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Socialising without booze is not as easy as you think

Xavier Toby

by Xavier Toby

01 Mar 05:50am

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Filed under: Alcohol, Febfast, Sobriety, Society

78 comments

So I might have a problem. FebFast is over. Am I worried about what’s going to happen next? Yes. Very. So will this be part of some lasting change? Or will I revert straight back to old habits?

Pour it back in the bottle…

Reverting back to bad habits is exactly what happened the last time I did FebFast. At the start of March I went on a bender, and lost a girlfriend and an iPod. I couldn’t say which I miss more, but I definitely miss both for different reasons.

Before I began not drinking this time around, I was more aware of my issues with alcohol. One of my main reasons for doing it was to break my dependence on drink.

For years I never saw it as a real problem. I’ve worn my ability to drink like a badge of pride and often in our society, that’s exactly how it’s seen. There are different badges, based around the speed of your drinking, and the amount of time you can keep drinking, but it’s always something to be revered and I reckon I’ve collected them all.

Among many I know, being able to remain standing after consuming buckets of alcohol is seen as a sport, and it’s one that I’ve always been good at. For years I’ve constantly been out and always with a drink in my hand, as well as constantly finding new ways to smuggle alcohol into my everyday life. It sounds like fun and it is.

And who doesn’t love a larrikin? Bob Hawke’s still our favourite Prime Minister because he sculled a yard glass. Tony Abbott runs a marathon then swims from Darwin to Nauru towing a boat of asylum seekers, and he gets laughed at for what he wears while he does it. If Julia glugged down a few glasses of vino, her approval rating would only go up.

During this February, I’ve discovered that I’ve used these visions of being the good times guy to cover up a bigger problem. That without alcohol, I don’t know how to socialise, and I still don’t. I’ve tried going out and hanging out with people who are drinking in a pub, club, and at the dinner that extends into the early hours and I just get bored.

Talking to girls has become something I used to do. Without alcohol in a social situation, I’m rubbish. I find other people boring, however I find myself by far the most boring of all.

So that’s my problem. I’d really like to be one of those people that can have just a few drinks on a night out. This month I’ve learnt how to say no to a drink, but the wider problem of how to have fun without one remains. I’ve handled my abstinence from alcohol the same way as I handle a painful breakup. By deleting every trace of her from my life.

On March 1st when that temptation is back, I wonder what’s going to happen and I already have my suspicions. Last night someone asked me, ‘Are you going to have a drink on Friday night? Or are you going to keep this non-drinking thing going?’  ‘Neither,’ I replied. ‘Why wait? As soon as it ticks past midnight on Thursday, I’m going to get stuck straight into the beer.’ 

Me and alcohol – it’s a work in progress I guess. 

It’s over, but there’s still time to sponsor me

Come see me at the Adelaide Fringe, until March 1.

Or the Melb Comedy Fest, March 27 until April 9:

Twitter: @XavierToby

Comments on this post close at 8pm AEST

Most commented

78 comments

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    • Kev says:

      07:21am | 01/03/13

      If you can’t socialize without booze then you’ve got problems. Doesn’t surprise me though considering that we look for any excuse to have a drink.

      Reply

    • andrew says:

      09:32am | 01/03/13

      It’s probably those of us that aren’t inclined to socialise even with booze that have more problems.

    • Anne71 says:

      12:47pm | 01/03/13

      @Kev - have to agree. It’s not something I’d say lightly, but if Xavier is serious when he says “...as well as constantly finding new ways to smuggle alcohol into my everyday life. It sounds like fun and it is”, then I’d say that Xavier just might have a problem.

      Having said that, though, I think the term “alcoholic” is thrown around far too freely these days. A person is not an alcoholic if they enjoy a glass or two of beer or wine in the evenings, despite what the wowsers like to tell us. A person is an alcoholic if they literally cannot cope with their daily lives without drinking. There’s a big difference.

    • subotic says:

      01:25pm | 01/03/13

      Mr. Burns: [asking Homer how he can let people like him] Simpson! I want to be loved again.

      Homer: Well, I’ll need some beer.

    • wakeuppls says:

      07:35am | 01/03/13

      You should maybe hang around with some people of races other than Whites. Hating White people as you do probably contributes to your social struggles.

      Reply

    • fml says:

      07:50am | 01/03/13

      What are you even on about? you hate white people now too?? This article is about precious alcohol.

