What happened in the Liberal party room on Tuesday morning was above politics.  I’m hoping it was the start of a revolution, a signal that a large number of downtrodden, forgotten Australians are about to stand up and be heard. 

Out and proud: Tony Abbott's wing-nut plumage on display during his first press conference as leader.

I’m talking about wing-nuts.  Tony Abbott is a wing-nut.  So am I.

Our ears are unique.  They come out of heads at a rather extreme angle.  If we’re not wearing budgie smugglers, our ears are the first thing that people look at when they look at us.

Nationals Senator Barnaby Joyce has suggested this week that Tony Abbott answers the door in his undies, and this is why.  It takes the attention away from his ears and I can fully understand his position.

When the Foxtel guy came to install our service he said to me “You won’t need a sattelite dish mate, just face that way.” We’ve been laughed at.  People have said nasty things about us behind our backs. We’ve been embarrassed. In the 70’s and 80’s we tried to do our hair in a way that would hide the enormity of our ears, but now it’s time for “wing-nuts” to be proud.

Thanks to Summer Heights High, this year may have been the year of the “ranga”. 2010 is set to be the year of the wing-nut.  Tony Abbott is leading the way. 

I’m right behind him along with Adam Gilchrist and Prince Charles.  You can’t keep us down now. 

I spoke to a number of other wing-nuts on my radio program in Canberra during the week and they are brimming with pride at what Mr Abbott has done. 

And it’s not just that he’s got sticky-out ears. It’s that he wears them with pride.

Henry called us to say that “Days like this may lead us to the time that the phrase ‘Cheers Big Ears’ will have a positive connotation.”

My hope is that big ears will become so fashionable that eventually those with normally proportioned, streamlined ears may consider having surgery to get them pointing out into the atmosphere at crazy angles.  And while we’re on ear surgery, can anyone confirm whether or not Jimmy Barnes had the ‘ear pin-back’ job done back in the 70’s or early 80’s?

In some of those early Barnes shots his ears seem to be at a different angle.

One of my listeners Mike rang to remind me of the last time a genuine wing-nut assumed control of the Liberal party.  Billy McMahon lasted a year and 9 months as Liberal leader before it all went pear shaped.  Come to think of it, his ears were pear shaped. 

The power of the wing-nut didn’t work for Sir William. 

Only time will tell whether those counting votes for Tony Abbott will say: ”I think the ears have it.”

Most commented

27 comments

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    • darren says:

      06:17am | 03/12/09

      Stand out and be heard.
      NO.1 FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • pete says:

      06:48am | 03/12/09

      ear ear

    • Mr Pastry says:

      07:14am | 03/12/09

      Thank goodness this important issue has been raised, and by a fellow double handled coffee mug. It is a credit to yours and his determination to have struggled through life being taunted with jibes such as “Where’s Noddy”, resisting the easy way out offered by otoplasty.  Mark, it is your time,  proved by the generously lobed Mr Obama ‘s ascendance.
      Mr Abbott has the physical attributes to be a great listener, take opinion from both sides and be part of this era of “Britney Spears”, but he may be just a Dumbo.

    • Old Clive says:

      08:05am | 03/12/09

      Having larger size ears is far better than having a big mouth that you can’t control, of course someone is going to comment that , if you have both you must be a Dumbo. I don’t think Rhodes Scholars are too dumb, I think diplomats learn to talk and do nothing but that. If the ETS that John Howard proposed was taken up by Rudd, it just proves that labor cannot think up a policy of their own, so in critizing Howard they are picking on themselves, how stupid is that.

    • Juju says:

      09:05am | 03/12/09

      Your big ears make up for your lack of brains.

    • Matt says:

      09:13am | 03/12/09

      Friends, Romans, Countrymen….

    • Julie Coker-Godson says:

      10:03am | 03/12/09

      “...lend me your ears….”

      “What’s in that sack?.......”

      “Ears!......”

      Compliments of Wayne & Schuster’s “Rinse the Blood off my Toga” (how appropriate!!)

    • Rohan says:

      09:13am | 03/12/09

      Yes but is he ear to stay?

    • Bob M says:

      09:22am | 03/12/09

      At least he hasn’t been spotted making a meal out of his earwax like Kevin.

    • Bruce says:

      10:50am | 03/12/09

      Better than looking like a pudding with two finger holes in it !!

    • Little Miss SciFi says:

      11:32am | 03/12/09

      Wow, did I really just waste three minutes of my life reading a lame article about ears.

      Why don’t you try writing about his politics, Mark?

    • stephen says:

      12:43pm | 03/12/09

      ...  cos his wife and 3 daughters wanted to see if anyone else noticed ‘em.

    • Little Ears says:

      10:32am | 04/12/09

      Perhaps Little Miss SciFi needs to read a few more light hearted articles. Or maybe just take a chill pill!?!?!

    • Matt says:

      11:55am | 03/12/09

      Better to have big ears than a big ego I say.

    • Jezza says:

      01:47pm | 03/12/09

      I can just see the Libs slogan for the next election “Vote Liberal: We’re Really, Really Listening!” Or “Vote Liberal: We’re All Ears!” or “Vote for Tony Abbott as PM….He hears You!” And Krudd’s would be “Vote for Krudd: You’ll Be Flying High!” Geez I loathe politicians.

