Another close shave in the humourless war on terror

ASIO-approved citizen says:

08:44am | 02/06/11

Jawohl mein fuhrer.

How about those enforcing the rules actually bother to know the rules?
How about rules which actually make sense?
How about guards who can THINK instead of “Ve ver only obeying orderz”?

Nah, too hard. Let’s all just mindlessly obey. I’ve been through more background checks than most of the airport guards.

Shane says:

08:53am | 02/06/11

Um, Septimus, the point of the article is the rules are stupid - example: no one (not even the swarthy types) is going to be able to bring a plane down with a pate knife.
Perhaps you should go back and have another read so you might actually make that connection.

George Orwell says:

09:33am | 02/06/11

As opined earlier, ja wohl, however, at what point do we say “enough” and get on with our PRIVATE lives free of the over view of the “Gummint”? Allowing free and clear access to our persons, our belts and our shoes is erely step 1. Complain and stop it, or accept it and accept the long term consequences.

Septimus says:

09:40am | 02/06/11

Umm Shane,

I read the article.  You obviously aren’t aware that the terrorists for 9/11 used simple box cutters to take over planes.

You obviously aren’t aware that people can be killed with knives.

You obviously aren’t aware people are killed with knives as small as a pate knife.

The terrorist may be carrying a can of shaving foam, but it won’t have shaving cream in it.  If you watched any of the documentaries you will see they are packed with explosives.  Hence the ban on all fluids and cans over a certain size - to prevent morons like you dying and your inbred relatives bleating about it, after you are gone.

Perhaps you should get out off you stained computer chair and experience the world before opening your mouth and confirming your intelligence is lacking.

fml says:

10:26am | 02/06/11

Septimus,

Those cheesy terrorists, if we are not careful theyre going to give us a decent spreading! :/

Also on a BA flight not to long ago the air hostess was handing out metal butter knives to spread on my scone, it took much restraint not to report her to the pilot, but i was afraid he could be a terrorist too with his funny hat n’all.

AAAdam says:

10:32am | 02/06/11

I’m all for security screened flights and no security flights. People just moan because they don’t have a choice. Give them a choice, most will choose security screened flights and the moaning will stop. And the 1% that really want put their safety where their mouth is can jump on no security flights.

Also, to fully internalise the risk associated with no security flights inside those who elect to take such flights, put a self destruct on such planes and make the people sign a waiver saying they realise the government will in no way intervene or spend funds to save them from hostage takers, etc. That way, if gets hijacked and looks like crashing into some innocents, we can activate the self destruct

JohnL says:

11:10am | 02/06/11

Septimus: interesting, seeing as I know of no communication from on board the planes before they hit, how did they come up with the idea of box cutters? Because there was a lot of them lying around? They were office buildings after all, I’d be surprised if there weren’t any.
This sort of thing is espoused by people how love jumping to conclusions because it means they don’t have to do a real job or have an original thought, the claim that the terrorists used box cutters and plastic knives to get control of the planes was stupid in the extreme; it had no basis in fact and was most likely petty fear-mongering to get an agenda through congress.
Just answer your other little morsel, yes people can die from a knifing attach and yes those knives can be as small as a pate knife, but are they, in fact, pate knives? If you can kill someone with a pate knife why would you bother? You could probably just use your bare hands.
Oh and if you’re into name calling try this: I suggest you stop fellating your authoritarian masters and read some objective appraisal of events, maybe come up with some kind of opinion that isn’t framed by those you are currently gagging on. BTW how’s the state of your computer chair?

A Pilot says:

11:41am | 02/06/11

Look-up the list of prohibited items—it includes “aerosol containers”. That has nothing to do with terrorism; it is about general safety of passengers.  There is a probability, albeit low, of aerosol cans rupturing at reduced atmospheric pressure (it has happened to me).
At normal cabin pressure (equal to approx 8000 feet) a ruptured can will at least made a helluva mess, but in the event of a rapid cabin decompression it can be a lethal projectile.

Septimus says:

11:42am | 02/06/11

Oh I didn’t know you were on the flight JohnL, kudos for being the only surviving one. 