    • Nathan says:

      08:25am | 01/03/13

      well done wakeuppls i have often though you where simple this has confirmed it

    • wakeuppls says:

      08:28am | 01/03/13

      Oh, you haven’t heard of his stand-up where all Whites are racist and all other races are poor innocent victims? You haven’t lived until you’ve swallowed ALL the leftist latte-sipping cool-aid, man.

    • subotic says:

      01:28pm | 01/03/13

      [being forced into a limousine]

      The Dude: Hey, careful, man, there’s a beverage here!

    • DOB says:

      04:18pm | 01/03/13

      obsessed and deranged or what, wakeupppls? Seems you might have your own flavour of Cool-Aid in your sweaty little hand…

    • chuck says:

      07:35am | 01/03/13

      If you were a female socializing would be clinging to your latest i phone and texting/listening to some horrendous music while out with someone! Seems to start young nowadays for both sexes with the intrusion of people into the “real world” of game boxes and computers doesn’t it ?
      No wonder some find the company of a bottle so attractive.

      Reply

    • fml says:

      07:39am | 01/03/13

      You said I or My a total of 41 times in this article…

      Reply

    • Rose says:

      01:02pm | 01/03/13

      To be fair, it is an article about himself and his alcohol struggles.

    • fml says:

      01:47pm | 01/03/13

      @Rose,

      That is an entirely unfair characterisation.

    • Kerryn says:

      07:53am | 01/03/13

      I have Aspergers and can socialise fine without alcohol (actually, better without alcohol, alcohol turns me paranoid.  So I haven’t had it in years).  I think you have a bit of a problem if a lack of alcohol really messes up your social skills that much.  Perhaps speak to your GP?

      Reply

    • Scotchfinger says:

      11:56am | 01/03/13

      *drunken leer* I love asparagus, darlin’... an’ a great cook, me… you sound really nice *hic* ‘cept I don’ hava problem… bloody doctors…

    • md71 says:

      08:10am | 01/03/13

      I gave up for February 2012 and it just carried on, I still don’t drink 1 year on. It does open your eyes on how dependent we, as a society, are with alcohol, and
      Personally, I’m not sure Ill drink again, I used to love a drink too.
      The worst part is talking to drunk people who are constantly telling you how much fun you’re not having by not drinking.

      Reply

    • Nathan says:

      08:29am | 01/03/13

      I would totally agree, i used to love getting on it but now don’t really have the appetite for it. I still go for a drink every now and then but i now know when i am done at its not at 4am sitting in a gutter.

    • Bonestar says:

      10:17am | 01/03/13

      You guys sound like so much fun.

    • Anne71 says:

      01:01pm | 01/03/13

      @md71 - if you don’t want to drink again, then you don’t have to smile  And you don’t have to justify it to anybody, either.  I know how annoying it must be to have to listen to those drunk people telling you how much fun you’re missing, but just nod and smile and think of how you’ll wake up the next day feeling great, while they’ll be feeling like death warmed up wink

      And Nathan - I’m the same. I enjoy a drink, but not every night of the week - and I know when I’ve had enough. I’ve never been into the idea of drinking simply to write myself off.

    • Ken Oath says:

      02:17pm | 01/03/13

      The only reason I drink is to get drunk. I’d don’t have alcohol at home and about the only time I drink nowadays is on business trips. But to be perfectly honest, my sole purpose in drinking is to get pissed.

      I find it easy to refuse alcohol, particluarly under peer pressure, because I am stubborn. But if I have one beer, I’ll have two. And if I have two, I’ll have ten. Do I have a problem? Probably yes. However, i suspect that most people who they drink for reasons other than getting intoxicated, even if only slightly, are not being completely honest.

      Perhaps this is hypocritical, but I rarely drink in front of my children; on a monthly basis they will not see me drink.

      Australian and alcohol, not a healthly relationship . . .


      . . . “Back in few minutes Mrs. Oath, just popping out to by few cold ones to quench my hard earned . . .”

