Prev
Next

Witness to a sickening act of domestic brutality

Elise Kinsella

by Elise Kinsella

19 Mar 03:25pm

Must Reads

Corby to be released - but does anyone still care? - this is a caption

Corby to be released - but does anyone still care?

46

Washington reacts to news of the Thomson saga - this is a caption

Washington reacts to news of the Thomson saga

36

You’d think she was a plant to destroy Facebook - this is a caption

You’d think she was a plant to destroy Facebook

83

Filed under: Crime, Domestic Violence, Society, Women

100 comments

“Whadidya say?”

Thump. Her body lurches forward, her upper body, starting just below the shoulder where he had hit her, falls first, and then the rest of her body catches up and she takes two quick stumbling steps to regain her balance. The only noise she makes is the smallest of whimpers. She does not run or try to find help. She just keeps walking.

But so does he. “Were ya talkin’ to me? Is that what ya were sayin’ to me? He swings his left arm around, in a wide circular motion. Thump.

Her whole upper body falls forward and she struggles to stay upright. This time the cry is louder. His punches are getting harder.

She quickens her pace a little. So does he. He walks behind her, shouting at her over her right shoulder. She never looks at him, avoids making eye contact with him.

Then silently he creeps up on the right side of her, grabs her right shoulder and pushes her against a closed aluminum roller door to her left.

He takes a few steps back into the street and away from her. He gives himself space for a run up. Then he begins to run at her. One, two, three, four steps before he is in front of her. He cocks his left arm back like a javelin thrower, and then unleashes his entire body. From his planted left hip he pours all his power into the punch.

She lets out a cry and her knees buckle under her. She falls to the ground.

His punch lands just above her falling head. The crash of his fist into the panel door echoes up and down the street.

He screams at her.

He’s wearing a loose singlet top, and his tensed muscles stand out under the street light, he looks fit enough to be a boxer and he has just aimed a punch at this woman that has all of his strength and speed behind it.

She’s hurrying now further up the street. They walk just out of sight and then it happens again. Thump.

I can no longer see the pair but I can hear his punch landing on her.

This is not a fictional account of domestic violence. This happened in my usually quiet side-street in Fitzroy last night.

Thankfully a police van came past minutes after this exchange and intervened.

But I was up for hours after I saw this woman being beaten in my street.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her. About what a woman must have been through to not cry or scream or try to escape a violent attacker. I thought about her reaction and realised she didn’t seem shocked. Apart from the small stumble she barely broke her stride after his first punch. I wanted to cry for a woman who was not shocked at a man beating her.

I worried that the final punch I heard might not be the last time that man punches the woman.

I kept thinking about her safety.

But I shouldn’t have been shocked.

Just five days ago Victoria’s Police Deputy Commissioner Sir Ken Jones said our state could lower its high homicide rate if we took domestic violence more seriously.

“There was a reluctance and reticence to talk about it in the UK in the ‘80s and ‘90s and that has changed,” he said.

“There is now a broad acceptance that we need to flush this out, this is not acceptable.”

Having seen the violence that Sir Ken was talking about with my own eyes, I hope more than anything that his words are taken seriously by policy makers.

I hope whatever is needed to flush out a man chasing a woman down a street and beating her up in public is provided to Victoria’s police and emergency workers. And I hope that man doesn’t hit that woman again.

Most commented

353"Gifting", "journey" and other words we hate
309Thomson didn't answer the question everyone is asking
246A big day for Thomson, who thus far is guilty of nothing...
242They must pay for one's bitter disappointments
230Craig Thomson speaks. Meanwhile, in Australia...
229South Australia. It's the middle bottom bit.
224Punch on: Open thread 17/05/2012
224The most laughable, err, spoof since Einfeld

100 comments

Show oldest | newest first

    • Albie says:

      03:05pm | 19/03/10

      Hear hear.

      Thank you for this post.

      Reply

    • acker says:

      03:03pm | 19/03/10

      Saw something similar from our classroom window at primary school in Ballarat in the early 1970’s when some bloke chased his wife into our schools grounds.

      Reply

    • acker says:

      04:41pm | 20/03/10

      Saw my dad hit my mum as a kid, and I’m a bit surprised no-one else has….Not justifying it or expressing love of what he done, but there seem to many be ready to judge and point fingers in this thread, and few wanting to realy discuss how it affects us that have experienced it.

    • AliceC says:

      03:10pm | 19/03/10

      More education on the reasons behind domestic violence, towards both genders and all ages, needs to occur. Many think it’s the victm’s fault, especially when they stay in the situation, not realising the psychological issues involved.

      I hope we can remove this shocking part of society once and for all.

      Reply

    • Robert Smissen of Rural SA says:

      02:36pm | 22/03/10

      Thanks Alice, when I mention that I was a victim of domestic violence, invariably the reaction was that I must have done something to cause it because women aren’t violent without a reason.

    • nic says:

      03:17pm | 19/03/10

      I would hope that in this day and age, all Australians, irrespective of their race or religion are not excused from acts of domestic violence.

      Reply

    • Maft says:

      03:19pm | 19/03/10

      Now you will be inundated by the enablers and supporters who like to keep all these under the carpet.

      Stay tune for the predictable silencing tactics at work whenever a women mentions domestic violence.

