OK, little guy. There’s no point sugar coating this so I’ll say it straight. You’re born on kind of an awkward day in history, a day which has come to symbolise a whole bunch of bad stuff. I wish it were otherwise, but that’s how it is.

You were due long before September 11, but like the stubborn little thing you are, you took your time. Your poor mother was so big she looked like she’d swallowed a wombat. Then finally, out you popped. A whopping, healthy, 4.9 kilo boy, born on the fifth anniversary of the world’s worst act of terrorism.
Son, there are some scary images I’m finding it tough to shield you from this week. Believe me, it’s the hardest thing in the world to explain why a bunch of guys flew those planes into those office towers and killed all those people.
If I had to say why they did it in a few choice words, I’d say it’s because they were really, really angry. And the big thing is, they didn’t channel their anger right.
Remember that time your sister wouldn’t share her honey-coated popcorn with you, and it just drove you nuts? Well, let’s just say that those plane-crashing guys come from a country where they don’t have honey-coated popcorn.
But they could see all the honey-coated popcorn over in America, and they decided it wasn’t fair that America had so much and they had none. So they got mad.
I mean, they got really, really mad. And they didn’t forget about it five minutes later the way you usually do with your sister.
These guys took their anger to bed with them every night, just like you take your Black Angry Bird toy. They even went to live with these other angry dudes who encouraged them to stay angry and to punish America for all its honey-coated popcorn.
Long story short, that’s when they stole those planes and killed all those people. And pretty much all for some stupid honeycorn, can you believe that? Or I don’t know, maybe it was because they hated honeycorn and didn’t want anyone else to have any.
Anyway, then what happened was, America and a bunch of other countries got super, super angry themselves, which was totally understandable. And everything pretty much went to hell in a big red wheelbarrow after that.
There’s a simple message in all this. Son, channel your anger. Your whole life, when something happens that makes you wild inside, find a way to make that anger go away.
Throw some rocks into a river. Kick a ball high and kick it far. Just find a way to deal with your anger without hitting anybody, hurting anybody, or hating anybody.
It’s like that thing your mother always tells you about your football team. Love your team. Buy the gear, wave the flag. But don’t hate on the other teams. What’s that going to achieve?
You don’t have to love everybody, but you do have to listen. And if there’s one way the world has changed since those guys flew planes into those buildings, it’s that no one listens anymore.
You seriously wouldn’t believe some of the arguments the grown-ups are having these days. The world’s warming, the world’s not warming. We should fight the guys who helped the plane-crashing guys, we should leave them alone. People on boats deserve sympathy and shelter, people on boats can go to hell.
Arguments are OK, son, but only if you remember to listen to the person you’re arguing with. Build bridges, son, not walls, because I promise you, there’s a small kernel of truth at the core of just about everything.
I’ve thought a lot this week about the soldiers who are fighting to get the guys who helped the dudes who stole the planes. Ten years on, they’re still at it. They’re brave, those soldiers, but I can’t help thinking they’re wasting their time.
If a whole new generation of children like you can learn to engage with others in a civil way, I think we’re a much better chance of changing the world in the long run. A lot of grown-ups call this “idealism”, but I honestly believe it’s an approach we’ve never really tried properly.
Today, we celebrate the fact that our freedoms are still intact, despite the worst efforts of those guys who stole those planes.
But we’ve got to harness this thing we call thing freedom and use it to good effect. If all we do with our freedom is bellow at each other, well, you might as well just feed your honeycorn to the seagulls.
Anyway, the main thing I want to say is happy fifth birthday. This day is a big day in history, and as you grow up, you’ll have the chance to think about how the long shadow of this day might shape your attitude to life.
But for me, it’s an even bigger day in your life. You are my son, not a symbol. You are free, and that’s good. Your great grandparents weren’t so lucky when they were young.
By the way, it is not funny to wee in flower pots. Would it kill you to use the toilet occasionally?
twitter: @antsharwod
Facebook Recommendations
Read all about it
Punch live
Up to the minute Twitter chatter
@KateEllisMP Cheers, this tight arse journo is trying to work out a way around the members-only content!
Recent posts
The latest and greatest
Schapelle has done her time
Schapelle Corby has served more than seven years in Kerobokan prison for attempting to import 4.2 kilos…
Do women need to know when to walk away?
Opposition Leader Isobel Redmond has sparked controversy over her advice that young women should sometimes…
Who murdered the Arts degree?
Have we murdered the liberal arts education? That was the final question on Monday night’s Q&A…
Nosebleed Section
choice ringside rantings
From: They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments
Michael S says:
"A teacher at Geelong Grammar had criticised her for using words that were too long, which had left her confused and had made her doubt her ability to write essays. She became ''quite distressed'' when her English marks began to fall." I can sympathise. My scholastic mentors conveyed to me a causal relationship… [read more]From: Welfare for breeders is a bonus for everyone
Change Up! says:
I have no problem paying my taxes. As a single, childless person on a very decent income, I can afford it and not have my life severely altered. Plus I understand that my taxes paying for things like schools, childcare and infrastructure is ultimately a good thing. A better community is better for me… [read more]Gentle jabs to the ribs
They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments
A private school girl’s family is sueing her elite, extremely expensive private school for not… Read more
Most commented