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A Tiger Mother’s take on raising a ‘genderless’ baby

Tory Shepherd

by Tory Shepherd

25 May 12:01pm

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Filed under: Boys, Children, Families, Gender, Girls, Parenting, Society

59 comments

A Canadian couple is deliberately raising a ‘genderless’ baby, so it can be free of society’s expectations. The first question on everyone’s lips is, of course: “What would Amy Chua say?”.

Proof gender bending can be beautiful. Photo: Supplied by Love Machine

Now the fabulously strict ‘Tiger Mother’ and law professor Amy Chua is a busy woman over the other side of the world. But thankfully she put all her parenting know-how into her tidy little book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.

So I decided it would be entirely appropriate to use the book as an Oracle from which one can glean wisdom on the topic at hand by randomly picking quotes.

Lo and behold, it worked. Here’s Amy Chua’s take on the Canadian couple who decided to keep their four-month-old’s gender a secret as a “tribute to freedom”.

Q: Prof Chua, what’s your immediate reaction to the news of Storm’s involuntarily genderless state?

A: Children don’t choose their parents… they don’t even choose to be born.

Q: Very wise. Prof Chua, what sort of parents would do this to a young child?

A: Western parents come in all varieties. In fact, I’ll go out on a limb and say that Westerners are far more diverse in their parenting styles than the Chinese. Some Western parents are strict; others are lax.

Q: Prof Chua, how would you react if your daughters said they were going to adopt a similar approach with their own children?

A: I refuse to buckle to politically correct Western social norms that are obviously stupid. And not even rooted historically.

Q: Too right. Prof Chua, do you think there is an argument here for the authorities to intervene?

A: Pacing around a rustic room with a wooden floor were three large, regal Samoyeds. Two of them, we learned, were the proud parents of the new litter; the third was the grandfather, worldly and magisterial at the venerable age of six.

Q: Hmmm. OK. Prof Chua, don’t you think a child has the right to a childhood free from gender-related expectations?

A: I would never eat dog meat myself. I loved Lassie.

(At this point I decided on a slightly less random method of consulting the Oracle).
Q: Final question, Prof Chua; is this decision by Kathy Witterick and David Stocker symptomatic of all that is wrong in Western society?

A: All these Western parents with the same party line about what’s good for children and what’s not – I’m not sure they’re making choices at all. They just do what everyone else does. They’re not questioning anything either, which is what Westerners are supposed to be so good at doing. They just keep repeating things like ‘You have to give your children the freedom to pursue their passion’ when it’s obvious that the passion is just going to turn out to be Facebook for 10 hours which is a total waste of time and eating all that disgusting junk food – I’m telling you this country is going to go straight downhill! No wonder Western parents get thrown into nursing homes when they’re old!

Thanks for your time, Prof Chua.

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59 comments

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    • Shane says:

      12:37pm | 25/05/11

      Hooray! Screw biology and millions of years of evolution! I have decided that I am a Nendo Tube-nosed Fruit Bat. Don’t tell me I’m human, don’t tell me Nendo Tube-nosed Fruit Bat’s have been extinct for years, I don’t cater to your societal pressures! I am whatever I want to be, regardless of that pesky science’s objections!

      You want to know what happens when we ignore biology and install our own wants? David Reimer happens.

      Reply

    • Zaf says:

      12:44pm | 25/05/11

      [A Canadian couple is deliberately raising a ‘genderless’ baby, so it can be free of society’s expectations. ]

      Presumably they’re planning on releasing it into the wild once it’s grown?

      [The first question on everyone’s lips is, of course: “What would Amy Chua say?”.]

      Oh let me tell you, she would definitely say:
      “gender irrelevant so long as the child puts in four hours a day of violin or piano practice”.  Also, no TV allowed.  This seems sensible to me.

      Reply

    • Kika says:

      12:44pm | 25/05/11

      I don’t quite know what the point was - whether the Tiger Mum has it right or not. But all I can say is that I think there is merit in Asian parenting. As a Gen Y myself I can verify that a lot of my peers including myself were given a lot of freedom to do whatever we wanted. My parents were very apathetic to my studies and extra curricular activities. In fact they blamed me for quitting swimming right up until I was 17 or so until I politely (not really) reminded them that I only stopped because I was asked to stop coming because they hadn’t paid the fees. Also my netball went out the window when it started interfering with my parents weekend plans. As for career direction they made it clear I had to go to uni, but they didn’t really care what career I did as long as I didn’t study art or teaching (both things I love).