      She asked for it
      She probably started it
      Women are liars anyway.
      Yeah but women hit men too
      It is an domestic violence industry (buggered if I see any community workers driving BMWs)

      Yada yada yada

      Reply

    • Notacarrot says:

      03:17pm | 19/03/10

      What do you do when the victim won’t report the crime, testify, or make any effort to get themselves out of the situation.

      What do you do, when in all likelihood the person will simply go into another relationship which is the same.

      What can you do for someone who won’t help themselves?

      Reply

    • Lorraine says:

      04:08pm | 22/03/10

      By the time a domestic violence victim is in the state of the woman described above she is actually incapable of doing anything to help herself. if she says nothing she may get beaten but she will still be alive…...  I suggest you read “Why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft.
      Then you will understand the dynamics of the power and control used by perpetrators in domestic violence.
      Consider for one minute what would have happened if she had run….. where to?
      If she stayed it was because she had no other option….. woman don’t like being beaten…... they hate it….... ask me how I know.

    • john says:

      03:20pm | 19/03/10

      Did you do anythinhg about it Elise?  Did you call the police?

      Reply

    • Alyssa KT says:

      12:35pm | 22/03/10

      I was disgusted too, John.
      It’s rather pathetic that someone can write an article about being dismayed about an incident like this when they themselves did nothing whatsoever to assist this woman.

    • jim says:

      05:27pm | 07/06/10

      Highly risky to intervene in acts of violence. The police warn against it and there is always the risk of being sued by the perpetrator if they are assaulted or injured. There are no good samaritan laws in Australia. Remember - no good deed goes unpunished.

    • H of SA says:

      03:27pm | 19/03/10

      It happens in every neighbourhood. It almost certainly happens on your block - regularly. Domestic Violence is strange for a crime as it does not have socio-economic indicators. It happens in both rich and poor suburbs, across cultures, across class, across education. It happens a lot.

      The bloke in the singlet does it on the street, the bloke in the suit does it behind closed doors.

      Australian society does indeed need to acknowledge this.

      Reply

    • John says:

      03:30pm | 19/03/10

      brave article, touches the unpsoken

      Reply

    • Eric says:

      03:31pm | 19/03/10

      You saw one instance of domestic violence. There are many more.

      And they are just as likely to be perpetrated by women, as by men. http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm

      “SUMMARY:  This bibliography examines 271 scholarly investigations: 211 empirical studies and 60 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners.  The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 365,000. “

      Let’s put an end to all domestic violence, be it by men or by women.

      Reply

    • Patrick says:

      03:53pm | 20/03/10

      Big difference Eric. Any man can do a LOT more damage with a punch than a woman. Also a man can generally stop a woman from assaulting him with superior strength, whereas a woman generally can not. It’s not an even playing field, hence why the police put a lot more time into assisting the women who are victims of this, because they are a lot more vulnerable in most cases, and a male is much more likely to just walk away if they are suffering domestic abuse, whereas women (especially if children are involved) are more likely to stay.

    • anon says:

      09:05am | 22/03/10

      Seriously Eric, this is a stretch…even for you.

    • Paul Horn says:

      11:05am | 22/03/10

      Patrick like to see you stop some crazed woman charging at you with a sharpened meat cleaver. A weapon soon evens up the strength imbalance. Soft flesh whether it be male or female is no match for sharpened steel.

      Please think before you write ridiculous comments!!!!

    • Eric says:

      01:44pm | 22/03/10

      So Patrick, would domestic violence by men be okay if they just didn’t hit so hard?

      No, of course it wouldn’t. Neither is domestic violence by women okay just because they’re smaller on average.

      And even that argument falls down when you consider surprise attacks by women, often with weapons, while the man is sleeping.

      Let’s have some equality here. Domestic violence is always wrong, whether by men or women.

    • AliceC says:

      01:39pm | 24/03/10

      Hey Eric, I can skew statistics too!

      http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/183781.pdf

      According to the U.S Department of Justice, “Women experience more intimate partner violence than do men: 22.1 percent of surveyed women, compared with 7.4 percent of surveyed men, reported they were physically assaulted by a current or former spouse, cohabiting partner, boyfriend or girlfriend, or date in their lifetime; 1.3 percent of surveyed women and 0.9 percent of surveyed men reported experiencing such violence in the previous 12 months. Approximately
      1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States.

      Yes, these are stats from the USA but you get my drift, right???

    • Fred says:

      03:12pm | 15/06/10

      I don’t think trying to find which gender is worse off is going to help at all - better to avoid gender specific stats and look at it as a whole

    • Zeta says:

      03:33pm | 19/03/10

      Why didn’t anyone stop him? You can’t have been the only witness. How many other men were watching that take place?

      Call me a sexist, chauvinistic pig, but I think the reason men were put on the Earth is to protect women. That’s why we’re faster, stronger, and physically bigger than women. We mate for life in a kind of symbiosis, we protect women so they can bare our children.

      I know exactly what kind of men do that kind of thing. They’re scum, plain and simple. Men like that are put on the Earth for real men to prove themselves against, they’re the yard stick by which men are measured.

      But what kind of a man just sits idly by and watched that? It’s goes against every masculine instinct. And you can’t tell me that it’s conditioning. Violence is built into our very DNA. Any man who has ever been in a decent fight is lieing to himself if he says that it didn’t feel right and perfect, like every gene is crying out for more. We’re blood thirsty animals. But even more so, we have a sense of justice. And there is nothing more just than finding a man beating on a woman and squeezing the life out of him.