For the rest of us, we will rely on telephone calls made from the PLANE, until we see some evidence indicating otherwise.

http://archives.cnn.com/2001/US/09/23/inv.investigation.terrorism/

“It was unclear if any guns were used in the hijackings Tuesday, and urgent in-flight cellular telephone calls from two of the doomed flights suggested the terrorists were armed with knives or “knifelike objects.” In one call, a flight attendant on one of the flights that struck the World Trade Center reportedly said a fellow crew member had been stabbed. In another, CNN commentator Barbara Olson, a passenger on the plane that would smash into the Pentagon, told her husband that the flight had been hijacked with men carrying knives and box cutters.”

(LA Times Sept 12 2001)

Interesting how you know it wasn’t the case and obviously well supported by your obvious conspiracy theory.  Congress sitting there waiting to take plastic knives of planes because that’s what Congress DOES.  Only you knew this though.

People use knives to kill people because it’s easy than using your hands.  Thought some of your OBVIOUS intelligence would know this.

Nice little obsession with oral sex - that a family thing?

JohnL says:

12:52pm | 02/06/11

Ah, eye-witness accounts of people in a panic, yes that’s reliable, and spread by CNN no less. I’m doubly sold.
I especially like the fact you link a CNN scoop that was published less than a fortnight after the event, do you have anything else that is a bit more current? Maybe something that outlines some kind of forensic evidence?
Besides people weren’t just stabbed, one passenger: Daniel Lewin, was shot.
http://911review.org/brad.com/passenger_shot_FAA_memo.html
You’ll notice no mention of box cutters.
I also find it ironic that you mention conspiracy theory, as if mentioning ‘conspiracy theory’ consigns everything to ridicule, how about this: if someone was shot by a weapon that bears any resemblance to a firearm on board a plane, or if someone is stabbed by a weapon that bears any resemblance to a hunting/fighting knife on board a plane then that airline bears the liability because they failed to adequately check for these illegal items. Maybe that’s why the whole box cutter thing made it to print before any real investigative work had been done. But why wait for the truth to be found?
Yes and well done with the jibe about my family, that’s right up there with ‘Yo mama’, good job.
Anyway I’m bored with this, you bore me.

stupid says:

12:57pm | 02/06/11

When you are at the airport about to board a plane, obey the rules.

When you are discussing it on-line, question the validity of the rules.

When you are a bit of a tool, insinuate Nazism every time someone has an opinion you disagree with.

When you are more than a bit of a tool, big note yourself by boasting about your security clearance in an anonymous web forum.

Craig says:

02:31pm | 02/06/11

Poor John, you got owned!

Shifter says:

04:24pm | 02/06/11

@Septimus - mate, I hope you don’t contract cancer, or heart disease, or any other illness that kills several times more people in Australia per year than terror attacks, airplane accidents and shark attacks combined.

If the amount of concern you show is equal to the amount of time you spend worrying about these things in day to day life I feel sorry for you and the world of anxiety you’re trapped in.

Septimus says:

04:34pm | 02/06/11

Shifter,

Who says I am worried?  Oh you just assumed.  I see.

AAAdam says:

04:44pm | 02/06/11

“Ah, eye-witness accounts of people in a panic, yes that’s reliable”

Well, to be fair, such accounts are more reliable than the speculation of some guy named JohnL on the internet who was never on the plane in question. Especially given that most victims of crime involving a weapon focus on the weapon sooooooo much they can almost never describe their attackers face, just the weapon that was used.

Shifter says:

05:30pm | 02/06/11

@Septimus - only as much as you assume in your previous posts.

Septimus says:

05:40pm | 02/06/11

Sadly for you Shifter - I speak from experience.

acotrel says:

06:43pm | 02/06/11

I walked into an airport in the UK, and silently handed a sharp kitchen knife to the guy standing at the gate.  He looked pleased.  I was happy for him!
It might have been a bit different if he’d been the French security guard who bailed me up at Charles De Gaulle on the way over!

