Wowser watch: the plastic beer glass is pure evil
YOU know what I love about the Grand Canyon, other than that it is one awesome kick-arse hole in the ground?
It’s got no fences. You are free to fall into it if you feel so inclined. Sure, there’s the odd sign telling you that straying too close to the edge could bring a premature and permanent end to your holiday, but that’s the extent of the bureaucratic concern.
If the Grand Canyon was in Australia, it would have a fence around it.
Too dangerous, the nannas who govern us would cry, to let people just explore it in a manner of their choosing.
All it would take would be one pissed idiot trying to see if he could wee into the river below to slip to his death and bang!, before you could yell ``look out below’’ there would be a 200m no-go zone back from the edge enforced by barriers and large fines.
That’s what we do in Australia now. We greet every possible danger with a regulatory baby-gets-the-flick-as-well-as-the-bathwater approach.
The latest attack on our freedoms is the steady withdrawal of glassware from pubs.
More and more watering holes around the country are serving up the suds in plastic because of a perceived rise in ``glassing’’ attacks _ the abhorrent and gutless practice of smashing a glass into the face of a usually unsuspecting pub patron.
What is going on here? Just because a few nutcases can’t control themselves, the rest of us have to suffer.
What sort of message are pubs giving to would-be drinkers by serving them plastic: watch your back, this place is the haunt of vicious drunks?
What happens next? Will restaurants insist diners only use plastic cutlery in case there’s a psychopath in the room who suddenly gets an urge to stab someone in the eye with a fork?
Perhaps Test cricketers will be made to play with plastic balls in case they get hit by a fired-up Brett Lee, or first-grade rugby league footballers made to play touch instead of tackle.
Let’s put the problem in perspective.
Government statistics show 157 people were admitted to Queensland hospitals after assaults involving glass in 2007-08.
That means that MILLIONS of people in the Sunshine State in the same period successfully had a drink at a pub without wearing a fist loaded with an empty schooner.
Beer tastes like cat’s urine when it is drunk out of plastic.
It is at its best in glass, drunk out of the bottle if you must but preferably poured into an appropriate chalice, its head admired, the colour observed and the aromas allowed to spiral up your nose as you take a swallow.
Beer is not a cheap drink any more and to ask people to drink it out of plastic in a pub is an insult. It is bad enough at sports grounds but at least there are some compelling reasons for insisting on plastic in stadiums, mainly because of the volume sold.
Instead of treating normal people like criminals and ruining their drinking experiences, why don’t the authorities crack down on the actual glassers?
Instead of assault charges being laid, make it a mandatory attempted-murder offence for an assault with a glass.
And just to underline how seriously the community views such behaviour, throw in a life ban on entering licensed premises.
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