While television has many examples of extreme stupidity – need I remind you of the TV executives who felt that Neighbours and MasterChef had no future on their commercial network – seldom is silliness really embraced with the level of glee suitable for an industry that’s basically just designed to fill in the gaps between the ads.
If today’s newspaper is tomorrow’s chip wrapping then today TV is – poufff – gone as soon as it’s transmitted. Well, unless you set the IQ correctly, and have managed to stop the rest of your family erasing your recording to make space on the hard drive for all of that “Come Dine With Me” marathon.
Thank heavens then for this year’s Logies. Usually TV’s night of nights is an august occasion but this year the organizers have rather let themselves down by allowing a 48 year old man whose sole claims to fame are that he a) wears a rag round his neck; and b) like to eat food and doesn’t mind if people watch, to be nominated for the Logie for best new talent.
As I think we have already just asserted, it’s hard to be “new” when you are 48 and the definition of “talent” here is obviously a very broad one that has more in common with the odder acts on “Australia’s Got Talent”.
Anyway one good turn of silliness deserves another, so in keeping with the spirit of this Logies aberration it seemed like a good idea to start converting the names of my fellow Logie nominees into foods.
What started as a mild Tweet on @MattsCravat and a Facebook aside prompted an avalanche of suggestions which got increasingly bizarre and silly.
Holding true to the family motto that if something is worth doing then it is well worth overdoing I present for your delectation a selection of the best nominations of this year’s Food Logies in the hope you can improve on them.
Please file your far less juvenile (and funnier) food names by tweeting @mattscravat.
Gold Logie:
Rebecca Kidney
Witlof Anderson
Easter Eggs Anderson
Poured McDermato Sauce
Rove McHaggis
Corn MyCalfCheek
Ray Meagre-portions
Adelaide Hills Sauvignon Blanc
Most Popular Actor:
Luke Jacobz Cream Crackers
Toad Lasagne
A Stick (of Kabana) Thomson
Huge Sherry-dram
Hay-baked Meagher
Most Popular Actress:
Jessica Mayonaise
Rebecca Giblets
JustSickOf Tofu aka Jessica Stovey
Rebecca Rare Breeds Like Large Black and Wessex Saddleback
Esther Hamderson
Most Popular Presenter:
NataSea BassOnAPlate aka Natalie Croquenboucheingthwaighte.
Melanzane Doily
Stove McManus
Ham Hills
Shaun MyCalvesLiver
Best New Male Talent:
Charlie Pickling
Rogan Josh Thomas / Nosh Thomas
James Stewpot
Mash Preston
Look Schnitzel
Best New Female Talent:
Curry PickMore
Kate Red Bell-Pepper
Ashleigh Brewer
Mirrah Forks
Katherine Ham Hocks
Read Matt Preston’s column each in the Taste food section in the Daily Telegraph, Adelaide Advertiser, Courier Mail, The Mercury, Sunday Times and Herald Sun. MasterChef Australia returns to our screen on Monday April 19 at 7.30pm on Network Ten.
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