    • Pattem says:

      03:27pm | 01/03/13

      What’s fun about being sober:

      Being able to look in my wallet and find money there
      Being able to remember the party I had the night before
      Being able to remember that Grand Final victory lap and the roar of the
      adoring crowd
      Being able to remember my child’s birthday and buy him/her a present with the money I have in my wallet
      Being able to remember the hot chick I scored the night before
      Being able to have a second date with that hot chick because I can remember her phone number
      Being able to call that hot chick and not have her slam the phone in my face because she actually wanted a follow-up
      Being able to save up for a deposit for a house


      Knowing that people are laughing with me, not at me
      Knowing that I can just pick up my keys and leave the party at any time
      Knowing that I don’t have to wait for 3 hours for that damn taxi to arrive - coz I can drive myself home

      Not having to soak my clothes in deodoriser for an hour before washing
      Not having to shower for an hour before my wife let’s me touch her
      Not having my wife cringe from me when I try to kiss her
      Not having to bury my head in a public toilet (eeww) for an hour
      Not getting a phone call 9 months later with: “You’re the father of my child!”
      Not having to wake up a week later in the emergency ward a double amputee because I fell asleep across the railway tracks - it’s happened
      Not being sexually molested by a taxi driver taking advantage of my drunken stupor
      Not having to get blind drunk before being able to find someone to have sex with

      Not wondering why my next period hasn’t arrived, coz I can’t remember what happened a month ago!
      Not wondering who is the father of my child
      Not wondering if it was him/her there or him/her over there I slept with last night
      Not wondering what happened to me for waking up in the gutter
      Not wondering if I have been taken advtange of
      Not wondering why I have bruised knuckles and a broken finger
      Not wondering how I got that black eye

      And that is only the beginning…

    • Markus says:

      08:16am | 01/03/13

      “I’ve tried going out and hanging out with people who are drinking in a pub, club, and at the dinner that extends into the early hours and I just get bored.”
      That may just say more about the places/activities in question than your social skills.

      Night clubs are crapholes at the best of times. Without alcohol, you don’t even have anything to divert your attention away from the unpleasant aroma, awful DJ, and disturbingly high number of subhumans in attendance that you were previously able to ignore with relative success.

      Reply

    • ramases says:

      08:17am | 01/03/13

      I was in the Army many years ago and decided to give up drinking, haven’t touched a drop since and that’s over 40 years. The hardest thing as you said is socialising and not drinking because as soon as you say “sorry I don’t drink” people look at you as though you have some sort of disease and tend to avoid you as much as possible in case it is catching.
        The best thing about being the only sober person at a party is picking up the drunk chicks and be able to perform, no more brewers droop, a bonus, as well as the morning after when you don’t have a headache, haven’t spent half the night talking to the porcelain telephone and can remember where and how you got to where you are.
        No more trying to explain to the little lady you wake up in bed with that the promises you made under the influence weren’t actually promises and the fact that you couldn’t perform had nothing to do with the fact that your impotent or she’s a dog and the real joy of making your so called friends feel worse by cooking up a great breakfast of bacon and eggs and eating it in front of them.
        You see there are bonuses associated with not drinking apart from those associated with the hip pocket.

      Reply

    • Richard says:

      09:13am | 01/03/13

      #ramases
      I too was in the Army many years ago and I also gave up the Booze. As soon as I said “sorry I don’t drink”  then I became in some peoples eyes a social pariah and in the Alcohol fueled environment that was the Army in the 70’s -90’s giving up the booze was an achievement. Same went for smoking (which I didn’t take up)

    • jade (the other one) says:

      09:44am | 01/03/13

      @ramases - some of us can both have a drink and do all those things you mentioned.

      Furthermore, pretty sure you just admitted to sexual assault:

      The best thing about being the only sober person at a party is picking up the drunk chicks and be able to perform, no more brewers droop,

    • Carl says:

      10:16am | 01/03/13

      The occasional one or two beers or wines won’t hurt. Just have one drink and use it as a prop, just sip at it.

    • Jay2 says:

      10:24am | 01/03/13

      “The hardest thing as you said is socialising and not drinking because as soon as you say “sorry I don’t drink” people look at you as though you have some sort of disease and tend to avoid you as much as possible in case it is catching. “

      Aint that the truth ramases!  I don’t drink and when asked what I would like to drink, I frequently get looks that vary from incredulous disbelief or contempt.  I am immediately dismissed by some who are under the mistaken belief I’m some sort of ‘wowser’ because I don’t drink.
      My counter argument is, while I’m no screaming extrovert, I find it easy to talk, laugh a lot and really embrace life without alcohol, plus I really don’t like the taste of any of it, bar the stuff that tastes like a kiddie’s milkshake (sad, but true).

      People can ultimately choose to do what they like and while I believe having a few drinks is harmless ( and I know a lot of really nicepeople who do exactly that on a daily basis) but I do see more often belligerent drunks of both gender who make bad decisions that effect other innocent people as well.
      It’s really just striking a healthy balance I guess.

