A Ruddy postcard from sunny Mexico
The nation has been rocked this week by the shock revelation that politicians swear. A leaked video reveals that former (and future) prime minister Kevin Rudd used several expletives while attempting to read out a recorded message.
However in yet another extraordinary exclusive, sources close to Kevin Rudd have now released the full transcript of the video which shows it was very selectively edited. In fact all the seemingly angry and abusive things he said have a perfectly reasonable explanation…
Beachside, somewhere in Mexico
Hi Julia! Had a few minutes free so I just thought I’d Skype you to say hello _ or “hola!’’ as they say here in Mexico. Crazy guys. Lotta fun though.
Much been happening while I’ve been away? Things are pretty quiet over here, apart from the whole G20 thing. Wish I had Swanny to do his “Mr Europe” routine. He’s huge over here. It’s like… Oh hang on, I’m thinking of David Hasselhoff.
Anyway, funny story. I’m on the flight over and it’s dinnertime and so I ask the hostess if I can get the vegetarian option. But she says: This is just impossible. So I said no problem, I’ll just have the chicken.
Actually not such a funny story now that I think about it. True though.
Then I get to the airport and I’m on one of those “travelator’’ things and I get to the very end, it’s just, it’s… @#$%! It’s just so incredible what they can do with technology these days. I mean who would have thought human beings could create a horizontal motorised walkway?
Oh, and while I think of it tell these d***heads at the embassy: Just give me simple sentences because I want to send a thank you note to the Chinese for all their hard work in Copenhagen. I mean I’ve said this before, I really appreciate all their efforts. And tell that bloody interpreter to maybe pick up a box of chocolates or something on the way to go with it.
Hang on one second, there’s a fly on the table. Let me just gently swat it with my fist…
AARGH!!! Sorry, just remembered it’s Therese’s birthday in July. Must remember to buy her that gardening book she wanted.
Anyway Jules, I just wanted to tell you what a great job I think you’re doing as prime minister and offer you my full support in the clearest possible terms but this @#$%ing language, it just complicates it so much, you know? Sometimes I think: How can anyone do this? It’s just such a difficult job but you’re doing great. I know a lot of people might say it’s just @#$%ing hopeless but I believe in you.
Oh, and I know we were meant to meet up this evening but maybe you should call your office and tell them to cancel this meeting at six o’clock will you? We all know what happened at the last one… Kidding! I am so totally over that.
Besides, you know how I get when I’m running the country. I don’t have the time or the @#$%ing patience to do it.
Hey, I’ve got an idea! Let’s have a staring competition!
(Weird pause with eyes closed.)
Hang on Julia, there’s someone at the door. Hey guys, is this the @#$%ing Chinese interpreter? We used to roll together in the Jing man. How you been kicking? Still get out to Guangzhou much? Hang on, I’m just on a video call.
So yeah, what else? How about those Rabbitohs huh? Just @#$%ing hopeless. I know neither of us lives in Sydney or follows Rugby League but just thought I’d mention it.
Anyway Jules, I wanted to call and let you know that I’m thinking of you and wishing you well.
PS Sorry, instead of “well’‘, I meant “an agonising political death’‘. I @#$%ed up the last word.
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