Davido says:

08:02pm | 02/06/11

But we are allowed to comment… or god forbid question the rules right?

Dave says:

09:45am | 02/06/11

I’ve encountered this too. Weird. What possible difference is a cap going to make, to anything???

centurion48 says:

10:05am | 02/06/11

If you have a cigarette lighter then it cannot be in your checked-in luggage, you either have to carry it or have it in your carry-on bag. I stupidly told the airline I had a cigarette lighter when heading off on a camping holiday and had to extract it at the check-in counter. On a similar trip I was not allowed to have a military can opener in my carry-on luggage and had to throw it away because my other luggage had already been checked in. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P-38_can_opener>

Geoffrey Chaucer says:

12:12pm | 02/06/11

When it comes to security, common sense is the highest risk.

HappyCynic says:

12:57pm | 02/06/11

Why is common sense called “common”?  It’s so bloody rare these days that it seems a complete oxymoron to call it common when no one practices it.

marley says:

08:48am | 02/06/11

Driving doesn’t really work when you want to get back to see your Mom in Canada.  Sigh.  Not looking forward to it.

George Orwell says:

09:38am | 02/06/11

Good point. I once suggested to an airport security ruminant, that if they ever lose their job as a mindless cretin, happy to display that disadvantage to the public, they would still have a future in either Customs, Immigration or the Prison Service.

Wasn’t well received and somewhere along there was the standard “just following orders. You shouldn’t speak to me like that”. I asked what she thought of the weather in Auschwitz. Even less well received.

Dazeddazza says:

11:03am | 02/06/11

Last year I arrived from overseas at Gold Coast Airport.  It was very similar to the entrance gate to Belsen or Auchswitz.  Uniforms, guns, queues and very unattractive, sourfaced, apparently uneducated brain dead people filling the uniforms.  The sad part is that if they had the capacity to use their brains, it is taken away from them by “rules”.  The Nuremberg defence, “I was just obeying orders”  .

CJ Morgan says:

12:16pm | 02/06/11

@ marley:

Yeah, well that would be the kind of flight that’s pretty well unavoidable and just has the be endured, I guess.  Good luck.

My point is that flying somewhere used to be relatively pleasurable in itself.  Airlines used to treat passengers as valued customers, and went out of their way to ensure you’d fly with them again.  I find it strange that nowadays, when air travel is a far less safe or pleasurable experience when compared with its halcyon days, airline companies seem to be doing very little to attract customers to fly with them.

Air travel is now expensive, inconvenient, unsafe, demeaning and the least sustainable in terms of greenhouse emissions, which means that this former frequent flyer avoids it wherever possible.  Telecommunications, on the other hand, now enable global communication that existed only in the realm of science fiction when I was a kid.

I can imagine that what now passes for air travel is a distinctly underwhelming experience for those who have to do it, but the solution is quite simple.  Boycott the expensive, polluting airlines with their ridiculous regulations and surly staff.  Use a phone or skype instead - spend the time and money saved doing something product, or even just relaxing.

It’s unfortunate for those who to travel by air, but its brief ascendancy as the favoured form of mass transit is just about over, anyway.  Air travel is ecologically unsustainable, and is too vulnerable to terrorist attack.

Mind you, humanity has managed to thrive and develop for millennia without the dubious benefit of air travel, and undoubtedly will continue to do so without it.  Tough titties, I say.

marley says:

12:53pm | 02/06/11

@CJ - having been a very frequent, very long-haul flyer for years, I am ecstatic these days to only have to get on a plane once or twice a year - and always for distances that are simply not practicable by other means.  Although even there, there are alternatives, if time isn’t a factor.  I once travelled from Europe to Australia on a container ship - 3 wonderful weeks of doing absolutely nothing except work out in the gym, sit on the deck looking at flying fish or reading a book, and watching the odd Bollywood DVD on the TV in the cabin.  Most relaxing trip I ever took.  I’m thinking about doing the same thing from Australia to the US…

Bomb78 says:

02:10pm | 02/06/11

Belsen and Auchswitz.? Please get some perspective people. You are asked to walk through a scanner and palce your bags on a conveyer. I travel regualr between south east Queensland and Sydney, Melbourne and Canberra, and at most it takes a few minutes to get through secruity. Most of you probably spend longer buying the terrible coffee they sell at all Australian airports.

