One sunny afternoon I was coming out of Sydney’s Redfern Station and a woman with a child asked me for money. I felt so sorry for her that I gave her my last 5 bucks. Feeling self-satisfied at my generosity, I walked away with a smile on my face. Then something strange happened. She yelled out sarcastically, “Thanks, you … slut”.
Up until this point I’d always thought I’d given money to “beggars” unconditionally – certainly I’d always shouted down people who moralised that “they will only spend it on drugs and alcohol”. But with her insult, something inside me snapped.
Marching back up to her I demanded my money back. She told me to “f… off” as I proceeded to give her a lecture on begging etiquette. My view, which I proceeded to ram down her throat with some equally colourful language, was that she should be polite to me because I gave her the last of my money.
I reckon this story raises an important question, particularly for those of us living in cities of haves and have-nots: are there really rules that should be applied to the practice of asking for and giving money?
I really want an answer to this because in my experience the whole exchange is at the very least an uncomfortable one and sometimes can be downright shameful. I polled some mates and they all had stories that ranged from the vaguely embarrassing to the exquisitely awkward and the just plain wrong.
One gave an obviously homeless man $20 without prompting. He not only refused the money but told her condescendingly not to “patronise” him.
Another who’s particularly shy and reserved finally had enough with one of the regulars at her local shops because the woman insisted on giving long-winded explanations for why she needed the cash that my mate always doled out. The time she got fed up was when the beggar banged on about the fact that it was her birthday. My friend gave her some funds but finally got up the courage to point out she wasn’t the least bit interested in the beggar’s lame explanations.
And while living in New York yet another, a leading social commentator who’s often been attacked for her ‘bleeding heart’ views, once literally stepped over a woman and her children camped outside her apartment building in the freezing snow – a woman whom she had over a period of time given several hundred dollars to.
While she had always handed over the cash before, this time something allowed my mate to just ignore the woman’s plight. She simply went up to her cosy flat, made dinner, and lay down in her warm bed.
I used to think there were two types of people in the world: those who gave money to beggars and arseholes. But maybe people’s reactions to beggars, and the motivations behind them, aren’t so clear cut.
So let’s put the shame, fear, guilt and defensiveness behind us and draw up a list of rules we can all agree on to make begging a more comfortable experience for everyone. I’m going to kick it off then it’s over to you to come up with your own suggestions.
1. If you are begging, don’t give long-winded excuses as to why you need money. People are often very busy going to their well-remunerated jobs. Just politely ask for what you want.
2. It’s not our business what the beggar is going to spend the money on. As if you haven’t got on the piss with your wages or bought yet another pair of shoes you don’t need. In other words, give with good grace and unconditionally.
3. If you are a beggar without talent do not sing or play a musical instrument badly to attract money. Simply put out a sign saying “No talent. Please give generously”.
4. Smile and make eye contact with your beggar but don’t give them patronising looks. They don’t need your pity, just your cash.
5. Even if you think the guy that gave you some money was a condescending arsehole, hold your tongue. No-one likes a smart-arse.
I reckon another 5 will do it. I’m guessing beggars don’t have the access to computers that we do so they mightn’t be reading this. I’m prepared to photocopy the list and stick it up in Central Station tunnel if you’re prepared to help me finish it.
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