      Men like that have taken out their insecurities one the weak since the dawn of time. But we’ve flourished as a species because we know right from wrong, and men have been there to show those turds the buisness end of a pointed stick.

      What have we become, and what will we become if that instinct is numbed?

      Reply

    • Eric says:

      10:19am | 20/03/10

      If you attack the man, it is likely they will both turn on you.

      Long-term domestic violence is often a cooperative behaviour.

    • RT says:

      11:48am | 20/03/10

      You sound like one sick puppy, Zeta. It feels like you were pleasuring yourself while writing that…

    • James1 says:

      09:44am | 22/03/10

      I’ve actually seen that happen before, Eric, exactly like you say.  To this day, it still shocks me.

    • TJ says:

      05:15pm | 07/06/10

      same reason you don’t run into break up a street fight, you could get injured or killed too and really it’s better to call the police than interfere and add more to the victim pile, also what if the street is made up of elderly or less mobile people, not much help there

    • ben says:

      03:52pm | 19/03/10

      hopefully she presses charges.

      Reply

    • Ian says:

      03:58pm | 19/03/10

      And what did you do about it? Did you phone the police? Did you challenge it? Did you do anything other than write this post?

      Reply

    • Rosebud says:

      04:07pm | 19/03/10

      This makes me feel ill

      Reply

    • Jimmy says:

      04:18pm | 19/03/10

      Did you call the police? Did you alert possible male neighbours that could have maybe intervened? Why did you not intervene?

      Reply

    • ChrisG says:

      04:26pm | 19/03/10

      Four underlying aspects of male culture to tackle in this fight: acceptance of ‘blokes’ feeling free in their own company to detail and boast of the sexual use of women that reinforces an underlying disposition to treat them as objects;  acceptance by some men of the excuse that there are women who drive their men into a state where it’s understandable that they ‘lash out’, especially if the poor guy has ‘had a few’ and couldn’t be expected to control himself; acceptance that violence is also understandable in the case of infidelity (real or imagined), embodied, in its extreme, in honour killings; and acceptance in Australia, as some kind of cultural anthem, of the call to ‘bring back the biff’.

      Greater proactive intervention by police to address domestic violence at its first hint would be great, but then there’s also the problem of family members and friends being unwilling to give evidence against the delinquent brother, father, son, or ‘mate’.

      As a son who had to get between his stepfather and the wife/mother he was bashing to a pulp, all I can say is: Elise, keep championing this cause ...

      Reply

    • Bob H says:

      04:37pm | 19/03/10

      I had to console a girl who had been badly beaten by her boyfriend and there were many hours of getting her to see this was not normal and not a loving relationship.  I pleaded with her that she should leave the boyfriend and arranged alternative accommodation. All the time pointing out what a monster he was to help her see through his gloss.  After promising to leave him and agreeing he was bad news, she went straight back to him and told him everything I had said and he vowed to put me in hospital.  Shan’t bother again.

      Reply

    • Voxpop says:

      03:00pm | 20/03/10

      That’s a shame Bob because the next woman may have been the one you could get through to.  And sometimes the realisation comes later so that you may not get to see the effect but she will remember that you helped.

      I also think it’s important for men to pull up other men they see being violent and explain a few things to them - these men won’t listen to women it has to come from their peers.

    • AlexM says:

      12:13pm | 22/03/10

      Bob, I congratulate you on trying to help someone who was in such a terrible situation, and I don’t think you should let the end result stop you from doing what you think is the right thing to do. Domestic Violence is a terribly complicated area to work with and ultimately frustrating most of the time with the end result.

      Without going to deeply into the psychology of domestic violence, the way the mind works in both victims and perpetrators is one of the biggest barriers people trying to help face. We humans like things to be familiar with expected outcomes. It is how our emotional system works and integrated with our nervous system is responsible for many of our actions.

      If you have learned to “survive” a stressful situation, your body will set up reflexes so that you can survive should the same circumstances or similar circumstances confront you again. This is most severely displayed in people suffering from Post traumatic stress disorder but is also seen in many other forms.

      I don’t know the details of your particular situation, but I would suggest that no matter how hard you tried, the girl you where helping is hard wired to be in that situation, as it is familiar and one where her nervous system has expected outcomes. Although the outcomes are not healthy, it is what she knows. Sometimes removing people from the situation helps and doing what you did for her in some cases will help. But until the triggers for her emotional state are extinguished, she is likely to go back to the original situation, which she knows how to survive, rather than having to take the risk of moving to another situation that is unfamiliar and hence feels more unsafe. That is why, more often than not people in abusive relationships will stay in the relationship, or seemingly bounce from one abusive relationship to the other.

    • Evie says:

      05:10pm | 19/03/10

      That this happened in public is rare and horrifying, but it must happen so often behind closed doors. I know of two young, pretty, smart women whose boyfriends would regularly thump them one when their anger got out of control. And yet they stayed, for years, before eventually wising up and moving on.

      Reply

    • Vaughann says:

      11:49am | 15/06/10

      Why would you mention that these women were ‘pretty’ or ‘smart’, as if that part of their makeup has any bearing on their propensity to be belted up. I actually notice that angle a lot, usually implicit - they are attractive (in the traditional sense) so they can easily find another suitable guy who doesn’t beat the sh*t ou of them - but a woman not so attractive will probably settle.. I would like you to clarify your meaning, just out of curiousity and accuracy, thanks.

    • Seano says:

      07:51pm | 19/03/10

      Very sad.