      I know it is wrong of me professionally speaking, but I loathed nursing alchoholics, even in remission. Out of all the substance dependent patients, including prescription dependent, heroin, weed etc, I honestly found most alcoholics to be very self centred, prone to aggressive outbursts and excessively demanding far more frequently than other dependent patients.

    • ramases says:

      02:55pm | 01/03/13

      Get a life Jade, its the real world out there not your interpretation of it which seems like a feminist thing.
        If some woman is stupid enough to get drunk. come back to a blokes place or invite a bloke back to her place, and then ask for sex then how is it rape. You certainly have a twisted view of life, my advice to you is to go out and get laid once in a while, might lighten you up.

    • Tim says:

      03:30pm | 01/03/13

      Ramases,
      it’s definitely not sexual assault but it does sound a bit dodgy deliberately going out sober with the aim to pick up drunk chicks.

      And I think this brewers droop thing you’re talking about is a little bit exaggerated. I’ve been completely blind drunk hundreds of times and not once have I been unable to perform in the bedroom at the end of the night. Plus the sex is also good.

    • Trevor says:

      08:25am | 01/03/13

      Try MDMA- that will get you socializing! Much cheaper too and much better on your health.

      Reply

    • Paul says:

      09:04am | 01/03/13

      Cheaper - sure; Better on your health - You’re an idiot.

    • Modern Primitive says:

      09:59am | 01/03/13

      Actually paul, it’s kinder to your body than alcohol is.

    • Dave says:

      10:41am | 01/03/13

      Paul - go do some more research on MDMA. The deaths, accidents, mistaken pregnancies, assualts, car smashes etc all from booze make MDMA seem like water. I was actually also reading about how many police across the country would rather see MDMA as a legal drug than alcohol. It has real merit - and I am not an MDMA user. Just a realist on how bad alcohol is. I have two alcoholic brothers and I see what it does. I’d much rather be out at a club or pub with people on MDMA than booze. Not being a sad sack - I love a beer. Just saying.

    • Porter says:

      12:15pm | 01/03/13

      The thing is getting actual MDMA, imagine the stuff they put into the “MDMA” on the streets.

    • Jamo says:

      08:51am | 01/03/13

      I’ve got a serious problem. I love beer. Really really love it. Especially on a hot day after working. 10 hours in the sun, sweating drinking boring old water all day….... But then chttttttttttttt, aaaaaah !  Blessed are the cheese makers ! I mean beer makers !

      Reply

    • Wayne Kerr says:

      09:31am | 01/03/13

      Amen to that.

      Ahh beer is there nothing that you can not do.

    • Mark990 says:

      08:53am | 01/03/13

      Queue all the non-drinker holier-than-thou comments!!!... Yeah yeah, we all know how amazing you are and how you go to places with ‘smart people’ and less ‘bogans’ and save so much money and are so much healthier… blah blah blah…

      Reply

    • Modern Primitive says:

      10:01am | 01/03/13

      Not I, I enjoy a drink or two and don’t feel the need to prove myself by giving anything up.

    • Pattem says:

      10:11am | 01/03/13

      Ha, ha we don’t have to, Markus, you said it all in that one post!

      ...and you’ve said it all so succinctly too.  Thanks

    • Chris L says:

      11:01am | 01/03/13

      Meh. I find non-drinkers fine company… as long as I’ve had a drink or two first.

    • Joan Bennett says:

      09:05am | 01/03/13

      It’s not that your boring without alcohol, it’s just that you have higher expectations because your IQ is up.  When you drink, your IQ starts to sink so you think things are interesting that aren’t.

      Reply

    • Jamo says:

      09:35am | 01/03/13

      Beer makes ya smart, yesterday I learnt that Alan Border played 156 text matches, true, you just have to turn the lid over

    • Kika says:

      09:38am | 01/03/13

      I know lots of people who can’t socialise without alcohol. I think it’s possible, but once you start relying on it, it’s very hard to stop. My husband went cold turkey when he realised he was becoming an a**hole when he drank. Socialising with those who are drinking he reckons is interesting and it’s funny to observe them thinking they are being funny, social and witty when actual fact they are losing control. Watching them get drunker and drunker is funny. But for those drinking being around someone who isn’t is annoying.

      Reply

    • Pattem says:

      10:14am | 01/03/13

      @Xavier, by your own admittance to be unable to socialise without some alcohol, does that mean for your Stand-Up routines you are already on your way to drunkenness before you get up on stage?

