What makes someone stop and help a total stranger?

Eric says:

10:57am | 04/09/09

What a thoughtful article. I think if I ever see a similar situation, I’ll keep this in mind.

TerryT says:

11:10am | 04/09/09

I always think..“what if that was my son/daughter/family member”, I would want someone to help them…so I have helped a couple of street people, all it has cost me is a vomit covered suit from holding a very sick smelly man until the ambulance came (he was afraid he was dying so wanted to be held) and a bit of swearing from some drunks who were just drunk and didn’t want to be helped…and they deserve some human attention as much as any of us.

Voxpop says:

11:15am | 04/09/09

My brother in law stopped to help a homeless man also at a bus shelter.  He had collapsed and no-one else seemed to notice or care.  My brother in law even gave him mouth to mouth and heart massage - which was extremely difficult as it caused him to vomit.  Sadly the man died and my brother was quite distressed about the whole thing not to mention the ongoing worry of a transmitted disease.

I’d like to think that I’d be the type of person to stop and help also - but I haven’t yet been truly tested.  I have been first on the scene to a serious head-on car collision but the best I could do was call 000 and make sure each of the victims were conscious and make sure there were no other dangers as they were both trapped and had to wait for Ambo’s etc.

Jeremy says:

11:16am | 04/09/09

I’ve been that person.  Last year there was a gentleman lying face down in some long grass next to a road, with a bike lying next to him.  There were people standing around him and i asked what had happened.  No one had seen an accident but someone had called an ambulance.  I asked if anyone had checked to see if he was breathing and no one said anything.  I walked over and asked “Are you alright there mate?” and got the response of “yeah, just having a bit of a nap” 

He was fine, but no one else had bothered to see if he needed the ambulance, or if he needed emergency first aid.  The paramedics were rightly upset that they’d been called and no one watching owned up to being the person who called.

The only thing that made me do it was knowing that if i were in the same situation, i’d want someone to check on me.

KL says:

11:33am | 04/09/09

great article. It’s a sad state of affairs, but it’s often fear that stops people from helping.
I do wish we had more of a ‘country’ attitude though. Visit a country town and people seem only to willing to help someone! I think in the city many of us do hope someone else will.

George says:

11:32am | 04/09/09

I relate to this article so much as i’ve had a number of internal battles when walking past people slumped in doorways and on the side of the street. I have helped once but mainly because i saw a policeman up the road and asked him to check on the person.  It’s important to discuss this openly as it makes people think twice as demonstrated by Eric’s comment.

davido says:

11:35am | 04/09/09

I always stop to help. For you gutless out there - shame on you.

annala says:

11:49am | 04/09/09

this reminds me of a video I once saw of an old man who had been hit by a car. He got up and instead of traffic stopping and seeing if he was alright they beeped at him, maneuvered around him and went on their merry ways. City-dwellers seem to lose a bit of humanity after a while. We must become very self-absorbed if we see someone in trouble and don’t want to interrupt our day to help.

DG says:

11:57am | 04/09/09

A great article - recognition for humanity that is not often granted.

I too have had the unfortunate experience of coming across a motor vehicle accident and I pulled over to assist (admittedly I was the second car to stop, the other was a nurse that had pulled over and was assisting the driver ) - I remember at the time getting out and helping the passenger who was just laying on the side of the road next to the car (the car had clearly rolled a few times) - I was sitting on the side of a country road hugging the passenger from the vehicle as she cried uncontrollably, clutching the side of her head - car after car streamed past no one stopping or even slowing. Perhaps it was obvious that no one was seriously injured or perhaps no one really cared - as it turned out there were no lasting injuries to either the driver or the passenger aside from a few cuts and grazes (neither went to hospital). As I finally went on my way (late, as it were), I realised that in all that time only 2 cars, a tow truck and a passing ambulance (they turned up just as we were deciding whether to call for one for the passenger with a head injury) stopped to see if assistance was required… to be honest I didn’t have any reason to stop, it was just a reaction - someone needed help, I was near by… it just seemed like the right thing to do.

Its great to see that there is some recognition for this person that did the right thing.

As a human our problems (whether real or imagined) seem to fill out thoughts, many things appear to be someone else’s problem, while we each have enough of our own. Each reacts to a situation differently, some pounce into action, others notice and go back to check but the vast majority just don’t notice as their brain automatically filters out the irrelevant things in their environment.

Formersnag says:

12:10pm | 04/09/09

I was recently the only person to step up, when an elderly man was being attacked by a gang of young women. There were 100 other blokes there and all of them were too afraid of the possibility of getting charged with assault themselves when the police turned up, because the aggressors were females, and the politically correct police almost never charge females who attack males, but always charge the males, even when the females are lying.