    • Tracey says:

      02:22pm | 03/12/09

      As a fellow wing-nut, I’m hearin’ ya loud and clear!

    • Roger Carstens says:

      03:06pm | 03/12/09

      The last time the Liberals were led by a wing nut - McMahon 1971-72 - it marked the end of an eara.

    • Jezza says:

      03:18pm | 03/12/09

      Friggin ‘eck!! I’ve just had a terrible thought…...something about Abbott’s forefathers & a character called Dumbo!!! Thank the stars that it’s his ears that copped the genetic throwback & not his bum. The turds around Parliament would be increased tenfold.

    • Don Fitzpatrick says:

      04:09pm | 20/03/12

      Jezza you are dead right there must be a million turds laying around Parliament considering the number of Motions that are moved .

    • Stef says:

      05:06pm | 03/12/09

      The wingnut brothers - Abbot and Kevin Andrews

    • Paul Prentice says:

      08:32pm | 03/12/09

      Ah he might have big ears, but Australia and even.
      George Orwell,can be proud of him,We would be under control of the
      Watermelons (global green on the outside ,communist red in the middle)
      otherwise.

    • Joseph Logan says:

      07:29am | 04/12/09

      People obviously have a licence to ridicule and denigrate Liberal Leader,Tony Abbott   -“big ears”, “budgie smugglers”,and the Sydney Morning Herald showed as Moses (Jew) parting the waters,bible in hand.

      Is this not akin to ridiculing Barak 0bama for his black face, big teeth and ears,kissing the dirt with Koran in hand?

    • Joseph Logan says:

      07:39am | 04/12/09

      David Penberthy mockingly descibed “how the little lady chased Nige and Bazza with a broom as they hid in a cupboard” -White Ribbon Day last week.

      He could have said a few hours later “little lady” Elin Nordegren,attacked Tiger Woods,scratching,his face,forcing him to flee,then smashed his car with a dangerous weapon, agolf club.

      Strange how saying stupid things can come back to haunt us -took only several hours for arguably,the world’s most respected and famous man,to be a victim of Domestc Violence - thought to be only for women!

    • Noddy says:

      11:25am | 04/12/09

      Maybe bigger ears make one a good listener which is something we cant say about Kevin Rudd nor M Turnbull for that matter either. I am well convinced that Abbots turn around was totally due to him listening to the electorate in the 2 days before the he declared his position. While many denied the electorate were on the move the hundreds of thousand of emails that moved across the country bore witness to the uprising in the ranks of the nations shareholders.

    • Mannie Festo says:

      02:36pm | 04/12/09

      News Flash!  New Liberal Party Policy Platform release!

      Newly anointed Leader T Abbott announced today his Party’s new policy platform. After fully consulting his party underlings..oops masters… err the Far Right blogosphere, these are the new policies which will be progressively implemented upon miraculously regaining office in 2010

      Month 1
      Cost-free climate scheme miracle.
      See pesky CO2, CH4 and other nasties disappear miraculously and at no cost, right before your very eyes.

      Month 2
      The parting of the waters of the Indian Ocean
      Bye Bye Boat People. No more pesky people smugglers. Just walk over the new land bridge, or come by Air instead. Now, where’s that bulk order for Chinese razor wire. Lessee…12,000km x 12 strand roll = Hmm, a snip (hehe) at say $1.2bn

      Month 3
      The casting out of the barren
      All childless women of child-bearing age banned from the Party, the workplace and the Parliament.
      Veils introduced for the unmarried.
      Cost: nil! A real winner, this one, and a nice little boost for the Oz fine cotton industry.

      Month 4
      Loaves and Fishes
      St Tony makes a holy sign: the waters of the Murrary-Darling fill miraculously.
      Cost: well, nil of course. It’s a miracle, dummy.

      Month 5
      Ozymandias: Look on my works ye mighty and despair!
      Higher education institutions closed to all but the God-fearing LIberal Party members.
      Cost savings: Oh jingies, I dunno, but a cool billion anyway, eh.

      Month 6
      Take me to your Leader
      St Tony discovers - gasp -shock -  there are still infidel in his Party who do not accept the Holy Writ. They think Climate Change is *not* crap, and needs dealing with now.  Should he cast them out, too?
      National prayer week follows - cheaper than Twittering, besides, God ain’t on Facebook.
      Cost: nil.

      Month 7
      Compromise reached on the National Prayer for Casting Out The Ungodly.
      Non-liberal voters to be branded on the forehead: Stalinist.
      Climate change supporters to be branded: Godless Infidel Warmist.
      Barren women exempted on submission of positive pregancy test.
      Curfew introduced for the branded, plus disbarment from public office, from teaching, public service, armed forces.
      Cost: nil

      Month 8
      Party re-branded: LCP Liberal Compassion Party.
      Peaceful assembly outlawed.
      All libraries closed. Books recycled as burning logs.
      Cost nil.

      Month 9 TBA. Jeez! We’re still working on it, people. Stay tuned. Oh, and pray for Our Party Leader, hey?

    • I heard that! says:

      04:30am | 07/12/09

      I found this column earie.

    • Bushie of Tasmania says:

      04:02pm | 08/12/09

      Have you noticed how small Krudd’s ears are?
      That is why because he only listens to his own borborygmi.

      Tony’s elephantine ears listen to the people of Australia. He also has the ability to think MA Oxford, Double Blue.

 

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