James1 says:

02:21pm | 02/06/11

I have to say, Mr Orwell, most Holocaust survivors would probably find your likening of airport security to Auchwitz pretty offensive too, because it seriously belittles their suffering.

But then, this world would be far less interesting without dramatic types and exaggerators like yourself.

rwick says:

08:54am | 02/06/11

These cities also have differing interpretations on what constitutes a game of football.  It would be naturally assumed that the same goes for danger ( if you have ever driven there) or a bomb.

Davedo says:

08:11pm | 02/06/11

Your comment reminds me of the time my family was ‘grilled’ for 30 minutes by customs because my daughter had a bag of lollies she had purchased on the plane.

I tried explaining but they just wouldn’t listen.

Customer service training should be mandatory for these dropkicks.

Samuel says:

09:52am | 02/06/11

The terrorists have won! Their dastardly plan all along was to inconvenience people at airports, of course!

L. says:

08:25am | 02/06/11

“Cabin staff would then have been rendered useless by the Lynx effect providing a perfect opportunity for terrorists, immune to the sweet spray, to storm the cockpit. “

You mean the Lynx would have also weakened the lock on the locked cockpit door..??

fairsfair says:

08:41am | 02/06/11

god damn that damn lynx effect.

I recently had my 6mL tube of hand and nail cream taken. Mystified. My dove mini deo is always a sticking point, but as it is removed from my bag and placed in the tray beside it is acceptable. In the past I have forgotton to reveal its existance, had I surrendered it, I would have been able to keep it. Damn us higeinic forgetful idiots. Clearly we are all up to something.

Seems going through security lately is up there with the Soup Nazi, what with all this uniform side stepping and non showing of any emotion.

I have always had an issue with CDs. Not many people travel with them these days, but have you seen how sharp a snapped CD is? It is just as dangerous as a knife. I only know this due to macgyver moment while making veggie garden scarecrows sans scissors and “Shania Twain: Come on Over”. Once I snapped her she went through fishing line like a hot knife through butter. Jury’s out as to whether being stabbed by the cd would be as painful as actually listening to it….

Warwick says:

08:52am | 02/06/11

...and I suppose the cap is a perfectly good seal that will stop any aerosol under a mountain of pressure from escaping into the atmosphere?

Mouse says:

09:29am | 02/06/11

Super D, you know the effect Lynx has on women, they become your slave, and can be easily manipulated to help you take over the controls of the plane!  What were you thinking? ;o)

I forgot I had a small manicure kit in my carry on at Adelaide airport and the security guy almost pulled his pistol out on me when I didn’t declare it. A metal nail file, to hold at the stewardess’s throat, and a pair of nail scissors with a 1/2 inch blade to hold at the pilot’s eye! I had to post it back home. The fact that I laughed when he said about it didn’t help, silly me, I must be more serious about this in future…

iansand says:

09:54am | 02/06/11

No, but it reduces the prospect of the button being depressed accidentally.

fml says:

10:32am | 02/06/11

It doesnt really matter what the lynx effect is on hostesses, because terrorists only want virgins…..

michael j says:

08:42am | 02/06/11

Got me,first laugh of the day,ripper,,penbo said ‘‘What thats not a Knife’‘
Security Guard-; Yes,,,,Yes Sir it is ‘’ he didn’t say if he got it back,,,

RufusPDog says:

08:51am | 02/06/11

A refreshing reference to the Aunty Jack Show, I take my hat off to you good sir!  One can only imagine the treatment that securiity at Dapto International Airport would have caught from the Aunty Jack team if they were still around today.

dancan says:

09:08am | 02/06/11

Undoubtedly the security guards retired to the back lodgings to discuss events and news of the day over cheese and wine in a posh English accent

remlap says:

09:11am | 02/06/11

Or your kids getting the pencil sharpener with their complimentary colouring pencils…
That razor blade inside it is obviously safe when compared to the volatile nature of a blunt pate knife; the terrorists weapon of choice.