      Reply

    • Tim says:

      10:28am | 01/03/13

      I’m an awesome drunk so I love socialising when I’m on the grog.
      Plus I agree with Trevor, socialising on MDMA is even better.

      Friday, lunch time. It’s nearly beer o’clock right?

      Reply

    • Dave says:

      10:46am | 01/03/13

      Tim - Amen to you and your beer and your MDMA comment!

    • Kika says:

      01:22pm | 01/03/13

      So why don’t you all drop one and snog each other and get it over and done with?

    • Tim says:

      03:32pm | 01/03/13

      Kika,
      sorry I’m not gay and I don’t know why you would associate MDMA with snogging everyone?

    • Modern Primitive says:

      05:38pm | 01/03/13

      What’s up Kika? Do you disapprove?

    • Jess says:

      10:53am | 01/03/13

      I like drinking but I can socialise without it. I had to give it up for medical reasons but since have been allowed to drink.
      If you make it through a year without drinking it’s really hard to get back into the habit. I can only now have a couple of drinks and then I’m bored of it or had enough.

      I suggest taking up a hobby where drinking isn’t a part of it.

      People who are judged by their friends for not drinking need better friends.

      Reply

    • Pattem says:

      02:44pm | 01/03/13

      @Jess, you stated:  “People who are judged by their friends for not drinking need better friends.”

      What a sad state of affairs it is for this country, when you don’t drink, people wonder what’s wrong.

      It definitely says something about the culture of ‘Straya.

    • Gordon says:

      11:08am | 01/03/13

      True. If you took away the chardonnay, Socialism would look much less attractive.

      Reply

    • Brutus Balan says:

      11:09am | 01/03/13

      RUBBISH I SAY, RUBBISH! I do not drink but I socialize well, even better than those who drink. There are others who are a little quieter than me but still have great fun in the company of others without a drop of beer or liquor. People who can’t socialize without booze got problems.They look for any excuse to have a drink. One need a sober mind to enjoy fun and remember it and not in the altered state when the mind is taken for an idiot ride beyond ones reasonable control. Teetotalers remember the fun they had than those who did stupid things in an altered state of mind. (However, I don’t mind a glass of red with meals sometimes as a health drink but not as a socializing drug.)

      Reply

    • Bonestar says:

      11:36am | 01/03/13

      At least a drinker will tell you what they really think and not pretend to give a crap about your boring life because they don’t want to offend you. Do you have any mates other than your boyfriend?

    • What's news says:

      11:31am | 01/03/13

      I used to binge drink every week until I wet the bed one night. Turned me right off alcohol.

      Reply

    • fml says:

      11:54am | 01/03/13

      That’s because you’re not doing it right..

    • Pattem says:

      03:33pm | 01/03/13

      @What’s news

      Let me point you to the pharmacy shelf where they sell incontinence pads.

    • SAm says:

      12:04pm | 01/03/13

      I had a very long ‘dark age’ pretty much up until I was about 26 where I didnt drink. Now I wish I back then!
      I dont get blind, I just love beer

      Reply

    • Rebecca says:

      12:11pm | 01/03/13

      I don’t have more than two drinks on a night out, or sometimes don’t drink any at all, because I don’t deal with alcohol as well as other people. I normally have a fantastic time, parties with my friends are great fun and I love dancing.

      However, the only problem I do have is that some people (not too many, thankfully) think it’s okay to give me death glares when I turn down booze and treat me like I’m some kind of pretentious princess, when my only crime is saying “I’ll just have a coke thanks”.

      Reply

    • fml says:

      12:37pm | 01/03/13

      You’re not going to be the next Ke$ha with that attitude!

    • Modern Primitive says:

      12:23pm | 01/03/13

      One of my mates has one of the most uptight girlfriends i’ve ever met. She is incapable of enjoying herself (with or without drink), and generally spends most social occaisions preaching about how she doesn’t understand why people need to get drunk, has never been wasted before in her life (cause that’s a HUGE achievment) and doesn’t understand the attraction to drinking.

      Which is fine, we all just wish she’d shutup about it and not feel the need to do it Every, Single, Time.

      By all means, don’t drink, but for god’s sake do try and be quiet about it.

      Reply

    • Markus says:

      01:03pm | 01/03/13

      “I don’t understand why people need to get drunk”
      “Because it’s the only way people can stand being around you”

    • Tim says:

      01:03pm | 01/03/13

      AMEN to that!
      I think there’s a few of those types of people on this page.
      Apparently they’re all amazing socialites and everyone who drinks must have a problem.