      Did you make a report to police? Even if they intervened the woman involved might not have been in a position to tell them what happened. And therefore she might still be at risk from this animal.

      Animals like this should rot behind bars indefinitely, I doubt there is such a thing as rehabilitation for this bloke. I hope whomever she is she’s safe now.

      Reply

    • Daniel says:

      08:48pm | 19/03/10

      It must be awful for woman in Australia to have to go through this type of violence.If we had more police on the streets this wouldnt happen.I know that police cant be everywhere however.

      Reply

    • miss who says:

      09:05pm | 19/03/10

      ......hmmmm,sigh! you just don’t understand how a man like that consumes your heart, your soul, your mind, your brain, ( it is very hard to leave and if you do they will probably kill you).  It almost renders you with a kind of mental brain damage that prevents you from even thinking like a normal person would. and just try to get through to someone in that situation, it is disabling, frozen, like you cannot think beyond this minute or hour, just how to survive NOW, so that you or your kids don’t get killed.  You cannot even comprehend being able to think straight or plan for a better life, where to go, what to do, how to afford to live, ...... it is just so overwhelming for someone in that situation.  You just have to read the news on any given week and you will see what happens to the women or their children who try to leave these pyscho men, the police do not back you up, the courts and stupid judges do not back you up, and docs do not back you up.  It is all about men’s rights and seeing their kids, blah blah, blah.  So the women who leave get killed or their kids get killed because there is NO PROTECTION for these women from any agengcy, and certainly not from ANY court nor JUDGE! .... like i said, ..sigh!! if wishes could be true…........

      Reply

    • Paul Horn says:

      10:56am | 22/03/10

      Yes but “miss who says” children are at far greater risk of harm from their biologiocal mother than their biological father!!! Nary a week goes by where some tiny news article reports on a case of a mother either gassing, drowning, strangling, poisoning or abandoning her children. It seems pretty common in this day and age. It’s just that the misandrist press highlight cases of male violence especially when the victim is female.

      One can only conclude that children are at greatest risk when left alone in the company of a female caregiver.

    • Eric says:

      01:47pm | 22/03/10

      Well spotted, Paul!

      In fact the biggest killers of children are mothers. But for some reason we never see big public campaigns opposing women’s violence against children.

      It’s yet another double standard.

    • Moi says:

      02:22pm | 22/03/10

      a public campaign of this kind would mean calling on men to take on more care-work…can you see now why we haven’t seen a campaign like this yet?

    • Wondering... says:

      09:04pm | 19/03/10

      And was the policevan that arrived prompted by your call? You do leave out whether you called the police or not.

      I’d be rather disgusted if, for such an article of violent imagery, you didn’t. But unfortunately I wouldn’t be surprised, many people don’t ring the police when they witness acts of violence.

      Reply

    • Alex says:

      09:52pm | 19/03/10

      what did you do? walked away? Absolutely pathetic.

      Reply

    • francesca says:

      11:34pm | 19/03/10

      yes i’ve seen it too and I got between them and she got away .. an hour later I was hit in the side of the head by his irate male friend for “getting in the way”.

      Reply

    • Dave says:

      11:35pm | 19/03/10

      And you did what exactly to help this poor woman out?

      People like you are part of the problem. Happy to stand back and watch and get paid to make a column out of it so you can *tsk* *tsk* sadly at the lower socio economic demographic and chat with your mates about it over a latte.

      I am glad someone else had a bit more stones to actually reach for their mobile and call for the police….where you late for a luncheon? Can’t have that can we? Just keep walking and plan that column out in your head.

      Reply

    • Sherlock says:

      06:22am | 20/03/10

      Many years ago my 21 year old secretary came in late. She apologised and told me that she’d spent the night at the hospital as one of her friends had been beaten by her husband. As your typical upper middle class white boy I was completely aghast at the concept of a husband striking his wife much less putting her in the hospital.

      My secretary has a bit of a chuckle at my naivety as she explained quite nonchalantly that this was at least the fifth time he’d done it.

      The scariest part of all about this was that my secretary came from a culture where she was totally unable to believe that none of my friends or acquaintances beat their wives. The concept of wives not being afraid of getting a regular beating was something she was completely unable to grasp. She spent an hour telling me that of course my friends beat their wives I just didn’t notice.

      It was one of the saddest things I’ve ever experienced in my life and something I’ll never forget

      Reply

    • James1 says:

      09:42am | 22/03/10

      Its fairly likely true that at least one of your friends abuses (or is abused by) their wife.  Just because they don’t tell you, or you don’t see the bruises under their clothes, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

    • Jools says:

      07:08am | 20/03/10

      I felt instantly sick reading this - I hope that justice was served.  From your description it sounds as if she had been at the receiving end of this man’s temper before.  Hopefully this bully is left to rot somewhere unpleasant for a time and the woman moves on to a safer life.

      Reply

    • Rob says:

      07:22am | 20/03/10

      From an old man,the answer is quite simple for these perpetrators, two bullets in the chest and one in the head.

      Reply

    • Michael says:

      09:29am | 20/03/10

      The worst thing about this is if you chose to flog the dog, his mrs would probably attack you for touching her man.