Resi says:

12:13pm | 04/09/09

I also like the article as we have been the recipients of help on the road recently. We were the victims of road rage.  There was a guy who was tail gating us on a very dangerous road were we couldn’t stop easily because of heavy traffic both ways.  When my husband stopped to let him pass, he stopped as well.  My husband got out of the car and so did the other guy.  Within seconds he started shouting and bashing my husband towards the car and I thought my husband would die.  I was so in such deep shock and distress that I kept still for a second to consider what to do.  I then noticed that a car stopped.  The couple who stopped took the basher’s number plate detail and I noticed the guy withdraw from my husband and kept wandering towards his car.
I said thank you to the couple and mentioned that they might have saved my husband’s life. 
Should this couple read my message, I like to say thank you again and I admire them for being so brave and stopping in a dangerous spot and in a dangerous situation.  People like you make a real difference in this world.

Kate says:

12:19pm | 04/09/09

Don’t beat yourself up Lucy. It is hard to know what to do. I called an ambulance for a guy who was passed out for ages and I couldn’t rouse him. With the siren sounding and the ambulance just in sight he suddenly jumped up off the pavement and walked away. Another time a teen couple looked dead in their car as I was out on an early morning walk. Other walkers had a quick chat and it was decided to find their mobile and go through it clicking on “Dad”. The Dad was there in minutes. The boy was slumped over the wheel while the girl had fallen out of the car and onto the grass. Not pretty.

Ben says:

12:38pm | 04/09/09

Good on you for thinking about it and going back to check. It is more than most would do I suspect. I think most of us would like to think we would help out but the reality is probably very different. As Voxpop put it “I’d like to think that I’d be the type of person to stop and help also - but I haven’t yet been truly tested.”
Maybe we see it so much that we are desensitised or maybe we are just too scared to act even when we know it’s the right thing to do. Or maybe it’s just someone else’s problem? Either way it’s disconcerting that the general reaction it to pretend you never noticed.

Fiona says:

12:41pm | 04/09/09

Total stranger? Here lies the problem. We’re all just people.

Sadhbh says:

01:27pm | 04/09/09

I came accoss a concept in Psychology called the Bystander Effect that explains a little of this - basically, the more people who are about, the less people are willing to act.
The only way to avoid it is to really think about it, and be that person that decides to act. Well done to the people who have tried to make a difference, whether it was needed or not.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect

geoff says:

01:45pm | 04/09/09

This is one of the first stories I’ve read on ‘thepunch’ that has provoked such supportive comments and positive debate. Good on you Lucy for going back to check, albeit minutes later. Then, good on you for having the courage to write about it.

I understand why other busy workers might not stop for reasons of fear, but the calibre of those with positive comments and similar experiences makes me smile. Here’s the deal: I’ll always stop and help you, if you stop and help me.

Amy says:

01:47pm | 04/09/09

I think that in general I am a kind and caring person. I donate to charity, move from my seat on a bus or train when the elderly, pregnant or disabled need a seat (even if I have to push past perfectly mobile people to do so, who are ignoring them). If I walked past someone on the street who appeared to be unconcious or harmed in any way,  I would check on the person and if need be call for help. Isnt it better to be safe than sorry?

I am disgusted by people who blatently refuse to help others in need. My psycology class conducted an experiment where one of our group members went and laid down in the middle of a very populated area and pretended to be unconcious. She was well dressed and appeared to be of a middle class societal standing, she was only asked if she was okay by a limited amount of people (this was a heavily populated area, people had to actually walk around her to get to where they were going). This shocked me enough. But when we moved to another area, heavily populated again, and got a male friend, who was dressed in extremely scrubby clothes etc absoulutley no-one asked him if he was okay! I was appalled at the lack of human compassion shown.

Dan says:

02:46pm | 04/09/09

Actually I think Amy has hit the nail on the head….there are so many idiots around who think think it’s fun to go out and lay in the middle of the path and pretend to be dead. I’ve seen this any number of times. Someone comes over to help and they jumped up and laughed at them. Then you have the same with Candid camera, punked and all the rest of the rubbish. No-one likes to feel stupid.

Another problem especially as a man is fear of litigation. I remember seeing a little girl who was lost and distressed in a mall who people were ignoring. I wasn’t game enough to go over and ask her if she was ok as if mum or dad came over and saw me, with their child crying I could end up in the poo quick smart. Not something I need so I watched from a distance until an older lady came along.

I always stop to help if I can see there is a need, I’ve taken people to hospital, helped people after accidents, but I choose my moments, make no physical contact and am conscious of appearances. I blame the litigators - does that make me a coward?

pc says:

02:48pm | 04/09/09

I’m not surprised you stopped Lucy. As Geoff says, its good to share our positive human experiences, and do unto others. A day may arrive when you need and who will be there then? Well…. Lucy will at least. (Yes, yes everyone else too.)

