Pass the Doritos… the greatest 13 Super Bowl ads
Went to a Super Bowl once. Hung out afterwards with 160 kilo nude, crying black dudes in the losers’ dressing room. Oh, but you don’t want to hear about that. The Super Bowl is all about the ads, which this year are said to cost $3.5 million for 30 seconds. Some recession they’re having in America.
When the 100 million Americans watching the Super Bowl go to the toilet in the ad breaks, they say city sewerage systems overflow. That’s actually a myth. No one takes a pee during the ad breaks. The ads are too good. The Super Bowl is the opposite of normal telly. That pesky football keeps interrupting some damn fine viewing.
Super Bowl ads are so highly-anticipated that you get teased beforehand. This year we’ve had the (thankfully false) threat of a Ferris Bueller remake and a sneak peak of David Beckham’s undies ad, which to be frank is more torture than tease. Fortunately, there have been some brilliant ads down the years. Let’s go the video(s).
“Once your brains are reduced to a cottage cheese-like mush, we’ll scoop them out with a melon baller and gobble them right on up.”
No, the above qote is not a promo for The Biggest Fat Attention Seeker or whatever that new show on Nine is called. It’s Alec Baldwin, channeling his 30 Rock character Jack Donaghy, in an hilarious 2009 Super Bowl ad for Hulu. It’s at number 13 on our list
Slimy, lizardlike aliens are a persistent theme in Super Bowl ads, as they are in both American pop culture and American politics. At number 12, here’s an excellent Fedex ad from 2004. Bloody Jenkins.
When I went to the Super Bowl, I bought a 24 inch cheesesteak sub, which would have fed the universe for a month. Then I discovered the free hot dog lady in the media section. Yes, snack food is a vitally important part of the Super Bowl experience, as this famous Dorito’s ad at number 11 shows.
Of course, the more corn chips you eat, the thirstier you get. That’s why Budweiser always advertises during the Super Bowl. Number 10 was a good laugh..
Budwesier has used Clydesdale horses as a recurring motif to symbolise hard work or the taste of its beer or something. In the Super Bowl after the 9/11 attacks, they produced this stirring ode to liberty, which we’ve put at number 9. Some thought it even more tasteless than Bud beer itself. Americans loved it.
Hey, but if you want to talk about tastelessness, check this Wendy’s ad from 1984 at number 8. Who’d a thunk an ad about sexual innuendo and really old people would prove so popular? Not to mention that it spawned a phrase (Where’s the beef?) which passed into the American vernacular.
Of course, love can be beautiful, especially when it happens in France. Be warned. This recent Google ad at number 7 is a real tear jerker.
Let’s lighten things up. This 1999 ad at number 6 is hilarious. Cos it is. The big question is why no Australian beer company has imitated it using a phrase like “howzitgaaaaaaaarrrrn?” instead of “wassssssuuuuuup?”
Have you ever wondered why the dinosaurs died out? If this mid ‘90s ad is to be believed, it may well be because they had a taste for unhealthy food. Enjoy number 5.
Don’t watch number 4 if you’re a bit worried about your station in life, employment wise. This 1999 ode to underachievement came from monster.com.
Sports stars can’t act, right? Right. But they sure can do tricky stuff with balls. They’re competitive buggers too, as shown in this 1993 effort featuring NBA legends Michael Jordan and Larry Bird. It’s number 3 on our list.
Speaking of cool sporting tricks, you’ve gotta see the longest Super Bowl touchdown reception ever, which just happened to be at that Super Bowl I went to three years ago. It happened right on half time and ended up being the decisive play that won the game for Pittsburgh. OK, so this isn’t an ad, but enjoy anyway.
You like cool ads? You like action? Are these segues starting to sound as forced as the segments between clips on Funniest Home Videos? At number two, here’s a great ad which ended up spawning a whole series of similarly-themed ads. Heh-heh. Not a cat person…
And so, to number 1. This famous 1984 ad which launched the Apple Mac on the world, was directed by Ridley Scott and reportedly cost millions to make. Twenty eight years down the track, some argue Apple ended up a lot like the IBM it mocked through the Orwellian lens in this ad. You could even argue Jobs ended up LOOKING like one of the balding drones in the ad, even before he got sick. Just sayin…
Enjoy the ads. I mean the football. No, I actually do mean the ads.
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