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Patience is a finite resource, and over-rated too

Amy Crutchfield

by Amy Crutchfield

19 Aug 05:50am

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Filed under: Relationships, Society, Virtue

44 comments

This week I lost my patience.  By this I don’t mean I got a bit hot under the collar and spoke through clenched teeth in a special exasperated voice.  I mean I lost it, and there’s no indication it’s coming back.  I fear my lost patience has gone where lost virginities go, whence there is no return.


I can even recall the moment it happened. I was watching my five year old clean his father’s iPhone, with his tongue.

When I talk of patience, I refer to that quality of tolerance or forbearance that can enable a person to cruise through the day like a dodgem car, bouncing off life’s edges rather than colliding with them.

Patience along with chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, kindness, and humility constitute the seven heavenly virtues. In terms of the big seven, I was on a bare pass prior to the loss of my patience. 

Accordingly, this event is disappointing at a personal level. However, it may also have significance at a more universal level. This is because it has prompted me to propose the declassification of patience as a virtue.

Before you object to a possible conflict of interests, let me be clear, this is not a simple case of sour grapes. I am not proposing the declassification of patience because I don’t have it. I am proposing it because patience is simply not akin to the other six. 

For present purposes, let’s take virtue to mean a kind of moral excellence. We could have a healthy debate over the origins of such excellence: whether we are born kind or diligent; or whether, but for a schoolmaster’s conscientious beatings we would never have attained such qualities. 

Yet we could probably more readily agree that like say a sense of humour, or a topspin forehand, virtues are things that once possessed are generally kept.

Accordingly, I don’t believe your average charitable, temperate person feels they carry their virtues like cats in a sack - just waiting to escape.

Peace Prizes aren’t regularly rescinded when the erstwhile virtuous recipients turn out to be right bastards. No, notwithstanding the occasional heavy weather, your virtues are with you for the long haul.

In contrast, it is proposed that patience is a finite substance, which by its nature, depletes; with the consequence that just because you have it now, you may well not have it for keeps.

The theory holds that one is born with a dose of patience, perhaps only enough to be a bouncer, perhaps sufficient to be a secondary teacher, but whatever you got, is not replenished.

Rather, when exposed to the aggravations of ordinary life, it drips, or gushes, as the case may be, away.

If patience is limited and non-renewable, perhaps one could still preserve it by living in a bubble.  And some may be born so rich with patience that after a lifetime of spending it they still have a healthy store.  But the key point is that patience inherently diminishes.

There are many other things destined to diminution. Some, such as radium, even have a set half-life: the time required for something to fall to half of its initial value. But whereas a load of radium will take 1600 years to halve its radioactivity, I estimate the half-life of patience to be around 15 years. 

Accordingly, a 25 year old could expect his patience to have halved by the time he is 40.

Could this theory mean that “grumpy old man” isn’t just a stereotype but rather a recognized developmental stage in human biology?  Might this also suggest that rather than having developed a short-temper, I am simply mature beyond my years?

Certainly, the ramifications of such a declassification are considerable. In any event, my appetite for virtuebusting is whetted. I think I’m coming after chastity next.

Most commented

44 comments

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    • acotrel says:

      06:17am | 19/08/11

      @Amy
      Do you mean ‘patience’, or ‘tolerance’?  We tolerate Tony Abbott, even though he tries our patience with his continual negativity ! Getting decent input from him is like being on our wedding night, waiting for the other boot to drop! And we know what we are in for when it does drop!

      Reply

    • Geoff - Brisbane says:

      09:25am | 19/08/11

      Patience is what fellow punchers display when you turn every single article into an anti Tony Abbott rant.

      Tolerance what the Punch moderators display by posting your rant.

      You are a very stereotypical labor supporter ” Working families, moving foreword, We tolerate Tony Abbott, even though he tries our patience” etc etc. Like a broken record.

    • Direct says:

      10:10am | 19/08/11

      The Punch doesn’t have an ignore function to allow me to ignore posts from certain users, but luckily my mind does. I see a post from acotrel and my brain conveniently ignores the post. Sometimes, I’ll forget why my brain ignores acotrel’s posts and I’ll go back and read one, but I’m quickly reminded why.

