You’re already buying Aussie Made so don’t feel guilty
If buying Australian Made makes you feel good, then you should buy Australian Made. As the saying goes, what doesn’t kill you only makes you more cautious the next time you buy Australian Made.
Australian Made is good, it’s right. The logo is a kangaroo inside a triangle. What could be more Australian than a triangle? A Victa lawnmower yes, but put a roo inside a Victa lawnmower and you’ve got blood on your hands and on the Victa.
We’re brought up to believe Australian made is good and right and we’re also brought up to believe Santa Claus is real.
I have news for you – the test results are in. It’s Australian Made up.
The Australian Made tag is a drug and it’s prescribed to people like you and me by the biggest addicts of all – people who work in retail. And I’m not talking about Sharon who does the till at Just Jeans Chadstone on a Tuesday.
No, it’s the big boys - people like Harvey Norman, Dick Smith and Frank Walker from National Tiles. They sit at their Tasmanian Huon Pine desks huffing and they puffing and according to them, if you’re not smoking Australian Made right now, you ain’t smokin’ the right stuff.
Australian made is being shoved down our throats like pork dumplings at a sumo wrestling training camp. And because buying Australian Made makes us feel a little naughty, a little horny, we’re sitting there and taking it. You can bank on it - we’ve got our retail between our legs in a position called Australian Made Orgy.
We like our purebreds. Unlike pork dumplings, Australian Made doesn’t come cheap. I’m forking out 100, 200, $300 for an authentic Akubra hat when a $25 ‘Chinese leather’ substitute repels just as many melanomas.
The Australian Made tag is like Chanel, Zara or The Heart Foundation tick – it’s designed to make us dingbats buy stuff. Companies pay to use the Australian Made logo. You pay, I pay, we all pay. There’s no such thing as a free kangaroo in a triangle, fools.
So I pose the question – besides causing blood to rush to your head, what has buying Australian Made and Lara Bingle done for you recently?
After all, what is Australian Made? Often the parts are made overseas and then someone puts them together in Australia, creating an ‘Australian Made product’. It’s like international students who are assembled here to form Australian universities. It’s mutton dressed up as Sam Kekovich.
But here’s the catch, here’s the stuff you don’t hear in the media – we don’t have to feel guilty for supposedly ‘killing local industry’ and buying Chinese Leather Lucky Good Time Akubras, because despite what Harvey, Dick and Frank want us to think, we already spend most of our money on Australian Made.
We do! Anyone who is renting or who has bought a house in Australia has bought land in Australia. Most Australian houses and all Australian land is Australian Made. And most of us spend a small fortune on these Australian Made things.
Harvey, Dick and Frank - don’t lecture us about not buying Australian Made. Because we do.
I don’t want to pay top dollar for a vacuum cleaner from Dick Smith because it’s Australian Made. If houses were cheaper, then maybe I’d think about it, but until then, suck it up your vacuum cleaner Dick.
I’m already buying Australian Made houses, roads and schools. It’s called the middle class, it’s called budgeting and it’s called paying taxes. Did you get the memo? 33 cents from every dollar we earn is paid to the Government, which is Australian Made - so don’t give me your pork dumplings routine for not buying a doona, a quit and a fluffy pillow from Bev Marks Beds Australia.
No one should feel guilty for buying Chinese Leather Lucky Good Time Akubras. You should feel liberated, unlike Tibet. Support local industry, create jobs - you don’t need to worry about buying Australian Made to do it. Just pay your taxes. I’m Dean Watson and I’m not from the Australian taxation board.
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