Knemon says:

10:39am | 02/06/11

@ David - I had a nail file confiscated before boarding once yet they gave me a metal fork to eat their crap with, go figure.

If you enjoy being patted down and body searched then the best thing to do is grow you hair long, grow a beard and dress scruffily…it works for me every time.

fairsfair says:

11:58am | 02/06/11

MacGyver - nothing to do with air travel, but I got sent this the other day and have been laughing eveytime I think about it.

http://www.explosm.net/comics/2362/

air vandal says:

09:50am | 02/06/11

I once had a bet with a mate regarding something about the army and he bet I wouldn’t know what a ‘FRED’ was (F*cking ridiculous eating device - its about an inch long, 1mm thick combination spoon-ration tin opener). I won the bet and was the proud recipient of said FRED, which I promptly threw into my briefcase and forgot about.

About a year later I was travelling domestically with my briefcase. Over time the FRED had worked itself firmly between the lining of the case, down into a corner seam and buried for good.

Briefcase scan.
‘What is the blade in your case, sir?’
Ah.. nothing? A paperclip?
‘Its a blade, sir.’
Nah your machine’s wonky. Here, look. Nothing.
‘‘You’ve concealed it in the lining of the case.’
Are you fair dinkum? MY case? Scan it again, your thing is obviously reading something wrong.
*scan*
‘There is definitely a blade concealed in your case sir. If you dont remove it you’ll be arrested’
I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. What blade. Where. What lining?
So they showed me.

For the sake of a curved piece of tin about the size of your pinky fingernail I had to rip out the lining of my briefcase.
But at least my fellow travellers’ lunches were safe from being opened & eaten until they were good and ready.

James1 says:

12:29pm | 02/06/11

When my daughter was 6, she packed a pair of plastic scissors into her pencil case to take on a plane.

When security searched her pencil case (why they would feel the need is beyond me), they found the scissors and got very upset with us over it.  When I asked what harm plastic scissors could possibly do, the humourless security people told me very seriously that no scissors are allowed on flights, and that the scissors would have to be destroyed.  I told them it was a work trip, and I would be back in two days and asked could I pick them up after the return flight.  The reply was no, these little girl’s plastic scissors (which barely perform their advertised function of cutting paper) had to be destroyed immediately.  A security guard was despatched straight away to perform the pressing task.  He left with a look of earnest determination.

James says:

10:06am | 02/06/11

Being a Seppo is much worse when trying to fly. They hand frisk 6 year old girls in dresses and also 70 year old congressmen who’ve had hip replacements. In their stupidity, everyone is fair game. Never any common sense involved. We know who the terrorists are but its politically incorrect to point the finger at them. Thank God you’re in Australia and not America.

Suzanne says:

10:56am | 02/06/11

Staff at Heathrow frisked my 1 year old daughter this year. She was mid-air, being handed from her dad to me so they took their opportunity to pounce on her, giving us no say whatsoever as to whether we wanted them touching our child inappropriately.

Last year at the same airport they made us to open and taste half the formula cartons we had brought with us for the 30 hour travel time to get back here. Formula only lasts for an hour after you open it so their helpful suggestion of “get the cabin crew to refrigerate it” wasn’t much good when we wouldn’t be boarding for another two hours and since the baby was only 3 months old at the time it wasn’t like we could fill her up with a cheese sandwich, we needed the formula.
It’s the only airport that has ever given me any hassle when travelling with a baby. Who knew that babies were so dangerous?

Septimus says:

11:11am | 02/06/11

If you don’t like it, don’t fly.  It’s not like you own the plane and can tell someone what to do with your private property. Walk instead.

Suzanne says:

11:20am | 02/06/11

@septimus…it’s a long walk from Melbourne to Ireland, where my family are. Flying is a necessity for some of us.