      My husband is Asian and he received pretty much the opposite - but in a bad way. When he wasn’t getting good grades he was just called dumb (no consideration given to his shocking home environment of fighting, abuse and neglect) and was pushed to study something overseas that he had absolutely no interest in.

      So I can see already that we will have opposing stances when it comes to how our kids will be raised. I will probably be the strict one, whereas he will be more relaxed. I do believe Kids need reinforcement to do things like sports and music and study because they will kick and scream and want to do stupid things instead, but they will thank their parents later on if they can find that happy balance.

      Reply

    • TChong says:

      03:37pm | 25/05/11

      Relax Kika, the Aussie way of bringing up kids aint so bad.
      And, with the flexability of swapping courses, mature age entry to unis etc,
      the future does not have to be set in concrete by the age of 5 , a la Tiger Mothers.
      The material centered world of the Tiger Mothers sux.

    • Jade (the other one) says:

      04:18pm | 25/05/11

      Without being rude, Kika, sounds like you weren’t given freedom to do what you wanted, but what didn’t interfere too much with what your parents wanted to do.

      I think your experience is symptomatic of some very selfish attitudes prevalent among some parents of the Gen Y generation. The “I deserve a life too, and my children’s wants or needs come after my me time” attitude.

      My mother very much let me do what I wanted. When I wanted to go to dance, she took me to dance. When I wanted to do gymnastics, I went to gymnastics. The rule was though, that I had to do it for 6 weeks. Then if I didn’t like it, I could quit. It meant that I learnt to put thought into the activities I chose, and learnt to be very self-reflective.

      Many of my peers were pushed into activities because that was the only one in their area when their parents were free. Because Mum couldn’t give up book club or poker night or aquarobics to take her children to the activities they wanted to do. And Dad couldn’t give up his Monday night football or his cooking classes or his gym nights.

      I think what has been produced is a return among my generation to a belief that children are the most important in a family, and that parental sacrifice is a given.

    • AdamC says:

      12:51pm | 25/05/11

      Storm’s siblings are named Jazz and Kio. Is there no way in which these kooky canucks are not horribly damaging their children?

      Reply

    • Tim says:

      12:59pm | 25/05/11

      Aren’t they all the names of cars?
      Oh wait, it’s an X-Man and and Transformer.

      Experimenting on kids is fun, I think the government should get back into the business.

    • Seanr says:

      01:16pm | 25/05/11

      Welcome back AdamC. Not a good start with the names and it seems like it’s going to be a hard childhood for these kids.

    • Seanr says:

      01:18pm | 25/05/11

      Just another point, why don’t parents who name their children like this ever change their own names, Kathy and David is sooo PC

    • fairsfair says:

      01:20pm | 25/05/11

      Jazz is a small boy and has lengthy plaited pig tails. I know that this is the type of comment/stereotype/assuption that the parents are going against but I don’t care. WTF!!!

      I would love to see the kid’s therapy bills in about 15 years. It will be left to someone else to undo the damage these so called PC parents have caused. Same with Piloh Shitt - as if that daughter of some really good looking people is going to grow boobs at 14 and say, yep, I’ll stick to my cruise wear penchant.

    • AdamC says:

      02:34pm | 25/05/11

      Tim, Storm’s a X-(wo)Man, but what is a Kio?

      Seanr, thank you. And, yes, this nonsense, one-kid social experiment/vanity exercise can’t be good for the little one of his/her siblings. And spot on the names.

      Fairs, I am not sure what you are getting at there.

    • fairsfair says:

      02:52pm | 25/05/11

      ...and I’m usually so sensical wink

      Jazz has girl hair. I could have cut the rest down to: it is only a matter of time.

      The kid is going to get to an age where they flip their parents the bird and say “I am [female], keep your anti-gender distinction wowsery to yourself”.

    • C1 says:

      12:54pm | 25/05/11

      You need a license to have a dog but not one to be a parent! - sums it up to be honest.

      Do you notice parents inflict these things on their kids not themselves.

      The tragedy with this is the grief parents like that place on schools when their little carbon based life form finally has to interact with society.

      Reply

    • Jade says:

      01:48pm | 25/05/11

      Since when have you needed a licence to have a dog? I agree with what you saying though… maybe we need a licencing system for both… it may stop both animal and child abuse cases or at least reduce them

    • Kika says:

      02:23pm | 25/05/11

      At least charge hefty registration fees on children. Have council officers coming around to make sure the registration has been paid. Multiple children (i.e. more than 2) you need to apply for a licence and explain why you need more than two kids in your house.

      You must also conform to rules such as always having your children on a leash when walking outside, picking up their business in a tidy plastic bag (bags provided by the council) and aggressive nasty kids must be licenced and put down if they cannot play nicely with other children and people. Particularly oldies.

