It’s the kind of thing that would get you pelted with stones in the town square in less civilised countries. So as a celebration of our freedoms I’ll say it. Australia Day is a load of rubbish.

And it is increasingly celebrating the worst aspects of our national character, where rather than being a day for thoughtful reflection on our history and our values, it’s starting to look more a half-witted contest to see how much meat you can eat and how much grog you can sink.
This isn’t a wowser’s warning against barbecues and beer. Far from it. I’m a keen supporter of binge-drinking, I’ve never met a meat product I didn’t adore, and I think the likes of NSW Police Commissioner Andrew Scipione and federal Health Minister Nicola Roxon should quit their day jobs and seek formal employment as nannies, such is their enthusiasm for treating adults like babies and criminalising fun.
But as the basis for a national holiday, getting plastered while standing around a four-burner which is groaning under the weight of calcified chump chops seems to place us well down the order of intelligence.
For many this is what Australia Day has become, and all it will ever be.
A piss-up, where the closest we get to a consideration of what makes us who we are is to slur that this is God’s own country, an absolute bottler of a joint, you wouldn’t be dead for quids and yeah while you’re near the esky can you get me another one.
Even the Federal Government’s Australia Day campaign is framed around the banal idea of cooking meat, with advertisements featuring Soviet-style imagery of buffed young Aussies proudly holding meat trays, urging us to “Barbecue like you have never barbecued before.”
The creators of the advertisement would argue that it’s a self-deprecating comic device to make people curious about Australia Day, to find out about Australia Day events in their neighbourhoods and towns, and to think about what the day means to us all.
But my concern is that many Australians are stuck at the first hurdle and can’t get their minds past the chops and the VB.
Twelve months ago Bob Carr wrote a terrific piece, reprinted below here, where he passionately argued in favour of January 26 as our national day.
He said Anzac Day should belong to those who had fought and died in wars, that Federation on January 1 was at the wrong time of year (and could have also added that it brought us chronic over-government, not to mention the excellent Iemma/Rees/Kenneally administrations), and that whatever hardship was visited upon Aboriginal Australia in 1788 should be weighed against the creation of a modern civilisation built around a written language and the rule of law.
Carr argued Australia Day should not become a day of apology to indigenous Australians, but include an honest recognition of the errors of the past.
“Well used, it will tell future generations what really happened: the brutality, the heroism, the tenderness, the patience. It will teach the humility as well as the pride.”
The key part of that sentence for me is “well used” and frankly I don’t think Australia Day is being well used at all.
The two things which should be the focus of this national day – reflection on our history and values, and the importance of holding citizenship – are being shoved aside as we treat Australia Day like one big barbie.
And for every group of kids who use it as a chance to proudly and peacefully drape themselves in the flag and parade along the esplanade – indifferent to that fact that they’re demonstrating national pride with an emblem that’s sullied by another country’s ensign – there’s a few ratbags who imbue the practice with pushiness and hostility. As if failure to fly the flag or join the moronic Aussie Aussie Aussie chant is tantamount to treason.
Even its name – Australia Day – implies that it’s an uncritical celebration. It suggests nothing other than our sheer luck at being here.
To underscore its true purpose, I reckon we should think about changing its name to Citizenship Day.
This would not only help put some distance between its dreadful symbolism for Aboriginal Australians who will never feel inclined to celebrate anything on the day that their country was invaded.
It would also bring more focus for those of us who were born here, and those who came from elsewhere and have taken out citizenship.
And, most importantly, for the thousands of permanent residents who have not demonstrated their commitment to the country, it would signify that being a citizen and signing on to our democratic values is the cornerstone of life in Australia.
Whatever money is currently being spent on those Australia Day barbecue advertisements should be redirected to a new campaign urging resident non-citizens to show their loyalty by signing on as Australians.
After which they are obviously free to have as many snags and as much beer as they want.
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