      It’s kind of like when you’ve quit smoking for years and then you’re out on the sauce one night and you see all these smokers standing around have a chat, having a great old time and for a moment, you wonder why you quit. So you bludge a cigarette of someone and after the first lungful, the revolting taste and smell comes back to you and try as you might you can’t rid yourself of either until you get home to shower, wash your hair and body, gargle mouthwash and scrub your teeth.

    • Brian B says:

      05:21pm | 19/08/11

      God you’re a sad, boring person acotrel - maybe not in real life, but certainly on this blog.

    • TomZ says:

      10:11am | 20/08/11

      Be patient with acetrol. He was regularly counselled about his obsession with John Howard and promised that he would move on. We just didn’t realise that he meant he would be moving on to Tony Abbott. He is hoping that Turnbull comes back so he can move on again to Turnbull.

    • podreda says:

      02:20pm | 20/08/11

      @Geoff-Brisbane. Stereotyped? You mean as in the phrase, “Like a broken record”?  Were you suggesting, albeit subliminally, that Abbott is a broken record? “No output”? If that is so you are a very astute observer.
      I’ve never been able to play a broken record, but Hey!, whatever plucks your string.
      It’s actually called ‘freedom of speech’, Geoff. I would have thought you would have learnt that at the “We are the chosen ones” university. You know, that course they gave you, (LIB/Prop), where criticism of Labor is well-researched, well-presented, and constructive, and a word spoken about Abbott and the Abboteers is a rant. And you topped the class, I bet.
      When you reply, (you probably won’t), remember to confound me with a single policy that the priest has formed, won’t you. No ifs or buts, just a policy. Please.

    • Peter T. says:

      03:39pm | 20/08/11

      Geoff, We are constantly told that Tony Abbott is negative, however, the most negative group is Bob Brown and his Green Party. Those nitwits are against everyone and everything. If he had his way, he would tax us for every breath that we took! The greatest threat to Australia is not alleged global warming nor world economics . . . it is the Greens!

    • Tom says:

      08:28pm | 20/08/11

      @podreda,  your condescension stinks and your logic is appaling. Geoff was not suggesting anything “subliminally” or otherwise. He was stating that acetrol is like a broken record.

      “Its actually freedom of speech.”? Sure is buddy. Good luck at your next Newtown caucus meeting.

    • podrida says:

      10:20am | 21/08/11

      Tom. Still no policy Eh? I didn’t mean to be condescending, but its hard to avoid when all of this garbage is spouted by the Abbottechos. And I don’t go to Newtown for my meetings, there is a very happy and confident gathering here in the beautiful Wide Bay.
      I still say that a broken record can’t be played, and I still ask for just one policy from Abbott. Care to step into the breach? No? Naturally!

    • Shane From Melbourne says:

      06:17am | 19/08/11

      Not even sure of the point of this rambling self indulgence. That iPhones and tongues don’t mix, perhaps?

      Reply

    • Joan says:

      07:34am | 19/08/11

      Yep, with you Shane.

    • gonzo says:

      10:24am | 19/08/11

      totally agree Shane. however, even if that’s the point, is the mismatch between iphones and tongues enough for someone to write an article (albeit a bad one I have to say)? What’s next? will she run out of patience because her husband didn’t clean well the milk frother? Or because the cellar temperature dropped 2oC?

    • n_dude says:

      12:17pm | 19/08/11

      Agreed. Not sure why I wasted my time reading this drivel in the first place.

    • Gary Cox says:

      06:43am | 19/08/11

      When you’ve got to spend 20minutes waiting for a train, 7 minutes waiting in the line at McDonalds, an hour and a half in traffic on the way to work, 5 minutes to order a coffee and another 5 while they make it, 40 minutes for a taxi after beers on a Friday night and 5 minutes per beer waiting to get served at the bar, patience starts to wear a bit thin and it’s probably going to be the kids that get it. People in cities probably waste a quarter of their lives waiting, so it’s no wonder they get frustrated and do their lid. My advice, move to the country.

      Reply

    • TChong says:

      07:18am | 19/08/11

      good advice Gaz, just make sure about the employment situation first.
      Bit of a urban myth that you can live cheaply in the country.

    • acotrel says:

      07:31am | 19/08/11

      @Gary
      That’s why I moved to the country! - Best thing I ever did, but getting part time work is difficult unless you are part of the ‘in crowd’!  Everything else is beautiful !