The point is these ‘security’ measures do not increase security at all. They merely give the illusion of increased safety. Any terrorist who wanted to could still bring a plane down.
Need a knife? Have a steak in one of the many bars and restaurants available after you’ve gone through security.

fairsfair says:

11:44am | 02/06/11

If you can plant a bomb in your shoe or your jocks you can plant one in a nicely rugged up sleeping baby. I can see why they need to check your child and formular has probably been a means of smuggling other fine light coloured powders in the past. You can’t object to being searched yourself, so how can you object to your child being searched?

It is a shame yes, but it is more sad that there are people in this world who are likely to do these things. I understand that my hand and nail cream could be plastic explosives, but in the tone of this article I don’t get how you get shaving cream confiscated when you can take a lighter and a can of deoderant. You could light it and burn someone with that, be you using it as a weapon or just having a psychotic episode. 

It has to continue for if they stop one plane being hijacked at the expense of a million personal manicure kits - so be it.

Septimus says:

11:48am | 02/06/11

Far better idea to let them walk on with hand grenades don’t you think Suzanne?

Septimus says:

11:55am | 02/06/11

Far better idea to let them walk on with hand grenades don’t you think Suzanne?

How would you know the deterrent effect of security is, a terrorist isn’t going to tell anyone he was thinking of attacking a plane but didn’t because he couldn’t get through security.

Suzanne says:

12:19pm | 02/06/11

If that were the case fairs fair then why didn’t ALL the airports I travelled through demand the same checks? I had no problems in Malaysia, Irland or Melbourne.
And exactly how many babies have been used to smuggle bombs onto planes in the past?
None of these measures actually protect people or prevent drug smuggling. If they truly believed I was attempting to smuggle a bomb or drugs then all they have to do is a simple swab test. We’ve all seen people caught out by these on Border Security. No need to violate children without asking permission or destroy half of a babys food.

@septimus…an x-ray or the metal detector would pick up grenades.
Fail.

Septimus says:

12:49pm | 02/06/11

Yes Suzanne it would, but why bother with security, it’s an ‘illusion’ after all.

Fail Fail.

fairsfair says:

01:17pm | 02/06/11

How many people used a shoe or jock bomb prior to it happening? How many planes were flown into the world trade center before 9/11?

Ah yes, Border Security! No doubt they show up all their tricks on that show. It must be to Customs Officers what CSI is to cops. Your laptop has been stolen - yes sir, we’ll launch the chopper and have the forensic team in here to dust for prints in a jiffy.

Suzanne says:

01:51pm | 02/06/11

Shoe and jock bombers were intent on being suicide bombers.
How many suicide bombers, anywhere have taken their kids along as decoys and blown them up too?
Not many I’d wager but hey, if frisking children and wasting babies food is what it takes to make the skies safer then we should all suck it up and not complain.
It’s not like they have other ways of finding potential terrorists…right?

Septimus says:

02:55pm | 02/06/11

Suzanne,

Again, it’s not your plane.  If you want to use someone’s else’s services, then you aren’t entitled to complain about the terms in which they let you access them.

Most of us appreciate their efforts to keep us safe.

fairsfair says:

02:57pm | 02/06/11

You’re totally right Suzanne. Nobody has ever used children before. *hilights text and selects sarcasm font*

Suzanne says:

10:28am | 03/06/11

“If you want to use someone’s else’s services, then you aren’t entitled to complain about the terms in which they let you access them.”

Total BS.
As a paying customer you are perfectly entitled to complain about something you’re not happy with.

“You’re totally right Suzanne. Nobody has ever used children before. *hilights text and selects sarcasm font* “

People have used children as drug mules, not bomb mules.
A quick google search reveals that the only people using children as suicide bombers are the Taliban in Afghanistan.
Last time I checked I looked nothing like an Afghan but even if I did I have no problem with me or my child being swabbed for bomb or drug residue or having a sniffer dog go over our bags etc. I do however have a problem with strangers being given the power to frisk children and parents who object risk being thrown off the flight and/or arrested.

There are plenty of other ways to identify potential terrorists without manhandling everyone but airports like to be seen to be actively doing something so it’s easier to confiscate nail clippers and pate knives.