      Reply

    • Wayne Fehlhaber says:

      09:35am | 20/03/10

      Much to my deep shame , i too have witnessed this unbelievable act being dealt out to a woman.  Why shame ?  I did nothing.
      ” Don’t interfere !  Its a domestic matter . Let them sort it out themselves “
      My shame is in that i listened and did nothing to help that helpless person.
      It is the responsibility of all of us in those situations to rally help quickly to stop the attacker. Sure , this is hindsight , but i’ve made up my mind that i will NEVER stand by and let it happen again.

      Reply

    • martinX says:

      04:57pm | 20/03/10

      Wait until you intervene, and then they BOTH turn on you. That’s fun. Ask any copper who attends domestics.

    • Wayne Fehlhaber says:

      07:48am | 21/03/10

      martinX ,  I have seen police on newsreel saying that if someone had the decency to intervene that a life may not have been lost or life threatening injuries may not have occurred.  The decision not to intervene is a cop out and as i said , ” ......rally help quickly “
      In other words , make an attempt to enlist the aid of other people.
      I’d like to think that if i was attacked in a public area that someone or a group would come to my aid. Especially in the case of a defenceless woman.

    • Jimmy says:

      10:45am | 20/03/10

      I see I am not the only one asking what Elise did to maybe help this woman and if she actually had thoughts about intervening.

      We can only assume that her silence is a very loud and pathetic ‘no, I just wanted to write a story, get it published and get my check’.

      Regardless of her assumingly just watching someone being beaten, it is important that this gets highlighted, but in the end, in any situation, talk is cheap. What helps and actually makes a difference is action.

      So, Elise, if you did something, I think it is important you tell us, if not, shame on you and hopefully you will next time you are a witness.

      Reply

    • Percy Pointer says:

      11:48am | 20/03/10

      We are all equal, there is no difference between a man and woman, so a man hitting a woman or a man hitting a man, or a woman hitting a man, or a woman hitting a woman is all the same, we are all eaqual right?

      Reply

    • marley says:

      09:15am | 21/03/10

      Yep.  Domestic violence is appalling, regardless of who’s the assailant and who’s the victim.  And your point is??

    • Millicent Baine says:

      12:41pm | 20/03/10

      I too have experienced domestic violence. My husband and I were staying whilst on holidays in a motel, the screaming and sounds of blows woke us up. I probably did a very silly thing, I leapt out of bed before my husband could evencomprehend what was happening and ran next door and pounded on the door. The male opened the door and I could see a battered and extremly distressed female on the bed behind him, blood pouring from her nose. By this time my hubby dressed only in his undies was behind me. I told this man “Stop now or I will call the police” He told me not so politly where I could stick myself and shut the door. We called the police and they informed us next day the lady refused to press charges. I can only assume she was terrified to do so. We checked out and moved motels.  This is a disgrace and something needs to be done and more help given to these poor battered women. One only wonders at children wittnessing this will they grow up and they cycle continue

      Reply

    • Helen says:

      05:46pm | 20/03/10

      Let’s remember, please, who bears the real responsibility here. Many of us fail to address these situations as we’d like, out of fear, or embarassment, or disinclination to stick our noses in. But it doesn’t excuse the violent person.

      Reply

    • Amos says:

      06:36pm | 20/03/10

      Been through it have you?
      Yeah, I didn’t think so

      I have.

      Cheap and nasty word fill.

      I hope you’re proud of your self

      Reply

    • Alicia says:

      02:32pm | 22/03/10

      Elise is highlighting a huge problem in society. The more articles like this one the better. If one person who is experiencing domestic violence reads this & decides to change his/her life for the better then its a job well done.

      And Im sorry, but are you psychic?! How do you know she hasnt experienced domestic violence?? Regardless of whether she has or not, like I said, this is highlighting a huge issue in society. The more articles on the subject, the better.

    • Bob says:

      06:49pm | 20/03/10

      Domestic violence is, like all violence, abhorrent whether it be toward man or woman. I believe it is us as a community when witnessing such things as described in this article to do something about. Analysing why these things happen is just another failure to face up to these disgraceful acts. In my opinion, humankind is imperfect and that is the joy of us; we are imperfect and different and individuals. Yet violence is not wanted and should be greeted with the correct amount of due accord: the full effect of the law and/or imprisonment. It takes courage to maintain our dignity.

      Reply

    • Elise Kinsella says:

      07:30pm | 20/03/10

      Okay guys here are a few answers to your questions.
      I was standing on my balcony, three levels up when I saw this happen. My housemate called the police as soon as we saw the man hit the woman but the police arrived so quickly I believe somone else must have already called them before we did. From the time I saw this man first punch the woman to the moment the police arrived would have been less than five minutes.
      As to why I didn’t run down and try to intervene, to be perfectly honest I felt there would be two women being beaten rather than one if I did this. It is something that I have thought about and I have already questioned myself over whether I did the right thing but I keep coming back to the feeling that I would not have had the skills or physical size to have stopped what was going on.

      Reply

    • megan says:

      09:16am | 22/03/10

      As a woman I can understand your hesitance to run outside and jump on his back. However you could have shouted out at him from your safe position three levels up. I experienced a similar situation one night and when I shouted out for the man to “leave her alone!” a chorus on neighbours joined me and he backed off until the police arrived. You may have stopped at least one punch. This man was a bully and we all know bullies are cowards when challenged.

    • Lisa says:

      08:06pm | 20/03/10

      Having grown up in an abusive household where my father would beat my mother on a nightly basis - I read this article and cried.