Dani says:

03:00pm | 04/09/09

great article. thanks for sharing!

Steve of Cornubia says:

03:20pm | 04/09/09

Actually being ABLE to do something in an emergency is key. I always help at accidents etc, because I was trained as a motor race marshal and I have some first aid training.

I think if more of us had some similar training, we’d be more inclined to help.

James says:

04:08pm | 04/09/09

While riding in the back of a taxi near Pokhara, Nepal last year we saw a man laying unconscious, probably dead, in the middle of the road, there were no cars or buses stopped on the side of the road (long & straight with plenty of room to pull over), but plenty of cars and buses driving along the road without stopping - but swerving to miss the body. 

There was a group of 10 or so people standing around about 20 metres away just talking amongst themselves, completely oblivious to the body - or just ignoring him.

We could only speak very basic Nepalese, and our driver could only speak basic English so it was hard to communicate, but it was clear that he understood when we asked him if we could do anything, if he knew anything about it, and if he would stop and he said “no - don’t want to be involved, it makes us guilty”

Later on we spoke to some other locals and they confirmed his comment and attitude as not being in the minority, they said if you stop your car and try and help someone you will be the first person blamed, and possibly prosecuted for causing the accident/ injuries/ death even if there is no other evidence to suggest you had anything to do with it. 

As a result many people just don’t help or report problems, nor do they offer themselves as witnesses at the end of it all.

This was quite suprising to me, as the people were generally very friendly, caring and helpful.

Tom says:

04:33pm | 04/09/09

Good on you Lucy! Its a sad state of affairs when it becomes harder to act to help someone in need than to ignore them. Uplifting to read all of the comments above from people still practicing basic humanity!

Louise says:

05:21pm | 04/09/09

Lucy I think this article you have written is thought provoking for several different reasons. 
Firstly, it is good to be able to reflect on what would you do when faced with something that is very confronting for many us.  Certainly, we would all like to think that if that was us at the bus stop someone would stop and help.  We would also like to think that if it was someone we love that someone would be there for them.
However, for me the big question is why are there homeless people in this prosperous country?  What is wrong with our society that we having not only growing number of homeless individuals,  now increasing numbers of homeless families?  The governments health and housing has surely let our less fortunate community down.  Not just this Labour government also the Liberal government for all the prosperous years it was in power.
I would like to think that all people living in this country have at least a roof over their heads to sleep.

Brad Jackson says:

05:38pm | 04/09/09

It doesnt matter what other people do.

The right thing to do, the good thing to do is to stop and offer assistance. There will always be excuses not to help. ..and let’s face it, the most likely reponse may be a gruff rebuke or perhaps some vomit ricochet.

Terry and Voxpop’s brothr in law need to be applauded.  I hope they derive satisfaction from doing the right thing, from being good but… let’s not scorn those who don’t help, Who knows whats happening in their world and if we are allowed a touch of pride in our lives, let’s have it from not being another mindless sheep, shunted from residence to office from pasture to shed. Let’s derive some pleasure from being a little less ordinary and helping fellow man.

We only know (as has been mentioned) what we will do once we are put to the test. In the interim we can keep our first aid training up to date and hey.. even put ourselves through the scenario of what we would do. Without any fanfare..Say ..hey are you ok..do you need any help?. If no response, check airway and breathing.

It just takes 5 seconds. If in 99% of cases, he/she is napping or drunk, at the very least you have wrestled back some humanity into our community.

From me and and many others, I bid you good luck current and future Samaritans. Let us revel more in humanity, nobility and civility and sneer at myopia and narcissism.

Tricia says:

11:52pm | 04/09/09

Thank you for your article Lucy, it has given me much food for thought.  Thank you also for your bravery in holding up a mirror for all of us to look into….but are we brave enough to look? 

The answer will be different for everyone, but at least your article has given me the opportunity to really think about what it means to be a human being.  We have so many rights but how mindful are we of our responsibilities? 

I too would like to think I would stop and help someone in trouble…but I’m not sure…would fear get in the way?  Fear of what, exactly?

Thank you for allowing me to challenge my own value system and also for writing about your human experience and allowing much needed discussion on this important part of life.

Littleozzybloke says:

02:54pm | 15/09/09

What makes someone stop and help a total stranger?
This is why…because some people out here really do care..
As a local Community Action Group, Our project is to feed the Hungry and the Homeless, any community can do this..and it works.
If a few dedicated volunteers looked after those in need in each suburb/community…miracles can happen for many by so few..
http://www.caboolturecommunityaction.com