SO Melbourne gets Tiger Woods. So what? Sydney got Long John Daly and, on behalf of this city of drunken misfits, I say we couldn’t be happier.

What's not to love?

Sure, the man they call “Wild Thing” isn’t exactly sweating Tiger in the rankings or snapping up Nike contracts bigger than the GDP of African nations.

Truth be known Daly, whose financial nous could have seen him make the board of Enron, is flat broke. He was selling t-shirts out of his car at the US Masters and depends largely on the proceeds of his
psychedelic golf trouser label to pay the bills.

He hasn’t exactly set the world on fire in recent years, which is perhaps why he keeps coming back to little old Oz. But when faced with a choice between golf’s answer to John Candy and clean-living Tiger, I’ll take the big man every time.

My relationship with golf has always been, well, dysfunctional. My biggest problem with the game, apart from the slim mathematical probability of hitting a little ball with a big stick a long way in a straight line, is the obsession with protocol.

Why is it that suburban bank managers suddenly transform into the Earl of Sandwich once they slip into a pair of Niblicks? And who has time to practice before retirement?

In my world, anyone who has four hours to spare on a Saturday is either single or about to be.

The beauty of Wild Thing is that a man whose personal habits are more in keeping with the Sydney Roosters than the exquisite pot bunkers at St Andrews actually chose a game in which appearance is everything.

It’s a little disappointing that he felt the need to go under the knife to shed 40-odd kilos from his giant frame since we saw him last, but even pissheads have their vanities. We’re told he’s off the drink, but
you get the feeling that will last about as long as a coal miner’s pay cheque.

At the heart of Daly’s appeal is that he stopped trying to impress people a long time ago. The sight of him hurling that fan’s digital camera into a tree at last year’s Australian Open – after he’d been
warned not to take photos – was the beginning of Sydney’s love affair with the big unit.

He’s rude, inappropriate, garish and prepared to fork out on cosmetic surgery in place of actual exercise. Hell, the man is Sydney.

The Open organisers were praying Daly would come because they know a loose cannon who can’t play is far more likely to pull a crowd than a robot who can.

Honestly, who would you rather have round for dinner? Tiger Woods, or John Daly? Roger Federer, or John McEnroe?

On the rare occasions that Daly speaks at any length, it’s something to treasure. He has a strange philosophy that can only be found at the bottom of a Jack Daniel’s bottle, but in its own way makes perfect sense.

Fairfax papers ran an interview Daly gave to thegolfchannel.com this week discussing the stem-cell treatment he was having to overcome a rib injury.

Now Daly’s ribs are like God – or the wind. You’ve never seen them, but you trust they’re there. The big man launched into a bit of stem cell science which, to me at least, made more sense than a thousand First Reading speeches given on the subject in Canberra.

“What they do is take 50ccs of your blood, put it in a tube and spin it for 11 minutes. It gets rid of all the red cells. What’s left is just a little bit of white cells, probably just 10 to 20ccs. Those red cells just disappear for some reason. It’s really weird.

“Then they put calcium in the tube where the white cells are, they spin it again for nine minutes. They take these needles and inject me in three different spots where the cartilage is torn. These white cells
just attack where the pain is and it makes the process heal a little quicker.”

You’re unlikely to hear a more lucid dissertation on a difficult topic from a fat bloke with a popped rib. The scientific world is only now waking up to the fact that the Wild Thing could have saved Superman.

The Niblick brigade scoffs but there’s John Daly, selling t-shirts and loud trousers out of his campervan, stomping on the rules in the same way he grinds out a ciggie butt on the fairway. He rolls into NSW Golf Club at La Perouse on December 3 and we can’t wait to have him.

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14 comments

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    • xiaoecho says:

      05:54am | 16/10/09

      Never mind him, look at his mates!

    • RT says:

      07:41am | 16/10/09

      I think of Daley as the long-lost US brother of Shane Warne, but with less sporting talent or narcissism. Actually it’s a shame Daley didn’t play cricket, it would suit him perfectly.

    • Tim says:

      08:35am | 16/10/09

      RT,
      you musn’t have watched much golf then. John Daly is probably the most naturally gifted golfer on the planet. Far better than Tiger Woods.
      His problem being obviously a penchant for alcohol, gambling and laziness.

    • RT says:

      09:08am | 16/10/09

      You’re right, Tim I haven’t watched much golf and don’t intend to start doing so anytime soon. I have however watched cricket over many years and I consider Shane Warne to be perhaps the finest bowler ever, though with a ‘problematic’ personality. You mention Daley’s natural talent, so I’ll accept that, though I gather he may not have worked quite so hard as Warne at nurturing and preserving it, hence my earlier statement.

    • Jay Hollow says:

      09:11am | 16/10/09

      Agree with Tim, Many rate him higher than Tiger for natural Talent. He just doesn’t do 4 hours of putting practice a night.

    • stephen says:

      10:07am | 16/10/09

      I hear this ‘natural talent’ bit, and I don’t understand it. If a person attempts something and tries his/her best, yet fails miserably, where’s the talent ?

    • Tim says:

      10:46am | 16/10/09

      Stephen,
      If a runner came out and broke 4mins for running a mile without training for it, would you say he was a pretty talented runner?
      He wouldn’t be winning many races with that time, but if he practised like the other runners were, he could be the best.
      In terms of golf, that would be John Daly

    • AFR says:

      12:10pm | 16/10/09

      He’s also won the same number of majors as Greg Norman.

    • Davo from St Kilda says:

      12:43pm | 16/10/09

      The comparison between Tiger Woods and John Daly, and Melbourne and Sydney could not be more appropriate. Tiger and Melbourne are both forward looking people/cities, while Daly and Sydney are irrelevant and stuck in the past, clinging on to long faded glories (note to Sydney - the 2000 Olympics were great, but no one outside of Sydney has given them a second thought since. Get over it!) This article is just another example of Sydney people being unable to accept the fact that Melbourne beats Sydney when it comes to staging international sporting events. Always has, always will…

    • Freddo says:

      03:36pm | 16/10/09

      Jeez Davo,
      your definitely showing a bit of that patented Tiger Woods arrogance.
      But alas, Melbournites will always be like the middle child of Australia.
      Always yelling out: “Dad, look at me, look at me, look what i can do.”
      Sydneysiders are more grown up. You don’t need to try and show off, when you already know you’re the best.

    • stephen says:

      10:17pm | 16/10/09

      Well then I concur about natural talent, but we should NOT tip our hats to Mr. Daly cause he ain’t done nothin’ with it.

    • Yawnsome says:

      11:03pm | 16/10/09

      Melbourne v Sydney…yawn…zzzzz…..Sydney v Melbourne yawn….zzzzzz…...

      There’s another 20 million of us couldn give a rats. Get over y’selves.

    • Dan says:

      12:29am | 17/10/09

      Freddo, the best at what?

      I love Daly, however it does sadden me as he could have had a brilliant career. Yes, he’s won 2 Majors, but he could have been ever more successful. Although Tim, to say that he’s ‘far better’ than Tiger is IMO taking it a bit too far. Tiger is a genius, however even if Daly was more talented, he wouln’t be that much more talented.

    • fella bloke says:

      03:07am | 17/10/09

      Davo,any city that has an open sewer running through the middle of it deserves alot of sympathy,condolences! by the way, john daly was the subject

 

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