Septimus says:

11:05am | 03/06/11

Suzanne,

You don’t own the airport.
You don’t own the security services.
You don’t own the plane.

You pay to access these services.

Once you agree to access their services, you are agreeing to the manner in which they operate their services.  That includes search.  If you don’t like it…walk.

Kate says:

06:47pm | 02/06/11

Amazing that they’d give you a hard time about shoes!

Although I must admit to being rather jealous of you. I can’t imagine how much easier it’d be flying at 5 ft 3. Try cramming yourself into the sardine seats at 5 ft 11….aarrggh.

iansand says:

10:41am | 02/06/11

The best entertainment in travelling is the Hong Kong airport transit security check, watching the show as the expensive duty free scotch and cognac is confiscated.

Which shows how little entertainment you can get while travelling.

Anne_N says:

12:04pm | 02/06/11

@ Bev

They do it on cruise ships too.  A elderly friend of ours has an artificial limb and a hip replacement and while reboarding the same ship after each port of call on a recent cruise was also subject to the same security checks and the extra attention.  Every single time.

Things that make ya go hhhhmmmmm…..

iansand says:

02:15pm | 02/06/11

Shhhh.  Don’t let Sydney airport know about this.  It will only give them ideas.

iansand says:

11:38am | 02/06/11

Crowding the carousel is one of my pet peeves.  I was shameless about elbowing people out of the way to get my luggage.  Now I wander off to the uncrowded nether regions of the carousel and wait the extra 30 seconds.  I am trying to reduce as much aggravation as possible when travelling.

rght says:

03:09pm | 02/06/11

you are the reason why i hate airports. idiots that don’t realise they have a knife/scissors/deoderant/grenade in their bag and hold up the x-ray line for six hours. urgh.

fml says:

03:56pm | 02/06/11

Thats how van damme must feel everytime he flies.

CJ Morgan says:

05:29pm | 02/06/11

Yeah, and everybody knows it’s only terrorists who use shaving foam anyway…

iansand says:

02:18pm | 02/06/11

How much room does 3 bikinis and a beach towel take up?

Septimus says:

07:22pm | 02/06/11

@iansand

You thinking of going on holiday?

Robbo says:

01:01pm | 02/06/11

Same thing happened to me except at the time I was working at a commercial chemical plant!

Septimus says:

02:40pm | 02/06/11

Uh darren, you obviously aren’t aware that people can be stabbed with a blunt knife.  It only takes one hit to the centre of the chest (i.e. heart) and the job is done.  Before regaling us with your expertise, maybe you should wonder if others have actually seen deaths occur as the result of blunt edged instruments (love the armchair experts!)

Best be thought of as a fool, rather than open your mouth and prove it.

fml says:

03:58pm | 02/06/11

Septimus,

What about fists? lets cut off everybodies hands.

Septimus says:

04:35pm | 02/06/11

Start with yours fml, so we can limit your access to your keyboard and your inane comments (look it up!)

Ben81 says:

10:45pm | 02/06/11

Reminds me of Amanda Vanstone’s attempt to get that point across -

“Has it ever occurred to you that you can just smash your wine glass and jump at someone, grab the top of their head and put it to their carotid artery and ask anything? And believe me, you will have their attention.”

“I asked (Mr Howard) if he was able to get on a plane with an HB pencil, which you are able to, and I asked him if I went down and came and grabbed him by the front of the head and stabbed the pencil into your eyeball and wiggle it around down to your brain area, do you think you’d be focusing?”

I haven’t forgotten the mental note I made to not piss her off if I ever meet her.

Septimus says:

03:36pm | 02/06/11

ummm Wilma,

I am guessing your posting this here is another ‘occasional Platinum Moment’

Sid says:

03:44pm | 02/06/11

Guarantee I could prove you wrong.

Sweetbiscuit says:

11:52pm | 02/06/11

uhhh, Simon, I was talking about stabbing.  Read the post properly.

Septimus says:

05:45pm | 02/06/11

Right David.

We live in a world of professionals complainers who take no responsiblity for their own actions.