      My mother went through years of torture, witnessed by our middle class neighbours, by our extended family, and by her three young children and NOBODY did anything to stop it until my then 10yr old sister gathered the courage to stand up to my father as he had the electric frypan cord around my mothers throat. That was the last time he tried to kill her.

      I dont know if you immediately put pen to paper - or if you did indeed call out to him to stop, or pick up the phone to the police. I certainly hope that this experience has left you with some courage to speak out again and maybe next time yell at him to STOP.

      Imagine what that woman would have felt knowing that someone was actually watching out for her.

      Reply

    • mike says:

      10:42pm | 20/03/10

      I grew up with intense domestic violence, and the problem can be boiled down to the perpetrator being a bully who can exert psychological as well as physical pressure on the victim.
      The solution is simple: prison and public exposure.
      The unfortunate reality is that police are reluctant to deal with “domestics”,  and judges refuse to jail the perpetrators, and so the cycle continues.
      Perhaps a better idea is to make the judges accountable for the consequences of their failure. At the moment they are isolated from reality and beholden to a philosophy that punishment doesn’t work.

      Reply

    • marley says:

      09:16am | 21/03/10

      Any cop will tell you that the most dangerous place to be is at the point of a triangle between two spouses involved in a domestic dispute, because both of them will turn on the cop.  Which is why, in situations like this, they try to have two cops, one to each spouse, to defuse the situation.

      But it’s often hard to work out what happened, and the abused spouse will almost never press charges or testify.  The courts often have nowhere to go on these cases.

      More education, more accommodation for abused spouses, male and female, more support - and, for those cases which do make it to court - tougher sentences for the abuser.  But the fact is, a lot of abused spouses develop some weird dependency relationship with the abuser, and it becomes almost impossible to help.

    • Ryan says:

      11:21pm | 20/03/10

      I have also witnessed something similar played out in a street in Stradford Upon Avon in the UK. I was off to give the guy doing the beating a thumping of his own when my girlfriend at the time stopped me to point out that I was getting myself into a situation where she might turn on me also, considering the fact that he had just punched her in the face and she had fallen backwards into some bushes, she then got up and proceeded to run after him down the street… what do you do about that?

      Reply

    • Paul Horn says:

      10:49am | 22/03/10

      Yeah it is quite common in the Northern suburbs of Adelaide. I’ve seen women chase their boyfriends up the street with meat cleavers and blokes beating the crap out of their defactos. The amazing thing is though that if you intevene they both turn on you which only goes to show the complete feminist lie about domestic violence. By far the majority of the violence is predicated on drugs and booze not just some bloke desiring to bash his missus up.

      It is often far more complex than the simplistic male hating tripe that womens groups enjoy stirring up. And I can guarantee you that there is infinitely mote domestic violence going on in the welfare suburbs than the leafy inner city ones and by far the majority of it revolves around drug and alcohol issues.

      My mother broke a broomstick over my fathers back during the early years of their marriage and my grandmother kicked the television screen to bits due to my grandfathers rather sedentary television watching lifestyle. And I defy any idiot that carps on about men being able to overpower a womans violent predilections to tell me how effective he’d be if she is coming at you with a boning knife!!!  Women are more likely to use a weapon due to their inferior physical strength which evens up the score very rapidly!!!

    • AliceC says:

      08:52am | 23/03/10

      @ Paul Horn

      No one is saying that women also commit domestic violence against men, as well as vice versa.

      All domestic violence needs to be stamped out. It is unacceptable no matter who the victim or perpetrator is.

    • withheld says:

      03:30am | 21/03/10

      i was assaulted by my ex after i left; in a different state, a year later. He screamed outside my home and broke in. my neighbours, who i’d given oranges to from my tree, did not help or call the police and avoided eye contact with me afterwards. I left after he threw me against a wall but I only stopped apologising to everyone for anything a long time after.
      living in an abusive relationship removes your ability to think for yourself and the grim facts are that when you do leave, the risk to your safety does not decrease. I have not seen my ex in 10 years now and still he will call my parents home, angrily demanding my number every few years.
      It would have meant the world to me had a neighbour shown that I was worth their concern. I would and did press charges - but if an abuse victim cannot; those acts of care, exposure and involvement are important steps that enable them to get out of an horrific life.

      Reply

    • Front row says:

      11:33am | 21/03/10

      Thanks for the post, Elise, but something else worries me about this.
      You are a journalist - a professional observer.  You would be a good witness.
      I hope that you kept notes of the time, the descriptions of the offender and the victim and that you make yourself available to act as a witness - in court if necessary.
      If you haven’t done so already, write your notes now and be sure to contact the police to offer your statement. It might be all that comes between this woman and the man who eventually kills her.
      This is not a go at you personally, but it seems kind of strange that a writer can can communicate so movingly about the bigger issues without fixing the immediate details first.  It’s a sign of the times that we are shocked at the abstract, but to do little or nothing practical.
      If you have already done something, my congratulations and my apologies for the assumption.

      Reply

    • Bilbo says:

      01:41pm | 21/03/10

      If more people made the same choice as Stella and left the violent thug this would not be as much a problem. Sadly many of the traits that make people attractive to the other gender are the same traits that make them aggressive. When police try to take action the victims often work against them.

      Reply

    • Eric says:

      03:08pm | 21/03/10

      Well noted, Bilbo.

      Some women are attracted to thugs - the danger turns them on. But then, the danger has its downsides ...