      Why don’t they get lost and join a Temperance union?

    • Pattem says:

      03:44pm | 01/03/13

      @MP

      My advice to you:

      Make sure you’ve got plenty of beer on hand when she comes around.  Get drunk and her words will blur into meaninglessness.

      smile

    • fml says:

      12:49pm | 01/03/13

      All this talk about beer is making me want to “socialise”

      Reply

    • subotic says:

      01:24pm | 01/03/13

      Richard Nixon’s Head: Good evening, ignorant pigs. Put down your crack pipes and your beer bongs and pay attention, as I sign a historic peace accord with ambassador Kong of planet Nintendo 64.

      Fry: Wait a second, I know that monkey, his name is Donkey!

      Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Monkey’s aren’t donkeys, quit messing with my head!

    • I hate pies says:

      12:57pm | 01/03/13

      What’s MDMA?

      Reply

    • Trevor says:

      01:06pm | 01/03/13

      The primary ingredient in ‘ecstacy’.

      It’s tops.

    • AFR says:

      01:11pm | 01/03/13

      JFGI!

    • Modern Primitive says:

      01:13pm | 01/03/13

      One of the most amazing experiences life can offer.

    • Wayne Kerr says:

      01:17pm | 01/03/13

      Ecstasy or at least the main ingredient in it.

    • AJ in Perth says:

      03:15pm | 01/03/13

      is your google thingy broken?  :o)

    • Happy Dude says:

      03:54pm | 01/03/13

      Back in the 90s when I was young I spent many a weekend dancing the night away at some rave or dance party. Ecstasy was most peoples drug of choice.

      They were some of the best times of my life.

      Never saw any violence.

    • fml says:

      01:59pm | 01/03/13

      This one is for you PJ!

      Show me that smile again. (Show me that smile)
      Don’t waste another minute on your cryin’.
      We’re nowhere near the end (nowhere near)
      The best is ready to begin.

      Oooohhh. As long as we got each other
      We got the world spinnin right in our hands.
      Baby you and me, we gotta be
      The luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin’.

      As long as we keep on givin’
      we can take anything that comes our way
      Baby, rain or shine, all the time
      We got each other Sharin’ the laughter and love.

      Reply

    • Markus says:

      02:37pm | 01/03/13

      Is it just me or is the ‘one month a year abstinence from drinking’ fad slowly taking over the entire calendar?
      Febfast
      Dry July
      Ocsober

      It’s like the only thing slowing its spread is a lack of terrible names that somewhat match the month they occur in.

      Luckily August should be safe. I’ll have to get 12 months worth of drinking in then, just in case.

      Reply

    • Pattem says:

      03:58pm | 01/03/13

      January (New Years resolution)
      March Straight
      Wanna buy April ya bike
      May Not Drink
      June Buggy Race Month
      Most August Man
      Remember September
      No Bender Vember
      December Dya Remember September?

    • Modern Primitive says:

      04:02pm | 01/03/13

      Puritanical prudishness is back!

 
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385

The Punch is moving house

Good morning Punchers. After four years of excellent fun and great conversation, this is the final post…

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

by Hannah Harborow

122

Will Pope Francis have the vision to tackle this?

I have had some close calls, one that involved what looked to me like an AK47 pointed my way, followed…

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

by Sarrah Le Marquand

251

Advocating risk management is not “victim blaming”

In a world in which there are still people who subscribe to the vile notion that certain victims of sexual…

Nosebleed Section

choice ringside rantings

From: Hasbro, go straight to gaol, do not pass go

Tim says:

They should update other things in the game too. Instead of a get out of jail free card, they should have a Dodgy Lawyer card that not only gets you out of jail straight away but also gives you a fat payout in compensation for daring to arrest you in the first place. Instead of getting a hotel when you… [read more]

From: A guide to summer festivals especially if you wouldn’t go

Kel says:

If you want a festival for older people or for families alike, get amongst the respectable punters at Bluesfest. A truly amazing festival experience to be had of ALL AGES. And all the young "festivalgoers" usually write themselves off on the first night, only to never hear from them again the rest of… [read more]

Light weight

Gentle jabs to the ribs

Superman needs saving

Superman needs saving

Can somebody please save Superman? He seems to be going through a bit of a crisis. Eighteen months ago,… Read more

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