    • Jade says:

      04:11pm | 25/05/11

      Haha Kika, that made me LOL raspberry

      I know a few people that shouldn’t be allowed to breed though and some that should of stopped at like 2 or 3 instead of 6 or 7.

      Alas it won’t ever happen in my time anyway and the circles of poverty and abuse with continue on and on. Regardless I feel sorry for the poor baby in this story.

    • Erick says:

      12:55pm | 25/05/11

      This is the logical outcome of the silly politically correct view that “gender is a social construct”. Of course, it isn’t and these people are stupid. I feel sad for the poor kid.

      Reply

    • James1 says:

      02:11pm | 25/05/11

      Indeed.  While gender roles are indeed constructed socially, there is nothing constructed about whether or not one has a penis.

    • Kika says:

      02:25pm | 25/05/11

      Actually James1 baby girls can be born with higher than normal testosterone level and their equipment may actually appear as male at first. Sometimes in rare occasions the hormone balance does not fix itself and the parents must choose to snip or not to snip. Tis true.

      Gender is not as 50/50 as we think it is.

    • Erick says:

      02:43pm | 25/05/11

      Yes, Kika, but that’s not a social construct. That’s a biological function of te body.

    • Geoff - Brisbane says:

      03:08pm | 25/05/11

      @ Kika - Did you notice you said “baby GIRLS”. Yes these girls have higher testostrone levels, however like you said, they were born and recognised as females.

      Gender is about as 50/50 (or 1.00/1.05) as it comes

    • TC says:

      09:43am | 26/05/11

      Gender IS a social construct. Sex is biological. They are two different things.

      In regards to this particular couple: fair enough, let your kid wear their hair how they like, dress how they like etc., but I don’t see much point in keeping their biological sex a secret. Reading more about this family, I find their “unschooling” (keeping the kids home and letting them do pretty much whatever they want) is more concerning than anything else.

    • Brett says:

      12:01pm | 26/05/11

      Anyone ever watched “The Rage in Placid Lake”? Hilarious when hippy parents challenge society and its “constructs”.

      On another note, wasn’t this whole “gender is a social construct” thing answered by David Reimer years ago? That’s right, not some feminist, or academic, or Hippy touting a theory, but a real person who eventually committed suicide because of a psychologicst touting this stupid idea.

    • Jim says:

      01:01pm | 25/05/11

      I read the story this morning - I sincerely hope the children of these idiots grow up and sue the arses off their parents for giving them a messed up existence.

      I’m sure the parents think they are doing absolutely nothing wrong though.

      Sad thing is there are parents like this here.

      Reply

    • James1 says:

      02:12pm | 25/05/11

      Do you mean this mental anti-Western lady, or the Canadians?

    • Kevin says:

      03:01pm | 25/05/11

      Haven’t you heard “Boy Named Sue”?
      His daddy gave him that name so he would grow up mean and strong.

    • Jim says:

      03:17pm | 25/05/11

      The Canadians James1

    • Rick says:

      01:15pm | 25/05/11

      Only in Canada Eh,poor kid.

      Reply

    • Ben81 says:

      01:16pm | 25/05/11

      Come on, parents trying to pass on their zany beliefs and prejudices to their kids is a time honoured tradition!

      /This is sort of like the guy who only spoke Klingon to his baby but less funny.

      Reply

    • What the .. says:

      01:48pm | 25/05/11

      Can someone tell me how in the hell they are going to stop the kid from peering at its genitalia and determing exactly what it is from basic observation??

      Reply

    • Suzanne says:

      03:22pm | 26/05/11

      They’re not but unless someone tells the kid what they have and that boys/girls have those bits then the kid isn’t going to know the difference. I can kind of see where they’re coming from with this. Gender stereotypes for kids are stupid,my MIL tut tuts if she sees a little boy pushing a dolls pram because “it’s just wrong’.
      I hate it when people give my daughter dolls or teasets and I hate the fact that everything she gets is pink.
      She’s only 1, she doesn’t know she’s a girl and she doesn’t need to be inundated with stereotypical ‘girls’ toys just yet. She likes to play with cars, books and anything that makes noise or that she can use to make noise. I don’t buy her dolls or anything aimed at girls yet, for her birthday she got a paddling pool and a baby ball pit. If and when she develops an interest in dolls then I’ll buy her some but I’m not going to force them on her because they’re ‘for’ girls.

    • sir ronald bradnam says:

      01:50pm | 25/05/11

      Another day another f….. idiot. Is this what Harold Campings parents did many years ago?

