Seedless watermelon is great. You’ve taken the bad element of the watermelon out - but can someone please explain why we can’t take the bad things out of everything?
For example, social engagements without the small talk. Or Katherine Heigl movies without Katherine Heigl. If they could take the seed out of men, I’d probably indulge in a lot more of them too.
Visiting my local supermarket this morning, I noted that watermelon is currently on special, so if you happen to be out of town, you have chosen the wrong time of the year to be away, my friend.
I’m glad Summer is arriving very soon - it provides me with a new temperature to complain to people about and the opportunity to make my fridge seem full for once with one singular fruit purchase.
Watermelon season is one that we look forward to through the harsh, cold months of the year, until we realise the things that come hand in hand with it - bushfires, mosquitoes and chafing. I am not sure if it’s even chafing that really annoys us, or if it is that ad about the cream we can purchase to prevent the chafing, played repeatedly through the endless sports coverage over Summer that has us enraged.
Ah, Summer, so many memories. Is it because of the stinking heat that summertime memories are remembered so well, as if those moments were literally cooked into our conscious? I’m not a big fan of fruit, the texture of it doesn’t appeal to me, and its health benefits conflict with my reckless lifestyle. But I do quite enjoy the fruit currently known as watermelon. I don’t understand why it’s called watermelon.
Honestly! Sure it’s 92 per cent water, but from what I can gather, I can get that 92 per cent somewhere else, for free, so they should probably think about re-naming the fruit ‘rip-off melon’. To be fair, the name is a bit less misleading than rockmelon. But, I should point out that water isn’t even pink, and the only time I have ever seen it so was when I found a dead body in my pool. I digress.
My father told me as a child to be careful not to swallow the watermelon seeds as I may find myself growing one within. This is something that stuck with me, despite further education about the digestive system. When I was 12, I did accidently swallow a watermelon seed, and freaked out when I found myself bloated and morphing physically… What a relief it was to discover I was only pregnant!
Seriously though, it is very irresponsible of parents to continue with these tales, especially if their child is a notorious non-fruit eater. Parents should be encouraging their children to partake in nature’s glorious nutrition, not scaring them away from it! Do you realise how many cases of bulimia have started with a child trying to throw up a watermelon seed? Three.
Summer; the heat, the beach, the scents, you are most definitely my favourite season. And considering the current temperature, I think it is time l make myself a summertime smoothie: Two parts vodka, one part watermelon and refreshing as hell. If you have any other recipes involving the one and only fruit I consume, I would love to hear them.
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