    • TJ says:

      05:38pm | 07/06/10

      Not all wife/husband beaters look dangerous, you can’t always tell, they could be the life of the party, all his friends love him and their wives, then they get home and start slapping the other around, why did you smile at so and so, are you sleeping with them? and then they apologise and say it wont happen again. but of course it does and these are suit wearing professionals in high income jobs. Not all ones who ‘look’ dangerous are dangerous, I have know some guys that look like hells angels scary but they are the sweetest guys you would ever meet.

    • Elise Kinsella says:

      07:33pm | 21/03/10

      To all those readers who have shared their stories, thanks very much, it’s very brave and very touching.
      But I see there are a few more questions about the incident, so here is my best attempt to answer them all.
      Firstly I did not write this post to profit from this woman’s pain ( I was not paid for this article).
      Secondly my housemate who called the police left our details and yep I am happy to be a witness and help the police if needed but I have not been contacted by the police since.
      I also agree with those who have pointed out that domestic violence happens across all socio-economic groups, and mostly it goes on behind closed doors which we don’t see.
      And to those who have questioned why I wrote the post, the reason is both personal and professional. Personally I think everyone understands the feeling of helplessness, I could not physically intervene on the night, but I could share this woman’s story and try and show the pain and terror women across Australia face every night.
      The second reason I wrote this post was that as a journalist I know how hard it is to report on domestic violence. Understandably victims rarely want to speak to journalists which means we are mainly forced to report on statistics and generalisations which are easy to pass over. In our industry we have a saying that ‘a picture is worth a thousand words.’ In terms of reporting on domestic violence I think if I did my job and wrote the post well enough, one story is hopefully worth a thousand statistics and bland generalisations.

      Reply

    • FredB says:

      08:11pm | 21/03/10

      Was the protagonist of Aboriginal descent?

      Reply

    • Paul Horn says:

      11:21am | 22/03/10

      Very very good question Fred B!!! I would say almost to a penny you would be spot on. The media in its dirty hypocrisy blanches at the thought of mentioning race in these incidents except when it is racist in nature with the perpetrator/s being an anglo saxon male!!!  As we all know only Anglo Saxon men commit crimes, the rest are victims!!!

      Domestic violence in Aboriginal communities is massive and I would say touches all members of that race yet nothing gets done. Makes big hypocrites out of all these bleeding heart sops on this blog banging on about how terrible this crime is when they can sit back and allow the disease of welfare and alcoholism to rip the very fabric of their community asunder.

      God curse Whitlams secular policies!!!

    • offshoreoildude says:

      08:59pm | 21/03/10

      What did she do to provoke him I wonder?  How many nasty verbal digs, how much psychops warefare has she engaged in?  How much of his money has she spent?  How much of his life does she try to control?  He is probably inarticulate in his rage.  I’ve been abused by women and I’d rather have a fist fight any day.

      Reply

    • Front Row says:

      05:22pm | 22/03/10

      Offshoreoildude -
      This doesn’t sound like it was a fist fight.

    • front Row says:

      05:24pm | 22/03/10

      Moi -
      You’re actually funny.

    • AliceC says:

      08:57am | 23/03/10

      @ offshoreoildude

      If she was verbally abusive, controlling, money spender, did he not also have the opportinuty to leave her? So what you’re saying is she deserved to be beaten to a bloody pulp?

      No one deserves to be abused. Ever!

    • Henry says:

      11:38am | 22/03/10

      Just as well the police arrived as it sounded like you didn’t have the courage to intervene.

      Repeat offenders of this sort of thing should get the noose.

      Reply

    • James says:

      12:06pm | 22/03/10

      Hope all you want domestic violence is very common, hoping won’t change that. It seems our culture is becoming increasinly agressive an competitive. 

      I’ve seen women being harressed on public transport by groups of men.  The all seem to think it is a perfectly normal thing to do.  The message needs to get through that it is not acceptable to beat or harrass people and if you do, you will be punished. 

      Until we do the hard work to change our culture, you can expect women to continue getting beaten.

      Reply

    • Kelly says:

      02:23pm | 22/03/10

      I have a question for anyone who can provide me with some advice, I am at a loss - I have a neighbour that has a girlfriend who 2-3 times a month loses her mind and screams, hits, throws things, breaks windows, you name it. I have called the police several times, they arrive take her away and then she is back the following day.

      When I say to my neighbour, this is domestic violence, what are you doing??? “oh it’s not really domestic violence, because she’s a women” is his response….... WOW!!

      What do you think I should do? I wake up at 4.00am to this more often than I care to admit, immediately call the police and they come take her away etc…... This is really starting to affect me (and my sleep)..... HELP

      Reply

    • Moi says:

      02:49pm | 22/03/10

      Eric, Paul Horn? take it away boys…...

    • Paul Horn says:

      03:50pm | 22/03/10

      Yes thank You Moi a very intersting conundrum no doubt. I have known many many males who have been involved with highly emotional women that employ a range of weaponry from psychiatric torture to outright shrieking violence. Society tolerates irrationality from women to a far greater extent than men. I have known cases where a woman has attacked her partner only for him to defend his life and then she has called the police and had him forcibly removed and charged with assault. How can a man win when she has more bruising and injury? This is extremely common but gets very little airing in the press.  We are culturally programmed to be extremely sensitive to female “injustice” whether it be in the work place, the marital hearth or in social situations. Would the above author have taken it upon herself to write an opinion piece if the victim was male or if said victim was being set upon by a group of nasty teenage girls? More than likely not!! You see it’s all social conditioning foisted upon us by years of feminist hatred! 