      Reply

    • john says:

      01:50pm | 25/05/11

      The people in the photo should run for parliament.  They would probably do a better job running this country…..wait…...could it be the labor party in disguise posing as an alternative government ! LOL smile

      Reply

    • Knemon says:

      02:08pm | 25/05/11

      @ john - I could be wrong but I believe that is Bronywn Bishop on the far right!

    • fairsfair says:

      02:25pm | 25/05/11

      @ Knemon, that is some of your best work my friend. LOL smile

    • Rick says:

      03:06pm | 25/05/11

      Now come on ,she’s( I think it’s a she and you should always look at the feet) far to pretty to be Bishop.

    • Michael says:

      01:58pm | 25/05/11

      What will happen when the kid goes into the world and doesn’t respect other people’s gender identity boundaries or expectations?

      Stitched up.

      Reply

    • adolon says:

      02:00pm | 25/05/11

      Interesting but likely to be futile- by the time the child reaches an age where it can actively seek out information about the world, it will find out its sex from its peers. At the same time, the rapid categorisations children perform when learning will short cut around this period of genderless treatment. That’s even if the parents can perform it successfully; we in all likelihood give way too many cues, both verbal and nonverbal, to do this effectively.

      If you want to make a real, lasting change to gender perception, it has to come from outside: the way their peers are taught about gender, the way other family members treat gender, depictions of gender in various media, like books, tv shows and advertising.

      Still, I doubt the child is going to come to much harm from being treated like this for the time being. Kinda saddens me that people react so negatively to the concept; it’s the same kind of reasoning against a child having non-heteronormative parents, and equally invalid.

      Reply

    • Jack Thomas says:

      02:02pm | 25/05/11

      Sheez, I have just got used to the ridiculous notion of naming your child with a surname…endless kinder kids called Spencer, Fletcher, Johnson, Hudson, Miller, etc.

      That was after the Politically Correct sermon I got as a parent about not bringing anything and everything in to kinder. I have a kid with a serious peanut allergy and even I am blown away at the PC’ness endemic in Australian schooling.

      Really this is just natural selection, the kids named after weather etc. makes it quicker and easier for the rest of us humans to dismiss them. 

      Which Green MP did these parents work for again?

      Reply

    • Kika says:

      02:30pm | 25/05/11

      But at least kids named after the weather have been around since the 60’s… the surname thing is a recent thing. McKinley, McKenzie, Connor.. what’s next?

    • Zaf says:

      02:38pm | 25/05/11

      “I have a kid with a serious peanut allergy and even I am blown away at the PC’ness endemic in Australian schooling.”

      I was so impressed with this sentence I fell off my chair.  Hats off to you, Sir!  Touche!

    • Rick says:

      03:13pm | 25/05/11

      Since when have peanuts been political, better watch out for the sun screen with nano particles. While were talking about PCness I want to know why my kid can’t have a pie for lunch at school?

    • Jack Thomas says:

      05:06pm | 25/05/11

      Sorry, I forgot to add the immense number of ‘european’ (usually Italian) names for children of very waspish parents.

      Massimo, Siena, Luca, Levi and Bella’s parents work in middle class job, banking, finance, etc. having all been born in Australia and university ebducated. They drive Volvo’s and go to Noosa in September.

      I know it’s soooo uncool for you to be a white middle class Australian without any credibility and therefore no axe to grind, but why do you insist on dredging up these inherently try-hard names?

      Reminds me of Ali-G desperately saying “is it because I is black?”

    • Chris L says:

      10:51pm | 25/05/11

      I knew a lady named Arwen (this is before the movies made Lord Of The Rings popular) and, sadly, she did not quite live up to her namesake.

      I think parents should give their children ordinary names to avoid childhood harrasment, but an interesting middle name to give them a potential direction, should they choose to explore the posibilities. Yet I also think people should be free to choose another name without ridiculous expense and effort, to show where they want to go.

      ... and from those two cents I expect some change.

    • RyaN says:

      03:19pm | 25/05/11

      Both parents should be made “gender neutral”, surgically.

      Reply

    • Dazza says:

      03:54pm | 25/05/11

      Oh god, if Bob Brown reads this story, Julia will pass a law making all kids genderless!!

      Reply

    • Eugene says:

      04:51pm | 25/05/11

      What absolute rubbish.

      Reply

    • ShazzaBazzaLazzaDazza says:

      05:31pm | 25/05/11

      ‘Australia’s Best Conversation’...with people that can’t tell the difference between Sex And Gender.