    • Tina says:

      07:55am | 19/08/11

      What are you doing at McDonalds on your way to work?

      I think Aussie cities are still nowhere close to European cities when it comes to trying your patience. You wait 5 min for a beer? Try not getting into the pub at all. Over Christmas shopping stores regularly have to close their doors as too many people are inside and it could cause panics.

    • Mahhrat says:

      09:11am | 19/08/11

      @Tchong,

      I agree re the urban myth, but I think there is a series of diminishing returns in city size.

      Living in Hobart, I can get pretty much anywhere I need to be within 30 minutes, including my entire family.

      In terms of day-to-day life, my work is 7 minutes by car, and every health service bar the Emergency Room is significantly closer than that.  I’ve got a Woolworths, a Grocers, three butchers, Coles, two bottleshops and a really nice take away all within easy walk.

      Living in Melbourne, I was 10 minutes drive from the nearest market, and 45 minutes from work.

      The OP has a point, but I think the solution is satellite cities like my own down here of 250k - 300k people each.  Big enough for the mod cons, but not so big that those mod cons become swamped.

    • Aserbic says:

      09:38am | 19/08/11

      Shame you still have internet access Acotrel.

    • Hugo says:

      12:30pm | 19/08/11

      Gary Mate, I experience those waits myself. Then I discovered Penguin Classics - they fit inside my jacket pocket so I pull them out and read em anywhere. Suddenly I enjoy waiting in line.

    • Gary says:

      12:38pm | 19/08/11

      ..Or another country. I’m living in Chachapoyas, Peru (at the moment) and still working with my Aussie clients. Stress levels very low and extremely cheap living.

    • Jim says:

      01:08pm | 19/08/11

      Don’t blame ‘not being part of the crowd’ acotrel. It’s probably more to do with the fact you’re an absolute tool raspberry

    • TomZ says:

      05:53pm | 19/08/11

      Gary, I heard that peak hour in Chachapoya, is deadly?

    • Tubesteak says:

      08:34am | 19/08/11

      Patience is a waste of time.

      “There’s no time to discrminate; hate every mother****er that’s in your way”

      Reply

    • TomZ says:

      05:57pm | 19/08/11

      Keating?

    • meh says:

      08:39am | 19/08/11

      I can not believe that chastity is a virtue unless they mean in relation to my daughter.

      Reply

    • Patient Voter says:

      08:46am | 19/08/11

      Asylulm seekers certainly don’t have patience - they trash our taxpayed buildings and whinge and whine because they have to wait, with 3 meals a day, of their own cultural needs, and the Refuigee INdustry forgets how long our Prisoners of WAr had to wait in dirty prisons during WWII.  Patience is a virtue and there should e more of it.  Make it compulsoroy.

      Reply

    • podrida says:

      01:57pm | 21/08/11

      Do you mean ‘patience when you post’? Like not posting straight away, but pause for a moment whilst you engage Spell-check? I know what should be made “compulsory”!
      They don’t all trash buildings, surely. Just as not all people “trash” the English language.

    • MarkS says:

      09:08am | 19/08/11

      Patience is a manifestation of self control. Self control is like a well that slowly refills, regardless of how deep your well is, draw from it too quickly & you run dry. Chill & let the well refill.

      Reply

    • Tom says:

      06:03pm | 19/08/11

      I’m told a glass of red helps.

    • mdfe says:

      09:08am | 19/08/11

      True Patience is when you try so hard in life to do the right thing. Knowing the outcomes of watching others try to make that quick $$$ - whilst creating consequences for the next generation. Making life harder, not easier. Watching others living a fulfilled “rich’ life - whilst they are living on credit or debt, pretending they are rich. And when it all crumbles, you go down with them when they fall.

      So yes,  I’m rich - rich in patiences

      Reply

    • iansand says:

      09:41am | 19/08/11

      Impatience is linked to self-importance.  It is ego driven.  Learn that your time is no more valuable than that of the person next to you, and your patience will return.

      Reply

    • Casey says:

      01:14pm | 19/08/11

      You make a really good point.

      It’s unfortunate that the audience that should be listening to you closed down their browser halfway through reading your post, because it was too many words to read.

