A magic looking glass into Harry Potter’s future
Now this whole Harry Potter thing has rounded the turn and headed for home, I, for one, worry for the welfare of the (boy-)man himself, Daniel Radcliffe.
Sure, he might well be the richest thing in glasses this side of Bill Gates.
But does DanRad have a fighting chance of staying on our screens once he no longer has a wand to wave in self-defence?
Should we send him right away to the tailors for a fitting of one them there stereotyped straitjackets? (“Good choice, Mr Radcliffe. Christopher Reeve went with the same one right after Superman IV : The Quest for Peace.”)
Or should we give the lad the benefit of the doubt, lest he suddenly unleash an acting talent that has Sean Penn looking nervously over his shoulder?
As it is already tomorrow in the crazy tell-me-yesterday world of today, such important questions demand important answers.
Using the best high-tech, future-projection modelling programs at my disposal - wiring a Commodore C64 to a magic 8-ball is tougher than it looks - I invite you to toe the timeline of Daniel Radcliffe 2.0 .....
2012 : Wisely resisting a lucrative offer to star in the unauthorized sequel Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings, Radcliffe announces his retirement from acting game, effective immediately.
2013 : Ploughs entire fortune into innovative self-publishing venture. However, the Can You Find Daniel? books are no match for the enduring sales dominance of main market rival Where’s Wally? Radcliffe announces his return to acting game, effective immediately.
2015 : Takes over from Daniel Craig as the new James Bond, much to the chagrin of logical replacement Julian McMahon. Loses role after just one instalment when audiences laugh at scenes of 007 getting about on a flying broomstick.
2019 : The phone hasn’t rung since guest appearance in revival of TV sitcom Bewitched. Joins forces with Rupert Grint for short-lived nightclub act Harry & Ron : The Magic Lives On.
2020 – 2030 : The wilderness years. Wanders the globe as a freelance Big Brother intruder.
2031 : Discovered among the effects of deceased author J.K. Rowling is an unpublished manuscript titled Harry Potter and the Mid-Life Crisis. Film adaptation rushed into production. Daniel Radcliffe becomes a bigger star than ever.
2033: Capitalises on career resurgence with tell-all autobiography, controversially professing undying love for former co-star Emma Watson. She subsequently marries Radcliffe after divorcing husband Tom Cruise. And they lived happily ever after.
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