“Sex: Does It Affect Performance?” - the question that gave rise to the immortal response from former test cricketer Merv Hughes: “How would I know?”
The same could be said about our political parties until today, with the release of the Punch’s groundbreaking survey into the links between voting intention and personal relationships.
It finds Labor voters are more likely to value a partner who is a “good lover”, while Liberal voters seek a companion who is “kind and considerate”. Meanwhile Greens just want someone to laugh with/at. As for the swingers? Like name, like nature.
Okay, the final instalment of our Taboo-Busters series may be stretching things a little, but we have constructed some interesting profiles of the personalities of different voting types.
We asked participants in this week’s Essential Report to list the three attributes that they thought were most important in a relationship and here are the results:
As a nation, we all say we value honesty and integrity (but are we just faking it?) and we all say physical attractiveness is a low-level priority (which doesn’t explain the behaviour of the hordes on a Friday night).
While the priorities are pretty uniform across the political spectrum, there are some differences that bear further Punching:
Labor Voters: More likely to be looking for a good lover, although not as interested in intellectual stimulation or physical attractiveness. If politics is ‘Hollywood for ugly people’, then Labor supporters are straight out of central casting.
Liberal Voters: Value honesty and integrity in a relationship, showing they have a different criteria in choosing their life partner from choosing their government.
Green Voters: Clearly concerned about over-populating the planet, they don’t rate parenting skills and they want someone to make them laugh in the face of the environmental destruction of the planet.
Swinging Voters: They don’t care if you have common interests and they are not interested in laughing. The swingers just want a cashed-up love-god who is pleasing on the eye. Kevin and Malcolm, your battleground awaits!
So what does this mean for our policy makers? Cheap lines aside, these figures suggest that ultimately the Australian electorate is looking for traditional values within their personal relationships, prioritising solid qualities based on long-term commitments.
Which may help to explain why all politicians are driven by a mainstream consensus that focuses on family values, with controversial issues like gay marriage off limits to even a centre-left government.
Of course there’s another theory – that everyone lies when it comes to relationships.
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