On our summer holidays we had a baby.

The juggling act: John Tiedemann in The Daily Telegraph.

And with the joy of Georgia’s arrival managing the night has reached a new level of complexity. For parents of young families this is one of the great challenges of life.

Night feeds, bad dreams, wet beds and sleep walking have been part and parcel of the night shift in our house for more than a decade now. Yet of the four children easily the busiest at night, at least for now, has been Harvey.

Harvey has a smile that cannot be refused. The sparkle, the sheer delight, the innocence all combine to melt the heart.

Which is a good thing, because after a sleepless night of wailing and crying it is only this which would save Harvey’s skin.

While his elder brother and sister were sleeping through by two months, Harvey, at the six month mark, thought he was a baby owl.

During the day his cries competed with the bustle of the morning rush.

But at 3.00am the world was all his. The virgin silence of the dead of night was the perfect canvas for his kaleidoscope of mournful and tear-soaked bellows. With his comatosed parents groggily watching on, this was Harvey’s centre stage.

A typical night used to ensue thus.

11.30pm: A random cry resulting from some infantile nightmare woke Rachel and me with a start. By the time Rachel reached the cot Harvey was already back to sleep. We were not.

1.30am: An air pocket – the result of urgent gulping at the 10.00pm feed – wedged at the bottom of Harvey’s oesophagus caused crying long and unrestrained. The possibility of waking not only his parents but his elder siblings seemed to egg him on. After ten minutes of cooing in his ear and administering a special motherly rub to his back, Rachel’s efforts were rewarded with a loud belch and a contented sigh.

2.45am: Howling began again. I staggered to the cot and hopefully suggested: “there, there”. Rachel was more forthright.

“He’s hungry you idiot. Bring him to me.”

I do as I’m told.

After an eternity the snorts and grunts of a feeding machine were replaced by snoring. Rachel took him back to the cot, returned to bed, and promptly fell asleep.

Then I would be the only person awake – possibly the only person in the whole world awake. I had never been more awake.

I turned on my bedside light and started to read.

“Richard, what on earth are you doing”, said Rachel.

“Can’t sleep”, said I.

“Don’t care”, said Rachel. “Turn the bloody light off.”

I do as I’m told.

4.00am: An agonising cry to wake the dead.

“What is it”, I enquired.

“Constipation”, responded the all knowing mother.

This time the wailing woke our three year old daughter.

“Dadda why is it so noisy?”

I soothed Bella. Rachel tended to Harvey. Having quietened her I returned to bed but Harvey was still going. Eventually Rachel came back to bed and announced that it was my turn to try with Harvey.

“Hold up his legs”, she said.

I do as I’m told.

After a few futile minutes of leg holding I picked him up and took him back to our bed.

“Bad move”, advised Rachel.

The noise stopped but was then replaced by a restless flapping of his arms. Harvey’s right hand managed to alternately slap my cheek then grasp my nose. There was no chance of sleep and now the agitator was right between Rachel and me.

It was a bad move.

Finally, Rachel took charge once more and induced sleep.

5.15am: We were exhausted. In 45 minutes Isabella would wake and our day would start. So this time we fell asleep and grabbed the remaining ¾ of an hour for dear life.

Having dealt with Isabella and got her breakfast the clock ticked past 7.00am.

Harvey stirred.

Grumpy and fatigued and even a little angry we got him up and changed his nappy. Bit by bit this little bugger would drive us to the grave.

And then he smiled: his enchanting, captivating smile.

The grumpiness disappeared like magic. Harvey weaved his spell. All was forgiven. And Harvey was undoubtedly the master of his domain.

Two years on and Harvey’s nocturnal activities have quietened down. The question now is Georgia. And in a year of national challenges, elections state and federal, for Rachel and me this is unquestionably one of the biggest issues of them all.

Most commented

14 comments

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    • JJJ says:

      06:37am | 11/02/10

      Sweet article, but ... I am not sure it was really ‘Punch’-worthy.

      I often think having a baby is like buying a pair of D&G socks. They were ridiculously expensive, so you feel you need to talk about them all the time to justify your purchase. But really - they are just socks. Most people have them…. you just think yours are more special. People with socks nod knowingly and people who wear flip-flops don’t really care.

      Is having children “the most rewarding thing you can ever do” because it HAS to be? I mean, if you dedicated as much time, energy, and money into anything else - surely it too would have to be a raging success that was the most rewarding thing you did?