      “What?  This post doesn’t mention me specifically or talk about how good I am?  Too many words!” *click*

      This article was lazy journalism by a writer with an ego who thinks that people will read and enjoy any old thing they serve up.

      D-

    • rated says:

      10:11am | 19/08/11

      1/10 wouldn’t read again

      Reply

    • Max, of Rocky says:

      11:10am | 19/08/11

      Patience is getting as rare as hens teeth.  Road rage, the classic lack of patience and empathy.  Seems like the younger people today start out with less so I guess by the time they are my age they will be in jail or dead.  What a way to go, at the pearly gates, St Peter says “sorry no room here for you, we do not have enough patience for your kind”.

      Reply

    • You're not alone says:

      01:24pm | 19/08/11

      One inescapeable conclusion over the last 100 years is that - so long as humans identify themself with a beast (i.e. our evolution from apes) the more and more they act like beasts.  The writer of this article is a victim of this mindset (identity crisis) as she assumes a finiteness to virtue because she has not tapped into the infinite source of all virtue - God. When humans stop looking back to where their body ‘may’ have come from and begin to look forward to where their soul has definitely come from then they will realise an unlimited source of richness from which all virtues, including patience, can be tapped into. The challenge in life is to persevere and overcome the natural difficulties by relying upon the supernatural. Grace perfects nature, but one must know how to access and keep it.
      PS. It’s unfortunate that many of the bloggers have tried to politicise their response to this article - seems like the beast rearing its ugly head again.

      Reply

    • Al says:

      02:40pm | 19/08/11

      I display great patience. Particularly towards people who stress that the only way to live a virtuous life is by God.
      Too bad its not true as I know many who don’t have a belief in any God figure but still display more ‘virtuous’ behaviour tahn the other people I know who claim to be profoundly religous.
      By the way, you may want to look at evolutionary theory in another light.
      How about a higher power started everything (say with a big bang) and put evolution in place. Now just sits back and watches the show unroll to see if it develops a truly intelligent species. Maybee evolution is the tool of a God.

    • Hugo says:

      03:09pm | 19/08/11

      The idea that religion is for good people is unfortunate…...its also bad theology.

      The Bible itself states quite clearly that there is no person righteous on their own.

    • Dan says:

      04:19pm | 19/08/11

      So God doesn’t like other apes? or “beasts” as you call them? Why did He make such an amazing environment if all He wanted was for us to ignore its lessons because we think we are above it?

      So you believe that evolution is a “may” but your soul (which is in which part of your body exactly?) definitely came from God… OK.

      Finally - your argument that we act more like beasts since the theory of evolution is not borne out by any historical fact. Before Darwin we had periods of witch burning, crusades, the inquisition, brutal public executions and almost contiuous wars. We also had barbaric medicine and pathetic technology in a range of areas.

      I’d say your conclusions are anything but inescapable!

    • Max Redlands says:

      02:02pm | 19/08/11

      Patience?

      Isn’t that what Guns n Roses fans needed plenty of while waiting for the release of Chinese Democracy.

      15 years!!

      Reply

    • Rosie says:

      03:46pm | 19/08/11

      @Max Redlands: As well as waiting for them to arrive on stage! but so worth the wait!

    • Dark Horse says:

      03:56pm | 19/08/11

      A friend sent me an image today of an older lady sitting on a bench chair. The caption read, “I thought I was becoming more patient, but I realise that I just don’t give a shit.”

      As an aging, white, overtly heterosexual male, I understand just how she feels.

      Reply

    • michael j says:

      02:16am | 20/08/11

      Patience and Perseverance are a must for those who comment on The Punch
      many times i have waited for a witty one-liner to come up on screen only to be disappointed ,or even worse a comment on which i am being fair-dikum ,,
      factual and have First hand Knowledge of,the subject and may run into many hundreds of words,,’‘no mean feat for one who has had both carpel tunnels done and is a one finger typer’‘only to have said comment lost to cyber-space
      is indeed gut-wrenching ,,but if i can get one snicker or wry smile from just one person of the many millions who daily read The Punch i will have the
      Patience to Persevere,,,,,

      Reply

    • Spaghetti Godess says:

      09:27am | 20/08/11

      How did a god get into this conversation?  He should be banned after what he did to Job!

      Reply
 
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