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Swimming report missing two words: grow up

Anthony Sharwood

by Anthony Sharwood

19 Feb 01:25pm

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Filed under: London Olympics, Sport, Swimming, Swimming Australia

32 comments

The Bluestone Review of culture and leadership in Australian Olympic swimming says “realistically there was no single headline problem and no single ‘bad apple’ in London”.

It's not just about James Magnussen, but he's as good a starting point as any. Pic: AAP.

Spot on. There wasn’t one single issue. Instead, there was a bunch of small and medium-sized stuff which together adds up to one gigantic mess.

The Bluestone Report is a little jargony. Here’s a summary in words you and I might understand:

Mollycoddled swimmers are on social media for the fan love but the poor darlings can’t handle a bit of gentle trolling.

Mollycoddled swimmers all want individual coaches, individual sponsorships, individual “brands”, individual wealth and fame while still young enough to live at home, to the point that they have no idea what teamwork means.

Mollycoddled swimmers who aren’t as good as other swimmers don’t deal with their status well.

Mollycoddled swimmers who are better than other swimmers don’t like to hang with the slow ones and sometimes bully them.

Mollycoddled swimmers complained they had no private refuge in the magnificent, new athletes’ village constructed entirely for their use.

Mollycoddled swimmers complained that “the science of winning” whitewashed “the ‘art’ of leadership” despite making countless bravado-laden statements like “second place is first loser”.

Mollycoddled swimmers felt “alone” and that “no one had their backs” despite all those damn herograms we sent.

Mollycoddled swimmers complained they didn’t have enough shrinks on the team, despite athletes from other nations winning with physical effort, not mind power.

Mollycoddled swimmers complained about having to “sell your heart out, not “swim your heart out”, which is the sort of thing you’d expect someone to say who had just swum poorly.

And so on.

The Bluestone report offers some flowery solutions to all of this in convoluted corporate speak.

It advocates “creating best-practice reinforcement processes including holistic program and person reviews” and other unintelligible rubbish.

It also argues the need to “Develop a multi-faceted communications plan that specifies stakeholder communication as a key business strategy”, which might as well be hieroglyphics on the wall of a pyramid.

The report is actually quite good, but it needs just two words at the end – two words directed at both Swimming Australia officialdom and the swimmers themselves.

Grow up.

Follow Ant on Twitter: @antsharwood

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Most commented

32 comments

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    • Gordon says:

      12:38pm | 19/02/13

      Let’s chip in to buy a big swimming-cage so they can swim to the next olympics in it, officlals and all.

      Reply

    • iansand says:

      12:56pm | 19/02/13

      Wouldn’t the cage keep the sharks out?

    • Gordon says:

      02:42pm | 19/02/13

      I’d start with one shark in the cage to keep the buggers awake.

    • AdamC says:

      12:38pm | 19/02/13

      I doubt anyone was surprised by the outcome of this review. The real question is how the relevant authorities will foster a more positive culture in the years to come.

      Reply

    • Smith says:

      12:38pm | 19/02/13

      “creating best-practice reinforcement processes including holistic program and person reviews”

      “Develop a multi-faceted communications plan that specifies stakeholder communication as a key business strategy”

      I really hope you made that stuff up Ant, and it is not in the (unnecessary) report. Corporate wankerspeak at its finest.

      Reply

    • Nathman says:

      01:00pm | 19/02/13

      I want to know how I get a job for this ‘Bluestone’ lark - sounds like spin in the finest degree.

    • Ted says:

      01:06pm | 19/02/13

      Here’s one “swim fast or go home”!

    • Millsy says:

      01:27pm | 19/02/13

      Is that swimming we’re talking about or some kind of high level business?

    • Smith says:

      01:39pm | 19/02/13

      Thanks, Ant.

      It was worse than I imagined. One that jumped out at me - “360 degree feedback” - is that where you stand in the middle of a circle and people all around you give you this feedback??

      “Develop and implement a brand strategy in line with the ethical
      framework. This involves sharing and using the emphasis on the culture of swimming as part of authentic public positioning.”

      Brand strategy? How about focussing on actually swimming for a change.

    • Gordon says:

      02:43pm | 19/02/13

      360 degree feedback. In the Navy I think that was called soggy biscuit.

    • Prima Donnas says:

      03:02pm | 19/02/13

      Heaven’s above. Where’s the programmatic specificity when you need it!

    • Chris says:

      12:53pm | 19/02/13

      Simple

      Michael Phelps - Very fast
      Other Americans - not quite as fast
      Everone else - slower

      At the moment

      Don’t waste money on reports, just learn or have the talent to swim quicker, simple really.

      Reply

    • Nick says:

      01:27pm | 19/02/13

      You forgot “learn or have the common sense to let your swimming do your talking for you” - I wonder if that will be part of the multi-faceted communications plan.

    • Arnold Layne says:

      01:14pm | 19/02/13

      It’s clear that the team needs a culture that understands what it means to represent your country and give it everything.  I don’t know if they need to model it on Australian cricket under Tugga, or the modern-day Sydney Swans or something similar, but new kids coming into that team need to be told in no uncertain terms what it means.  Our swimmers have traditionally been quietly confident and not had tickets on themselves.  The London team seemed to be the opposite.  It should have been obvious to management and coaches but they either couldn’t or wouldn’t do anything about it.  Perhaps they’d been too busy reading books about how precious Gen Y and the Millenials are rather than telling them to HTFU. 