      Sex = What bits you have.
      Gender = Whatever silly dress codes, hairstyles and harmful (often subtle) stereotyping a culture wants to impose on people with a particular set of bits.

      Now that we’re done with Gender 101 we can move on to fingerpainting! Yaaaay.

      Reply

    • Kate says:

      05:47pm | 25/05/11

      They sound a bit confused (and not just because they feel ‘Storm’ was an appropriate name for a child). The child’s sex is biologically determined - it’s either a boy or a girl (unless he/she is a hermaphrodite). Yes, they can try to shelter the child from performing certain gender norms, but gender norms aren’t just reinforced by the family - they’re created by schools, workplaces, the media etc. as well. There’s no way to shelter the child from understanding gender norms and gender ideals for his/her entire life.

      Reply

    • bikinis on top says:

      07:20pm | 25/05/11

      Your comment:who needs one’s gender when you have one’s sex?

      Reply

    • jim says:

      08:37pm | 25/05/11

      I wonder why this question was left out:
      “Would you allow a woman to force a man to give birth, if the technology permitted it?”

      Reply

    • Chris L says:

      10:55pm | 25/05/11

      Dear lord! Do not even suggest such a travesty!

      If men were the ones to give birth the human race would die out… ‘cause men wouldn’t go through something so painful twice!!!

      I don’t understand women, but as long as they push out the next generation I see a use for them (aside from the obvious). After all, if it weren’t for sex we’d just throw rocks at them.

    • Ghost says:

      07:05am | 26/05/11

      “...cause men wouldn’t go through something so painful twice!!!...”

      You’re not really a man then are you?

    • ronny says:

      08:43am | 26/05/11

      It is the final confirmation that women are indeed nuts. The fact that they will have more than one baby. It’s like having a bad car smash and then deliberately going out and doing it again. Nuts.

    • Govt@FauxCitizen says:

      09:53am | 26/05/11

      “Syptomatic” is the key word, while some people are really cleaver, others are really too cleaver for their own fuckin good and heaven help the poor little bastards they raise [mess up] as “free spirits” without tradition , custom , morals , beleifs, sense of community and real direction.

      Reply

    • Jolanda says:

      10:39am | 26/05/11

      I guess there isn’t too much of a problem with exposing children to both gender styles and letting them choose and not enforcing certain stereotypes and such on them but to say that they are hiding the actual sex of the child is ridiculous.  They mustn’t have very clever children if they believe that they can pull the wool over their eyes over what they have downstairs and what it means.    If they want their children to be able to choose what style is right for them the best way forward would be to be honest from the word go.

      As for tiger mums, well there has to be a happy medium as too much controlled/forced study does not allow the child to develop initiative or creativity.  And too little does not prepare the child for the world that we live in today. 

      Of course too much work and not enough play makes for a dull life no matter what the age.

      Education – Keeping them Honest
      http://jolandachallita.typepad.com/

      Reply

    • E says:

      01:42pm | 26/05/11

      I’m sorry but what happens to this child when it goes to kindy/school and the teacher says this is the boys toilet and this is the girls toilet…
      Or on sports day when the under 12 boys run a heat and then the under 12 girls… 
      No offense but if little Storm, no sex, chooses to run with the girls and wins by 2 minutes because actually its a boy, I’m not giving him a medal.  And if little Storm, no sex, chooses to use the boy bathrooms and ends up in an inappropriate sexual situation or is teased and abused by the boys because “he” does’t have a penis and can’t use the urinal, then the school has no liability, and the parents are responsible for the EXTREME phsycological distress their “child” is going through.
      Poor teachers having to try and stop the other kids from teasing little Storm, no sex.  “you can’t sit with me, you’re a boy!!’ “you’re just a girl” “don’t touch me, you’ve got boy/girl germs”.  Kids do that to each other as a normal course of events, but how confusing for a poor little kid to have to understand that and make those decisions.  What is mummy and daddy’s direction to the teachers for sex education when they talk about basic anatomy??????  Boys have penises. FACT.  Girls hve vaginas.  FACT.  That is not a social construct.  Social constructs are that boys wear blue and like trucks while girls like pink and tea parties.  If you want to buck that as a trend, fine.  Schools are not allowed to gender profile like that, but if these people honestly think that Storm isn’t going to come home one day and ask why some of the kids at day care have danglies and some don’t, they’re kidding themselves.

      Reply

    • Mr Wippet says:

      06:36pm | 26/05/11

      That blue glowmesh top suits you badger.

      Reply

    • Promesse says:

      08:52am | 31/05/12

      I aprpecaite you taking to time to contribute That’s very helpful.

      Reply
 
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