      And I have still have not seen an answer to Fred B’s insightful comment. Was the perpetrator Aboriginal??? I find it incredibly hard to believe that in this day and age any Anglo male would be so stupid to indulge in this behaviour knowing the odds are so heavily stacked against him unless he has major drug or alcohol issues and has nothing to lose anyway.

      All you can do is make a noise complaint I guess unless she has been physically threatening or verbally abusive towards you!!! You are really powerless in these situations. Sorry Kelly! You could move to another suburb????

      Reply

    • Helen says:

      04:30am | 23/03/10

      Eric/Paul Horn/Moi you are, deliberately of course, glossing over the fact that the male-on-female violence is a) statistically more prevalent to the tune of 75% - 90% according to the definitions in the State where you live and, more importantly, b) more likely to result in death or *serious* injury.

      Reply

    • Eric says:

      06:31am | 24/03/10

      As I’ve already pointed out, Helen, the 75%-95% prevalence is a myth. See my post above for the real statistics.

      As for seriousness, all domestic violence is serious. In fact, men are just as likely to be hospitalised as women, since women often use weapons or strike by surprise, to compensate for lesser strength.

      Once again you show the feminist determination to make all issues about women only, rather than looking at both sides.

    • Katherine says:

      04:58pm | 23/03/10

      Check out a book ‘Bruises on the Inside’ by Jennifer Hepburn. She not only tells the story of her own abuse, but why, how, the patterns of the abuser and where to go for help. I understand so much better now. You can buy it from the website http://www.bruisesontheinside.com.au

      Reply

    • shivers says:

      06:57pm | 23/03/10

      Thank goodness, *someone* called the police. Or at least that is how I see as to why the the police van arrived.  Violence against women, is indeed insidious and more common than most people think.

      The author, however, made the observation that the victim seemed to be “used to it” or “conditioned” to receiving such violence against her.  It is more about her knowing how to survive the situation and less about being “conditioned”.  She knows that if she fights back, screams back, or attempts to run, it will enrage him even more.

      Reply

    • Ron says:

      03:50pm | 07/06/10

      With all the actions women have taken against men over recent years I don’t give a stuff what happens to them

      Reply

    • TJ says:

      05:56pm | 07/06/10

      Yes because that’s mature. You can’t generalise all women to be the same, just as you can’t do the same for men

    • zhaohui says:

      10:58am | 15/06/10

      wadonxrum981
      There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating; people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.

      Reply

    • Luke says:

      12:55pm | 15/06/10

      It saddens me to say i know a story even more brutal than this…

      Reply

    • BK says:

      04:55pm | 15/06/10

      This case appears to be one of a tiny minority where there is a neat little distinction between victim and villian. There is nothing wrong with discussing it, but we need to see it balanced with other articles that discuss violence against men.

      Reply

    • Dan says:

      07:58am | 16/06/10

      Why? Not every issue needs to be balanced between the genders. If we discuss prostate cancer, must we also discuss breast cancer?

 
Comment

Facebook Recommendations

Read all about it

Punch live

Up to the minute Twitter chatter

tory_maguire

_Tors 23 May 12 09:40AM

"If there was no Schapelle Corby there, in a Balinese prison, we'd still be doing it."...

tory_maguire

_Tors 23 May 12 09:39AM

Bob Carr says releasing Indo kids convicted of people smuggling has nothing to do with Corby...

Anthony Sharwood

antsharwood 23 May 12 09:09AM

Off to @SkyNewsAust to explain on #sportsline why NSW will beat Qld. One reason is we're much less sooky about life. The other is...

ToryShepherd

ToryShepherd 23 May 12 09:04AM

RT @AustProtParty: Depressed Leftie @ToryShepherd laments Aussie anti-immigration sentiment, says we're haters & intolerant redneck... http://t.co/DLssoRYP

See all tweets

Recent posts

The latest and greatest

Who murdered the Arts degree?

by Lucy Kippist

104

Who murdered the Arts degree?

Have we murdered the liberal arts education? That was the final question on Monday night’s Q&A…

Australia, you have nothing to fear but fear itself

by Tory Shepherd

86

Australia, you have nothing to fear but fear itself

Hansonism’s back – and we’re not just talking about Pauline appearing as a sometime…

Wilkie is poking around on the wrong gambling issue

by Anthony Sharwood

19

Wilkie is poking around on the wrong gambling issue

Andrew Wilkie has okayed a lame version of the government’s pokies legislation, which he yesterday…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments

Michael S says:

"A teacher at Geelong Grammar had criticised her for using words that were too long, which had left her confused and had made her doubt her ability to write essays. She became ''quite distressed'' when her English marks began to fall." I can sympathise. My scholastic mentors conveyed to me a causal relationship… [read more]

From: Welfare for breeders is a bonus for everyone

Change Up! says:

I have no problem paying my taxes. As a single, childless person on a very decent income, I can afford it and not have my life severely altered. Plus I understand that my taxes paying for things like schools, childcare and infrastructure is ultimately a good thing. A better community is better for me… [read more]

Light weight

Gentle jabs to the ribs

They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments

They must pay for one’s bitter disappointments

A private school girl’s family is sueing her elite, extremely expensive private school for not… Read more

242 comments

Newsletter

Read all about it

Sign up to the free daily Punch newsletter

Subscribe to The Punch RSS feed