), and they were a cashed up bogan (for example) and was perhaps some other young guy or girl with photo’s of their mates drinking - would you honestly be able to make a “fair” judgment on this persons credentials for a job. No you wouldn’t, you would make your judgment of what information has been presented to you via whatever media.

      I’m not saying the comments made are fair, but some of them are spot on ... “I don’t want to rule the world - I just want to change it for my daughter.” ... sorry Heather, but if I met you at a party and you said that I would think you would sound like a bit of a wanker, actually if anybody male or female said that I’d think that.  It sounds like something straight from a movie poster line, sorry but that is my opinion ... people don’t speak like that in every day life.

      Heather welcome to the public eye, to her friends be careful what you post, blog or tweet because it will be a long TV series and you don’t want to jeopardize your friends chances of winning. You’ve already managed to skew some of the Perth publics opinion of her, but it is not to late to change that.

      Good luck with it.

    • Lexi says:

      11:45am | 26/08/09

      “Throwing the horns” and sticking her tongue out are a demonstration of poor taste, not poor parenting… Otherwise every Tom, Dick and Harry would be condemned as poor parents for swearing (doesn’t even have to be within earshot of offspring), the odd glass of red, feeding their kids Maccas on a Friday night after a particularly long week, or even singing along to amazingly bad songs on the radio.

      Here’s an idea, let parents do their job without criticism.  Unless they are parents who should and would be visited by DOCS.  The odd display of youthfullness by a parent should be given a knowing smile and even an internal giggle - unless, of course, you can live safely in your own glass house?

    • Lulu says:

      12:00pm | 26/08/09

      You make some valid points there, John. And once the show airs, it will be easier for people to make their own opinions as to Heather’s ability and deservedness to be on the show.

      Can I ask you this? Do you have children of your own? Regardless of whether you do or not, can you honestly tell me that you would not want them to live in a better world? And if there was anything you could do to make it so, would you not? How can you berate a parent for wanting the best for their offspring?

      At least Bronwen and Heather are taking steps to creating a better world for their children, by being strong and successful women.

    • Bronwen says:

      12:03pm | 26/08/09

      @Pieter Thank-you. I’m glad someone heard my message.

      @John I made an effort in the article to keep the focus on the fact that mothers are judged too quickly about what is acceptable and not acceptable behaviour by members of the public. The comments in the article proved that.

      I also believe that if you are true to yourself and open about who you are people will respect that in the end. The Heather her friends are presenting (and I am not involved in the site and know her only socially) is the one they know well. I don’t think her friends skewed any view the public has of her in ANY way, rather some ugly prejudices of society were exposed. Until those attitudes are less pervasive in society, I think we should address them.

    • Suzie Q says:

      12:13pm | 26/08/09

      Corey J says: “You’d have to be a complete tosser to hide behind the anonymity of the internet and talk trash about a smart and caring woman like Heather.”

      Anonymity. It’s a wonderful thing. Some of us value privacy and wish to keep our real identities a secret in order to carry on unfettered in our professional online dealings, whatever they may be. A simple search on a site such as Twitter reveals that you yourself are pretty happy to spout about how these news sites seem to attract ‘Opinionated Simpletons’ which, quite frankly from your updates, is what you appear to be. And lo and behold! Here you are on one of those news sites.

      Another thing - you know Heather personally, do you? In the flesh? In real life? Face to face or just online? Sounds like an overzealous fanboy, if you ask me… Each to their own.

    • Corey J says:

      12:34pm | 26/08/09

      I came to The Punch to read Bronwen’s article Suzie Q, as Bronwen is someone else I’ve interacted online with via Twitter.

      Your inane comments on PerthNow are no more insightful than those you leave here. I haven’t me Heather in the flesh yet, no, but have had various conversations online with her, with her real friends and followed her good and bad days for nearly 2 years now. It’s a little thing called Social Media and it is kind of trite to attack those relationships as not real. Of course they aren’t real, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have an immensely deeper insight into Heather’s good nature than ignorant people such as yourself do.

      Shoot your anonymous mouth off all you like Suzie, I am confident that Heather’s good character will shine through to rational and intelligent people when the show airs.

      Now off you pop back with the other bigots on PerthNow and whine about immigration or how you should be allowed to drive any speed you want. As these are the ignorant simpletons to whom I was referring. I can only assume your defense of such indicates solidarity with them.

    • John says:

      12:45pm | 26/08/09

      @Bronwen - I could see the point of your article, but it can be said about anybody put in the public eye - not just the Mum’s out there. Mum’s are generally seen as the sensible ones in the family, I’ll grant that and it is a sad fact that it usually the focus when Mum has a night on the town. I can see you as a Mum yourself this is a topic close to your heart and can understand the passion.

      However, I’m asking the subjective question of what happens if this was a Gen Y youngster though. Who was a self starting business man/woman and their friends created a similar website, with similar photos and lack of business history information. There would be the same comments judging this persons credentials, as I said the public will judge on the information and material presented to them.