      Alicia Coutts is exempt from all this by the way.  She was bloody brilliant.

      Reply

    • Kate says:

      03:39pm | 19/02/13

      Sydney Swans are a good example, as are the North Melbourne Kangaroos. Both Paul Roos and Brad Scott have a ‘no dickheads’ policy - meaning, we don’t care how talented you are, if you can’t work within a team we don’t want you. Perhaps Aussie swimming needs a policy like that.

    • Ben says:

      04:12pm | 19/02/13

      Kate the Kangaroos are full of ‘dickheads’.

    • Kelly Exeter says:

      01:14pm | 19/02/13

      Two more words:

      Poor Leadership

      Reply

    • I hate pies says:

      03:15pm | 19/02/13

      Three words - performance enhancing drugs - get em, use em, become number one again. Winners are grinners.

    • Phillb says:

      01:14pm | 19/02/13

      Not winning = Not good but acceptable
      Behaving like a toddler who didn’t get their own way = Not good and not acceptable.
      They should not need a plethora of shrinks to tell them that

      Reply

    • Chillin says:

      01:16pm | 19/02/13

      It’s the NEW DARKEST DAY IN AUSTRALIAN SPORTING HISTORY!!!!

      What have WE done, how did WE allow this to happen, how are WE going to fix it, how long must WE self-flagellate?

      Oh wait there’s nothing in it.

      Reply

    • lostinperth says:

      01:46pm | 19/02/13

      HAHA - classic

    • Shep says:

      01:25pm | 19/02/13

      Holy hell .... What a load of drivel, a bunch of prima-donna little fish swimming in a big pond, don’t win when they thought they would and the throw a massive tanty.

      A true representation of Gen Why, who have been told their entire lives that they’re prefect, they’re winners, and who got a trophy for every race they ever entered. 

      And we wonder why they dont know how to lose.

      Reply

    • Alan says:

      01:43pm | 19/02/13

      Here’s four words from me.  Who gives a shit?

      Reply

    • Dave says:

      02:01pm | 19/02/13

      I do, it is my money they are wasting on these precious princesses that give me nothing worthwhile in return.

    • Robert S McCormick says:

      02:00pm | 19/02/13

      Performance Enhancing Drugs - legal & Illegal, pills, potions, blood transfusions ( & reportedly not just Human blood) intravenous & intramuscular injections with, they would have us believe, the recipient having no idea as to what they are having shoved into their bodies (shows a great level if intelligence, doesn’t it?).
      These practices, we were led to believe, were used by Cyclists, nasty Soviet Union & Chinese Commies so that they could win medals in every sport you can think of. Australia, in particular, & others promoted themselves as being purer than the driven snow. Now we know differently!
      Why should anyone imagine Swimming is any different?
      There have been reports that the use of PED, amphetamines etc. can lead to serious mental disturbances which, at worst, result in irrational outbursts of extreme anger which, in turn, lead to physical confrontations with very serious outcomes At best they result in irrational anti-social behaviour for which there is no rational explanation!
      Does that sound familiar to any of you? It certainly does to me & it has all taken place right here in Pure, Clean, Drug-Free Australia.

      Reply

    • Justin of Earlwood says:

      02:02pm | 19/02/13

      All of which wouldn’t have been a problem if, like the rest of the swimming world, we had race hardened swimmers rather than ones that had qualified 4 + months in advance & had been training in the interim.

      Imagine playing the grand final 17 weeks after winning the preliminary final, while your opponent had only just won theirs . That’s effectively what the swim team did. Other countries had 5-6 weeks lead time with competition right through.

      The culture argument is a scapegoat. It certainly didn’t help, but it wasn’t the root cause.

      Reply

    • Robert S McCormick says:

      02:31pm | 19/02/13

      What about the Pre-Season AFL thing?
      Two teams play against another two teams then having barely had time to catch their breath the two teams which won have to. almost immediately, have to front up & play each other &, I think this was it, the two teams which lost have to front up & play against each other!
      This is sheer bloody madness & stupidity.
      It is no wonder when players are being deliberately put under such pressure by the Money Mad Management of AFL that players turn to substances, which in the long-run, their bodies are probably better off never taking.

      Reply

    • Carl Palmer says:

      02:56pm | 19/02/13

      Bring back Doug Frost.

      Reply

    • Jack says:

      03:05pm | 19/02/13

      Someone should inform said mollycoddled swimmers that - much like being a douchebag - swimming is neither a sport nor a job.

      Reply

    • S.L says:

      04:49pm | 19/02/13

      Australia prides itself on winning sports that few if any other countries give a toss about.
      Michael Phelps has mentioned the only time he’s in the public spotlight in the USA is around Olympics time. By contrast Thorpie, Jones, O’Niel etc are shoved down our throats forever and a day! The media build up their ego’s to the point where anything other than gold is failure. Look at Sullivan and Magnussen, both were put on pedistals and today are just the worlds fastest losers…....................

      Reply

    • stephen says:

      06:10pm | 19/02/13

      All these swimmers must feel like they are still in their mother’s womb.
      (And mothers laugh at the privilege of stragglers, the rubbed out, the stillborn.)

      Reply
 
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