    • Mistress Dd says:

      07:52am | 11/02/10

      Apparently the love you feel for a child that is yours is unbelievable, it just doesn’t stop at any point. I think that’s why it’s the most rewarding thing, a bit like having a plant, but a really awesome plant that shoots fire or something.

      I’ll believe it when I feel it (one day, for now my cactus that doesn’t shoot fire is my baby)

      Yes, if you put the same amount of time, energy and money into a venture that a committed parent puts into their child the chances of success are high. The difference is, or so I’m told, is that with a child even if there is no success, even if it’s results that are poor…. They still feel proud and loving of the journey they took with another life. If a bussiness fails you hardly feel as loving.

    • Adam says:

      07:06am | 11/02/10

      Its a survival instinct that smile. I know if mine didn’t have it, it could of turned out a lot different.

    • Working mum of three says:

      09:30am | 11/02/10

      We too have one of those night owls, now 7months, and some nights we would both happily trade him for one good night’s sleep!  Thank you for this article as it reminded me that we are not the only ones walking the floor at 1.30am, 3am and 5am. And yes that captivating smile is the one thing that makes you feel that it is worthwhile.

    • Bob says:

      10:08am | 11/02/10

      Its a break from the political drivel, but not on a topic that I enjoyed.

      I do ask: If dealing with them is such an imposition, why on earth do you keep multiplying? You created the situation (literally), so seriously, deal with it. Its like me having a hangover: I drank too much, therefore the pain of it is my fault and I’ll deal with it…

      Oooh!
      New article suggestion:
      Why don’t we all share hangover stories!
      I’m sure we’d get more enjoyment out of it. At least half of the lead-up stories would be interesting (as opposed to: opened legs, multiplied, screamed etc).

    • Bob says:

      11:11am | 11/02/10

      It was pretty obvious what the article was about just by the cartoon. If you aren’t interested why read it? Oh wait, it gave you a chance to complain, ergo, you are interested.

      Yes, parents are selfish to think others will care about their experiences. Just like bloggers are selfish in thinking people care to read their comments. Yet we do.

      Why don’t you write an article on a subject you are interested in? Then we can all play.

      (I’m going to have to get me a new handle, this other Bob is a peanut.)

    • Peanut Bob says:

      02:01pm | 11/02/10

      No Bob. It was sharing time and I thought I’d share some awful humour.

      I don’t care about his kids feeding patterns. It is the fact he complains about the kids and then goes on to have another one. If 3 was difficult, 4 isn’t going to be easier.

      Breeders, I just don’t understand them one bit.

    • Bob says:

      07:18pm | 11/02/10

      I’m sorry, Peanut, (mayI call you Peanut, if that’s not too familiar?)

      I didn’t realise you were attempting humor. I take back the suggestion of writing an article yourself, clearly writing is not your thing. Not that good at reading, either, as you seem to have missed the fact that the complaints in the article were humorous, along with his wifes droll admonitions.

    • Nicole says:

      10:32am | 11/02/10

      What a bunch of whingers - if you’re sick of reading about journalists’ children, then don’t read an article that is clearly going to be about one man’s experiences with his baby! I’m not terribly interested in other people’s children but I thought this was entertaining and well-written.

    • Shane From Melbourne says:

      01:01pm | 11/02/10

      Great to know that my taxpayer dollars are hard at work writing this drivel. How about something on innovation and industry since it is your job.

    • Julie Coker-Godson says:

      01:58pm | 11/02/10

      What a miserable response!  I thought this was a humorous article.  Get yourself a life - other than innovation and industry.

    • Jade says:

      01:10pm | 11/02/10

      I though it was a good article smile very funny!

    • Paul says:

      02:55pm | 11/02/10

      Everytime someone mentions their kids someone else bangs on about selfish breeders whingeing blah blah blah.  You’d think people with as much time on their hands as the childless would find better ripostes if not better things to actually do than trawl child-related blogs looking to share the raging self-righteousness boiling inside their heads.  Or maybe I’m over-reacting?  Didn’t get much sleep last night.  Damn kids.

      Oh, and the fire-shooting plant analogy -spot on.

    • Lisa says:

      12:01am | 12/02/10

      I love my fire-shooting plants. They are turning me into a more patient, more giving, more loving and less critical person.

 

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