      You’re right in saying this is just about the ‘prejudices of society’ and if you put your life out there, be prepared for people to comment on it good or bad. I think it is an overreaction from friends saying “How dare you make a comment, you don’t know her!”

      Well yeah I don’t. So, show the public that side of her as well because surely that is what got her the position on the show right? This would have been a great opportunity for you (as a friend) to tell the public about what a successful business single Mum she is, that can still enjoy a night out and be “normal”.

      (btw - I’m assuming she is single as there is no mention of a husband or partner, apologies if I have that wrong.)

    • Bronwen says:

      01:05pm | 26/08/09

      @John I agree anyone in the public eye out there is open to comment and like i said those comments can in turn say a lot about society. I think we agree on this point.

      This piece wasn’t about Heather but about that, else I would have addressed those issues - quite frankly, I don’t see this as the place, but I’m assuming some of her friends behind the fansite might do that there.

      Lastly, as it was a wrong assumption, Heather is married.

    • Richard says:

      03:33pm | 26/08/09

      @John: You make some interesting points.

      You’re very correct. Someone could make a wonderful online brochure that points out what a success Heather has been in business. However, the weloveheather.com site is a social network to offer Heather support while she’s on The Apprentice. What you’re seeing is the early stages of a social platform that will grow and change over the coming weeks. And that’s the point. It’ll change and give people the opportunity to share and support Heather. It’s not a brochure. There is no plan to use it to progress Heather’s career.

      You ask how the website educates Mr and Mrs Public about her “true” personality. Well, in the same way that real life does. Do you judge someone the instant you meet them? Or do you give them time to show you their true character? Would you believe a brochure? Or would you wait for the proof? The idea behind this “my-space-esque” site is that it grows as people interact, and over time they get to know the real person behind it.

      Unfortunately we’ve been trained to make snap judgements.

      So you offer some advice: to post something of worth to show the public some proof as to why she is “better than the rest of the selected people for this TV show.” Lets assume that that is the aim of weloveheather.com, then it may happen over time. The WLH social network will grow organically, and the proof may appear.

      So like you, I too would like to ask everyone to look subjectively from the outside, and make a judgement with the information that is presented. But not a snap judgement. How about we all take our time, and make a judgement based on a little more information than just a few photographs. There is no need here to make quick opinions about Heather’s character. We can all wait to see what happens with the show, and let Heather prove her worth. It’s not life or death.

      It’s all too easy to make a quick judgement and jump on a news site and make a few comments and not think of the repercussions. Why not slow things down, and put some critical thinking into what we say. I guess we’ve all learnt to make assumptions based on very little information. However, in today’s day and age we have an abundance of information. We can choose to slow down and be a little more critical, and put some real thought into our opinions.

      On that note, sorry Bronwen. You’ve spent a good deal of time and thought into discussing a real issue: societies skewed opinions about women. It’s just a shame that the comments were hijacked to make some points that were not as well thought out.

    • Sherlock says:

      04:52pm | 26/08/09

      I can’t believe people come to the defense of a reality TV contestant. The whole genre is designed to humiliate the participants for the entertainment of the viewers. Accordingly the people it attracts are the tossers who are prepared to humiliate themselves on national TV. I would suggest that the vast majority of people here would have far too much self respect to go on a show like The Apprentice.

      Reality show contestants may be heroes in Perth but to the rest of us they’re simply tossers. If you’re upset at me pointing out this self-evident fact about reality show contestants in general then wait to the show starts and see what’s going to be written specifically about your friend on the various TV blogs. I’ll seem like one of her biggest fans fan compared to the vitriol you’re going to read about your wonderful Heather.

      I’m sorry, but I’d lay money she’s going to come across as a tosser. Even if she’s not it’s amazing what they can do in the editing suite. Genuine business people make for boring TV.

    • hope (asimpleparadox) says:

      06:30pm | 28/08/09

      Heather is sooo lovely.  I’ve met her a few times too, at various things, and when we did speak she spoke about her daughter at length.

      It’s so stupid how just because she’s gone out and had drinks and had a bit of fun people decide that she’s not a good mother.  Bias information being showed is no reason to base an opinion, and it’s scary how quickly people are to jump to the whims of media.  Saddening even.

      Well best of luck to Heather, and lets hope that the Media doesn’t eat her.

    • Amanda says:

      06:56pm | 21/09/09

      This show looks like rubbish. Everyone on a reality TV show ends up looking like an idiot for the entertainment of the producers and viewers. Heather and her friends and family should be prepared for that and the subsequent sledging and muck raking that will come in the media. Remember what happened to Sarah Marie from BB series 1? At least she made some dosh out of it.

    • Tony Brown says:

      01:42am | 25/09/09

      I don’t know If I said it already but ...I’m so glad I found this site…Keep up the good work I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog.  Thanks, smile

      A definite great read..Tony Brown

    • Pete says:

      12:54am | 29/09/09

      Some of the disparaging comments written here particularly by Suzie Q are unbelievable. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but when that opinion is not based on fact, is it really worth anything? I think not. I believe Heather is entitled to do what she is doing and basically it has nothing to do with anyone else except her, her husband and her daughter. Good luck to her!

 

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